Wizards on a Rampage: A Tale of Two Realms (Mayr Stories Book 1)

by Lee Walsh

  Brownbeard just laughed it off.

  “Ah well,” he said. “Tomorrow, we fight!”

  “I think we're fighting today,” I said. “Didn't you hear the explosion?”

  “Yeah but that would have only woken the elves up. It would have hardly caused any damage in reality,” he replied. “Tomorrow will be the fight.”

  Brownbeard was right. Not a single elf even came to the top of the wall to see what was going right under their noses.

  I decided that the best thing for me to do at that moment was to join in the festivities – well, the beer was free!

  +

  13

  THE SECOND GREAT WAR

  A mighty army; made up of wizards, dwarves, and gnomes had gathered outside the gates of the glorious, heavenly city of Ark-Gaiu.

  “Glorious and heavenly aren't the ways I would describe... why must you always be so damn dramatic?” asked Percy.

  All who had been there knew its glory. The mighty elves; a race destined to rule over Mayr and bring an everlasting peace among its inhabitants, had met their fate. Torturous wizards and cruel dwarves awaited to enslave the elves forever.

  “The elves were much worse!” argued Percy with a guilt-ridden expression upon his face.

  +

  AWAITING THE ULTIMATE battle, the wizards camped outside Ark-Gaiu with absolutely nothing coming in or going out of the walled and gated city. A few hundred wizards had turned up but not a single elf even popped their head over the walls to say so much as 'hello' which I thought was rather rude.

  We had plenty of food and copious amounts of drink. Various wizards specialised in their own industries and thankfully, the catering staff could muster up some food and drink for the rest of the party. There was no real reason for us to leave the event and we were all thoroughly enjoying our time there, almost to a point of forgetting why we were there in the first place.

  Brownbeard enjoyed the women and the drink and let everyone in attendance know about his joy. Eric had reunited with some old friends and somewhat ignored the rest of our little group. Wanda looked after Billy who looked after the gnomes who were beginning to learn the language and how to speak once again. I enjoyed the free beer. Free beer makes one a free man. The wise man who had also escaped Hanging Gardens joined me at the bar for a talk about what was to come.

  “Are you ready for tomorrow?” he asked me with a smile.

  “Ready?” I asked. “What's happening tomorrow?” I answered.

  “The Second Great War,” he assured.

  “We're destined to lose,” I said. “There are plenty of us here but the elves are capable of certain magic spells unknown to wizards. They can call on the forces of nature and completely wipe us out with the blink of an eye.”

  “Their eyes aren't so powerful,” the wise man replied.

  “It's an expression,” I said. “It means the elves could kill us in an instant.”

  “Well, not quite in an instant. There are too many of us,” the apparent wise man said. “But you're the boss. What would you have us do?” he asked.

  “I'm not the boss. I just want us to be free of oppression; free to roam the human realm and come and go between the two realms as we wish, to avenge the death of Wanda's sister, and make our booze cheaper,” I answered.

  “The people here today are here for you, Percy,” he replied. “You cannot just go against everything you stand for and give up like that. If people heard you there'd be uproar.”

  “What have I done? Why are they here for me? Who died and made me boss?” I begged.

  “You're the great Percy Sunsword, destroyer and saviour of the whole of Mayr, it is your destiny to bring down the elves and rule the whole realm yourself,” he said and walked off before I could reply. I didn't want to rule Mayr.

  I sat and stared at the bottom of my glass contemplating the future. I'm not sure if you have ever been told that 'you're the one,' or 'you're the destroyer and saviour and destined to rule,' but it really does play on your mind a little.

  There was nothing anyone could have said to me at that time. The day of the Second Great War was approaching and the wizards who'd apparently come to help me in my quest were most likely going to be killed. I doubted this war would even last as long as the original Great War.

  By the night time, I was drunken. The Wizards on a Rampage were all at the bar talking about the important things in life and thanking one another for being there. We didn't know what our fate held but we appreciated each other's presence for as long as it was going to last.

