Delusive

by Courtney Lane

  “Like I told you at the mall, he wanted Elias away from you in the severest way.”

  Thinking back to the worst thing she’d done, I had to know the truth. “The house on Fletcher…what was Milton really going to do?”

  “It’s so gross. The sicko. You were going to OD and those fuckheads were going to perform some dead-girl fantasy on you. Make Elias see you like a whore. See, I didn't lie to you about all of it—just some of it.”

  “I was supposed to die that night?”

  “Yeah. And you would have if Elias hadn’t come around.”

  “Would you have let it happen, Sky?”

  Dropping her head, she began to sob again. She nodded her head, yes, unable to look me in the eye while she did. “But, I changed my mind. Didn’t you see that? I was outnumbered, so it didn’t matter. Fucking Natanael. He promised me so many things, and I believed that asshat.”

  Disappointed that even now she wouldn’t tell me the complete truth, and that she masqueraded as my friend when she would’ve easily let me die, my heart sank.

  She also refused to take the blame. Natanael wouldn’t have bothered to use her to get me away from Elias. Natanael didn’t care about the nature of my relationship with his favorite son until it was too late. He made it clear I was never really his concern, and it was his downfall. He was blindsided.

  The only person who didn’t want Elias and me to be together was staring me in the face.

  I slipped off the bed and walked over to the dresser. I opened the black decorative box and fingered what was inside. It was a syringe and I knew what filled it; it was the same exact hue and consistency of the drug Milton gave me.

  “Sometimes things are too painful for us to remember,” I said, removing the syringe from the box. “We dream up a false version of reality and convince ourselves the version we dreamt up is the truth so well we begin to believe the truth is a lie. I don't believe that was the case with you. I think you are aware of your mendacity and don't have some delusion about what’s real and what isn’t.

  "I saw something in you when we first met that made me want to get to know you, despite knowing you were a little fucked up. Maybe I saw me, or the woman I used to be—could’ve been. You were so carefree, doing what you wanted when you wanted to do it, and I envied you. I thought we could really be friends with a common goal. It hurts me”—I choked on the words and turned around to face her while holding the syringe behind my back—“that it never was the case. Never could’ve been the case.”

  Panicked, she sat up rigidly straight and palmed her hair away from her face. “We can start over, can’t we? I’ll get help in Paris and when I come back, we can be friends again, right? I mean, I could’ve told Elias what you told me about your plans—how you were going to fuck up his world. I didn’t. That has to count for something, right?”

  “If you had proof, or thought he would’ve believed you, would you have told him?”

  She shrugged at me. “I…really don’t know, Hanley.”

  My hand trembled as I held tightly to the syringe. I knew I couldn’t do it. My limit had been reached. While I knew she had to be dealt with, I couldn’t be the one to do it. I palmed the tears from my cheeks and gave her a smile. “I’m going to check on Elias and see what he can do about getting you to Paris. Stay here, okay?”

  As I turned, I moved the syringe around my body, making sure she’d never catch a glimpse of it. I shut the door behind me and was met with Elias on the other side of the hall. He looked freshly showered and dressed as if he was going to the gym.

  I shook my head, telling him no, I wasn’t able to do it, answering his not yet asked question.

  He pulled his hand from behind his back and held up something for me to see. “She gave it to me when I spoke to her downstairs. Would you like to know what she said?”

  Stepping forward, I snatched the packet from his fingers. Searching for Roth’s written words, I found them in the same exact spot I remembered them being written. The only thing that was different was the seal had been broken and haphazardly resealed.

  Skylar had failed the test. It was the final damning piece that forced me to come to terms with what I wanted to deny, but I couldn’t help my nature to have an undying and almost blind loyalty to the people I cared about. “With what she said in the room, maybe she can change?”

  Grabbing my shoulders, he shuffled me down the hall away from the bedroom. “People don’t change, especially not in less than an hour. Hanley…” Shaking his head, he sighed. “She told me you were going to poison me. She told me your motive was always to get what was mine—my money. She also tried to convince me you didn’t love me.

  “I played along and made her think I believed her. She dug herself in a deeper hole by giving me options on how to kill you. A black tar heroin overdose was her first suggestion. The same method she used when she tried to kill you. The same thing she used to kill her mother.”

  I clutched my neck, feeling a painful burn just under my skin.

  He reached up to finger my neck. “I know you want to see the best in her, but it doesn’t exist. It never did.”

  She said exactly what I expected—but hoped she wouldn’t. The only reason she would give Elias the packet and tell him I wanted to kill him was for one reason alone. She discounted that what Elias and I shared was real and unshakeable. It would serve as her final fatal mistake. “I still can’t—I know I should. My parents’ lives were ruined because they trusted people who just wanted to use them and destroy them. I won’t make the same mistake. But I can’t… I have enough death on my conscience because of what I was made to do. I can’t…do it anymore.” Through watering eyes, I looked up at him. “Are you disappointed in me?”

  Taking one large step forward, he slipped his hands up to clasp either side of my cheeks and softly kissed my forehead. “Not at all. Don’t ever change.” Dropping his hands from my face, he took the syringe from my grip. “I’ll be enough bad for the both of us.” He remained close to me, his body pressing against mine. “No one is going to get in the way of what we want and what we have together.” He glanced down the hall for a split second. “It’s the first day of spring. The pool just opened. Why don’t you take advantage of it? I will finish our unfinished business.”

  “I thought you didn’t conduct business in the bedroom,” I said with a solemn smile.

