The Black Friend

by Frederick Joseph

  The film Selma, for example, was nominated for an Academy Award for best picture, but its director, Ava DuVernay, and leading actor, David Oyelowo, were not nominated for their roles. For the first time since 1998, all twenty contenders for lead and supporting actors were white.

  The #OscarsSoWhite movement helped fuel conversations not only about the Academy Awards but also about the lack of representation and accolades for people of color in Hollywood more generally.

  #REPRESENTATIONMATTERS

  #RepresentationMatters is a movement based on the idea that people from marginalized communities (including people of color, indigenous people, LGBTQIA+ folks, and women) should have the opportunity to see positive representations of themselves in media and art. By doing so, there is a greater likelihood that they will be successful and be treated by others in ways that acknowledge their full humanity.

  STEREOTYPE

  A stereotype is a set of assumptions or beliefs about a group of people. A stereotype can be of a racial group, an ethnicity, a nationality, or any category of people. Stereotypes underlie and reinforce bigoted attitudes and oppression. Even stereotypes that appear harmless on the surface are a way of saying someone is an “other” and of failing to respect or see people as individuals, and therefore potentially contributing to prejudice and harm.

  SYSTEMIC OR INSTITUTIONAL RACISM

  Systemic or institutional racism is a kind of stealth racism. It’s the reinforcement of white supremacy through various strategies, plans, and parts of everyday life. It’s the inequality that is built into our laws, our economic system, our criminal justice system, our housing system, our health care system, our educational system, our entertainment. As I said, it exists in just about every single thing you can think of.

  But just because it exists in everything doesn’t mean it’s obvious. The stealth nature of systemic racism is what makes it so dangerous. A good example is the disproportionate impact of COVID-19 on Black communities, and the coverage of it in the media.

  The early narrative had been that Black and brown people are more susceptible to COVID-19 due to weakened immune systems because of health issues such as diabetes and heart disease. But that narrative failed to include the historic factors in why many Black people suffer from certain conditions.

  By design of those in power, many Black people have generationally lived in neighborhoods that don’t have access to healthy food options. Many Black people also have been placed in financial constraint due to lack of employment opportunities, which in turn often means no access to health care. These are just two examples from a long list of reasons COVID-19 isn’t randomly impacting Black people more; rather, systemic racism has made the Black community more vulnerable.

  Again, it’s not always obvious.

  THE TALK

  Based on popular culture, many believe “the talk” is about sex, and in most communities that’s true. But in the Black community, there’s another talk, and it’s about survival.

  The talk we get is about the fact that the world will be more difficult for us as Black children as well as adults, and about how to be cautious and respond in situations involving the police or other authorities, who are often white.

  For example, we are taught that if we are stopped by a police officer, not to move suddenly, to announce all of our movements, and to speak in ways to make the officer as comfortable as possible. This is an effort to prevent an officer from shooting and killing us.

  TULSA RACE MASSACRE

  On May 31 and June 1, 1921, mobs of white Tulsa, Oklahoma, residents attacked Black residents in the Greenwood District of the city. The area was known for being the wealthiest Black community in the United States and was often called Black Wall Street.

  The attack was carried out from a private plane and on the ground. White residents dropped bombs, set businesses on fire, beat Black residents to death, and destroyed nearly thirty-five square blocks. This all happened because a Black shoe shiner, Dick Rowland, was accused of assaulting a white woman. When he was taken to the courthouse, rumors began circulating that he had been lynched instead of given due process.

  As news spread, race riots began outside the courthouse.

  The incident is depicted in the HBO show Watchmen, which I recommend you watch. Learn more here: https://www.history.com/topics/roaring-twenties/tulsa-race-massacre.

  WHITE PEOPLE ASSUMING BLACK CHILDREN ARE OLDER THAN THEY ARE

  One of the most destructive aspects of racism and white supremacy is how Black and brown children are treated and viewed. Unlike other children, many children from these communities aren’t presumed to be innocent, young, or still learning. They are seen as dangerous, threatening, and older than they are.

  This has been the case in many high-profile instances of racist violence, such as when the murderers of Tamir Rice and Trayvon Martin described their victims as older-looking or frightening when in fact they were just young boys.