  +

  The Wizards on a Rampage woke up early to face the day, possibly the final day in my and everyone else's existence. I'd done some things in my life which seemed big at the time but this moment was huge. As huge as a moment can be – huger than even a vast amount of hugeness slapped on the back of a really enormous thing.

  The wise man, who no longer seemed so wise, took to the stage in the centre of our event and gave a speech telling us all that we were going to win the battle and return to our homes and our families as glorious and decorated heroes with medals weighing us down. A sentiment which brought the crowds to a cheering noise.

  When the cheering subdued, he continued, “...and can we all put our hands together for the one man who has made this happen. If it wasn't for him none of us would be here today and we'd still be facing the oppression that has bestowed itself upon us for such a long time. The last Great War was fought by heroes outnumbered by the ruthless elves. This Great War will be our Great War. Ladies and Gentlemen, wizards and witches, dwarves, please put your hands together for the one, the only...”

  Phew, he wasn't talking about me, I thought. “Percy Sunsword!” he concluded and the crowd roared and chanted my surname.

  SUNSWORD – SUNSWORD – SUNSWORD!

  “Aw crap,” I uttered under my breath.

  Spurred – read pushed, on by my friends, I walked towards the stage as my heart began beating faster and my breathing beat heavier. It was as if I had been walking in slow motion thinking of something to say. It's not like I'd prepared a speech. Before this, I had no reason to prepare a speech. But the moment had come and once again, improvisation was necessary.

  I stood upon the stage and gazed out before me. Hundreds of wizards and witches grouped together ready for the inevitable death that loomed ever closer.

  Taking the microphone, I said, “testing, 1... 2... 3...” and there was a screech. An enormous high-pitched squeal rang out across the lands of Mayr from the speakers breaking the silence with an ear-shattering noise. A squeal that made the woodfolk scream sound like a little kitten trapped in a tree – which was also a possibility. Everyone poised themselves to listen to the most passionate, most determined, most inspirational war cry ever known. I looked across the stage at Wanda. She was pointing at me, instructing me to do something but I couldn't hear her from the sound. Then I realised exactly what she was saying.

  I took my phone out of my pocket and realised Englebert was still mid-rant.

  “I cannot thank you enough for another chance,” I replied in the hope that he had offered me another chance in the two-day rant he'd been on.

  “Just come back into work. You have no idea how much paperwork has been piling up in your absence,” Englebert said giving me a warm, tingly feeling at the reminder of work – when times weren't the best of times nor the worst of times. Monday mornings were the worst, Friday afternoons were the best. Everything else was mediocre.

  I made my apologies to Englebert and put the phone down. The screeching stopped.

  “I'm sorry,” I said into the microphone. “It was my boss,” I attempted to make a bit of a joke of it but I think the people were temporarily deafened by the sound.

  Once I was sure they could hear again, I began to improvise.

  “My friends, fellow wizards,” I started.

  “And witches,” shouted Wanda from the side of the stage. I rolled my eyes.

  “Fellow wizards and witc
hes, we are gathered here...” I attempted to continue.

  “What about dwarves?” Brownbeard shouted from the front of the crowd of people.

  “Fine,” I said. “My friends of either gender and any race, fellow beings who may or may not be from another realm to the human one, and in no means excluding those who prefer to be known as a different race than what they were born as,” that tied up any loose ends. I didn't want to cause any further upset. I finished my disclaimer but an unappreciative someone in the crowd shouted, “get on with it!” When trying to please the masses and minorities at the same time, you can't win.

  “We are gathered here today as a collective, a group of people of no particular race who have grown accustomed to the oppressive force of the elves who hid within these city walls behind me. The elves have oppressed us since the Great War and we are about to face a fight to the death. A fight beyond any fight that has ever been fought before. Some will die, some will live. Those who live – and there will be some, will live to be free men. Today is our day and we shall be victorious!”

