by Lee Walsh
“What's the 'istory between you two?” I asked Wanda.
“Nothing much, I just know a few things about her that she wouldn't want to be public,” Wanda said.
The four of us were drunk and as all drunken people do, we discussed everything important in the world. The controlling powers of Mayr, humanity, and the price of the alcohol we were drinking.
“Where is Billy?” Eric asked.
“I don't know,” I answered.
“It wasn't Billy,” one of the Wandas said. “I actually doubt Billy even knew what we were doing at the time.”
“How do you know, Wanda?” asked Eric with a raised eyebrow.
“Because it was Paulo,” she answered. Paulo was a barman who worked in the pub we were sat in. Agatha was in tears after her interrogation of Wanda and ended up telling her everything. “And apparently, he was more than happy to tell her about our little idea because he wanted to get out of bar work and become a prosecutor himself.”
Eric was shocked, “where is Paulo now?” he asked, looking up and down the bar.
“Paulo?” the waitress asked, overhearing her colleague's name, “he's not been back here since last Monday. Apparently, he's got some new job.”
“I'll find him and I'll kill him,” said Eric right before the last orders bell rang.
We all left for home, singing in the streets and all would be forgotten tomorrow.
+
I arrived home shortly before midnight. I had to get my head down, ready for work the next day. I worked in the local and only branch of The Bank of Wizardry on the main road of Ecklewood. The bank was, of course, run by goblins. My boss, Englebert Redhand didn't really look like an Englebert and didn't have a red hand. He had the floppy elephant ears and extra long nose and beady eyes that every other goblin had.
Englebert came to me at my desk in the morning, “don't think I don't know where you were last night,” he said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I know everything,” he answered. “I know a lot of people around here and they tell me everything.”
“Englebert, listen, I swear I did nothing wrong. I fixed up a tear that Eric's dad couldn't do because he was a drunken wreck last night. He asked me and Eric to go and do it,” I managed to stick to my story which surprised even me after the amount of alcohol I'd drunk the previous night.
“News travels fast in Ecklewood, Sunsword. News travels fast,” Englebert said before walking off towards his office and slamming the door as he always did.
Goblins always sounded sleazy and slithery. I wouldn't trust one as far as I could throw one. I didn't mind Englebert much compared to the other goblins in Ecklewood. He was a little on the slow side but he was friendlier than the others. I'd developed a habit of being late recently and he had always let me off with nothing more than a slap on the wrist and 'don't do it again' type of warning.
The main problem with Englebert knowing is that the entire town probably knew about our activity. Englebert knew a lot of people, he was right about that but he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. Englebert didn't know about The Great War until I broke the news to him, thirty or so years after it had finished. He was a miserably happy soul in his miserably happy own world.
I left work that day and called Wanda as soon as I could.
“Wanda, it's me,” I said. “Englebert Redhand knows what we did. Call me back when you get this.”
I called Eric instead, “Eric, Englebert Redhand knows what we did.”
“That's not a problem, Wanda sorted it. We just need to tread carefully next time. Have you seen Billy yet?”
“Not yet, no. Where could he be?” I pondered.
“No idea, but the longer he's missing, the more my suspicions are growing about him,” Eric said in a deep, warning tone.
“Thursday?” I asked.
“Thursday,” Eric answered.
+
Thursday came quickly and all of the wizards and witches knew about the Wizards on a Rampage. The whole town, outside of the authorities, was talking about our little trip. Everybody knew about it and we had no idea how they knew.
Wanda and Eric showed up not long after I had got there and shortly after Billy Tart walked through the door. Eric's face reddened upon the sight of Billy. I grabbed his arm just before he got up out of his chair like a raging bull. I managed to hold him back.
“Well, how was it?” Billy asked with an excited look. “The whole town knows about it!”
“Yeah,” said Eric. “And how exactly does the whole town know about it, Billy?”
“Well, before you went there, someone was running to the alleyway where we were. I hid 'round the corner from them but they spotted me after the 'ole closed,” said Billy.
“Who was it?” Wanda asked.
“You're not going to believe this, but it was your sister, Wanda. It was Melody!”
“What?! She's back?!” Wanda was shocked to hear this name once again. Melody was the complete anarchist. She was the type of woman who purposely went out of her way to break the rules and disobey every rule on purpose. She was the anarchist who had inspired our very own Eric Grindstone. Melody Rangalf, a witch of exceptional rebellion and a great gossip.
“Yep,” said Billy with a firm nod of the head. “And she looks better than ever.”
“Where is she now?” Wanda asked.
“I don't know,” said Billy. “But she told me that she'd see you soon.”
Melody was very well-known in Ecklewood and everyone knew she travelled between Mayr and Earth. She was always one step ahead and managed to evade capture at the very last second. If we could convince her to join our group, then times would be very exciting indeed.
Given her reputation, it was best not to cross Melody. She wasn't frightened of turning anyone or anything into a frog and was pretty good at it too. Orcs hated her, goblins feared her, and the elves didn't know what to do about her. She was a nuisance in their minds. Every witch wanted to be her and every wizard wanted her.