  “I also had a rule amongst my men about violence against women. Under no circumstance do we kill, torture, or hurt women. As always, I break the rules when it comes to you.” He tilted down and kissed me again, slower and sweeter than before. “Your words rule my hands.” The air turned colder as he moved his lips away from me. He jerked his chin down the hall, directing me to leave.

  AFTER A QUICK shower in one of the guest bathrooms, I loitered by the pool, laying out in a brand new red bikini, a floppy hat, and sunglasses that I retrieved from one of the bags I’d left in the foyer. I was shielded by the large canvas awning that protected the furniture from sun-fading.

  From the open doorway, I listened to the commotion coming from inside the house as the minutes turned to hours. Ear buds were in my ear, but no music played.

  An hour and a half passed before Elias joined my side. Looking at ease, he sat on the free space of the wicker chaise lounge. Lifting my legs, he positioned them to fold over his lap.

  Sitting up, I pushed my knees up to my chest, allowing him to nearly sit underneath my behind. I removed my earbuds from my ears, clutching them in my fingers. “Is it done?”

  He slid my sunglasses down my face, folded them, and placed them on the table beside the lounge. He stared back at me, vacant-eyed, and gave me a nod so discreet it barely registered.

  I placed the ear buds down and rested my arms on my knees. “Can I see her to say goodbye?”

  He shook his head. “Her body was moved back to her mother’s place. It wouldn't have been a good idea to call the police with a story about her overdosing in our home. We don’t need that kind o
f attention right now.”

  Her body. Skylar was no longer a person. Her transgressions and her lack of wherewithal to be loyal brought about her death. She’d betrayed me so many times I should’ve felt at peace with what needed to be done. There were still elements to Elias’s lifestyle that would never sit right with me, and it would never change. No matter what the truth was, losing a friend—who never was a friend—was completely gutting.

  I slid my hat off my head and tossed it onto the nearest chair beside the sectional lounge. "Maybe we were wrong. Maybe she wasn't beyond redemption. Maybe she—”

  “Hanley,” he cooed, touching my face and leaning forward. “It's too late. There will be other women. Daniella is a widow and looking for something to do in her free time. She'll keep you company, and anytime you feel the need, you have my permission to fuck her.”

  “That wasn't what it was about with Skylar. I cared about her. A lot.”

  “She never deserved your friendship." He moved my legs around and adjusted his body to sit between my thighs while sitting astride the lounge. Grabbing my ass, he lifted me and pulled me up to straddle his lap. "I realized that I’ve been wrong." He reached up to comb the length of my hair with his fingers. "I have to let you fail and come in as the hero to save you. Warning you against doing things just appeals to your rebellious nature. No matter how often I told you, or how many times she showed you who she was, you never gave up on her.

  “She had to dig her own grave and you had to watch her do it. It’s what I allowed to happen. Do you remember what I told you? Make people feel comfortable and all their secrets are revealed.” He ran a thumb down my cheek, trailing a tear down my face.

  It was a bittersweet moment. I’d finally felt free enough to show my emotional vulnerability, because in the midst of his dangerous world, he would do everything he could to keep me safe. With him, I was completely secure.

  “What can I do to make this disappear?” he asked, wrapping me in his arms.

  “I don’t know if there is anything you can say to make it go away.” I moved my hands up his body to drape my arms over his shoulders. “It’ll just take time.”

  “Do you know what I said to you the last night we were in Portugal together?”

  I shook my head no.

  “I was dying when I met you—soulless and empty. I didn’t realize it until you gave it all back to me. And then, I thought you’d taken it all away. I feel…alive when I’m with you. That’s…why I had to marry you.”

  Letting go of the fear and trepidation, I relaxed against him. Leaning down, I allowed my hands to get lost in the back of his head and gently kissed his lips.

  “What can I do to make the pain go away?” he asked again, softer than the first time.

  “Make me feel full of you again.”

  "Every day for the rest of our lives, my beloved.”

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  V and D: There would be no me without you, and I certainly wouldn’t have continued if it wasn’t for you, reminding me to never give up or give in. My strength comes from the both of you.

  J: For the epic one-liners, your patience, and your support. I love you, dearly.

  Catherine, Michelle. Agnese, Emma, Rachelle, Elissa, Felicia, Iris, and all of Mavens of Mischief: You ladies work tirelessly to get my name out there, and I appreciate every single one of you. This book never would've been completed without the support of all of you.

  Felicia, I appreciate you so much, and I can’t wait for the day we can officially meet. I dedicate Chapter Thirty-Six to you (and Iris—love you, girl!— I dedicate Chapter Nine to you. I know how you like that bat.)

  To Tanya D. Tanya R. Maria Y., Maria L, Yolanda A. Rachel H., Twisted Sisters, Submit & Devour, Jettie Woodruff, Leddy Harper, Yolanda Olson, Melissa T., We're Jumpin Books, The Art of Romance, and The Smut-Brarians : Thank you for your undying and continued support.

  To my editors, Liz and Kristen, thank you both for making me a better writer.

  A special thank you to Holly Blackstone for agreeing to proofread this book.

  To all the believers, supporters, motivators, inspirers, promoters, and co-creators: Thank you.

  To ALL of the Bloggers who’ve supported me tirelessly: Thank you.

  To the readers who’ve been with me since my debut (the horribly edited) StrangeHer Love book, or The Teaser: Thank you for believing in me and continuing to follow me on this crazy journey.

  To the readers who’ve just found me recently through this book or another: Thank you for taking a chance on an unknown.

  Thank you for the messages, recommending my books to others, leaving reviews, and more importantly, thank you for reading.

  Please forgive me if I missed anyone, it was an oversight of my mind, and not my heart.