Where I Wanna Be

by Vera Roberts

  “Is divorce an option?” Amy inquired.

  “No,” Faith shook her head, hoping what she said was true. The only arrangements she and Eli had talked about were informal alimony and custody arrangements. Never once did divorce come up in any talks. “It’s not an option.”

  “Do you want to give him a second chance, should he decide to come back?” Amy asked.

  “I want my home back but only if he wants it back,” Faith answered after a long pause, “I can’t force him to stay and I don’t want to make him leave… again.”

  “Sweetheart, you can’t make a man do anything,” Amy reminded her daughter, “Whatever he does is on his recognizance, not yours. Has Eli spoken to you about his plans?”

  Eli had spoken to Faith, all right. They made love throughout the night as if it were their first time all over again. His tongue told her everything she needed to hear. His cock spoke to her over and over again. He wanted to come home. She wanted him home. If it wasn’t for the fact she was still unsure, Eli would’ve spent the night in her bed, and not the guest room. She left his room before Nathan woke up and saw what happened. “He wants to come home.”

  “You want him home, he wants to come home, and yet, there’s a bit of hesitation and doubt.” Amy raised an eyebrow.

  “What if he does it again? What if it’s not a Simone, but it’s a Rebecca, a Tameka, or somebody else? What if I started a precedent that it’s okay if he steps out because I’ll take him back?” Faith asked.

  “Then you need to make it clear to him that this is his only second chance,” Amy stated, “simple as that.”

  Faith wished it was as simple as that. It was much more complicated. Eli made her look like a fool, not only in front of her friends and family, but her clientele. A reputation she tried so hard to establish and it was ruined; not through her actions, but her husband’s. It was beyond damaging. “I don’t know, Mom…”

  Amy leaned in closer to her daughter. “Faith, darling, let me ask you this: are you more concerned with what people will think about you? Or are you more concerned with working on your marriage?”

  Her mother’s questions cut to Faith’s heart. “You got me, Mom.”

  Amy gently patted her daughter’s hand. “You know the answer, Faith Marie. If divorce isn’t an option, why is your hesitation a question? Fight for him. Fight for love. Fight for your marriage. But don’t ever leave the relationship without thoroughly exhausting all of your options.”

  Faith gave her mother a long hug. “You always know the answer, Mommy.”

  Amy hugged her daughter back. “Not always, but I have a pretty good track record. But enough of that. You’re going to help me beat Sister Hawkins and her awful wigs this Sunday! We have a lot of planning to do!”

  ****

  “You could barely keep your eyes open during lunch, bro,” Tony commented as he prepared Eli for his cut, “I know Mom’s turkey wasn’t that good last night.”

  “I had a long night,” Eli revealed. It seemed like he and Faith set a new record for the number of orgasms she had. If she didn’t climax from his fingers, his tongue and cock did it. “Just a really long night.”

  After a brotherly lunch, Eli followed Tony back to his barber shop for a trim and a shave. The rest of the barbers were still out to lunch and gave Tony some much-needed bro time with his brother. “So, other than the obvious, how are you? Everything good?”

  “Everything’s good,” Eli shrugged, “I stayed with Faye last night.”

  “Oh?” Tony began to trim Eli’s hair. “How did that happen?”

  “She asked me to stay with her and I did.” Eli paused.

  “But that doesn’t seem like the only thing that happened last night, huh?” Tony razzed.

  Eli thought about how their bodies collided over and over throughout the night. Every new session started with one of them reaching for the other as if they were searching and begging for each other. “We ended up sleeping together.”

  “Ah… that’s why you’re so damn tired. Your wife was keeping your dick up all night.” Tony quickly moved to dodge Eli’s slap. “So what was this morning like?”

  “Got up. Made pancakes. Left for work.” Eli shrugged. “I just don’t know, man. Things are still kinda weird between us.”

  “How are they weird if you just had sex all night? I would think they would be pretty damn good.”

  “Like she’s holding back, you know?” Eli replied. He felt it during the night but he thought it was just his imagination. For every thrust he gave Faith, there was some pull back from her, as if she wanted the sex but not the relationship that came with it. “She won’t give me everything.”

  “Well, bro, you can’t blame her on that. You just broke up with Moni and now you’re asking Faith to give you a second chance,” Tony continued to cut Eli’s hair. “She’s going to be guarded a little bit longer, until she can trust you.”

  “I’m willing to do whatever it takes. I know how much I messed up and seriously, I do regret it. I’m not going to push her, you know?” Eli’s voice was thick with emotion. “I know she still has that other situation she’s involved in.”

  “That other situation?” Tony repeated with a smirk. “That’s a nice way of acknowledging Faith’s boyfriend without saying his name.”

  “He’s not her boyfriend, dude.” Eli sharply replied. “At least he wasn’t last night.”

  “Last night was last night. Today is a whole new day, bro.” Tony covered Eli’s face with a hot towel. “I’m going to keep that on you for a few minutes. Just chill and relax, but don’t snore. I don’t want you driving the customers away.” Shortly after, the rest of Tony’s crew came back from lunch.