That night, we told Billy about our venture into the human realm and he was like a child at Christmas. He wanted to come to Earth with us and experience it for himself and see it with his own eyes.
Shortly before eleven o'clock, the last orders bell rang and the four of us left the pub discussing the price of the beer and everything else terrible in Mayr. Outside the pub, there was a woman with a cigarette in her mouth, leaning against the wall with one foot up on the wall behind her. The woman had long flowing dyed pink hair with black roots, a leather jacket with tight leather trousers. Her face was fogged by the smoke from the cigarette. It was most unusual in Ecklewood for any witch or wizard to be dressed as she dressed, to smoke, to have bright pink hair but this wasn't any witch – this was Melody.
“Mel!” Wanda exclaimed, running over to her sister and giving her a hug.
“Hold up, chick,” Melody said. “Introduce me to your friends first.”
“Sorry, this is Eric Grindstone,” said Wanda.
“I know Eric, I know Eric very well indeed,” said Melody with a slight smile.
“I don't want to know,” Wanda said, lowering her eyebrows in disapproval.
“These two are Billy Tart and Percy Sunsword.”
“Pleasure, I'm sure,” said Melody.
“The pleasure is all mine, your highness,” said Billy before placing a gentle kiss on her hand. I'd never seen him this besotted by a woman before, it was unreal.
“Nice to meet you, finally. I've heard so much about you,” I said.
“Right, now that we're all here,” Melody affirmed. “Let's do this.”
“Let's do what?” Eric asked.
“You know what,” Melody answered with a wink.
“Not all of us. Surely things like that should be just us two, in private,” answered Eric.
“Not that, you moron, let's go to Earth,” Melody smiled.
“What?!” Wanda said in shock. “I haven't seen you for so long and
you decide to just come out of the woodwork and tell me that we're going to Earth?”
“Absolutely,” answered Melody. “We have to do this and we have to do it as soon as possible and this Monday is the best possible time to get it done. It is time to bring down the elven empire and put an end to the lack of magic in the lives of humans. I've been doing it for so long, it's about time I had some help. There is one particular mission that I'm going to need everyone's help with.”
I didn't know, at this time, what Melody had in mind but I sure wanted to find out. This sounded exciting.
+
At exactly one o'clock, the following Monday morning when the sky was black and the rain was falling, the five of us met in the very same alleyway. It seemed like the sensible option to meet at that time given the lack of people around. It was a Monday morning. I, like most others on a Monday morning, wanted to enter a different realm.
Billy kept a lookout once again while the rest of us chanted to open up the tear. This time, Billy went first. Diving in head first and without a doubt, coming out head first on the other side. Eric didn't trust him entirely and dived in right after him. Followed by Wanda and Melody then it was my turn. The five of us made it into the human realm. Billy had landed face first in a pile of cow manure in the field. He got up shortly after me and the hole closed. We were finally here again and Billy had a face full of manure.
“This is great!” he said with a wide smile on his face.
Eric looked on in disgust, “Billy, you don't want that on your face.”
“I don't care,” Billy was excited. “I'm so happy to be here. It feels so real.”
“It is real,” replied Melody. “It's real and you're about to experience just how real.”
“What's that mean?” Billy enquired after licking his lips.
“You'll see,” Melody answered shortly before Billy tasted just how real the human realm was.
The fairy who had helped us last time we had visited was sat by the oak tree once again and helped us into new clothes more suitable for the human realm. Melody knew the fairy and it appeared they had known each other for quite some time. Chatting away like it was a regular occurrence.
“Oh, will you two give over?” Eric said angrily. “Aren't we here for a reason?”
“All right, calm down lover boy,” Melody replied. “This little fairy might be just something small to you but she's a gatekeeper. It's her job to help wizards in their quests.”
“Quests?” I asked. “What quests?”
“You're a wizard in a fantasy book, you have to have a quest,” Melody replied.
“Oh right, yeah... fantasy book?” her comment confused me.
“Never mind,” she said. “We've got work to be getting on with.”
The five-and-a-half of us, including the fairy, got down to business. We talked about the mission in hand and it seemed a bit of a lost cause if I'm honest. The humans were happy in their little worlds, they didn't need us to do what we were going to do.
When we arrived at the town centre, the sun was beginning to rise in the east and the humans were making their ways to work looking like they'd died. Melody began to climb a drainpipe attached to the side of a building which didn't quite look stable but she managed to get to the top and invited the rest of us to join. We did so and we were all on the roof of a shopping centre in the town centre. Not a single human noticed us – too wrapped up in their daily lives to notice anything unusual happening around them as had been the case for millennia.
Melody stood at the edge of the shopping centre roof and started shouting. That's when the humans noticed us. She asked us all to join her and we followed orders not knowing what was to come of us.
“Don't jump!” one human shouted up.
“Life isn't that bad! Don't do it!” another yelled.“Don't worry, Friday is only a few days away!”
That wasn't Melody's plan. Melody shouted back to the humans, “listen up, we are two witches and three wizards from the realm of Mayr. We have come in peace,” she said.
“Come in peace?!” I said. “We've come in peace?”
“Shut up, Percy,” Eric commanded. “This is great, just look at them.”
