Casting Lacey

by Elle Spencer

“Fuck you, Quinn.” Lacey made a move to leave, but she stopped suddenly and pushed Quinn up against the wall, holding her there by the arms. “I never lied to you about anything else. All I did was take care of you. I saw to your every need, and I was loyal. And then I fell in love with you. You’re the one who fucked it up, Quinn. And now, you get to live with it.”

  Quinn winced. “My arm, Lace. You’re hurting my arm.”

  Lacey immediately let go and backed up. Her chest was heaving, her expression one of anger and regret. “You don’t get to throw me away, Quinn. Not so easily, as if I never meant anything to you. It makes you no different than Dani. And it means I can’t trust you to let me make whatever sin I’ve committed, right.” Lacey sucked in air, feeling like she was going to hyperventilate. “You have no idea the damage you’ve done. I didn’t even know it until right this second.”

  “I was hurt.” Quinn reached for her, but Lacey stepped out of her reach. “You told Dani about us, for god’s sake.”

  Lacey shook her head. “No, I didn’t. She dug through my suitcase and found the contract. And why was the contract in my suitcase in New York? Because you’d decided my moving out might be a good idea. Just toss me aside whenever you damn well feel like it.”

  Quinn crumpled against the wall. “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m sure you are. And so am I, about all of this. I never should’ve…” Lacey sucked in air. “I never should’ve let myself feel something for you. I should’ve stuck to the contract. No romantic interactions. No sex. Fuck!” Lacey kicked a coffee can that people had used as an ashtray. They both silently watched the ashes fly.

  “Lace.” Quinn finally found her voice, not sure what to say next.

  “No.” Lacey turned back around. “I’ll fulfill the terms of the contract. We can pretend we’re together for a while longer, but then we’re done. You think you can’t trust me? Well, guess what…I can’t trust you, either.”

  Quinn tried to reach for her again. “Lace, just give me a second.” This couldn’t be the end of them. God, why did Quinn have to react so harshly? Why was her first reaction in any stressful situation to push people as far away as possible? Make them feel worthless?

  “My father died.” Lacey glared at her with a look so full of pain, it crushed Quinn. “I have no one, now. Did you not consider what losing you so soon after losing him would do to me?”

  Quinn went pale. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “Sorry isn’t good enough.” Lacey opened the door. It slammed shut behind her.

  ***

  Lacey stood on her mark and adjusted her blazer. J.J. stood in front of her. “Laura performed her magic. You look great,” he reassured her.

  “She’s a miracle worker.” Lacey’s hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail and she was wearing her black glasses – Laura’s solution to the bloodshot eyes.

  “Let’s roll, people!”

  J.J. sat in his chair in front of the monitor and waited for the marker. “And action!”

  Selena stepped up to Jordan’s assistant’s desk. “Is she here? I got a text saying she didn’t need a ride this morning.”

  Lisa pointed at her own arm. “The cast came off today. She’s like a new woman, I swear. I mean, when does she ever get me coffee when she gets her own?”

  “Never?” Selena guessed as she stared into Jordan’s office.

  “Until today. I almost fell off my chair.”

  The door opened and an older gentleman walked out with Jordan right behind him. “Thanks for the heads up, Jordan. I owe you one.”

  “And you know I always collect, Jim.”

  Lisa stood up. “I’ll walk you out, Mr. Jensen.”

  Jordan watched them until they were out of sight. “My office, Selena.” She walked back into her office. “Close the door, please.”

  “So, no more cast?” Selena asked, shutting the door behind her.

  “Just the sling. And only if my arm gets tired.” Jordan stood behind her desk, looking pensive. “Selena…”

  “Can I talk first?” Selena asked.

  Jordan nodded.

  “The other night shouldn’t have happened. I know that.”

  Jordan shook her head. “No, it shouldn’t have.”

  “But it did. And it was amazing. And when I got your text this morning…”

  “Selena, stop.” Jordan held on to her desk with her fingertips to steady herself. “I apologize for what happened between us. You’re my employee and it was highly inappropriate of me to behave in such a manner.”

  “You regret it?” Selena asked, barely above a whisper. “You regret sleeping with me?”