  “Dude, you wouldn’t believe who we ran into?” Cash, the lead barber, pointed behind him.

  “Who?” Tony inquired.

  “Oh, just the four-time Super Bowl champion and one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time—Darren Matthews!” Another barber, Joseph, pointed.

  “Hey, man!” Tony walked up to Darren and gave him a bro hug. “Good to see you, man! Hey, you’ve come to the best barber shop in town!”

  “That’s what I heard,” Darren looked around, “well, I’m ready to get hooked up!”

  “Not a problem,” Tony pointed to Cash’s station, “I’m going to have my best man work on you. I have a client right now. So, sit down, man, tell me what’s going on with the Darren Matthews!”

  Darren sat down in Cash’s chair and was draped with a cape. “Nothing much, man. Just living life. Trying to stay busy and active. Nothing much, man.”

  “Dude, I know you get asked this all the time but what’s it like being out on the field during the big game? Do you hear the crowd? Do you see everything?” Joseph asked.

  “You see and hear everything at first. Then after a while, it’s silence. You’re only focused on the ball. You’re only focused on your play. Everything else is just silence.” Darren answered.

  “You hear that?” Tony asked around the shop. “That’s focus, man. That’s nothing but focus, baby!”

  “But I’m not interested in that,” Cash trimmed Darren’s hair. “With football, I know you got a flock of honeys.”

  “Yeah, I’m dating new hot thing,” Darren smiled. “Faith is her name. I call her Faye, though.”

  Faye? Faye? My Faye? Eli didn’t care to hear too much about the exploits of a celebrity athlete; he’d met too many of them not to realize they were all one and the same. Some were shorter, some were taller. Some were richer. But at the end of the day, they all were the exact same.

  Now one was dating his wife.

  Tony saw his brother’s fists clench underneath the barber cape and he moved to stand beside him. “Oh, yeah? Do tell.” Tony inquired.

  “Faye, Faye, Faye…” Darren smiled. “My sweet Faye. Just the sweetest woman. So smart. You know she has both a cosmetology license and a business degree? She’s from Harlem so I’m in town to visit her today. Tight little body, amazing pe
rsonality, she’s not dull.”

  “Yeah, yeah, that’s nice,” Joseph shook his head, “I want the meat and potatoes, man. How is she in bed?”

  “Ooh…” Darren pursed his lips and shook his head. “You wouldn’t believe some of the tricks she could do.”

  Tony caught Eli slowly rising from the barber’s chair and he gently nudged his brother back down. “Ha-ha, that’s awesome, man! So did anyone catch the game the other day…”

  “Yeah, yeah, the Knicks won,” Cash shushed his boss, “so does this Faye got any single friends?”

  “I think she has a couple. I’ll see what I can do, though.” Darren smiled. “I can’t promise they’ll be like her, though.”

  “Sounds like she’s one of a kind,” Tony kept a close watch on his brother.

  “She is,” Darren grinned, “she has this little boy, Nathan. So sweet. So active, too.” Darren complimented. “Smart, just like his mama.”

  “Oh, you met her son?” Tony asked.

  “Oh, yeah.” He smiled big. “Great kid! Boy is so lucky to be with her. Father’s out of the picture because she hardly mentions him. Seems like the father’s a chump. I’ll gladly take his place.”

  Eli immediately shot up in his chair and Tony slammed him back down with a hand, causing the other barbers to look over. “Damn chair’s broken.” He covered.

  Cash dusted off Darren’s neck and removed the barber cape from him. “You’re all good to go, man.” He smiled.

  Darren admired his fade in the mirror. “Aw, man. That looks great!” He pulled out some money and gave it to Cash. “Keep the change.”

  “Sweet! Hope to see you come around again!” Cash waved him out the door.

  Tony waited until Darren drove off and thought quickly. “I’m going to move this client to the private room since this chair seems to be broken. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in there.” Tony adjusted the seat to an upright position and led his brother to the back room.

  Once they were alone, Eli tore off the barber cape and removed the warm towel from his face. “I’m going to kill him.”

  “Oh, no, you will not, Bruce Banner.” Tony sat down on the stool. “You will calm the fuck down and get a grip.”

  “Did you hear that asshole out there?” Eli pointed towards the door and began mocking Darren. “Oh, she’s a hot little thing! Her name is Faith but I call her Faye. Give me a fuckin’ break, dude.”

  “Oh, no, you’re not jealous,” Tony shook his head.

  “And what the hell is she doing bringing some dude over to our house?” Eli hissed.

  “You mean her house?” Tony corrected.

  “Whatever. I still pay the bills there.” Eli sat down and clasped his hands. His right leg was bouncing uncontrollably and it was taking everything within Eli not to explode. He didn’t think Faith would move on. Truth was he didn’t expect her to do anything. Now some dude… some flashy dude was threatening to take his place. Motherfucker…

  After a long silence, Tony spoke. “Don’t you think it’s a bit juvenile to get upset at Faith when you were the one who left?”