  The crowd had listened to what I had to say and heard every word. They had taken in every syllable and a rapturous roar cheered me on. I had stirred them and for the first time in my life, I felt fantastic. Like I could inspire and could be more than just an average wizard – like I could be 'the one'.

  +

  My comrades and I met the wise man and he talked us through his plan to entice the elves out of Ark-Gaiu.

  “Can't we just build a horse?” asked Billy. “It's been done and worked before.”

  “No, Billy,” answered Eric. “That's just stupid.”

  Wanda frowned as she looked at Eric, “no need to be mean,” Eric said and shrugged his shoulders.

  I could see the burning ambition in Wanda's eyes. A woman scorned is a woman to fear.

  “You're wizards, right?” said Brownbeard. “Why don't you just magic some ladders up and send me up there? I'll take them all out myself!”

  “Don't forget there are some dwarves within those walls, Brownbeard,” replied Eric.

  “Instead of us going in there and fighting within a confined area, why don't we lure them to come out here?” I asked.

  “We've been here for nearly a week,” said the wise man. “If they had been in the frame of mind to do that, they'd be here by now.”

  “Not if we give them something nice to come out to,” I said, looking over at Billy.

  “What?” Billy asked.

  I gave out a cheeky smile and Wanda agreed with me. She knew what I was thinking. We shared certain telepathy and knew what each other was thinking. Well, she seemed to always know what I was thinking.

  +

  “I'm not keen on this idea,” said Billy.

  “You'll be fine, as I said, just be honest with them. Tell them everything,” Wanda answered.

  “How do we know if they're home?” he asked.

  “They're elves,” I said. “They almost never leave their city.”

  “Yeah, but they might have gone shopping or something,” said Billy. The rest of us just looked at him and sighed before going through the plan with him once again.

  Billy walked to the gates of Ark-Gaiu as the army, Wanda, Brownbeard, and I took cover on the edge of the nearby forest to watch on from afar. He began yelling and shouting and making as much noise as he possibly could.

  “Come out,” he shouted up to the watchtowers. “Help me! I am a maiden in distress and really need a prince to help me!”

  “Oh, he's good,” said a pleasantly surprised Wanda who'd finally seen the benefit of having a fair lady needing to be saved.

  “He is indeed,” confirmed Brownbeard.

  An elf eventually popped his head over the top of the watchtower to see what was going on.

  “He's talking to someone else there,” I said as I looked up at the watchtower. Another head appeared over the wall and they began discussing the damsel in distress known as Billy Tart. We'd sent Billy to the elves simply because he had no idea why we were there anyway. He was quite a convincing female elf and as a result, they'd let him in and ask him questions. At which point, he'd tell them what was going on outside without fail and, as a result, they'd pay us a visit.

  The bridge over the moat creaked as it lowered to the opposite side and Billy walked across, looking as worried as he had ever looked. Once across, the bridge was pulled back up and the gates began to raise. We got a brief glimpse into the city which looked nothing less than magical. Incredible architecture lining the glittery-golden streets lined with elves walking around as happy as elves ever were.

  “Good luck, Billy,” I said under my breath.

  “He's a good one, for sure,” Brownbeard said. “Still think you should have just sent me in though.”

  “Nonsense,” Wanda refuted. “Billy won't try to kill them all himself.”

  We watched on as the gates locked Billy in the city with the hope nothing serious would happen to him. The elves always looked after their own but not the rest.

  “I've just realised something,” said Wanda. “I didn't put a time limit on Billy's female elf appearance.”

  “What does that mean?” I asked.

  “It'll last for as long as he wants,” answered Wanda. “I just hope he doesn't want to change into his real self too soon.”

  “He seemed to like being a woman,” I recalled the smile on his face when I told him of our plan. “Maybe he'll want to stay like that forever.”

  “You never know,” said Wanda. “This is Billy after all.”

