Hidden Goddess (Shadows of the Immortals Book 4)

by Marina Finlayson

  “This is the Pool of Mnemosyne,” Thanatos said. “The pool of lost memories.”

  Lost memories—I knew all about those. My heart began to pound. Was it possible the secrets of my own confused past were here in the unquiet water? I laid a hand on the reassuring bulk of Cerberus’s shoulder to steady myself.

  Thanatos took a ladle from a hook on a nearby column and offered it to Apollo. “Speak the name of the person whose memory you wish to recover, then dip the ladle in the pool.”

  Apollo went down on one knee by the edge of the water, the silver ladle clutched in his hand.

  “That’s it?” I asked. “He says the name and he gets all the person’s memories?” I clenched my fingers in Cerberus’s fur to hide their shaking. If I drank from this pool, would I finally understand my past? Would I know who I was, and where I had gained my strange powers? I sank to my knees beside Apollo, close enough to touch the strange glowing water.

  “Well, it’s possible to filter if you know what you’re looking for,” Thanatos said. “Hold the questions you want answered in your mind as you drink,” he told Apollo.

  The cold of the stone floor seeped through my jeans, chilling my knees, and I hugged my arms around my body as I watched Apollo. Gooseflesh rose on my bare skin. My heart pounded so loud I expected Apollo to comment any minute.

  Instead, he leaned forward and dipped the ladle into the pool. “Mike Newton,” he said.

  Ripples raced across the pool, and the patter of droplets spilling from the ladle as he brought it to his lips was loud in the silence. I watched the droplets fall, and a shiver ran across the surface of the water. It was almost as if the pool were alive, as if all the memories it held animated it.

  Thanatos was watching Apollo. Would he be angry with me? But I was here, and it was the pool of lost memories. Mine couldn’t be any more lost if they tried. Damn the consequences. I had to try.

  I dipped my cupped hand into the pool and brought it to my lips. “Lexi Jardine,” I whispered, then I gulped the water down.

  It was cold, sending tendrils of ice down my throat and raising the hairs on my bare arms. I closed my eyes and held my breath, waiting. Waiting for the empty places in my heart and mind to be flooded with the warmth and light of knowledge, of memory returned.

  I opened my eyes to find Thanatos and Apollo both staring at me.

  “What are you doing?” Thanatos asked, a frown of confusion on his brow.

  Nothing. Nothing had changed. A tidal wave of disappointment crashed over me, and I clenched my fists, furious with myself. What was wrong with me? “Why can’t I remember?”

  “What are you trying to remember?” Apollo asked gently.

  I covered my face with my hands. They were still wet with the empty water. Empty of memories. Empty as my own stupid head. “Everything,” I choked.

  He handed the ladle back to Thanatos and put a hand on my shoulder. “You can’t retrieve the memories of anyone who’s still alive. The pool only contains the memories of the dead.”

  He stood, pulling me up with him. I stared down at the rock floor, fighting back tears.

  “Did you find anything of use?” Thanatos asked Apollo.

  “Yes. Brenvale is the shadow shapers’ base, though they have cells in several cities. They started there and spread to Newport, where Mike Newton became involved. Their leader is a woman named Mrs Emery, though Newton doesn’t know much about her, beyond the fact that she is rich. She has a house in Sanctuary Point at Brenvale where I was held, apparently. I saw myself there.” He shrugged, and I glanced up at him. His mouth was a hard line. It couldn’t have been pleasant to relive his captivity through someone else’s eyes.

  Bad memories. That had been a terrible time for him. Was it crazy that I envied him his memories, awful as they were? At least he knew what had happened to him—there was only an empty hole where my past should be. I was still shaking, the pain of loss as fresh again as it had been when I’d first realised what a lie I was living. I clenched my fists so hard that my fingernails dug into my palms, trying to force my body to stillness.

  “Newton rarely went there,” he went on. “They liked to keep the different cells separate from each other, for security reasons. His boss, Mrs Emery, spent a lot of time there when she wasn’t in Newport. If that was where they held me, it seems like a good place to start looking.” He nodded at Thanatos. “Thank you for your help.”

