Wings and Faith

by Joy Redmond

  I guess it’s over. I’ll never figure out what that was all about.

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  Mandy’s heart pumped with pain as she prepared Christmas dinner. Only half of her family would be there. Tina had moved in with her boyfriend in a small town thirty miles away, and their old car wouldn’t make the trip to Bon Harbor. Leigh was pregnant and too sick to eat. She said she was going to spend the day in bed and sleep. Belle was spending the day with her new friend’s family.

  Abbie promised to come by and bring Jude and spend the evening with her mother. She and Clark were having dinner with Clark’s parents.

  Kati came. Tony and Belinda came, but Braxton and Ian were sullen. After they had eaten, Mandy listened as the children grumbled about their presents. They didn’t like or want what she had bought them. Shortly after the presents were opened and the complaints were registered, they all left.

  Mandy was glad when the house was empty. Merry Freakin Christmas! she thought. Abbie, hurry up and bring Jude to me. She’s the only happiness I have in life.

  Soon, Abbie and Jude were with Mandy and her heart filled with joy, but there was no Christmas spirit in her soul. Jude loved the little recliner Mandy had bought her. She pushed back in it and said, “Jungle Book, Nana.”

  Mandy put the tape into the VCR. Abbie and Mandy talked, and it was like old times when she and Abbie would sit back on the sofa, watch a movie, and chat.

  At nine o’clock, Abbie and Jude kissed Granddaddy goodnight, wished him a Merry Christmas, then Mandy put Otis to bed.

  Mandy came back into the living room and found Jude asleep in her new recliner. “I think she likes her present. None of the other grandkids did.”

  “It breaks my heart to see Granddaddy in such a shape. How old is he?”

  “He was nighty-five this past July. He’ll probably live to be a hundred. I think I said that when we first came back here.”

  “I wouldn’t doubt it. Would you hold Jude while I take the recliner out to the car? ” Abbie slipped on her coat, and Mandy picked up her precious grandbaby and wrapped her coat around her.

  Abbie came back inside, took Jude from Mandy’s arms, kissed her mother and said, “Make sure you give the door an extra bump.”

  Mandy laughed. “It might not make a difference if IT or whoever decides to come for a Christmas visit.” She kissed Abbie, then gave Jude a peck on her sweet cheek.

  Mandy watched as Abbie and Jude drove away. “There goes my heart,” she whispered. “At least Christmas ended on a happy note.”

  Mandy put Otis to bed New Year’s Eve, wishing she could bring in the New Year with Chuck, but those days were gone too. Chuck had grown tired of waiting for Mandy to find a few hours to come for a visit.

  Mandy still called and she and Chuck would chat on the phone a few minutes before a crisis with one of her children or grandchildren arose, and Mandy would be off and running. The last time she had talked with him, he told her he was seeing another woman.

  “I understand, Chuck. You deserve to be with somebody who can spend time with you. I’m too strapped, and you deserve better.”

  “I’ll always love you, Mandy, but I get lonely, and—”

  Mandy interrupted. “I wish you all the best. I hope you and your lady friend are happy, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.” She fought her tears and said, “Thank you for the good times. You were my lifeline when I felt as if I were drowning.”

  “You stay in touch, girl. And I wish you all the happiness in the world. You brought me a lot of joy and I thank you.”

  Mandy dropped the receiver. Will I ever have a life that my family doesn’t tear apart?

  January 5th, Mandy cleaned house all day. She had just finished mopping the kitchen floor when Otis yelled for her. Mandy tiptoed across the wet floor and went to Otis, who was sitting in his recliner in his sitting room. “What is it, Dad?”

  “I don’t feel good. I need to go to the doctor.”

  Mandy glanced at the clock over the fridge. “It’s five o’clock. Your doctor is gone for the day. I’ll get you in to see him tomorrow. What’s wrong?”

  “I just don’t feel right. My back hurts, my chest hurts and when I swallow, I choke. You call the office. I need to go now!”

  Mandy called Dr. Myers office and was surprised when the receptionist answered. Mandy told her who she was calling for and asked if there was any way she could bring Otis in. The receptionist told Mandy to hold on. A few minutes later, she was back on the phone. “Dr. Myers said he would wait. Bring your dad on in.”

  The nurse met Mandy and Otis at the door, unlocked it and told them to go down the hallway and into examining room one. They walked into the room and Dr. Myers was waiting for them. “What seems to be his problem?” he asked Mandy.

  Mandy repeated what Otis had told her.

  “The first thing we’re going to do is get a urine sample.”

  The nurse helped Otis as he peed in a cup, then she handed it to the doctor, who took the sample to another room. Soon, he returned, then he carefully examined Otis. He turned to Mandy. “He’s in rental failure, congestive heart failure, and I think he has aspirating pneumonia. Take him straight to the hospital. When you get there, go to admitting. They’ll have the paperwork that I’ll fax, and they’ll take him to ICU.”