  This happens with girls as well; from an early age, Black and brown girls are often hypersexualized and treated as if they are women by people outside of their community.

  WHITE PRIVILEGE

  White privilege is the unearned, built-in, disproportionate access to resources, power, and justice that white people experience over nonwhite people as a result of systemic racism.

  White privilege is rooted in colonization, though white supremacy has existed since . . . well, since “white” has existed, and anything else became “other.” These privileges can be small and large. Look into Jane Elliott and her “Blue Eyes/Brown Eyes” exercise (https://janeelliott.com).

  You can also read more on white privilege here: https://www.tolerance.org/magazine/fall-2018/what-is-white-privilege-really.

  WHITE SAVIOR

  A white savior is a white person who uses their privilege and resources to help nonwhite people, but their true reason for doing so is self-serving. On the surface, it may seem as if these people are trying to do something “good,” but in reality they are doing it because it helps them in some way.

  For example, many white people travel to countries primarily populated by Black and brown people and, while there, take photos of themselves giving money or food to the people who live there. Not only does this perpetuate false narratives about all Black and brown people living in poverty, it’s also extremely disrespectful.

  White savior moments also fail to account for the fact that opportunities for white people to “help” typically only exist because systems and acts of white supremacy created these conditions of inequality.

  WHITE STANDARDS

  “White standards” refers to the idea that beauty and cultural norms typically associated with white people are what all racial and cultural groups should aspire to. This notion influences and creates pressure among nonwhite people to alter their appearance, their demeanor, and their own personal culture to fit the ideals that have been aligned with positivity and success in the media and popular culture.

  An example of this can be found in the idea of “code-switching,” which happens when people adjust the way they speak, look, and/or act in certain settings to fit the standards created by white people and to make white people more comfortable. In many environments, such as the workplace, if nonwhite people fail to code-switch, they are treated as unfit or stereotyped.

  WHITE WOMEN’S TEARS

  In order to understand the power of white women’s tears—which doesn’t mean just their tears but also their emotions, reactions, and words—it’s important to understand the power that white women wield in our society, whether they’re conscious of it or not. This quote by educator Mamta Motwani Accapadi speaks to that point:

  While White women are members of an oppressed group based on gender, they still experience privilege based on race. This dual oppressor/oppressed identity often becomes a root of tension when White women are challenged to consider their White privilege by Women of Color.

  The power of white women’s tears can be seen in t
he heinous murder of Emmett Till. In 1955, a white woman named Carolyn Bryant Donham told a group of white men that fourteen-year-old Emmett Till had offended and frightened her by whistling at her.

  The men found Emmett and viciously murdered him, then dumped his body in a river. The woman admitted to having lied about it decades later.

  Unfortunately, history is full of instances of white women’s tears causing outrage and leading to acts of racist violence (like, for example, the Tulsa Race Massacre).

  WOKENESS

  This word is actually in the dictionary! Merriam-Webster defines woke as being “aware of and actively attentive to important facts and issues (especially issues of racial and social justice).”

  XENOPHOBIA

  Xenophobia is a hatred or fear of things that are seen as foreign or strange. This is typically manifested as fear of other cultures or ethnic groups based on the presumed purity and/or superiority of one’s own group. It is usually related to a fear of the loss of national, ethnic, or racial identity.

  These are people and things I think you should know about. My hope is that you will take the time to google these people, watch some of the TV shows, movies, and documentaries, and read some of the books listed. But don’t stop there. Go learn about the people and things referred to here, as well as other people and things similar to these suggestions.