  “My pleasure,” Thanatos replied. “If there’s anything else I can do, let me know.”

  They spoke more as we walked back up the stairs and through the long, dim corridors to the entryway. I walked behind with Cerberus, not paying much attention to their conversation, my head lost in my own miserable thoughts. We said goodbye to Thanatos and left the gloomy Courts of Judgement behind. It was almost a relief to step back out into the aimlessly swirling mist.

  Apollo said nothing as he led the way.

  *BOSSY GIRL SAD?* asked Cerberus, nudging me gently with one massive nose.

  *Yes, a little.* I wasn’t sure if he would understand my reasons, so I left it at that.

  *CERBERUS SAD, TOO.* Red flames burned deep in his dark eyes as he regarded me solemnly. *MASTER STILL GONE.*

  *I know. I’m sad about that, too.* I missed Hades. Even when his dry wit was turned against me, he was a comforting presence, almost fatherly. *But we got some useful information back there. Hopefully it won’t be long until we find him.*

  *FIND MASTER?* All six ears pricked up, and the very tip of his massive tail began to wag.

  *Soon, I promise.*

  Cerberus and I had slowed down while this conversation was going on, and now Apollo paused for us to catch up. He eyed me curiously as he waited. “Mind if I ask what all that was about back there?”

  Should I tell him? I’d managed to keep my power secret from him so far, and I didn’t know how he’d react to the tale of how I’d stolen his ring from Jake and run off with it to Newport in search of the source of my abilities. But what was I afraid of? That he’d strike me down for my temerity? Keeping my power secret was an old habit left over from when everyone I met was liable to turn on me for it. I had to keep reminding myself that I was among friends now, and power wasn’t seen as a bad thing in the shaper territories.

  My natural inclination to wall myself away and protect my secrets warred with the urge to speak. Apollo had proven himself, if not my favourite person in the world, at least a useful ally. Perhaps he knew something that would help me. I’d never know unless I spoke up.

  “It’s a bit of a long story,” I said.

  “I’m the patron of singers and storytellers,” he said. “I like long stories.”

  And so, it all came out. I kind of glossed over the part about his own ring and how it had seemed to speak to me, but I was pretty open about the rest. I felt a weird kind of relief when I was done.

  “I always thought there was something unusual about you,” he said. “You don’t feel quite like other humans.”

  “I’m an original.” Jake had said something similar. I sighed. We were nearly back at the palace, and the way to the Styx. I knew I wouldn’t be able to see Jake, but even so, my feet wanted to turn down that path.

  Cerberus followed us inside the palace, his ears pricked anxiously. Apollo pressed the elevator button and the doors slid open, ready to take us back to the land of the living.

  The hellhound whined as I threw my arms around his neck. “Goodbye,” I said. “We’ll bring Hades back to you soon.”

  *FIND MASTER? CERBERUS COME, TOO!* He surged forward, nearly knocking me over.

  “You can’t come, Cerberus. You’re too big and obvious. We can’t sneak around with a three-headed dog trailing us everywhere.”

  He stared at me, all six eyes flaming. A low rumble began deep in his belly, and for a moment, I thought he was growling at me. But then his body began to shake and I stepped back in alarm.

  “What’s the matter? Are you all right?” The rumbling increased, and
his burning eyes closed. I glanced wildly at Apollo. “What’s happening? What’s wrong with him?”

  Apollo shook his head, perplexed. Cerberus’s skin rippled and heaved. His two outer heads leaned away from the central one, eyes still closed. With a great sucking sound like pulling a foot out of mud his body peeled apart. New legs appeared, and suddenly there were three much smaller dogs standing, blinking, in front of me.

  I blinked back, shocked into silence. I’d seen some crazy things lately, but this just about took the cake. Each dog was still bigger than a Great Dane and had those red flames dancing in the depths of their eyes, but at least they had a better chance of passing for normal than a giant three-headed monster.

  “Did you know he could do that?” I asked Apollo.

  He shook his head. “That’s a new one on me.”

  The three hounds regarded me pleadingly. *CERBERUS COME NOW?*

  There were now three distinct voices in my head but the combination was just as loud as ever.

