The Feedback Loop (3-Book Box Set): (Scifi LitRPG Series)

by Harmon Cooper

  “There.” Veenure points at an ant-like stream of people lining up in the distance.

  “Do we have to wait in line?” I ask.

  “Yes, unfortunately. However,” Veenure glances to Aiden and Dolly, “with your mind magic, we may be able to convince an NPC to show us another way.”

  Rocket: There is another way. I checked the schematics that Ray Steampunk provided me. Head away from the crowd, towards the smaller mountain next to Mount Mentlana. There’s an entrance through this mountain, on its eastern side, which leads underground to Mount Mentlana.

  I turn my back to Veenure. “How do I know which mountain it is?”

  Rocket: It’s called Mount Puntla. She’ll know.

  “Let’s see if there’s a hidden path near Mount Puntla.”

  Veenure nods. “Not a bad idea. How did you know about Mount Puntla, though?”

  “I told you before – I’ve got friends in low places.” I refrain from singing the next line and smile instead.

  Dolly catches on. “That’s not a bad idea. We can battle our way over there and then I can coerce an NPC to take us to the hidden path, if there is a hidden path.”

  Zedic takes the lead. “Let’s do this. I’m getting hungry in real life.”

  “We both ate the same thing for breakfast,” I say as we follow a path cut into the cliff side of the scenic overview. The steps are narrow, only wide enough for two people; a railing made of wood covered in prickly vines keeps those who dare descend from falling to certain death.

  Zedic shoots me the number two and I get it.

  “Log out real quick and take care of business. We’ll be fine without you.”

  Veenure asks, “Bathroom break?”

  Zedic says, “If you don’t mind.”

  “Me too. All right everyone, five minute bathroom break.”

  “I’ll stay here with Dolly and Aiden,” I tell Veenure once we reach the bottom of the stair of rocks. Her hand comes up and she’s gone in a flash; Zedic follows suit.

  “You don’t have to go?” Aiden asks.

  “Being in a digital coma for …” Two subjective years. “For, ahem, eight years, taught me to hold it in. Or at least my body.”

  “That’s not healthy.” Dolly sits on a large piece of bench-shaped petrified wood.

  “What? You reading health mags now or something?” I say, flashing her my snarkiest grin.

  I’m next to her in three seconds flat, my arm wrapped around the small of her back. Aiden remains standing, always ready for a surprise attack. You can take the NPC out of The Loop, but you can’t take The Loop out of the NPC. I suppose this applies to a certain human player as well.

  Dolly drops her head on my shoulder. “This sure is beautiful.”

  “Almost as nice as our little spot on the edge of the city,” I say, remembering the summer home she snapped into existence.

  “Come on,” she says, “The Loop will never be this beautiful.”

  “You could make it this beautiful, couldn’t you, Doll?” I ask.

  Aiden answers. “The Loop was coded for grit; she can move some things around, but the rats will figure a way back into the house.”

  “Spawning in other worlds is good enough for me,” says Dolly. “I could do it forever.” Her smile tightens as she quickly realizes that forever means different things to a person and a being created in a dreamworld. Dolly can literally live forever; my corporeal self can’t.

  “You know what I mean,” she says.

  “I read ya,” I tell her, as I pet her on the head.

  “I’m not a puppy, you know.”

  I bend over and she raises her head to meet mine. Our lips meet, and my digital baby-maker stands tall and salutes.

  “Get a room you two,” Aiden says, his back to us now.

  “We’d be alone if you weren’t here,” I remind him.

  “Maybe I’d better log out to use the restroom too.”

  “If you can’t find a tree to piss behind, you aren’t looking hard enough.”

  Veenure does a Star Trek entrance. Once her form has wavered into existence, she removes her hood. Her midnight blue hair is now in a ponytail, revealing more Thulean tattoos on the side of her neck and behind her ears. The red brooch holding her cloak together sparkles; a wave of red light covers her body and dissipates. She jumps right into business. “I checked a messageboard over iNet while I was in the bathroom. The boss keeping Empress Thun is a giant frog, not inappropriately known as The Frog King.”

  “Is he French?”

