by Lee Walsh
“Shhhhh! There's someone running this way!” he whispered in a raised voice. I looked at him, straight in the eyes and shook my head in disapproval.
“What an idiot,” I said to myself.
The hole was about the close and I wasn't about to miss this opportunity, I jumped through without Billy just in the nick of time. The hole closed immediately after I got through and Billy was left in Mayr to fend for himself – hopefully with a good excuse for being on the corner of an alley late at night.
+
Eric, Wanda, and I were in a field in the human realm of Earth. We quickly took cover behind a large oak tree in the centre of the field.
“What happened to the orcs?” I asked Wanda as she was sat under an old oak tree enjoying the sunshine.
“Don't you know? Orcs turn into trees when they enter this realm,” Wanda smirked.
I looked at the oak tree and pointed inquisitively. Wanda answered with a simple nod of her head. I took a seat next to Wanda and Eric and we discussed our plans of what to do in this realm, we hadn't got that far in my plan.
There was a sense of atmosphere akin to that of Ecklewood in this realm. The humans weren't so unlike wizards and witches – only shorter lives and lacked any magical fantasy.
“What are you doing here?” a faint voice said. I turned to Wanda who turned to Eric who turned to me.
“I'm here,” the voice said. I looked around but there was nobody but us. It was a bright, sunny day and the perfect day to have a picnic under an oak tree. That's exactly what was going on. Not a human, but a fairy. A fairy just sat there in all her tiny glory having a bite to eat.
“What the... how the... why the..? You're a fairy!” Eric said with the surprise of someone who had never seen a fairy before.
“Well, obviously,” said the fairy.
“I didn't even think you existed,” he stated.
“Cheeky bugger,” the fairy gave off the cackle of a witch and devoured her worm in one after doing so.
“Of course we exist. We just don't go to Mayr very often as the food here is so much better on Earth. We get peace here too as humans don't believe in us,” she said. Fairies were small creatures with two legs and two arms like the rest of us with wings twice the size of their bodies. They flew around catching things to eat and as it turned out, weren't as extinct as Eric and I had thought but they had migrated to the human realm along with the gnomes, she told us.
“What are you doing here anyway?” she asked.
“We're here on a mission, we want to bring some magic back into the lives of humans,” I answered.
“Yeah, what's the mission?” she questioned with a look of intrigue.
“To bring some magic here, I just said that,” I said.
“Well, magic is here, just look around you,” she stated.
“Where? I don't see anything,” Eric said.
“You're talking to a fairy, you big buffoon,” the fairy replied with the sarcastic tone of the highest quality. It is true to say that fairies were the most magical beings of all. Their power vastly outweighed their size and was, at times, truly terrifying.
“Oh, yeah,” Eric wandered off towards some bushes closer to the main road at the other end of the field.
Wanda and I discussed our plan with the fairy. Our powers were weak in this realm so the fairy kindly magicked up some human clothes for me and Wanda. I can't say I was mightily impressed with my leather jacket and the trousers were most definitely a little too tight. Eric was also left unimpressed by the yellow flowery shirt and hipster jeans the fairy had provided. Wanda was already wearing human-like clothes but the fairy also gave her some new ones. A lovely bright red dress, perfect for the summer weather.
“I hate this, can't you give me something a little less feminine?” Wanda asked.
“Beggars can't be choosers,” the fairy said with a wry grin on her face. “You asked for clothes, you got clothes. And an extra shoe, I might add. Who comes here with one shoe anyway?”
Fairies were a strange breed. Our folk tales of old told us the same. They fluttered around as pretty as butterflies but close up, they looked like the worm-eaters they were.
Nevertheless, we were here and we had work to do. We didn't know what that work was at that moment but it was work. Saying our goodbyes to the fairy, we parted ways and headed towards the town centre which was a short walk away from the field.
The town we had come to seemed to be around the same size as Ecklewood. Small houses lined the main road which ran along the field. There were a number of streets coming away from the main road and a sign on the corner of one of the streets said: 'Town centre, this way' with an arrow indicating upwards. Back home, this sign would mean in the sky but in the case of humans, it meant straight forward – the decision had been made and we headed for the town centre.
Upon our arrival, we looked around and studiously watched the humans in their little lives, taking mental notes of their habits. They never did anything spectacular with the short time they had in their realm and I felt sorry for such an apathetic and ignorant race. It was a shame for them to forget their magic and live their lives the way they lived them.
We couldn't help but try a little magic whilst there. Our powers were weak but we had to do something to help a few of them – out of the kindness of our hearts, of course.
Eric noticed one of the humans trying to steal something from a shop and running away. In our realm, we didn't have money as we didn't have the need for it – everything was provided and shared equally to the masses. Not everyone received equal proportions, however, as some wizards and witches were more equal than others.
After watching the humans closely, we decided that they should share what they had rather than giving the people with the most money the most power. The thief was on the run from a couple of security guards and I managed to help the thief by tripping up the pursuing guards who tumbled to the ground in a heap.
