Soul Selecta

by Gill McKnight

  “Yes. She was your soul mate. There was no one else for her but you.”

  And the truth of Loa’s existence over the thousands of years lay open for them all to see. Born over and over with an aching, empty heart. Always alone, always missing an indefinable something. A half never made whole.

  “I can’t remember,” Soul Selector whispered. “I can’t remember a thing.”

  “You weren’t meant to. It happened a long time ago,” Sellie said. “You were always an impetuous, headstrong child. All seemed well, and then…I blame the pool. It told me nothing. It didn’t warn me. One minute you were there and then you were gone.”

  “Gone?”

  “You killed yourself.” Sellie was blunt.

  “Suicide? I committed suicide?” She turned to Death who took a step back under the intensity of her glare.

  “I swear I’ve never seen you before, Soulie,” he said. “At least not as a corpse.”

  “She would have been a young girl,” Sellie told him. “She wouldn’t look like this, like an ethereal being.”

  “There’s so many. I can’t be expected to wemember everybody.” Death looked miffed. “That’s why I keep wecords,” he muttered.

  “What happened to Loa at the hospital?” Soul Selector was anxious. She remembered how the connection had ripped through her and she was certain Loa had felt the agony of it, too.

  “I have no idea,” Death said. “I told you, soul mates are not my department. As far as I am concerned they move in mysterious ways, usually slippery.”

  Soul Selector turned to her scrying pool. Maybe she could locate Loa in the waters.

  “But I can tell you,” Death said, “that she died.”

  “What?” Soul Selector and Sellie both spoke at the same time.

  “Loa died,” he repeated. “She had a cardiac incident. She must be up here somewhere. On the Fields, like Jesse when she died with absolutely no warning. My schedule is in tatters, by the way, but nobody’s asking about that.”

  Soul Selector started to slump, but Sellie grabbed her by the elbow. “Faint later,” she said. “We need to find her.”

  “I’m not going back to the Titan marshes,” Death said.

  “We’ve no idea where she could be.” Soul Selector’s voice shook. “This place is enormous. She could be anywhere.” Her nerves were shattered. She still hadn’t recovered from the bone chilling torture of Loa walking right through her. It had flattened her and apparently killed the soul mate. Her soul mate.

  “We need Eros,” Sellie said.

  “Ewos?”

  “He was spying on the whole thing from the Valentine card. We need to know what he knows.”

  “And how the hell are we going to get him to drop by, eh?” Soul Selector knew it wasn’t helpful, but she couldn’t calm down and be rational. She was angry and she wanted someone else to suffer alongside her. “I know! Why don’t you propose? Then we can buy an engagement card with little hearts, and arrows, and him sitting on it.”

  “I know where he will be.” Sellie ignored her outburst. “He comes by the pit of shame every few days to hurl rocks. He’s due about now.”

  “I can see how that might be fun.”

  Again, Sellie ignored her, but Soul Selector got the feeling it was becoming more and more difficult.

  “We can set up an ambush,” Sellie said.

  Death clapped his hands in delight. “I’ve never been in an ambush,” he said. Then thought a minute. “Actually, I’ve come along after a lot of them, but I’ve never actually took part. You’re right, Soulie. It will be fun.”

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  “What fun.” Zeus looked down upon Jesse. “I didn’t expect to see you again. At least, not so soon.”

  “Guess I missed you, Pops.” The sharp gleam in his eyes told Jesse the old boy was more switched on than she’d at first thought. The wind swirled around her, lifting her hair and blowing cold air down the back of her neck. She suppressed a shiver.

  “And you missed me why?” he said. “Humans always have an ulterior motive. As we say up here, there’s no such thing as a free prayer.”

  “No such thing as a promise either, apparently.” Now the gleam in his eye hardened. Jesse hoped it was for the right reason. “You gave me seven days. I barely got seven hours before Aphrodite scammed me.”

  “And you can prove this?”