  She gives me a strange look. “Anyway, we’ll need to figure out a different strategy once we reach him. Mind magic won’t work. It’ll be better just to give him everything we got.”

  “Guns a-blazing?”

  “Not quite,” she tells me. “As we fight our way to his underground lair, I want you and the Assassin–”

  “Aiden,” says the man who has tried to kill me over five hundred times.

  “I want you and Aiden to work on some combos. To do this, you’ll have to equip complimentary weapons. Attack at the same time and let the game’s AI take over.”

  “What about me?” Zedic asks as he finishes materializing into existence.

  “That was quick.”

  “I didn’t want to make you wait.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Mountain trolls with faces like Sarah Jessica Parker mill about in Danny Devito bodies. Hairy backs, rocks in sacks, green skin and razor teeth – trolls are trolls wherever one goes and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let a gaggle of Tritania’s finest get the best of me!

  Knights of Non Compos Mentis do a bang-up job of clearing out the trolls, especially after I equip my Mollusk Launcher, item 102, which doesn’t constitute a firearm, at least in the traditional sense. The Series 9 SONAR Octopi have the ability to turn an enemy’s coat, similar to Dolly’s mind magic. Load, put the red dot on the desired impact point, fling an octopus, and viola! Fighting trolls – is there anything better to do on a Thursday afternoon?

  “You told me to get creative,” I tell Veenure as soon as I see her green eyes roll under her hood. “Trust me, I can do better than this.”

  We clear through every battle and Zedic and I gain another level. CREATE A COMBO UNLOCKED – the words flash and dissipate.

  “Create a combo?”

  Rocket: Pick two items from your inventory list and the game’s battle AI will create a combo for you.

  “Peanut Gallery, my life wouldn’t be the same without you.”

  Rocket: You’re welcome, Q Daddy.

  “Nope, that name won’t work.”

  Rocket: Big Daddy Q.

  “No.”

  Rocket: Q-Dude.

  “Uh-uh.”

  Rocket: Q-Meister.

  “Seriously, stop.”

  Rocket: Horton hears a Q.

  “I will log out and hurt you!”

  I decide to give Tritania’s AI a run for its rupees, I equip the most unconventional weapons I can find – my dashboard hula girl, item 552 and my juicer, an Omega Mega Mouth Holistic Liquidizer, item 59 (which I simply refer to as my ‘juicer’ both for clarity’s sake and to passively combat the fact that the future is filled with more adjectives, corporate buyouts and acronyms than it is quality products).

  COMBO MADE!

  A trumpet sounds a fanfare, and the phrase Hula Juicer Attack appears.

  Zedic chuckles. “Hula Juicer Attack?”

  “This should do the trick.”

  It doesn’t take us long to encounter a new group of EXP fodder; this time they’re trollified cookie makers. Zedic shoots and what happens next gives me newfound respect for Tritania’s Proxima developers.

  The juicer and the dashboard hula girl swirl into a vortex in front of me. The dashboard hula girl Grow Monsters until she is taller than me. She hops forward on her little stand and sways, luring one of the trolls forward with her novelty Hawaiian ukulele music. Curious, the troll approaches her, his mace held at the low ready.
He reaches out a hesitant paw, and she springs forward like a nightmare Jill in the box, lifts him over her head and stuffs him into the giant juicer. The whirling steel tornado in a jar reduces him to troll smoothie faster than you can say magically delicious, and she upends the juicer and slings troll frappé across his compadres, which reduces their life bars by about a quarter.

  Rocket: That was AWESOME!

  Hula girl disappears and Aiden moves in for an attack, which takes the form of a ninja splenectomy a la wakazashi. Veenure summons a medium-sized black cloud, and finishes the job with several Raiden cloud-to-troll lightning strikes.

  “Hula Juicer Attack!” Veenure laughs. “Were you testing the AI?”

  “Something like that.”

  ~*~

  Time flies when you’re killing trolls.

  We loop around the players waiting in line – Tanu knights in glass armor, Gorn-like lizard men, ersatz Vikings, batwomen, catmen, wannabe Mongol warriors, ninjas galore, samurai of all flavors, pink-pigtailed cosplay candidates, Harry Frickin’ Potter with big round glasses and lightning stripe hair, and at least a dozen or so be-cloaked compadres with Gandalf staffs and paper-white Hedwigs perched on their shoulders. The line stretches for a good quarter mile.