“They remind me of orcs,” I defended my actions.
“Careful though, we don't want to give ourselves away,” Eric said with a cautious tone.
The three of us continued our journey around the town just watching on as the humans were completely oblivious to the minor magic we were using. Our powers were weak and it was difficult to do anything in the human realm but we could at least manage one or two things to help them on their ways.
“It isn't how I imagined it would be,” Wanda declared, “I always imagined something a bit more romantic, something a little more exciting, something a little less human.”
“Well, you can't expect people without magic in their hearts to do much,” Eric said.
“I quite like them,” I announced. Eric and Wanda both turned their heads towards me, expecting me to be laughing. I was serious, despite how silly it was to like humans, I was quite fond of the creatures and all their habitual practices.
Talking about habits, I was quite a clumsy wizard. I always managed to bang my head, walk into things and, if you put me in a padded room on my own and tied me up, I'd still manage to find a way to stub my toe or step on a plug. An elderly woman who I helped across the street realised exactly how clumsy I was when she got to the other side. There were no other humans around at that moment and the road was busy with cars. She carried a number of bags which looked rather heavy so I thought I'd help her across the road by lifting her up, just a touch, off the ground and carried her off to the other side. Nobody noticed but when she got to the other side, I ran out of power and the woman fell flat on her face. People in their cars got out and rushed to help her and after checking she was all right, we quickly made a run for it.
“Poor woman, why would you even try something like that?” Wanda asked.
“She needed help,” I argued, “I was there to help and tried to help her the best way I could.”
“Yes, but you dropped her,” Eric said. “Old people in this realm are frail and you've probably caused some damage.”
“She was fine. Pe
ople were there to help her to her feet,” I said.
“We should probably head back now,” Wanda suggested.
“Yeah, maybe,” Eric agreed.
I was in two minds; I wanted to help the humans but didn't want to bring harm to them.
On the way back to the field with the oak tree, I noticed another human in need of some help. A man ran towards his car which was parked at the side of the road, outside a shop. A man in uniform with a notepad was taking notes of this other man's car. I saw the man who was running and heard him shouting a number of things. I couldn't clearly hear what was said but it didn't sound very friendly. Living in Mayr, I knew what people in uniforms were like so I decided to help the running man. A sign hung above the man in uniform and it looked a little unstable. The man in uniform would have definitely felt that the next morning.
Eric and Wanda looked at me.
“That was you, wasn't it?” Wanda accused.
“Noooo,” I claimed my innocence. “I saw it, but I didn't do it.”
“You liar,” Eric said with a smile. “That was you and it was funny.”
“Boys, this isn't funny. We mustn't bring harm to humans, it's in the Wizards' Code of Conduct,” said Wanda.
“What do you care about the Wizards' Code of Conduct? You're a witch,” I asked.
“I still have to follow the rules,” Wanda said, “I told you, oppressed as a woman and oppressed as a witch.”
We arrived back at the field where the hole was and began our chanting. The fairy tried to convince us to stay in the human realm but we were too fond of magic to remain here for too long. Plus we'd heard what had happened to the other wizards who'd spent too long with humans and that wasn't a fate that we wanted to experience.
The three of us opened up a hole and each jumped into the hole one by one and returned to our own realm where magic wasn't common but was accepted as the norm.
+
CAUGHT IN THE ACT
“I'm not being funny,” claimed Percy. “But this is my story, not yours.”
The long arm of the law stopped the gang of bandits in their tracks. Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide; the Wizards on a Rampage began to take pride in their evil beginnings. Their names were becoming well-known in Ecklewood as the names of criminals who would stop at nothing to get what they wanted.
“I give up,” said Percy.
+
WE HAD SEEN what the human world had to offer – little. Now we were back in the alleyway at the back of Pete the Black's shop and were greeted by half a dozen orcs and none other than Agatha Pietta. Ecklewood's very own rogue lawyer. A prosecutor with an excellent track record of doing dirty deeds to catch criminals.
“Billy,” I said with a sigh.
“I'm going to kill him,” Eric said.
The only people who knew about our little adventure were Billy and Pete the Black. Pete the Black was well-known to be against the elves and had helped wizards in the past escape to Earth. The only person left was Billy.
“Surely not Billy,” Wanda said dropping her shoulders.
“Must have been him, who else? Wait until I get hold of him.” Eric said.
The beautiful witch of our greeting party, Agatha said, “well, what do we have here? Been on a little holiday, have we?”
“Absolutely not, that would be against the rules,” Wanda said.
“I've just seen you come through the tear in the fabric,” Agatha responded.
“What tear?” Eric said as the hole closed.
“We all saw you. You're under arrest,” one of the orcs said while taking a stride towards us and holding out a pair of handcuffs of the magical variety.
“Great, just what I need,” Eric said. “Dad's going to kill me.”
I didn't know what to think at that moment. Life was complicated enough without the added inconvenience of being arrested.