  I stepped back and made room in the elevator. “I guess you can come after all.”

  6

  “Oh, this is going to be good,” Syl said when I walked into our apartment trailing three huge dogs behind me. She glanced at Apollo, who shut the door behind our little travelling circus. “I thought you guys were going to the underworld, not the pet shop. Tell me why the three biggest dogs in the known universe are cluttering up my lounge room?”

  They certainly were crowding the space. One of them laid on the small section of carpet between the back of the lounge and the kitchen bench, effectively blocking entry to the hallway, though he curled up into the tightest ball he could. The other two stood in front of the window, trying to make themselves look smaller, heads hanging guiltily.

  “That’s Cerberus,” I said.

  “Really?” Her eyes widened. She took a deep breath and plonked herself down on the nearest couch, hands folded in her lap. “Okay, I’m listening. Tell me everything.”

  Lucas stood in the tiny kitchen, making coffee. “Wait. How did you get them … him … out of the pub without being noticed?”

  “We didn’t. Is there still water in that kettle? I’ll have a coffee, too, if you’re making them.”

  He cocked an eyebrow at Apollo. “You want one, too?”

  “No, thanks. I’m not staying.” He glanced at Winston, who was sitting on the couch, staring in fascination at the three enormous dogs invading the space. “We have things to do.”

  “Harry nearly had a fit when we came up out of the cellar,” I said, accepting a hot mug from Lucas. My stomach was rumbling. We still hadn’t restocked the fridge properly. I’d have to do something about that soon.

  “She told him I’d brought my special tracking dogs to see if we could pick up the vampire’s scent,” Apollo said, giving me an exasperated look.

  “Vampires don’t have much of a scent,” Lucas said.

  “It was the best I could do on short notice,” I protested. “Cerberus was a bit of a last-minute addition to the plan.”

  “Oh, we’ve got a plan, now, have we?” Syl asked drily. “That’s good to know.”

  “We’ve got an address,” I said, “which is even better, and we know that Hades isn’t dead. It’s in Brenvale.”

  “Road trip time!” Lucas said. He opened the door and called across the landing: “Joe! Get in here!”

  “Brenvale is about ten hours’ drive from Crosston,” Syl said. “So more like thirteen from here.”

  “Is it? I’ve never been there.” As far as I knew, anyway. There wasn’t a lot of traffic between the big shaper cities. People tended to stick with what they knew, and watershapers were a very different kettle of fish to their fireshaping cousins. The only one I’d ever met was the mayor, and I’d often wondered what he’d done to get exiled so deep into fireshaper territory. “Have you? Is it true that all the streets are canals?”

  “No, I haven’t, but I used to work with a girl who was from there. And no, I think there are plenty of dry sections, but there are a lot of canals. So, tell us what happened in the underworld. Did you find Thanatos?”

  Quickly, I filled the three of them in on our adventures. Joe came in while I was talking. He wasn’t quite as tall as his younger brother, but seeing them together, there was no doubt that they were brothers. Same wavy hair, same brown eyes, same muscly build.

  “So, what’s the plan?” he asked.

  “Road trip to Brenvale,” Lucas said flippantly. The biggest difference between the brothers was in their temperament: Joe would never have broken into a house on a whim, which Lucas not only had done yesterday, but had thought it a great joke when we were caught by Rosie. “Can we borrow your truck?”

  “My new truck!” Joe cast me a horrified glance.

  “I promise we’ll take better care of it than the last one,” I said. “We need something big enough to fit Cerberus.”

  That started a new round of explanations, as Joe had missed the story of Cerberus’s metamorphosis. Joe’s new “truck” was a dual-cab ute, roomy enough for four people inside, with a big tray on the back. Hopefully the new slim-line Cerberus would fit in the tray.

  Joe eyed Cerberus, as if measuring him for size. “Do they all have to go?”

  The three hounds turned their heads to look at him in the same motion, which was kind of creepy.

  “I’m not sure how individual they really are,” I said. “I wouldn’t want to separate them.”

  “Perhaps my lord could transport you to Brenvale,” Winston suggested, glancing at Apollo. “There is a small temple to the sun god there.”