  “Death and Soul Selector were there. You need to talk to them. I’m here to lodge a complaint, but I’m damned if I’m going to sit with your nymphs for a hundred years and write it up. So this is it,” she said. “This is my complaint and I’m delivering it direct. This place sucks. Your Elysian Fields are boring, your temples are freezing, your nymphs are overworked and disgruntled, you’ve lost your religion, you’ve lost touch, you cheat even on your own rules. You are all dinosaurs, but unlike the dinosaurs, you guys won’t lie down and die.”

  She’d said it. Now she waited for true oblivion. Aphrodite had wrecked her hopes of a life, any life anywhere, with Norrie, but she’d be damned if the goddess was going to be the one to destroy her. If she was going to be stardust then the great god himself could blow her into smithereens.

  “Quite the trade unionist, aren’t you?” Zeus said. “I better get you out of here before you sign up the nymphs. Kronos help us all if you unionize the harpies.”

  Jesse had to squint hard at him before she realized he was joking.

  “What do you want me to do?” he asked.

  “Put me in a coma,” she said.

  He squinted at her. “Now that is an unexpected prayer.”

  *

  Death took them back to the heights of Olympus. The wind howled and tore at their cloaks, while the massive ravens that circled the mountaintop screamed in anger at their intrusion.

  Sellie knew of a back way into her landscape of torture that did not use the maze entrance from Zeus’s great hall. She quickly bundled them into the lurid desert world of tangerine skies and lime green rock. Her sad little trench lay open before them like an empty grave.

  “I can’t believe I sat in there for so long,” she said.

  “Self-pity is a wonderful thing,” Soul Selector said, while Death tsked and rubbed Sellie reassuringly on the back.

  “You lost faith in yourself,” he said kindly. “Self-confidence is so important. I struggle with it every day.” His hand rested on her skinny shoulders.

  Soul Selector rolled her eyes and gave Death a shove hard enough to propel him forward so that he, in turn, shoved Sellie back into the hole.

  “Good job there, Curtains. Are we all in place?” Soul Selector edged behind a large rock. “I’ll be over here. Shout when you need help.”

  Death found his own hiding place and they settled into their ambush positions. Soft time moved quickly, and soon they heard the swish of wings. Eros appeared overhead. He was awkward in the sky. The bulk of his body completely outweighed the tiny white wings that adorned his back and somehow kept him airborne. He landed with a thump. Shaking the lime green dust off his feet, he plodded over to Sellie’s pit of shame.

  “Hey, ugly!” he called and lifted a rock. “Turn around, loser, and I’ll pretty you up.” He raised his arm to throw.

  Sellie’s hand appeared over the rim of the hole and caught him by the ankle. He yelled in surprise. With a yank, she pulled him off balance down in beside her. It wasn’t a deep hole so when Soul Selector and Death ran over they could clearly see Sellie pounding Eros so hard feathers flew into the air. Soul Selector reached in and dragged him out by his golden curls. His angry yells continued until he noticed he was surrounded, then with a snap of his mouth he shut up as an innate sense of self-preservation kicked in.

  “My mom’s gonna kill you,” he blurted.

  “Shut up, you little punk.” Sellie slapped him and he fell quiet from shock more than obedience. “Where’s the soul mate?”

  “Fuck you,” he said. Sellie ripped the quiver from his back. “Hey!” he shouted. “Not c
ool.”

  “I’ll ask again, and then I’ll begin to really hurt you. Where is the soul mate?”

  “I don’t know what you bitches are talking about.”

  “We know you were spying on us, so spill,” Soul Selector said.

  “My mom will—” Eros began. Sellie pulled an arrow from the quiver and he shut up at once. She examined it casually. He watched her wordlessly, his gaze glued to the arrow. She held it up to site the line of the shaft by eye.

  “This is bent,” she said.

  “No, it’s not.” Eros was angry at the criticism.

  “It’s bent. How’s target practice? Been missing much lately?” She flicked the arrow, and Eros went into spasm. “And look at the state of this fletching.” She tugged on the feathered flight. He squealed and a few of his wing feathers fluttered to his feet.

  “Dear me,” Sellie said. “Are you somehow physically connected to these arrows? You mean to say these are not only silly little toys but, in fact, the physical embodiment of your divine powers? Do I need to be careful with these?” she asked, then whacked him on the nose with his own arrow. He cried out and covered his face with his hands.