  Jordan remained stoic, her head held high. “I regret putting either of us in that position.”

  “You didn’t,” Selena said, taking a step forward. “I kissed you. I’m the one who started it.”

  “Stop.” Jordan’s gaze fell to her desk. “Our time together is over. I won’t be needing your services anymore.”

  Selena frowned. “So, that’s it? That’s all you have to say to me?”

  Jordan looked up. “I hope you consider it time well spent.” Her voice was softer, now. “I hope you come away from this having learned something.”

  “Yes,” Selena said. “I learned that Jordan Ellis thinks I’m disposable.”

  “Selena!” Jordan shouted as her office door slammed shut.

  “And cut! Perfect, ladies. One more scene and we’re done! Let’s move, people!”

  J.J. noticed that Quinn hadn’t moved. She was standing dead still behind Jordan’s desk, staring straight ahead. He followed her line of sight and caught Lacey just as she turned into the dressing room. “You okay, Quinn?” He walked up to her and stood on the other side of the desk. “Your hair needs to be down for the next scene.”

  Quinn’s eyes met his, but she still hadn’t moved. “Yeah. Okay.”

  Quinn never went into the dressing rooms. She always changed in her trailer. That was why every head turned when she walked in. Everyone’s except Lacey’s. She was chatting in the corner with the new girl.

  Amy walked up to Quinn. “You’re in casual wear for the next scene. Well, casual for Jordan.”

  Quinn kept her eyes on Lacey. “Where’s the outfit?”

  “In your trailer, like always.”

  She watched as Lacey took off her clothes in front of everyone. God, that body. The things she did to that body in Napa. She wondered if Lacey remembered that she had a small love bite on her stomach, right next to her belly button. I did that.

  “Lace?” Her voice wasn’t working very well. It came out as more of a whisper. No one heard her but Amy.

  “Lacey!” Amy said a little louder.

  Lacey turned and looked. She put up a finger and then put her t-shirt and jeans on. She walked over barefoot. “What’s up?”

  Amy turned to Quinn. “I’ll go get your clothes.”

  Quinn reached for Lacey’s hand, holding onto one finger – just enough for some contact without forcing the issue. “I get it,” she whispered, barely able to hold back the tears. Lacey’s words in the alley, and the scene they’d just performed, had cut Quinn to the core. She knew how deeply she’d hurt Lacey. She also knew there might not be any coming back from it, but she had to try.

  Before Quinn could say anything else, one of the hairdressers was pulling her away. “Sorry, but I need Quinn. We have to get that hair down.”

  “Don’t leave,” Quinn said. “Please.”

  Lacey didn’t reply. She just stared at Quinn as she was being pulled away.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  “Did you find her?”

  Amy shook her head.

  “Shit.” Quinn pinched the bridge of her nose and willed herself to calm down. The last scene didn’t require much acting on her part, but she couldn’t look as anxious as she felt. Lacey hadn’t stayed like she’d asked her to, and she wasn’t answering Quinn’s text messages. “Are they ready? What’s the holdup?”

  “T
rouble with the cat. They’re bringing in a different one.” Amy eyed Quinn’s shaking hands. She sat down next to her and put her hand on her knee. “Maybe you could tell me what’s really going on between you and Lacey?”

  Quinn stood up, needing space. She was wearing dark trousers, a turtleneck sweater and boots when it was seventy-five degrees outside. She wanted to rip the clothes off and go running naked through the lot, screaming at the top of her lungs, that’s how wound up she was. She went to run her fingers through her loose hair, but Amy shouted, “AH! Don’t ruin your hair!”

  She was stuck there, helpless, and Lacey was probably getting on a flight to New York, since her scenes had been shot already. Lacey was done for the season but Quinn still had at least three more days of work.

  She had so much to say. So many apologies to make. So many hugs and kisses to give. So many professions of her love. Real love.

  Was it too late?

  She didn’t know.

  And it was killing her.

  A loud knock on the door made them both jump. “We need you in five!” Someone shouted.

  Amy stood up. “It looks like they found a cat.”