  Apollo looked annoyed. “I’m not going near the place if the shadow shapers are there.”

  “Not even to drop us off?” I asked. “You’d only be there a moment. Surely you’d be safe inside your own temple?”

  “You’d think so,” he said, “but look at the fireshapers in Crosston. They’re a bunch of backstabbers and fools—and that’s the seat of the Ruby Council. If the shadow shapers could infiltrate even the capital so thoroughly, imagine what they could have done in their own stronghold.”

  “You still have plenty of loyal shapers,” I pointed out. “Winston’s not a backstabber, and he’s a fireshaper.”

  “Winston’s a priest. He doesn’t have enough power to tempt them.”

  I winced a little at this dismissal of Winston’s abilities, but it didn’t seem to faze him. He listened politely, as if we were talking about someone else. “Well, the shapers in the temple in Brenvale are priests, too.”

  “This is not up for negotiation,” Apollo snapped. “I’m sorry, but I won’t put myself into danger, even for Hades. You’ll have to take the long way.”

  I looked away from his angry face and met Syl’s eyes. She shook her head ever so slightly. Okay, okay, I got the picture. He was scared. Even though I was cross with him, I could understand that. He’d been held captive by the shadow shapers for a whole year. It was probably the most horrifying thing that had ever happened to him in the whole of his pampered existence. Gods, by their very nature, were at the top of the food chain. They never expected to suffer, much less die. If the experience had left him with scars, maybe that made him a little more human. We all had them. It was called living.

  Apollo stared out the window at the vista of the beach and the water stretching to the horizon. Darkness was falling, the blue leaching out of the sky and sea, fading to grey. Winston watched his god, his face giving nothing away. If he was hurt by Apollo’s blunt summation of his lack of power, he gave no sign. It was a shame there weren’t more fireshapers like him. He was loyal, and from what I’d seen, a fairly decent human being. He’d make a better Ruby Adept than probably half the former councillors. So would Jake, for that matter. I sighed.

  Apollo cleared his throat. “I may be able to do something to help. When are you leaving?”

  I looked at Syl and shrugged. “Tomorrow morning, I guess. No point driving all night and arriving exhausted.”


  He nodded once, sharply. “I’ve spent too much time away from Crosston already. I’ll be in touch.”

  He left, closing the door softly behind him. We all stared at the door for a moment, listening to his footsteps fade as he went down the stairs to the street.

  “That was odd,” Lucas said. “Is he always like that?”

  It occurred to me that Apollo might be embarrassed by his own fear—it was so very ungodlike—and I felt a certain sympathy for him. “He’s a god. They’re not like the rest of us.”

  “You can’t expect him to be thrilled at the thought of going back to the place where he was held captive for a year,” Syl chided gently. “Particularly when nobody knows how the shadow shapers are capturing the gods. He could be walking straight back into prison.”

  “I suppose so,” I said.

  “Don’t be so hard on him. Why don’t you like him?”

  I shrugged, glancing at Winston, who pretended to be absorbed in the view out the window. “I never said I didn’t like him. He’s just … I don’t know. Too pretty.”

  She laughed. “Jake’s pretty, and it doesn’t stop you liking him.”

  “That’s different.”

  “Is it? Why? Because you don’t want to bonk Apollo?”

  “No!”

  “Oh, you do want to bonk Apollo?”

  Lucas and Joe burst out laughing, trading identical looks of enjoyment at my discomfort.

  “Syl!” Was that a blush creeping up Winston’s cheek? He was probably wishing he’d left when Apollo had. “It’s different because Jake can’t help the way he looks. And he’s handsome, not pretty. He got lucky and won the genetic lottery. But gods choose to look the way they do—so why does Apollo go around looking like a member of a boy band? I reckon he’s just up himself.”

  Joe folded his arms, still grinning. “You’ve got to admit, that’s a compelling argument, Syl.”

  She smiled. “I don’t have to admit any such thing. I think he and Lexi just got off on the wrong foot, and now she’s struggling to justify her attitude, which she knows is unreasonable.”

  I rolled my eyes. “If you’re quite finished with the psychoanalysis, let’s change the subject. Who’s going to Brenvale?”