  “Not the nose, Sellie!” Death cried louder than Eros.

  “I can’t break it,” Sellie reassured him. “Not unless I do this.” She snapped the arrow in half and blood dribbled from between Eros’s fingers. Death sagged against Soul Selector who was watching it all avidly. She’d found a new admiration for Sellie. She brushed Death off and he slumped against a rock.

  “One more time,” Sellie asked him, ignoring the tears, blood, and snot seeping between his hands from his bloodied nose. “Where is Loa?”

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  Sellie snapped another arrow, and the boy god squealed as if she’d snapped a rib.

  “Loa?” Sellie said with a snarl. “Where is she?”

  Soul Selector took a half step back. This mad, bad, dangerous to know Sellie was a little alarming. Death slipped in behind her. She knew he couldn’t handle violence any more than he could sex. He was a soft soul. He might be death, but he sure as hell wasn’t violence.

  “Mom has her.” Eros capitulated. He tenderly prodded his swollen nose. He was healing quickly though his face was still scarlet and sullen. The peachy down on his cheeks showed up against the red. The facial hair he longed for would never grow in. His divine status had left him dangling on the cusp of manhood, forever frozen as an awkward, angry, pubescent teenager.

  “If she harms one hair on her head…” Soul Selector left the threat open-ended, but at the same time wondered why she bothered. There was nothing she could do against Aphrodite, no matter how the goddess behaved.

  “She won’t.” Eros spoke back with contempt. “The new soul is too useful.”

  “What does she need her for?” Soul Selector asked. She tried to hide her anxiety, but it spilled over and Eros sneered at her.

  “Like I’d tell you.”

  “You will,” Sellie said, “and the sooner you start the sooner I stop doing this.” She gave the quiver a hard rattle. Eros went white and his little wings wrapped around his shoulders protectively. Sellie picked out an arrow at random and flexed it between her hands. Sweat beaded on his upper lip.

  “You can’t do that,” he whined. “I’ll tell Zeus.”

  “Really?” Sellie released the tension on the arrow with a ping. The shaft wobbled. Eros yelled and grabbed at his crotch. “You tell Zeus and he’ll come looking and what will Mama do then?”

  She flexed the arrow back into an arc and released it. Eros doubled over, both hands on his dick.

  “Oh, my,” Sellie said. “Does this thin, willowy little arrow represent your prick? Oh, I get it. And your prick equates to an arrow of love. It’s a metaphor, isn’t it? Subtle.” He ignored the sarcasm, preferring to whimper over his crotch. Sellie sighed. “Eros, you better prove to us that Loa’s all right or I’ll hand this entire quiver of arrows over to my friend here.” She indicated Soul Selector. “And let her whip it against a rock for all eternity.”

  “And then I’ll pluck you like a chicken,” Soul Selector snarled, eyeing his silly little wings.

  “I can’t,” he cried. “I don’t know how to prove it.” Tears shone in his eyes. He was doing his best to man up and not let the tears spill over. His wings fluttered gently around him, hugging him in tighter. Soul Selector realized they were sentient things, and seemed to care for him more than either of his parents did.

  “But you’re Ewos,” Death said with compassion

  “So?” he snarled back. Even with his dick in his hands, he hadn’t the sense to behave.

  “Manners,” Sellie warned him. She shook the quiver and he fell to his knees with a yelp.

  “You can see into dweams,” Death continued, ignoring Eros’s rudeness. He turned to Soul Selector and Sellie. “Because Loa is a lover, or at least looking for love, Ewos should be able to see her dweams and at least we’d know she was okay. Wouldn’t we?” He was beginning to look unconvinced at his own idea.

  Sellie broke into a wide smile. “Genius. The boy’s a genius.” Death puffed up like a peacock. She turned to Eros. “Do it. The dream thing. Now.”

  He sniffed and tried to wipe away a tear so no one would notice. Soul Selector toed him in the side.

  “Hurry up,” she said, a growl rumbling behind her words.

  He sniffed once more and said, “I need a mirror or something that reflects.”

  “Hold on to your feathers,” she said and teleported the entire entourage to her pool with minimum effort. It was amazing what she could do when she was in a vicious mood.

