Demons Prefer Blondes

by Sidney Ayers

  “Sure. Maybe you dreamt you read it. Maybe the Fore-Demons know more about you than you know about yourself.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean this: you’re more powerful than you realize. Maybe it isn’t Jacoba who’s the Chosen Paladin.”

  “Bullshit,” Rafael ground out. “Jacoba is the only logical choice. She hasn’t failed any of her missions.” Like I have.

  With an exasperated breath of air, she shook her head. Turning to face him, she grabbed his shoulders, her gaze stony serious. “You’re too hard on yourself, Rafe.”

  “I have reason to be. I’ve failed the only two women I… I’ve had to protect.” He’d almost said loved. Curse him. He couldn’t have Kalli knowing of his weakened state.

  She arched her brow in that annoyingly inquisitive fashion. “I’d suggest visiting the Fore-Demons, but we don’t have time. Do you remember anything at all?”

  Rubbing his temples, he closed his eyes. Reluctant to relive the painful memory of Lamia and Larissa’s abuse of Lucy’s lifeless body, Rafael sucked in a ragged breath of air. They could kick him any time, any place. Seeing them slapping and kicking defenseless Lucy sent a pain shooting right to his heart. The fact that he couldn’t do anything to stop them still chilled him to the bone. What had happened to the woman he had cared about two hundred years prior? His stomach roiled and churned in disgust. How could he have missed it?

  “Anything?” Kalli asked, breaking him from his thoughts.

  He shook his head, struggling to remember the words that floated around him in a foggy shroud. Lamia and Larissa were arguing about Hell and which way would be the fastest. They were going to Hell. But how? He hadn’t even shown Lucy how to journey to Limbo. A journey to Hell would take much more energy.

  “Bloody hell,” he growled.

  Kalli’s head jerked up, her gaze alert. “What?”

  “They’ve gone to Hell.”

  “Hell?” Kalli rolled her pierced tongue between her teeth. “That’s impossible.”

  Rafael shuffled his feet across the carpeted floor. “I heard them talking as I drifted in and out of consciousness. They’re going to Hell.”

  “Hell? That’s highly unlikely.” Kalli yanked at her magenta bodice and stretched her legs. “They haven’t enough energy, and we’ve warded the portals to Hell. They aren’t going anywhere.”

  “They were arguing about who would drive,” he mumbled, rubbing his temples. Drive? Demons didn’t drive to Hell. With a disappointed groan, he shook his head. He’d imagined the whole bloody thing.

  Kalli tapped her fingers on her fishnet clad thigh and shrugged. “That’s odd.” The annoying tone of Kalli’s phone pierced the air, silencing her. With a drawn-out huff, she pushed a device wedged in her ear. Bluetooth, if he remembered correctly.

  “Hello? Is the shop secure?” She adjusted the earpiece. “I’m with Rafe. He says they’re taking Lucy to Hell.” She shook her head. “No… there’s no way they can get there. Rafe says they were driving there though.” Kalli’s brow tightened. “Oh? I’ll call you right back.” With that she flipped her phone shut. “Driving you say?”

  “I imagined it.”

  “What if you didn’t?”

  “Driving to Hell is impossible.”

  “What if Hell is on Earth?”

  Clenching his fists, Rafael gritted his teeth. “I haven’t the time nor the patience for your cryptic banter, Kalli.”

  “Maybe you’re right about them driving to Hell.”

  “How so?”

  With a roll of her eyes, Kalli flounced up from the futon and padded to the desk in the far corner. With a push of a button, Lucy’s computer fired to life. Punching some keys on the keyboard, she clicked the mouse.

  “Come here.”

  “What is it?” he asked, moving next to Kalli. Leaning down, he scanned the screen.

  “It’s called a computer.”

  Rafael growled deep and low. “I know what a computer is. I’m not that uneducated in human technology.” Placing a hand on the back of her chair, he leaned over to look at the monitor. “What do you want to show me on Lucy’s computer?”

  “This!”

  Rafael blinked as he read the screen. A blog post about a woman’s recent trip to Hell… Michigan. This had to be a joke. “Who in their right mind names a town Hell? This can’t be real.”