  “This way.” Veenure gestures towards a sign written in Thulean.

  “Why isn’t it in English?”

  “Jeez, to maybe make the quest more challenging?” she says in a tone that indicates that not only are there stupid questions, but there are also stupid people to ask the stupid questions.

  Zedic and Aiden snicker.

  I keep my mouth shut, which has become my go-to defense as of late, as Full Metal Quantum at a hundred percent can ruffle more than a few feathers. With two birds in our guild, I’d rather keep that to a minimum.

  Rocket: Walk until you get to Rooster Rock. Right from there, under an archway made of stone. Look for an entrance on the right.

  I thumbs up the sky.

  As soon as we’re away from the crowd, the battle trumpet sounds and a six pack of rat-men appear. All six are level six and each is about the size of a six year old.

  Veenure says, “Let’s go with the strategy from earlier – cast everything on Quantum. Save your combos for bigger enemies.”

  Zedic strikes first with a couple of healing arrows. I’m next up, selecting an oversized fork, item 20, and my Bart Simpson slingshot, item 41. I shoot the fork at Rat Fink on my left, killing him instantly. Dolly casts Ultra Target on me, Veenure casts Redeemer Lightning and Aiden casts Crazy Mofo.

  Splinter’s bastard children target me. Every attack causes a dip in their life bar and a counterattack because of Aiden’s Crazy Mofo. By the next round, there’s only one Ratatouille left standing. Zedic shoots off a blitz of arrows, quickly murdalizing the scaly-tailed sewer dweller.

  ~*~

  “This must be Rooster Rock.” Not only is the rock the spitting image of a rooster, the wattles hanging from its neck are made of iron-rich sedimentary rocks. “They should’ve named it Kellogg.”

  Blank stares and furrowed brows; no one gets my joke – another of the constant reminders that I’m surrounded by youngsters and NPCs.

  “Let’s head this way, under that arch,” I say, keeping nonchalant.

  I take the lead and a few more Ratberts spawn. We give them the old maid with the besom treatment and move on, under the stone archway and into clearing filled with scree.

  Rocket: Look for a small gully on the right.

  “This way,” Zedic says, turning to the gully. “This may lead down to something.”

  We enter the gully and Veenure points to a cave entrance below. A welcoming committee awaits us at the cave mouth – Rizzo the Rat and his dear friend, Roland, both level ten.

  I equip Bart Simpson’s slingshot and a mousetrap, item 18, mostly to add insult to injury. I fire my mousetrap at Roland, who narrowly dodges it and gives me the finger.

  “That’s a stupid weapon,” Veenure says.

  “It’s a proven way to kill a rodent!”

  We go with our send the baddies to me strategy. Roland attacks and I counter with another slingshotted mousetrap. This one connects, affixing itself to the giant rat-man’s nose. His life bar takes a beating and continues to drop as the mousetrap does its damage. Rizzo is up next and I fix him up with a mousetrap as soon as his attack finishes.

  Some healing arrows courtesy of Zedic and then it’s Dolly’s turn; she does her mind voodoo and turns Rizzo against Roland. Aiden’s upped his game with a can of aerosol deodorant and a lighter, which I also have in my inventory list (items 267 and 4 respectively). Morning Assassin flicks the lighter, sprays the deodorant and re-enacts his own Assault at Verdun, which seriously discommodes Roland.

  I finish the job with item 437, a Bormioli Rocco Pocket Glass Flask filled with Everclear for the festive South East Asian BLEVE effect (with apologies to Thích Quảng Đức). Compelled by Dolly’s spell, Rizzo attacks his flambéed fleabag friend until he barbeques himself past continued viability.

  Both ROUSes dead, trumpet fanfare sounds, EXP awarded, the Knights of Non Compos Mentis prevail yet again.