  “Well done,” Death cooed in her ear and took up a seat on top of one of Jesse’s rocks.

  Sellie pointed to the pool. “Showtime, sonny.”

  Eros stood by the water’s edge, gingerly straightening his bruised body. His hands still hovered over his tender private parts and his tiny wings shook out and resettled neatly between his shoulder blades. The pool water began to smooth out until it became flat as a mirror. Distinctive shapes began to form. A god’s power far outstripped her own scrying efforts, but Soul Selector didn’t care to admire Eros’s skill. She wanted to see Loa. She wanted to know she was okay.

  “She’s in a trance,” Eros said. “This is what she’s dreaming of right now.” He sat head lowered, barely looking at the water and huffing that he had to do anything at all.

  “How do we know it’s real?” Soul Selector asked, the thought suddenly occurring to her. She wouldn’t trust Eros any more than she would his mother. “And not some mirage he’s made up?”

  “I’ll know,” Sellie said. “I was her soul selector. I’ll recognize her dreams. I put most of them there in the first place for her to fall in love with you.” She stood ramrod straight on the opposite side of the pool, her mouth a grim line in a dispassionate face.

  The water cleared and a temple came into focus. The walls were high and made of stone and shone coldly in the early dawn. There was a small sacrificial pool cleaved out of the volcanic rock and rimmed in the same marble as the columns on either side. A tangle of cloth lay draped beside it. Loa entered, and the room and its details faded away and the focus centered on the pool. Except this wasn’t truly Loa. It was her essence, her identity. Her sense of self felt all different in the dream. She was somehow diminished, a small unassuming soul, and Soul Selector realized she was a young girl and not the thirty-something woman who had walked right through her at the hospital that very night. The girl scanned the pool in the half light. Something wasn’t right. She was worried. Her gaze slid over the bundle by the pool, then returned to it with alarm. She ran toward it and unfolded the cloth to find the body of a girl face down by the water. Loa fell to her knees and struggled to turn her over.

  “Kleio,” she was calling over and over, “Kleio.” Bloody water soaked her white toga, and Kleio fell back onto her. Her face was a chalky mask framed by dark matted hair.

  “Kleio.” That
last small whisper was the precursor for all the pain that was to follow. Soul Selector and Sellie winced. They knew the entirety of it. The horror of a soul essentially ripped apart but still living. They could feel the pitiless wound tearing out a hollow in the heart. A dreadful sense of failure washed over them. They had failed Loa’s soul on so many levels over so many lifetimes.

  Loa’s tears fell on her dead love’s face. The dark eyes sprung open and Kleio, suddenly and joyously alive in this fantasy of a dream, looked up at her and whispered, “Eris.”

  *

  The water rippled and the dreamscape fell away.

  “That’s all there is,” Eros said, avoiding their eyes.

  “I believe him,” Sellie said.

  “How could you let that happen?” Soul Selector shouted.

  “I didn’t see it,” Sellie answered. “The pool didn’t show me any of it. And I think you know why. Aphrodite tampered with the pool, didn’t she?” she said to Eros.

  He reddened but remained tight-lipped.

  “Like mother, like son,” she said, and cast her hand over him. “I’m done with you.” He dematerialized immediately.

  “Where’d he go?” Death asked, mildly alarmed.

  “He’s in the pit of shame,” Sellie said. “He needs to spend some time in there and reflect on his behavior.” The pool shimmered for an instant. Enough time for them to see Eros lying in Sellie’s old pit, all his arrows encircling him in a makeshift jail. “He’ll have to break those to get out. If he has the balls.”

  “If he breaks the wrong arrow he may not,” Death pointed out.

  Sellie stood with Soul Selector anxiously monitoring her face. “Are you okay?” she asked.

  “I still don’t understand everything,” Soul Selector said.

  “That was Loa’s dream. A recurring one that’s plagued her all her lifetimes. The one where she wakes up crying,” Sellie said.

  “So sad.” Death mopped his tears with a monogrammed handkerchief.

  “Kleio died and her soul was never resurrected,” Sellie said. “She was never reunited with Eris.”