  “Don’t try to turn this shit on me, dude,” Eli warned. “I’m not hearing it.”

  “Maybe you need to.” Tony leaned forward to his brother. “I know I always say uncouth things, and all of you give me grief about it, but you can never say I wasn’t honest with my feelings. None of you can ever say, ‘Gee, I wonder what Tony’s thinking or what’s going through his head?’ None of you can ever say that.”

  “Come out with it, bro.” Eli warned.

  “Maybe you need to tell Faye how you feel about her. Maybe you need to ask for a second chance, finally.” Tony shrugged. “Maybe she’ll take you back.”

  Eli slumped back into his chair. “It’s not that simple,” he mumbled.

  “Oh?” Tony leaned forward. “Explain it to me.”

  “I left her, okay? I gave up on our marriage because I thought there was more out there and there wasn’t. I had everything—I had an awesome crib, a beautiful wife, a son who was happy to see me every morning and gave that up because of what? To chase some high school pussy? I pissed off the entire family and turned into someone I don’t even recognize in the mirror anymore.” Eli let out a heavy sigh. “She won’t take me back because I had an ‘oops, my bad’ moment, bro.”

  “There you go again with predicting what your wife is going to do without actually asking her.” Tony countered. “You didn’t think she was going to start dating again and now you’re in here looking like you’re about to shred a phone book with your bare hands.” He stood up. “Listen, I gotta go back out there and finish up. Meet us at Joey’s crib tonight for poker so we can figure out a game plan for you.”

  “All right,” Eli stood up and hugged his brother, “thanks for looking out for me out there.”

  “Not a problem, man.” Tony hugged back. “We’re D’Amatos, man. We always got each other’s back. Always. Now don’t forget we have poker tonight at Joey’s house.”

  “Yeah, I’ll be there.” Eli replied. “Mom’s watching Nathan tonight so I’ll have some free time tonight.”

  “Good,” Tony rubbed his hands together, “I need to win some flowers for a special lady.”

  “Oh?” Eli’s eyes twinkled. “What special lady is this one?”

  Tony shyly smiled as he thought of Krista. She saw him as the immature Tony who didn’t know any better and he was determined to show her there was a more serious and sensual side to him. “It’s nobody, really.”

  Twenty-Four

  It wasn’t until Simone sat around the kitchen table with her cousins, did she realize how much she needed to be at home.

  The weather was better. Traffic was much easier to navigate through. The air was cleaner. People were much friendlier in Houston. The only thing Simone had to worry about was if her hair was on point, since there seemed to be a hair competition every corner.

  She got to spend time with her cousins and play catch-up with Alicia and her children. Simone had lunch with her father the other day; she truly missed being around him. Home was where the heart was and Simone felt foolish she thought she could get the same thing somewhere else.

  “I thought you were permanently stuck in Georgia and New York.” Meredith made a cup of coffee and sat down with her daughter at the kitchen table. “It seems like I never see you anymore.”

  “I was trying to get my business off the ground, Mom. I have to stay to make it run. I no longer work for someone else. I work for me now.” Simone justified. “It’s a different ballgame now.”

  “But there’s a reason why you came back home, katydid,” A slow smile crept on Meredith’s face. “You didn’t just pop in to say hi to us.”

  “I want to move back home,” Simone replied. “I think Houston is where it’s at.”

  “You’re just now realizing that?” Meredith commented.

  “I’m hard-headed just like you, I’ll admit that.” Simone nodded. “But I just think it’s time for me to be closer to home. And Houston is a good place to raise a baby.”

  Simone’s revelation caused Meredith to look up briefly before she turned to her daughter. “Are you pregnant?”

  Simone remembered when she discovered she was pregnant with Eli’s baby. She was showing a wedding site and had to excuse herself so she could throw up. Knowing that she didn’t have anything to eat that morning, it didn’t take too long for her to realize what was happening to her body. She wanted to tell Eli the night they broke up, hoping it would convince him to finally divorce Faith and start anew with Simone.

  Eli was in love with Faith and that was something Simone just couldn’t compete with, and neither did she want to try anymore. “Six weeks now.”

  “And what does the baby’s father think?” Meredith asked. “Assuming he knows?”

  “He’s made it clear he doesn’t want anything to do with me.” Simone told a half-lie. She was sure Eli would do whatever he could to make sure Simone and their child was cov
ered with whatever she needed. But if Eli disregarded Simone and her feelings for the duration of their relationship that was a risk she didn’t want to take for their unborn child. She didn’t know if Eli would play favorites with his children purely based on the relationship he had with the respective mothers and if he did, there was a good chance Simone would always play second to Faith—just like she had been. “That’s that.”

  Meredith grasped Simone’s hand. “You know I will support you. It’s going to be hard, with a lot of sacrifices, katydid. But it can be done. When do you plan on moving?”

  “As soon as possible.” Simone added. The faster she got out of New York, the better for everyone involved. “I’ve already started the paperwork to start over here in Houston. I will be here by the end of the year.”