The orcs took us to the local cells in Ecklewood police station where we were to be interrogated by Agatha Pietta and no doubt our words would be twisted and misconstrued to mean entirely different things. We'd then be sent to Hanging Gardens to suffer the consequences of our actions.
Agatha questioned Eric first and then me. I knew that Eric wouldn't have said a thing to Agatha, the man hated all forms of authority. That said, it would have been better for him to go to prison than to face the wrath of his father.
Agatha called me out of my cell and took me to a darkened room with a solitary light which shone directly in my face. I'd seen this a few times on the police shows when watching human television – which was also illegal. One played good cop, the other played bad cop. Things weren't so different in Mayr.
“So, Perseus Sunsword,”
“Percy please,” I replied.
“Percy, you know why you're here today, right?” she asked.
“Am I on record?” I wanted more time to think about my answers before being squeezed like a lemon for juicy information.
“You are, of course. Do you know why you are here today?” she repeated.
“I think so, you don't like wizards hanging around in back streets during the night outside shops?” I responded.
“Don't play games, Percy,” she said with a look in her eyes which told me she knew exactly what wed done.
“I'm not playing games,” I said innocently, “I can't think of any other reason why I'm here.”
“You are here because you and your little gang entered the human realm without prior consent,” she explained.
“Prior consent? And how would one go about obtaining that?” I asked. The accompanying orc banged loudly on the table.
“You were in the human realm, on Earth! We lost two of our men as a result of your stupidity!” the orc yelled right in my face.
As I wafted the smell of his breath away, I replied, “I couldn't possibly go there, that would be very naughty of me and nobody likes a naughty wizard.”
“I'm happy you understand the rules, Percy. Now, why don't you tell us what you were doing there?” Agatha asked.
“Look, I wasn't there and the only proof you have was a tear in the fabric. Tears happen all the time. Eric's dad will tell you himself that tears happen all the time,” I argued.
“We did ask him,” Agatha said, “and he told us about your plan.”
My heart sank but then I remembered who Eric was and what his father's job involved – repairing the tears. There was no way Eric would have told his father about our plan. She was desperate for some evidence and it didn't matter how she got it. She was looking for a confession, but this wizard confessed nothing.
“So he told you that we were in the back street trying to fix the hole because he was in the pub that night? Look, I know it's against the rules because we're not licensed to fix the tears but come on, give the man a break. He's worked every day for the past twelve years. He's on his own these days and has nothing better to do with his time.” I was quite proud of myself for thinking up a believable story like that. I even almost believed it myself.
Agatha left the room and the orc stayed. Snarling and growling at me every few minutes. I pulled a few funny faces in an attempt to lighten the mood but the orc was having none of it. Their sense of humour had gone in the same direction as humanity's sense of magic.
The breath of the orc gave off what appeared to be a yellow-greenish vapour, polluting the air and it smelt terrible. I sat there calmly awaiting Agatha's return. Tapping my fingers in rhythm to a song I'd heard on the radio in the car on the way here. She came back around an hour later with an unhappy look on her face.
“Off the record, Percy,” Agatha said after stopping the tape. “I know what did, I know what Wanda and Eric did too, don't let it happen again. If it happens again, I will have you in Hanging Gardens before you can say 'elves are the kings and we are their humble servants', you get me?”
“I would never say 'elves are the kings' or any of that nonsense. You, of all people should know that,” I replied.
“You know what I mea
n, you sarcastic fool,” Agatha had one of those looks on her face like she'd just kissed an orc. Only later did I learn that she was married to an orc and it was convincingly plausible that she had indeed been kissing an orc during the hour or so she was away.
With her evidence being nothing but circumstantial at best, Agatha granted me the permission to leave with one last warning; “Do it again and I'm coming for you, all guns blazing.”
I exited the police station and headed straight for the pub. I needed a stiff drink.
Arriving at the pub, I saw Eric sat at the bar who'd had the same idea I'd had. We both needed a stiff drink.
Eric and I discussed Billy the traitor while knocking back the drinks one after another. We discussed the human realm. We decided that we most definitely would go back one day, but not today.
“I reckon,” Eric said before letting off the loudest burp you ever heard, “humans don't pay as much for their booze as we do. These prices are preposterous.”
“Nah,” I replied. “They're not under the control of the elves. They'll probably get it for free.”
“Not free, I saw once that they do have these other humans with more money than the rest who rule over them and the powerful ones tax the poorer ones but it's probably nothing compared to what we get taxed,” said Eric.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “They don't have these damned elves controlling them.”
“You two are drunken,” a chirpy voice said from the direction of one of the entrances to the pub. There was only actually one entrance, but to me, at that time, there were two.
“Windy!” I drunkenly blurted out loud in the middle of the pub. Wanda walked in with a smile on her face. She told us that her and Agatha Pietta had history and she had managed to convince Agatha to let us go. Once again Wanda had saved the day, Eric and I owed her one. The night went on and we bought her ten rather than just one.