  “Amy?” Quinn couldn’t believe these words were about to come out of her mouth. “Can you drive me home tonight? I need…” Just say it. Let someone in. It’s time. It’s long overdue. Stop hiding. “I need to tell you everything.”

  ***

  “And action!”

  The apartment door opened and Jordan quickly dropped the bouquet of flowers to her side, hiding them behind her back. “I’m sorry, I think I must have the wrong apartment.”

  “Jordan Ellis, right?” The woman picked up her cat, and that’s when Jordan’s eyes narrowed in on the beautiful gold watch on the woman’s wrist.

  “Cut! Okay, let’s get a close-up of the cat and the watch.” J.J. stood behind Quinn and helped her remove her overcoat. “All done for the day, kid.”

  Quinn turned around and gave J.J. a tight hug. She held on for longer than she normally would. “Thank you, J.J.”

  “It’s gonna be a great ending to a great season, and this show isn’t goin’ anywhere.”

  Quinn pulled away and nodded. “I know. Everyone killed it. We should have a nice cast party. Maybe at my house?”

  J.J.’s mouth fell open. “I’d love to see your new digs. Lacey said you did an incredible job on the renovation.”

  Guilt tugged at Quinn’s heart. She’d kept everyone at a distance for so long. That needed to change. “I’ll get Amy to plan something fun. We’ll include the kids too. I have a huge pool that needs to be played in.”

  “Sounds fun!” Amy said, walking up to them and taking Quinn’s coat. “Let’s go, hon. I’ve ordered some fabulous Indian food for dinner.”

  ***

  Amy twirled a lock of her blonde curly hair as she paced barefoot by the pool. “That bitch!” she exclaimed for the third time. “I knew I didn’t like her the minute I saw her at the funeral.”

  “Do you want to take these leftover samosas home to Trent?” Quinn held up the plate.

  Amy waved her off. “Nah, he hates Indian food.”

  Quinn leaned back in her chair and sipped on her wine. It felt good to tell someone the whole, sordid story. She felt a little lighter. And Amy was such a good listener, asking questions but not judging.

  “So that’s why you wanted to smoke this morning?” Amy didn’t wait for an answer. “I guess it makes sense. I mean, I think I’d probably want to kill myself if I literally had Lacey Matthews in my bed and then I fucked it up.”

  So much for not judging. “Aren’t you straight, Amy?”

  She stopped pacing. “I’m fluid.”

  “Fluid?” Quinn asked with a chuckle. “What the hell is fluid?”

  “Fluid, Quinn. It depends on the person.”

  Quinn put up her hands in defeat. “Okay. You’re fluid.”

  Amy sat down and leaned on the table, suddenly looking very serious. “Is Lacey a wonderful lover? She is, isn’t she?”

  Quinn groaned. “I can’t talk about that.”

  “You can,” Amy said with an encouraging nod. “You really can.”

  Maybe she could say a few things. No details, of course. “Napa was wonderful. So romantic. So different than it ever was for me with a man. It felt right, you know? Just…so right.” Amy looked like a hungry puppy dog, waiting for another treat. Quinn chuckled. “Okay, yes. Lacey is…sexy and passionate and…” Quinn sighed as a feeling of euphoria washed over her. “Yeah, she’s goddamned amazing in bed.”

  Amy clapped her hands in excitement. “I knew it.” Her expression fell when Quinn buried her face in her hands and started to cry. “Shit.”

  ***

  It had been one of the longest flights of her life. The woman sitting next to Lacey had talked through most of the flight to New York, leaving her feeling even more exhausted than she already was. She desperately needed a bed and a good night’s sleep.

  Her phone beeped several times after powering back up. Texts from Quinn.

  Where are you?

  I was hoping we could talk.

  Please call me.

  She couldn’t stay at the studio, like Quinn had asked. Her brain and her heart were both running on overload, lights flashing red, warning of imminent failure. What she really needed was time to think things through. The woman sitting next to her had prevented that, along with the nap she’d hoped to take.

  And then there was Dani. What the hell was she going to do about Dani? Lacey didn’t have the first clue how to handle it. She could worry about that tomorrow. Right now, she needed to find a bed and catch up on some much-needed sleep.