  PEOPLE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT

  Muhammad Ali

  Maya Angelou

  James Baldwin

  Harry Belafonte

  Stokely Carmichael (later known as Kwame Ture)

  Shirley Chisholm

  Ta-Nehisi Coates

  Angela Davis

  Ossie Davis

  Ruby Dee

  Frederick Douglass

  Ava DuVernay

  Jane Elliott

  Marcus Garvey

  Langston Hughes

  George M. Johnson

  Marsha P. Johnson

  Spike Lee

  Malcolm X (Muslim name el-Hajj Malik el-Shabazz)

  Thurgood Marshall

  Bree Newsome

  THINGS TO READ

  Anything by James Baldwin

  Anything by Octavia Butler

  Anything by Zora Neale Hurston

  Anything by Toni Morrison

  The Autobiography of Malcolm X by Malcolm X

  Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

  I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and other books by Maya Angelou

  The Souls of Black Folk by W. E. B. Du Bois

  Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You by Jason Reynolds, adapted from Stamped from the Beginning by Ibram X. Kendi

  This Book Is Anti-Racist by Tiffany Jewel, illustrated by Aurélia Durand

  THINGS TO WATCH

  The Black Panthers: Vanguard of the Revolution

  The Color Purple

  Do the Right Thing

  The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

  Girlfriends

  Living Single

  Malcolm X

  Moonlight

  A Raisin in the Sun

  13th

  Watchmen (TV series)

  When They See Us

  I couldn’t talk about all of that music and not give you something to listen to!

  “Grandma’s Hands”—Bill Withers

  “The Point of It All”—Anthony Hamilton

  “The World Is Yours”—Nas

  “Tired of Being Alone”—Al Green

  “Let’s Stay Together”—Al Green

  “Naima”—John Coltrane

  “Central Park West”—John Coltrane

  “Alright”—Kendrick Lamar

  “XXX”—FEAT. U2. Kendrick Lamar

  “F.U.B.U.”—Solange

  “Don’t Touch My Hair”—Solange

  “Borderline (An Ode to Self Care)”—Solange

  “Complexion (A Zulu Love)”—Kendrick Lamar

  “Formation”—Beyoncé

  “Love Bomb” (Album Version, Edited)—N.E.R.D

  “Hol’ Up”—Kendrick Lamar

  “What’s Happening Brother”—Marvin Gaye

  “Thinkin Bout You”—Frank Ocean

  “Sweet Life”—Frank Ocean

  “Nikes”—Frank Ocean

  “Self Control”—Frank Ocean

  “To Be Young, Gifted and Black”—Donny Hathaway

  “Ms. Jackson”—OutKast

  “He Say She Say”—Lupe Fiasco

  “U, Black Maybe”— Common

  “Before I Let Go” (Edit/Remastered)—Maze

  “Joy and Pain” (Remastered)—Maze

  “Sweet Love”—Anita Baker

  “One Step Ahead”—Aretha Franklin

  “I Say a Little Prayer”—Aretha Franklin

  “Blue in Green”—Miles Davis

  “When I Fall in Love”—Miles Davis Quintet

  “I Do (Cherish You)”—98 Degrees

  “Come Close”—Common

  “You Got Me”—The Roots

  “Shook Ones, Pt. II”—Mobb Deep

  “The Next Movement”—The Roots

  “Electric Relaxation”—A Tribe Called Quest

  “Find a Way”—A Tribe Called Quest

  “Renee”—Lost Boyz

  “Sideline Story”—J. Cole

  “4:44”—JAY-Z

  “Legacy”—JAY-Z

  “Umi Says”—Mos Def

  Page numbers refer to the hardcover edition.

  1: WE WANT YOU TO SEE RACE

  pp. 17–18: Scarsdale was listed as the second-wealthiest town in America in 2019: Shelly Hagan and Wei Lu, “These Are the Wealthiest Towns in the U.S.,” Bloomberg, February 13, 2019, https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-02-13/silicon-valley-suburb-snags-richest-spot-in-u-s-for-third-year.

  2: WE CAN ENJOY ED SHEERAN, BTS, AND CARDI B

  p. 39: Netflix spent $100 million to keep Friends: Edmund Lee, “Netflix Will Keep ’Friends’ Through Next Year in a $100 Million Agreement,” New York Times, December 4, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/04/business/media/netflix-friends.html.

  p. 42: Their last album went diamond. . . . have ever gone diamond: “Top Tallies: Diamond Awards,” Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), https://www.riaa.com/gold-platinum/?tab_active=top_tallies&ttt=DA&col=format&ord=asc#search_section.

  p. 54: It’s also tech. . . . It’s statistically proven: See, for instance, Forbes Technology Council, “12 Ways Diversity Makes a Difference in Tech,” Forbes, July 12, 2018, https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbestechcouncil/2018/07/12/12-ways-diversity-makes-a-difference-in-tech/#7b57541f2bc6.

