Tattered & Torn

by A. J. Downey

  “You know…” I said carefully, “I’m just not feeling this place tonight. I’d much rather spend some time with Shelly. I thought she was gonna be here,” I said, locking eyes with Reaver.

  “Why don’t you head on over to my place?” he asked and pulled his house key off the ring. “Kick back and relax. Beer is in the fridge,” he said and held out the key.

  “Sounds like a fine idea. I could use some quiet.” I nodded and stood up.

  “Hayden and I were planning on staying here tonight anyways. It’d make me feel better knowing my Baby Cuz wasn’t alone. She doesn’t sleep so well these days,” he arched an eyebrow and my heart sank. Shelly was having nightmares, or flashbacks, which I had kind of figured. All you had to do was look at her to see it, still knowing and seeing were two different things and Reaver’s reminder was received loud and clear. Quiet might not be on the menu for me this evening. We’d have to see.

  “I’ll see you guys around,” I said, taking the proffered key and shoving it down into the hip pocket of my jeans.

  “Good deal,” Trigger said, then asked, “You packing?” I lifted the back of my jacket and cut so he could see the handgun I had tucked in the back of my waistband.

  “Always,” I said.

  “Good deal,” he repeated, nodding then leveled Reaver with a look, “You should be too,” Reaver frowned and lifted the front of his sweatshirt. The handle of his gun dark against his white tee.

  “They just aren’t as fun but a fat lot of good my knives are going to be if I can’t get close enough to use ‘em.” Everyone at the table lapsed into a thoughtful silence. You knew it was bad news when Reaver started packing heat. The guy just didn’t do guns.

  “We may be The Sacred Hearts, but our women are the soul of this club,” Dray said softly. He was met with a round of grunted agreements.

  “I’m gonna call to order in a minute,” Dragon said and thrust his chin at me, “Get you gone Ghost. Look after our girl.”

  I swallowed hard and nodded. He didn’t have to tell me twice, even if the phrase he’d chosen to use left a bitter taste in my mouth. Look after our girl. I left the club and sat astride my bike for a minute. My hands were shaking with a fury born of pure outrage. Not about what Dragon had said about Shelly, I knew she was… loved, by many. No I was pissed at The Suicide Cunts. Those motherfucking little cock bites! I started the gauges on the bike without really seeing them before squaring my shoulders and starting her up.

  I rode out to Reaver and Hayden’s place. All I kept thinking was, hadn’t they done enough to her? The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to break someone’s face wearing red, white and yellow. I think our Pres. was making the right call keeping this under wraps. Shelly had enough to worry about, trying to put herself back together again. She wouldn’t be able to pull it together if she was looking over her shoulder every two seconds.

  I shut off the bike in the driveway and swung a leg over. The neighborhood was quiet and serene. I silently let myself in to the townhome. There was a lamp on in the living room but the place was quiet. I took the stairs carefully, quietly and cracked the door to Shelly’s room to look in on her. She lay still in her bed, pale hair standing out against the darker pillowcase behind her head. I shut the door and retreated back down the stairs with a slight sigh.

  I hung my jacket and cut in the hall closet and left my boots in the entryway before heading into the kitchen. I found the beer in the fridge, as promised, and twisted off the top to take a drink.

  With nothing left to do I made myself at home on the end of the living room couch. I grabbed the remote and put my feet up on the leather ottoman coffee table thing and turned on the TV, channel surfing until I found something I could watch. My eyes never stayed on the television for long. No, they kept drifting to Shelly’s door on the second floor which was visible from my vantage point. I finally switched to the other end of the couch further from the entryway and stairs by just enough that her door was obscured by the ceiling. I was hoping it would help curb the urge I had to go to her.

  No such luck, but I did manage to stay in place on the couch.

  Chapter 7

  Shelly…

  I stared into the fire, back a bit from the throng of people, the dark of the woods behind me. My seething irritation quickly turned to fear when a hand clamped over my nose and mouth and another arm snaked around my waist. I was dragged back into the trees mercilessly. No matter how hard I kicked and screamed nothing would get that hand and that arm to let go! I bit down savagely on the meat of the offending palm over my mouth and heard a muttered curse. I was flung forward, spinning as I collapsed to my knees. I dragged in a hard breath into my air starved lungs when the back of that hand connected with the side of my face.