  ~*~

  The cave walls are adorned with deeply graved Thulean writing, which Veenure’s fingertip fireball throws into sharp relief. The passageway is dark, the ceiling covered in slumbering bats. Aside from Chuck E. Cheese and Stuart Little at the entrance, we’ve yet to encounter any fantasy amalgamations.

  “So what happens next?” I ask. “We emerge on the other side of the cave and face off against the Frog King?”

  “We may have an encounter or two along the way,” says Veenure.

  Dolly’s hand comes into mine and I give it a soft squeeze. Looking left, I admire the shadow she’s casting on the wall. All curves this one, like a voluptuous rollercoaster ride. Distracted, I trip over a stone and land on my knees.

  “Damn jagged rocks,” I say.

  Zedic picks up the stone that just tried to off me. “What was the name of the metal your blacksmith friend wanted?”

  “Octiron,” Veenure says.

  “Is this it?” He hands her the stone and she studies it for a moment.

  “No idea.”

  “Let me see.” Turning the rock over in her hand, Dolly runs her finger along a red vein visible on the bottom of the rock. “That’s it,” she says, “the Octiron.”

  “How much does your friend need?” I ask Veenure.

  “No telling. Let’s get as much as we can. I have a burlap sack in my inventory list especially for finding items like this. It has about a one ton capacity.”

  “That’s some sack.”

  “ … said the actress to the Bishop,” she snorts.

  Rock collecting commences. I feel like a ten-year-old boy on a geology field trip and finally, for the first time in who knows how long, I get to use item 113, a rock pick. Not every rock I pry free from the wall has Octiron in it, but at least half have the red vein of metal coursing through it. Ten minutes later, and the best guild this side of World of Warcraft have collected about five hundred pounds of the stuff.

  “That should do it,” Veenure says.

  I’m just about to say something snarky when Aiden whispers, “Someone’s coming.”

  “What should we do?” Zedic whispers.

  “Hold back … they may be PKers.”

  ~*~

  Veenure extinguishes her finger torch and melts into a pile of cloth. Aiden and I press right; Dolly and Zedic press left.

  “Noobs waiting in line,” says a man with a movie announcer’s voice.

  “We should have killed them all,” hisses a female voice. They appear at the end of the passageway, their forms lit by the woman’s glowing hand.

  PKers.

  “Too many,” says the deep voice, which emanates from a shadowy, floating figure. “They’d swarm us. Besides, none of them had any weapons or potions worth procuring.” He stops, peers into the dark. “Something isn’t right.”

  �
��You’re always too jumpy,” the lady says. “We’re alone.”

  They take a few steps past us. I’m holding my breath at this point, hoping that we’re pressed deeply enough into the wall that they don’t spot us. Their handles appear – BramToker and CourtneyLuv99.

  “I wish Jonah were here,” says Kurt Cobain’s Yoko Ono. “That would make this a lot easier.”

  BramToker says, “The Frog King can’t be that hard. Someone will beat him soon if we don’t … did you hear something?” He turns and her torch follows him, its circle of light stops just short of our feet.

  “Nothing is in here, Bram. You always do this – you’re always seeing things or hearing noises, and I normally don’t mind taking time to check, but we’re kind of under the gun here. Did you get high before you logged in or something?”

  “I always toke up before I log in. It’s medicinal. I have real problems, you know. Can’t sleep at night and the pollute bar next door is noisy.”

  “What kind of pollute bar?” she asks.

  “The night club variety. Their resident DJ is shit. Utter shit. His specialty is LOL Bass – low frequency de-extinct underwater creature belly rumbles with a single high hat on the upbeat.”

  “LOL Bass is cool, especially DJ No Talent. He sold eighteen million digital singles last year!”

  “Which goes to show you that music is progressively getting worse as time carries on. Me? I’m more of a vintage Nu Metal-Alt Rock guy. Throw in some classic cuts by Staind, Korn, Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit or Slipknot and I’m golden. Rap Rock should make a comeback any day now. That’s my prediction. You heard it here first.”

  “Barf.”

  “What?” he asks.

  “My grandpa listens to DisNike’s Alt Rock Channel. I swear to god if I hear Creed or Nickelback one more time I’m gonna to go on a killing spree.” CourtneyLuv99 stops dead in her tracks. “Crap!”