  3: CERTAIN THINGS ARE RACIST, EVEN IF YOU DON’T KNOW IT

  p. 72: the persuasive power of personal interactions versus data: See, for instance, Johanne Boisjoly et al., “Empathy or Antipathy? The Impact of Diversity,” American Economic Review 96, no. 5 (December 2006), https://www.aeaweb.org/articles?id=10.1257/aer.96.5.1890.

  4: YOU COULD AT LEAST TRY TO PRONOUNCE MY NAME CORRECTLY

  pp. 86–87: proposed bills to limit Chicano, African-American, or Asian-American studies: See, for instance, Kelly McEvers, “Arizona’s Ethnic Studies Ban in Public Schools Goes to Trial,” All Things Considered, NPR, July 14, 2017, https://www.npr.org/2017/07/14/537291234/arizonas-ethnic-studies-ban-in-public-schools-goes-to-trial.

  8: NO, I DIDN’T GET HERE BY AFFIRMATIVE ACTION (AND IF I DID, SO WHAT?)

  p. 156: affirmative action programs benefiting white women and poor whites more than other groups: See Kimberlé W. Crenshaw, “Framing Affirmative Action,” Michigan Law Review 105, no. 123 (2206), http://repository.law.umich.edu/mlr_/vol105/iss1/4, and Victoria M. Massie, “White Women Benefit the Most from Affirmative Action—and Are Among Its Fiercest Opponents,” Vox, June 23, 2016, https://www.vox.com/2016/5/25/11682950/fisher-supreme-court-white-women-affirmative-action.

  p. 157: minority jobholders being more qualified than their supervisors: To read some more about job inequity, see Michael Gee, “Why Aren’t Black Employees G
etting More White-Collar Jobs?,” Harvard Business Review, February 28, 2018, https://hbr.org/2018/02/why-arent-black-employees-getting-more-white-collar-jobs, and Ruqaiijah Yearby, “The Impact of Structural Racism in Employment and Wages on Minority Women’s Health,” Human Rights Magazine 43, no. 3, https://www.americanbar.org/groups/crsj/publications/human_rights_magazine_home/the-state-of-healthcare-in-the-united-states/minority-womens-health/.

  9: LET’S NOT DO OPPRESSION OLYMPICS

  p. 171: intersections of race, gender, and sexual orientation: For more on this topic, see Jane Coaston, “The Intersectionality Wars,” Vox, May 28, 2019, https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2019/5/20/18542843/intersectionality-conservatism-law-race-gender-discrimination.

  10: WE DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR BLACK, BROWN, OR ASIAN FRIEND SAID WAS OKAY (F.U.B.U.)

  p. 186: yoga being Hindu-based: “The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali,” Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy, https://www.iep.utm.edu/yoga/.

  AN ENCYCLOPEDIA OF RACISM

  p. 237: “While White women . . . Women of Color”: Mamta Motwani Accapadi, “When White Women Cry: How White Women’s Tears Oppress Women of Color,” College Student Affairs Journal 26, no. 2 (Spring 2007) 208–215.

  First, I want to thank everyone who agreed to take part in this book. You are all some of the most brilliant and passionate people I know. I’m thankful that you were willing to lend your voice and your time.

  To my mother, who taught me the joy of reading and equipped me with an ambitious soul. I love you dearly. I am only possible because of you.

  To my late grandmother, to whom I promised I would use my talents for good. I hope that I’m making you proud.

  My love, Porsche. Thank you for all that you do. You are my partner and friend; it’s through our love that all things are possible.

  Dre, thank you for all you’ve done and for being the epitome of working hard for those around you.

  My family, which includes far too many to name. Thank you for continuing to believe in me.

  Kaylan Adair, my editor and “white friend,” ha. You are truly a diamond in the rough. The highest praise I can offer you following the moments I’ve relived in this book is trust. I trust your talent, your vision, and most of all your heart.