  “We'll have no more of this rubbish,” said Brownbeard. “Why would a man ever want to be a woman?”

  “That's sexist,” replied an angry Wanda. “Some people are born differently to how they feel. Women are just as good as men and vice versa. Sometimes, fate has mysterious ways of working.”

  “Knock it off you two,” I interrupted. “We've got a long wait ahead of us.”

  We returned to the camp and headed straight for the bar area to sit and wait to see what would happen. When you're waiting for something to happen, time really does drag. For two long days, we sat and waited for the elves to come out of their city to attack us but no attack ever came. For two long days, we worried about Billy and what had come of him within the walls of the elven city.

  “I reckon they've killed him,” said Brownbeard.

  “Wouldn't surprise me,” said Wanda. “Elves are mostly men and we sent Billy in as a woman. Further evidence of oppression and the very essence of...”

  Wanda continued her rant against all of mankind and I blanked out. The words twisted and mangled into one really long sound. Eventually, she stopped and I snapped out of it.

  “Don't you agree, Percy?” she asked.

  “Absolutely,” I answered hoping that this would have been the right answer.

  “Thanks,” replied Wanda – Phew! It was the correct answer and I didn't have to attempt to listen to her again.

  Eric and the wise man joined us in the bar area of the camp and the Wizards on a Rampage began to discuss the next step. We didn't have many options and the plans came thick and fast but there were always snags which knocked those ideas on the head.

  +

  “I wonder what's going on what's going on with Billy,” Wanda pondered.

  “No idea, but I he must have told them by now that we're here,” said Winston.

  “What makes you think that?” Brownbeard asked.

  “The rather large number of elven arrows dangling in the air above us,” Winston pointed to the sky behind us. Low and behold, there were millions, and I mean millions, of arrows blackening the sky above our camp.

  “Well, that's most inconvenient,” I said. “It's been a pleasure working with you, my friends. For this is our final day and it has...”

  “Wait, look,” interrupted Wanda as she pointed to the volley of arrows.

  Elves appeared at the top of the walls of their city. Looking down at us as though we were little
insects waiting to be squished under their feet, which we were at that moment.

  “Wizards, who is your leader?” a voice amongst the elves blurted out.

  “Don't say anything,” I commanded those closest to me.

  Another volley of arrows was fired, also frozen in the air waiting to succumb to the pull of gravity. Elven magic was at play. The arrows were left dangling in the air. The elves, themselves set the rules about not killing magical beings but firstly, they didn't perceive us as magical and secondly, those who set the rules won't even bat an eyelid at breaking the rules themselves. Everyone panicked and shouted something incoherent.

  “Just one of you,” the elf said. “Who is your leader?”

  “I am,” shouted Eric. “I am the leader of Wizards on a Rampage.”

  I'd heard that before but I was pretty sure Eric was never voted to be the leader and given the wise man's words about me, I decided to speak up. I couldn't let this man be killed. For all that he'd lived through, for all that he'd done and tried to do for the wizards, this man needed help. He was never our leader – he was our friend.

  “No, he's not,” I shouted. “He is,” I pointed to the wise man.

  “What are you doing?” Wanda whispered. “We can't play games with these guys.”

  “Trust me,” I answered. “I know what I'm doing.”

  If you ever hear the words, 'I know what I'm doing,' from anyone, they're lying. I wanted to impress Wanda and had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I was what we call 'winging it,' which incidentally is also always a really bad idea – regardless of the situation it is used in.

  The wise man smiled back at me – he knew what I was doing. He'd waited his entire life to lead an army of rebels and this was his moment of glory. His moment to shine under the blackened sky from the frozen arrows. His eyes lit up when I declared him the leader. This was what he wanted.

  “So, my friend,” the wise man said as he made his approach to the wall where the elf stood. “Who is your leader?” he asked.

  “I am,” the elf replied.

  “No you're not,” said the wise man. “You're nothing but a pawn in the game of chess of your real leader. Who is your real leader?”