The humans gathered around at the bottom of the building and looked up at the ridiculous people at the top.
Meloy continued, “we have come here to bring the magic back into your lives. A magic that has been rendered useless until now. Each and every one of you has magic within you that you are able to use. It has been long forgotten by your forefathers and you have oppressed it into oblivion due to the nature of your lives. You have the power.” Naturally, she elongated the word 'power' to have a really long 'er'.
The humans walked away from us and carried on their business like we weren't there.
“Didn't you hear me?” Melody shouted back at them. They weren't listening. Only occasionally offering a glance but there was no real reaction from them. I could see in Melody's eyes that her heart was sinking. It was like her life's sole mission had ended in a heartbeat. All her hard work and rebellion had come down to being ignored by the very people she was trying to help. She sat down, head in hands and looked as if she was about to cry with her legs dangling over the edge of the roof.
“Don't worry, sis,” said Wanda who had joined her in sitting on the edge. “They were just never meant to have it.”
“This is what it has come to. I'm an ageing, single witch with nothing more to do than rebel. I've been in and out of this world for a long, long time trying to introduce the humans to magic but in the end, they don't listen. Our powers are weak here and I figured that if we could have merged our magic into one then it would have been powerful enough to show the humans what they're missing out on.”
“Humans aren't missing out,” Eric said. “They're just ignorant.”
“Yeah,” confirmed Billy, not knowing what we were actually talking about.
“I just wanted to do something to be remembered,” Melody replied in a sobbing tone.
Melody was upset and Eric was angry. Billy was disappointed but found amusement chasing pigeons on the roof where we were and Wanda comforted her sister with an arm wrapped around Melody's shoulders. I contemplated other ideas but the truth is that I couldn't think of anything that would have helped.
After spending some time on the roof, Melody told us of another plan she'd had a long time ago. It was a dangerous plan and one that would no doubt get us into trouble.
“There is one other thing we could do,” she perked up. “There are certain types of humans who have had a negative effect on wizards and witches for an eternity.”
“What type?” asked Wanda.
“Writers. They write their books for other humans to read but they trap wizards and witches in those books making it difficult for us to do anything. That's why we're deemed make-believe and fantasy. If we remove the fantasy writers in this realm, maybe the humans would stop thinking that as though it's just fiction.”
“Great,” I replied. “So, we just need to kill every one of these fantasy writers in the world?”
“Mel, calm down sis, that is risky and cruel,” said Wanda.
“I don't care,” Melody argued. “They refuse to listen, we'll make them listen.”
Melody continued telling us about her idea. It was during her speech that I began to realise that this woman was indeed as crazy as they come.
“Well, if it isn't the Rangalf sisters and their disciples,” a voice said from behind us. “I hope you're joking with this plan of yours, Melody.”
The voice seemed to attempt to be overpowering and authoritarian but came across akin to that of a librarian telling you to be quiet. It was coming from the other side of the roof. It was Agatha Pietta.
“Great,” I said under my breath.
“Quick!” Wanda and Eric jumped off the roof and managed to land safely on the ground. Melody quickly followed suit dragging Billy with her by the scuff of his collar. I faced Agatha on my own and back
ed off towards the edge of the roof.
“Don't do it, Percy,” Agatha said. “Trust me, confess everything and I'll get you out of this mess. The others will be punished.”
“Nah,” I said. I jumped to the ground with just enough power within me to be able to force a soft landing. The others had split up and I had no idea where they'd got to. I just ran as fast as I could, away from Agatha who shouted after me but it was no good.
I ran away from the town centre, pushing and shoving my way through the zombie-like humans. Running across the road adjacent the field in which we had come, I felt the full force of a car. That was a painful experience and really quite rude. I was angry at the human who had driven into me at speed who got out of his car and asked if I was all right.
“Of course I'm not all right, you idiot” I replied. “You just drove your car into me.”
“No, I didn't,” the human replied. “You ran into my car.”
As a wizard, I was more than four times the age of this human and I looked my age with my long grey beard. The human seemed quite surprised that someone who looked over one hundred years old got up from being hit by a car at such a speed. I was still furious at him and decided to give his car a minor brakes problem that a mechanic should probably see to at the earliest convenience.
I got up and ran off. Agatha wasn't far behind me as I leapt over the perimeter hedge. I stopped as I got to the hole which was opened by the fairy who'd seen me come back into the field.
“PERCY! WAIT!” Agatha shouted.
“Wait for what?” I asked, “for you to send me to Hanging Gardens?”
“I won't do that Percy, not if you confess and tell me how to get Melody. She's caused so many problems for me over the years, you're just one person who has mixed with the wrong crowd.”
“I won't hand in my friends,” I claimed.
“On the other side, there are a large number of guards waiting for you to return, Percy,” Agatha claimed. “You have no escape.”
I heard a screech of tyres in the distance before a large clash of metal. This brought a smile to my face as Agatha and I looked over at the wreckage of the car that had hit me.
I turned back to Agatha and my eyes pierced her eyes. This time she was being serious. I had no idea where the others had gone but I knew, at that moment, they had left me on my own and to fend for myself against the most corrupt and dirty tactic prosecutor there was.