  “Gerardo says it is.” Kalli clicked something within the text and another site loaded. “Yum. Ice cream,” she said with a click to the picture. A larger picture of an ice cream parlor appeared. She punched more keys and clicked enter. The colorful website that looked like a pamphlet for Halloween gone bad vanished, a map taking its place.

  “Zip code, 48169.” Pointing at the map emblazoned on the screen, Kalli shifted in the chair and snorted. “And here I was expecting to see 666 in there somewhere. Nope! All they get is a little 69.”

  Rafael blew out a deep breath. Leave it to Kalli to crack a joke when times were dire. “Bloody hell! This isn’t the time for jokes.” With an irritated growl, he clenched his fists. He struggled to fight the urge to pound his fist into the first inanimate object he came across. “I need to save Lucy—now!”

  Kalli rolled her tongue ring between her teeth and spun the chair to face him. “I want to save Lucy too, but we can’t just up and travel there. First, we’ve never been there. We could get lost in the portal. Also, it’s too far, even if you’re able to focus on Lucy. On top of that, Belial’s probably blocked the area from any traveling.” She blew out a frustrated breath of air. “Bastard.”

  Rafael drew his lips together. Excellent points. “How far is Hell?”

  Kalli punched some more keys and hit enter. Scanning the website, she scratched at her rainbow mop of hair. “A couple hours by car.”

  Computers, Rafael mused. Was there anything you couldn’t find or do nowadays? “Impressive. Time to throw away that atlas.”

  “You need to get out more.”

  “What am I doing now?” Crossing his arms, he narrowed his gaze. “So I guess we’re driving.”

  “There’s one itsy-bitsy problem.” Kalli played with her tongue ring, the metal clanging against her teeth.

  Bloody hell. Clinging to every last bit of control, he took a deep breath. “What is it?”

  Kalli scraped a red lock of hair from her face and lowered an embarrassed gaze to the floor. “I don’t know how to drive.”

  “You’ve been here for how many years and never learned?”

  “You never learned either!” Kalli crossed her arms. “I distinctly remember an accident with a Model T I was sent to clean up.”

  Now wasn’t the time to bring up the past. “I wanted to keep myself separated from Earth.”

  He refused to dwell on Miss Amanda Newell, all the pain and heartbreak she’d caused him. His jaw twitched. At one time he would’ve cried, but now he just felt anger. Not at Amanda or Lamia, but himself. He wouldn’t let them get the best of him again. He would rescue Lucy, and he knew what to do.

  Ripping his cell phone from his pocket, he punched in some numbers.

  “Who you calling?”

  Rafael, despite the direness of the situation, let a smile spread across his face. “We have friends who can drive.”

  Kalli arched both of her brows, bemusement swirling in her gaze. “Friends?”

  “Gerardo and Frankie!” he boomed, excitement lacing his tone.

  Eyes widening, Kalli chuckled. “Why didn’t I think of them?”

  “Gerardo?” Rafael cupped the receiver to his ear.

  “Sí,” the Latino responded in his native language. “Who’s there?”

  “Rafael.”

  “Rafe?” The man’s effeminate Latino accent echoed in his ear. “Where’s Lucy? Kalli said something happened. What’s going on? Is everyone all right?” The words flew out in a jumbled rush.

  “Lucy was kidnapped by a couple of Belial’s minions. They’re taking her to Hell. We need your help.”
<
br />   “¡Ay, Dios mío!” A string of other words Rafael didn’t recognize rang in his ear. Frankie’s frantic voice muffled in the background. “Lucy’s been kidnapped.”

  There was no mistaking Frankie’s gasp in the background. “What happened?”

  “Un momento,” Gerardo rattled off.

  The scraping sounds of the phone shuffling scratched in his ear. In the background, Gerardo quickly relayed a brief and completely paraphrased explanation. “See! We have to go. Right?”

  In truth, he didn’t like bringing humans into a demon’s battle, but he had no choice—not if he wanted to save Lucy.

  “Yes, Lucy’s life depends on it.”

  On the other end of the line, more hushed arguments followed by more scuffling. Now wasn’t the time to argue over a phone.

  “What do we have to do?” Frankie’s usually soft southern lilt screamed urgency.

  “We need you to take us to Hell, Michigan.”