  I pitched over from the force of the blow, white sparks flitting through my vision. I looked up at one very pissed off MC President.

  “You’re going to suck my cock,” he declared and worked the belt and the front of his jeans. I staggered to my feet and tried to run but he caught me by the back of my shirt and my hair. I cried out and he hit me with his fist this time. I tasted blood…

  I sat up with a strangled cry, chest heaving like it had that night. I flung the covers off my legs and planted my feet firmly in the carpet beside my bed.

  “Floor Shelly,” I told myself, “Floor not pine needles, not ferns… Just a dream Baby. Just a dream,” I gasped out in a half mutter half whisper, repeating the words my cousin and his wife used every time I woke screaming. But I hadn’t screamed this time. I had woken up before the screaming had begun. Not that anyone had heard my screams. Sparks had kept his hand over my nose and mouth until I had passed out from lack of air.

  I scrubbed my face with my hands which was slick with a mixture of tears and sweat and grimaced. I was hot, too hot and as a result thirsty. It was about this time I realized that I could hear the TV, faint from downstairs. I sighed unhappily. Reaver and Hayden had come home after all. I stood up, still a bit shaky and tugged my robe around me, belting it. I opened my bedroom door and peeked over the railing. I couldn’t see Reave, must be at the other end of the living room nearer the fireplace. With a sigh I descended the stairs and paused midway down when I realized the man on the end of the couch wasn’t my cousin at all.

  “Hey,” Ghost said quietly. He sat with his sock covered feet up on the ottoman, a beer in his hand, perched on his thigh. Men’s voices came from the television, talking. I blinked.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  He gave me a half smile, “You weren’t at the club.”

  “I didn’t feel like it,” I shrugged.

  “Get thirsty?” he asked. I nodded. “Go get your glass of water, Princess,” he said gently and I found myself wondering vaguely how bad I must have looked. I nodded and went into the kitchen and got some water from the tap. I returned to the entryway.

  “Better?” he asked. I nodded, unsure what to say. He smiled.

  “You didn’t answer my question,” I said and he smiled a bit broader.

  “Pretty sure I did.” He looked me over considering, “Want to keep me company?” he asked and before I could answer I felt my head nodding. I did, I really did. He patted the couch cushion next to him.

  “What are you doing here?” I repeated dropping onto the couch a healthy enough distance away to make me comfortable but close enough I wouldn’t be considered rude.

  “I told you, you weren’t at the club,” he said and took a drink off his beer.

  “I don’t understand…” and I didn’t, at least I think I didn’t. Maybe I just wanted to hear it.

  “I had my heart set on spending the evening with my new friend,” I closed my eyes, his voice was rich and melodic, pitched a little lower than he usually spoke, his tone soothing.

  “I was tired,” I said lamely and opened my eyes. His hazel eyes flicked over my face, the brown centers radiating out to a rich green the color of new spring leaves.

  “Y
eah?” he murmured. I nodded. “Still tired?” he asked. Yes, but I shook my head no. He gave me that one sided tilt of his lips, that half smile I found so endearing and once upon a time, incredibly sexy. Who was I kidding? It was still incredibly sexy, which made me feel incredibly sad. There was no way he’d want me now if he never wanted me before.

  “What are you watching?” I asked, if only to turn my mind away from how incredibly intimate the living room space had become. I was pretty sure it was just he and I in the townhouse, and the living room was cast in an intimate pool of light from the single lamp I’d left on in case Reave and Hayden decided to come home.

  “Top Gear. You guys have on demand, figured I would catch up while you were sleeping,” he reached out a fingertip and I froze, my heart hammering in my chest. He stilled when I tensed.