  ***

  Lacey turned the key and paused before she opened the door to her dad’s apartment, trying to brace herself for the onslaught of emotions that were sure to hit her full force. The scent would hit her first. It was a unique mixture of her father’s cologne and the old, rare books he collected. Spicy and musty.

  The photos would be next. Family. Lacey’s life. Daria Matthews.

  She opened the door and kept her head down – eyes on the floor. She dropped her suitcase and found the nearest chair. It was too late at night to fall on her knees and wail at God again for leaving her parentless. It would disturb the neighbors. She huddled at the small dining table, afraid to lift her gaze.

  And then she saw it – the letter she’d written to her dad after his funeral. It was sitting on the table, right where she’d left it a week ago. She slid a shaky hand across the table and pulled it to her.

  Dear Dad,

  No, she shouldn’t read it. Not tonight. Not when she felt so broken inside. But then, a name popped off the paper, about halfway down the first page. Quinn

  Lacey gripped the paper with both hands.

  Dear Dad,

  You’re gone. I hope you’re not sad about that. I hope you and Mom are dancing together the way you used to. I hope you’re happy again.

  We celebrated your life today. Some of your students were there. They cried right along with me. They said you were their favorite professor. Not just a teacher, but also a friend. I already knew that about you, but it was nice to hear.

  I can’t really function right now, but I’ll try to get back on my feet. I know you would want that for me. You always pushed me to do my best and be my best. I’ll keep trying to honor your memory.

  Quinn is here with me. I lied to you about her. I guess we both lied to each other about certain things. I’ll forgive you if you’ll forgive me. Scratch that. I forgive you, Dad. I miss you so much. Life is pretty terrible without you right now. I mentioned that Quinn is here with me. I think I’m in love with her. She’s everything, Dad. And I know it’s a lofty goal, but I really think we could have a love like you and Mama had. I just have to say those words out loud. But it’s scary.

  Lacey folded the letter up. She couldn’t read any more. She laid her head on the table and closed her eyes.

  ***


  Quinn didn’t want to move. She stared at the curtains blowing in the breeze, not even caring that she’d left the guesthouse door open all night. It reminded her of that morning in Napa, when she woke up and saw Lacey sitting just beyond the curtains. “Am I getting up, or are you coming back to bed,” she had whispered.

  Of course, there would be no reply this time.

  After she’d seen Amy to her car, Quinn had wandered back to the guesthouse, longing to feel closer to Lacey. Some of her things were still there. Most of them, actually. She’d torn off her own shirt and bra and put on one of Lacey’s t-shirts. Then, she’d fallen into her bed and hadn’t moved until her alarm went off.

  That was 15 minutes ago.

  She needed to get up and get to work. She checked her phone again, just in case Lacey had texted back in the last three minutes.

  “Give her time,” Amy had said. “Let her sort this thing out with Dani. She’ll call if she needs you.”

  That was Quinn’s fear; that Lacey wouldn’t ever call. She sat up and put her feet on the floor, the pain and regret hitting her hard again. She grabbed Lacey’s pillow and held it tightly, breathing in the remnants of her scent.

  ***

  Lacey zipped up her coat, trying to keep the wind out. She had her dad’s Yankees cap on her head and sunglasses covering her eyes. She didn’t want to take the chance of being recognized. Not today.

  She waited, impatiently, on their favorite bench in Central Park. She didn’t want to have this conversation in a coffee shop, in case it got ugly. She hoped it wouldn’t come to that today, but Dani wasn’t known for her discretion. She wasn’t known for her punctuality, either.

  Lacey was just about to send a where-the-hell-are-you text when she saw Dani’s feet. She looked up, but didn’t smile. “Thanks for meeting me here.”

  “Let’s walk. I need a coffee.” Dani gave Lacey a sideways glance as they walked. “It looks like you’re hiding from the world.”

  Lacey pulled the faux fur hood up over her baseball cap. “I am.”

  Dani threaded her arm through Lacey’s. “It’s good to see you.”

  “Is it? Because you’re blackmailing me, Dani. You’re ruining my life again. Taking away my livelihood. Not to mention your inexplicable actions last week on the day of my father’s funeral. How could you possibly think this is a friendly visit?”