  “Hell? You’re joking. It’s way out in the boonies. There’s nothing there.”

  How wrong Frankie was. “There is now, and we haven’t much time. Kalli and I are on our way. Be ready in—” He reached in his pocket and pulled out his old timepiece, the one he’d cherished for so long—the one given to him by the enemy. He flung it against the wall, metal, glass, and gears flying and skittering across the floor. “Five minutes.” With that, he clicked the button to disconnect the call.

  Kalli stood there, arms crossed, twirling her lip ring with her tongue. “That’s an antique, you know.”

  “It’s worth naught but a bitter reminder of a love that never was. I’d rather let go of the past and move on to the future.”

  “Fair enough.” Kalli slinked over to the broken bits and scooped them up. “Always cleaning up after you, aren’t I?”

  “Whatever, Kalli. We need to go. Now.”

  “Certainly.” Bowing her head, she raised her arms and shot her hands toward the ceiling. In a swirl of ice, snow, and frost, she vanished.

  Summoning the portals, Rafael allowed the frigid wind, ice, and freezing snow to surround him and pull him through the portal. The sooner he slipped through, the better.

  Winds, bitter and cold, lapped at his skin. Sleet licked at his face. Ice twined its way through his hair. The tunnel, which normally transferred him in seconds, seemed to be taking minutes… no, hours. Had traveling always taken this long? Bloody hell. Time doesn’t fly when the woman you love is in danger.

  Allowing the winds to spin around him and reanimate his human form, he closed his eyes. It was about bloody time. Swiping the ice chunks and frost from his hair and face, he opened his eyes. Kalli, twirling a coil of ratty hair, propped herself against one of the shiny silver-trimmed shampoo bowls. A scowl etched her face.

  “We’ve got bigger problems.”

  Shaking the rest of the ice from his clothing, Rafael groaned. This didn’t sound good. Should he ask? “What is it?”

  “Serah and Squeaky are missing.”

  Chapter 26

  “Are we there yet?” Lucy asked for the third time, using the same annoying voice a child would use while on their way to an amusement park. But they weren’t going to an amusement park. They were going to a town in the middle of nowhere that just happened to be named Hell. Poor Belial and Lamia. They would be disappointed.

  Lamia turned to glare at her and clucked her forked tongue. “Try as you may to annoy me, my dear Lucia. It won’t work.”

  She arched a brow. “Are you going to silence me like you did your tool?”

  “Unfortunately, no.” A wide smile crept across her face, making her look almost pretty. “Belial needs your voice intact, so you can speak your vows.”

  “The only vow I’m giving him is the one where I promise to kick him back to the netherworld… preferably in his nether region.” Lucy flashed her own sweet smile. “After sending you there first, of course.”

  Too bad they still had her cuffed. Her fingers curled and clenched. She kicked at the back of the driver’s seat, the silver chains clanging in a rhythmic tone that taunted her, driving her to the breaking point.

  The bitch was going down. Lucy angled a glance toward the passenger seat, where Larissa slept, a peaceful expression sweeping across her angelic face. And her little friend too. When she woke up, of course. Lucy wanted her to remember the beatdown she deserved. For the hell she’d put her friends through, but especially for the torment and agony she’d inflicted on Rafe. And that was truly unforgivable.

  “Strong, aren’t they?” Lamia threw her head back, her cackle reverberating in Lucy’s ears. “Forged in the pits of Hell. Amazing, huh?”

  Poor demon that had to make these things. It probably killed them. “Yeah, amazing, considering demons are allergic to silver.”

  “Only on Earth, my dear. When we are in our natural habitat, we can touch silver all day long, if we choose.”

  Lucy rolled her eyes. “Lucky you!” With as much strength as she could, she lugged her shackled legs up onto the seat. If only she and Rafe had had more time. She could’ve gone to see those Fore-Demons and accept the Paladin way. Then these cuffs would be history and she’d be kicking some snake-lady ass. If only her dad would’ve been more honest with her mom and her. Now wasn’t the time for blame, though.

  Now was the time to kick Lamia’s scaly ass. With a determined smirk, Lucy pulled her legs up. Luckily for her, Larissa had inadvertently left just enough slack for her to be deadly. And here she used to think the pretty little blonde was smart. Who knew clichés could be so true.