  “It’s okay,” he soothed and I held very, very still as he brushed some of my too long hair out of my eyes, across my forehead. He sighed, a heavy thing weighted with wistfulness and sorrow. God I must look pitiful. I sank back into the couch and stared fixedly at the television. The show was about two guys walking men through how to fix this or that on different cars. I closed my eyes after a few minutes and just listened, I didn’t really need to see. I breathed in deep the outdoorsy smell that Ghost always seemed to carry with him. It was oddly comforting to me, nice, pleasant in the way that a normal person would regard the smell of fresh baked cookies or clean laundry. Safe. It was the smell of safety.

  I don’t recall falling asleep again but I did. When I woke it was the next morning in an awkward yet comfortable position on the couch, my head and upper body on a pillow on Ghost’s lap. The palm of his hand a warm, comforting weight on my back between my shoulder blades. I blinked several times and breathed in deep. His hand disappeared and I used my hands against the couch to push myself into a sitting position. The TV was still on but the house was growing light with the rising sun.

  “Hey there,” he said and I could hear the hint of smile in his voice before I looked to see it.

  “Hi,” I murmured and gripped the lapels of my robe together self-consciously. I could feel my cheeks flaming with embarrassment. Way to keep telling a guy not to touch you then sprawl across his lap at the first opportunity. Ghost chuckled.

  “You’re okay, Princess,” he said with good humor, then more seriously asked me, “How did you sleep?” I blinked. I felt more rested than I had in weeks, maybe months.

  “Good,” I replied, surprised.

  “That’s all that matters then,” and he smiled.

  “You couldn’t have been comfortable…” my voice was candy coated in guilt, he chuckled.

  “Slept in a lot worse places in a lot more uncomfortable ways, and never with a pretty girl in my lap,” he promised and I bit my bottom lip.

  “Can I make you breakfast?” I asked. He was being so nice, I didn’t have the heart to be anything less.

  “How about I take you out again?” he asked.

  “Afraid I can’t cook?”

  He laughed. My mouth dropped open in indignation.

  “You are!” I cried and he laughed a little harder.

  “Well can you?” he asked.

  “Yes!” I crossed my arms. “Cooking is just science and in case you haven’t figured it out, numbers and science go hand in hand. I’m a math nerd first but science is a close second.”

  He smiled at me, “Okay.” He nodded and pushed up from the couch, stretching hard. I blushed again and averted my eyes from the lean line his body made with the motion. God, he was everything I found attractive in a man.

  “Besides, the way me and Reave grew up, you learned to cook early and fast purely out of self-defense,” I stood, rearranging my robe to ensure I was covered and Ghost looked me over.

  “You had it rough coming up didn’t you?” he asked softly.

  “No worse than the next guy or girl. Reaver saw to that,” I said with a one shouldered shrug. Reaver’s mom the alchie, my mom the addict. I sighed inwardly. He and I did make quite the pair growing up. Sometimes we were all the other had. I moved into the kitchen and Ghost got up and followed me, making a pit stop in the first floor restroom. By the time he came out I had coffee brewing and a glass of orange juice waiting. I set about fixing bacon and eggs.

  “You ever want to talk about things, I’m here. No pressure,” he said slipping up onto one of the breakfast bar’s stools. I paused and looked at him. Slightly rumpled from his night on the couch, his handsome face sincere.

  “Sure, yeah, okay,” his offer caught me off guard. It wasn’t the first time someone had offered to listen but it was the first time that I really didn’t feel pressured, there was no meaningful, long moment of eye contact willing me to spill my guts about my fucked up childhood or my slutty ways. He just had this way of putting it out there on offer and moving right along. Like now, he was talking about what he had going on for the day.

  “…so I’ll be at the club. Do you want to join me?” I blinked stupidly at him, I hadn’t heard anything he’d just said, I’d been lost in the simple pleasure of cooking for someone else and my own machinations.

  “You didn’t get any of that did you?” he asked and his look became wary, as if he was measuring or gauging my mood trying to decide if something was wrong with me.

  “I… I’m sorry Ghost. My mind got away from me. Started chasing a thought down a rabbit hole and got caught up in a whole lot of nothing. I can’t even remember what I was thinking about,” which was really only partially true.

  “It’s okay. I said that I was asked last week to help work on some of the rooms at the club, drywall, that sort of thing,” I smiled thinly.

  “I’ll pass. I really want to finish catching Mandy and Everett’s books up. I should be able to finish today.” I heard the front door open and close and I shifted uncomfortably.

  “Yo, Baby Cuz!” Reaver called out from the entry way.

  “Kitchen!”

  He wandered back and nodded to Ghost, “Hey man,” then went right along as if he wasn’t even there.

  “Ashton was wondering if you could help her slog through the mess left behind from the shop. Numbers, like years of ‘em in a disorganized heap and Trig and Rev want to talk budgeting and yet more numbers when it comes to trying to open a new place.” He slid onto a stool beside Ghost as I set a plate of bacon out. “Ooo Bacon!” Reaver reached and I slapped his hand.

  “Guests first, Jackass,” I stated tartly. He laughed and Ghost along with him.

  “I wanted to finish catching up Everett and Mandy.”

  Reaver took a piece of bacon and bit into it and immediately spit it out and blew repeatedly in and out to cool his mouth. I smirked.

  “Instant Karma!” I declared and he narrowed his eyes and pointedly ignored me.

  “They want to pay you too, Sunshine and the boys,” he said as if that would entice me, which it did.

  I raised my eyebrows, “Let me make a call.”

  I plated up breakfast and slid what was supposed to be my plate in front of Reaver. I would make more for myself when I got back down stairs. I went up to my room and picked up my cell and called Everett.

  “Hi Shelly,” she said by way of greeting. Seemed everyone was up super early today.

  “Hey, so um, Ashton wants me to help her get all the paperwork from Open Road Ink in order and get everything sorted out from the explosion. I can do both, I mean your shop and hers and could probably do more, but um, it sounds like she wants me to get started today,” I said.

  “That’s not a problem for me, I saw what you were working on in the office this morning and it looks like you’re almost halfway done!” she sounded impressed. I laughed a little.

  “You guys haven’t been open that long, only like six or seven months,” I said.

  “Knew you were the right person for the job.” Everett sounded a little triumphant.

  “So you don’t have a problem with me getting started on Ashton’s stuff?” I asked.
>
  “Nope. Can you come in Monday?” she asked.

  “Actually I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind me using the laptop and software to help get Sunshine and the boys’ straight,” I chewed my lower lip.

  “No go right ahead, you want to swing by and get it?” she asked.

  “That’d be great.” I smiled a genuine smile.

  “Okay see you later then.”

  “Sounds good.”

  I jumped into a quick shower and got dressed. Jeans, a black tee and I pulled a black cardigan over it all. One with a hood that belted like a robe in case I got cold, but was short like a jacket.

  I ran a comb through my hair and pulled on black knee high boots; lacing them up tight in the front. Hayden was in the kitchen when I got back down, freshly showered and in her comfortable around the house clothes which pretty much consisted of yoga pants and a tank top, all though with the turn in the weather she’d added a zip up hoodie to the ensemble. She must have come in with Reave and gone straight upstairs.

  “Hi!” she greeted me brightly.

  “Hi.” I slipped up onto one of the stools across from her and she slid a bowl of fruit across to me. I smiled and took a bite of melon, the sweet juicy flavor bright in my mouth.

  “You guys are home early.”

  “Got rowdy last night,” Reaver said, “Couldn’t get any sleep for shit decided to come home and crash for a few hours.” He was talking with his mouth full and Hayden rolled her eyes.

  “I slept just fine,” she stated. “You know how he gets.”

  Reaver bobbed his head, nodding along with his new wife’s assessment. Reave didn’t sleep so well around a bunch of strangers. Granted all the new patch-overs were brothers, but some of them were still unknowns to a degree and I could completely understand where my cousin was coming from.

  “So what’re you going to do?” he asked Ghost.

  “Pitching in to finish the clubhouse,” he said.

  “Mmm,” Reaver finished chewing and swallowed, “I’ll be there in a few hours. No one is up yet anyways, well except for the girls.”