  “So, are we there yet?”

  Lamia straightened in her seat, her hands gripping the steering wheel like two giant vices.

  Lucy’s grin spread wider. She almost had Lamia where she wanted her. “Well?”

  One.

  “Well?”

  Two.

  “Are we? Huh? Are we?”

  Three.

  “Well, are—”

  “Shut up you insolent bitch!” Lamia whipped around to face her, her red eyes swirling. Perfect!

  Wrenching her legs apart, she pulled herself around. Hopefully she could channel some of those ninja moves she discovered earlier. She arched her back and bent her knees, lightly grazing against the back of Lamia’s seat.

  “Why the hell are you squirming? Is the princess scared?” Lamia eyes blazed bright, further fueling Lucy’s ire.

  She had two choices: Either sit still in the backseat like a weak-minded fool while Lamia drove her to certain death. Oh, Lamia could try and sugarcoat the whole marriage thing, but knowing Belial, he had no intentions of providing his new bride a life of wedded bliss.

  The second option? Surprising Lamia with a swift kick to her head. With a quick shake of her shackled ankles, she hid her smile in the darkness.

  Either way, death was imminent. And Lucy would rather go down now, before Belial could do whatever it was he needed to do with the Arca Inferorum. She twisted her wrists behind her and cracked her knuckles.

  “I’m not scared, but you should be,” she muttered beneath her breath. She heaved her legs up further and did something she hadn’t done in a long time. She prayed.

  She prayed like she’d never prayed before. She prayed for the strength her father had to leave her mother and her. She prayed for Rafe’s courage. She prayed that she could channel even an inch of his resolve. She only hoped whoever was listening hadn’t completely given up on her.

  “What was that?” Lamia barked.

  Now or never. With a quick jerk, she launched her legs higher in the air. Tumbling against the hard backseat cushion, she kicked her feet out. Neck kinked to the left, she swung her legs across the top of the driver’s seat.

  Crack!

  The heel of her tennis shoe slammed against Lamia’s ear, sending her head flinging to the side. Another loud crunch echoed as her head smashed against the window. Wrenching her neck around, Lamia growled, loud and primal. Clawed fingers reached out and snaked around Lucy’s
leg, hurling her body to the floor.

  Struggling to maintain her balance, Lucy wrestled with the handcuffs that bound her wrists. Lamia, her body snaking and slithering, hovered over her, spittle and blood dripping from her scaly lips onto Lucy’s already bloodied sweater. The car swayed and swerved with each movement. This wouldn’t be good at all.

  “What would Belial say?”

  A loud hiss ground from Lamia’s lips. “Belial is a fool, but he needs you.”

  “The tool calling Belial a fool. Ha-ha! Very funny.”

  “Don’t make me slap you.”

  “Maybe I’m into that kinky shit.”

  Her scaly hand lashed out and snaked around Lucy’s neck, pulling her eye-to-eye with her crimson one. Eyes flashing, Lamia’s fingers coiled around her neck, tightening their slithering grip.

  A niggling deep within Lucy’s brain poked and prodded, even as she choked and gasped for fleeting air. How the hell was Lamia still driving?

  “You…” Lamia squeezed her neck tighter. “are…” She shook Lucy’s head like she was James Bond’s favorite martini. “…a bloody fool.” With that, Lamia’s slithering fingers loosened, sending her crashing to the floor.

  The car careened and swerved, sending her head sailing against the back door. “What the heck?” she muttered, wishing desperately that her hands were free to massage her aching skull.

  Another swerve sent the car jerking to the left. Lucy’s head banged against the passenger side door and her back cracked against hard floor.

  “Shit!” Lamia’s shrill exclamation shredded Lucy’s eardrums.

  Tires squealing, the car veered to the right. A horn honked. Like an overused rag doll, Lucy’s body crumpled, slamming against the other side. Her head swam, her back ached, and her fists clenched.

  Plastic and metal ripped and twisted in an agonizing cacophony, the impact pulsing in her ears. Lamia’s body catapulted forward, then back, her loud hiss reverberating throughout the tiny confines of the car. Or was that the radiator?

  “Bloody fool!” Lamia, in her true form, hovered over her, slithering like a snake being charmed from a basket.