  Mandy yelled in Otis’s ear, and made him understand where she was taking him. “They need to do some tests, Dad.”

  As soon as Otis was taken to ICU, she was told she could only see him for ten minutes every hour. “I know the drill,” Mandy said. “I’ll be in the waiting room if you need to tell me anything at any time.” And thank God, there’s a fresh pot of coffee. This is going to be a long night, she thought, as the aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled her nostrils.

  She picked up the phone on the end table and called her children. Kati didn’t answer. Tony didn’t answer. Abbie answered, and said she’d be at the hospital as soon as she could.

  Mandy sank down into the soft cushions of the couch and drank a cup of coffee. Just as she drained the first cup, Abbie came rushing into the room. “What’s wrong with him, Mom?”

  Mandy told Abbie what the doctor had told her. Just as Abbie was about to ask another question, Dr. Myers came into the waiting room. “I’ll do my best to get him up and running—that’s if I can.” With that, he went through the double doors to ICU.

  Abbie squeezed her mother’s hand. “He doesn’t think Granddaddy is going to make it.”

  “He didn’t sound as if he thought he could work a miracle. Maybe this is going to be the end. I’ve been through hell with Dad, twelve years this coming May. I’ve been his eyes, ears, nurse, and sole caretaker for the past four of those years.”

  As of this month, I’ve been in Hodge Bondage for fifty-years, she thought. It all began when I was just a ten-year-old baby.

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  Mandy and Abbie had been in the waiting room for an hour when a nurse came out and said both could come back at the same time and see Otis for ten minutes. They held hands, preparing for the worse. They walked into his room and he was sitting on the side of the bed, eating from a cup of Jello.

  “Well, Dad. You’re doing great! I sure wasn’t expecting to see you up and eating.”

  Otis smiled. “I’m gonna be fine.”

  Mandy watched him closely. Every time he took a bite, he went into a hard coughing spell.

  “Dad, we can only stay ten minutes. And we can only come back to see you every hour. We’ll be in the waiting room and when the next hour rolls around, we’ll be back.”

  Otis dropped his spoon. “That’s not necessary. I’m in the hospital and the nurses get paid to take care of me. What good are you going to do by coming back here every hour? That’s just foolish. You go on home. If something happens, a nurse will call you. If I die, I don’t think you two being in the waiting room is gonna bring me back. Now get outta here. Go home and rest.”

  “If that’s how you want
it, Dad. I just wanted to be here for you,” Mandy said.

  “I’m gonna lay back down and take a nap. That’s if they’ll stop poking needles in me and leave me alone. They’ve already put a tube up my pee-pee, and I don’t like that at all. And that machine keeps blowing up my arm every time I close my eyes. There ain’t no getting much sleep in here!”

  “Well, Abbie, the boss has spoken. We can go home. You go on to work tomorrow and I’ll be back to check on him in the morning. I’ll keep calling Kati and Tony. Eventually, they’ll answer. They’ll come up tomorrow too—if he doesn’t run us all off.”

  “I’ll take Jude to pre-school, then I’ll come by before I go to work. It’ll be okay if I’m a little late. My boss is wonderful. He’ll understand.”

  The next morning, Mandy and Abbie arrived at the hospital at the same time. They both went back to see Otis. Again, he was sitting up on the side of the bed, eating oatmeal. “I told Dr. Myers that I’m going home tomorrow. I’m not staying in the hospital. They won’t let you get any sleep and I hate a hospital bed. I keep sliding down in it.”

  Dr. Myers walked into the room. “I’ve got him stabilized. But I want you to understand, he’s not going to get well. I’ll keep him on medicine and that’ll keep him going for as long as it will, and nobody knows how long that’ll be. He wants to go home. So, tomorrow, I’m going to release him. But he’ll be in Hospice Care. Hospice will come by your house and check on him every day, and they’ll do whatever is necessary. I’ve done all I can do for him.”

  “Thank you for taking care of Dad all these years. We’ll miss you, but I know Hospice people are wonderful and he’ll be in good hands with them.”

  “You’re welcome. Take care of yourself too. God bless you all,” Dr. Myers said, then shook Mandy and Abbie’s hand and left the room.

  Mandy was at the hospital the next morning at 8 am. She met with the Hospice lady and filled out all the paperwork.

  And hour later, Mandy pulled her car to the front entrance of the hospital. When the double doors opened, she saw Otis being pushed out in a wheelchair. She ran around to the passenger side, opened the door, and she and the orderly assisted Otis into the car.

  “I’m sure glad to be out of that torture chamber. Just get me home,” Otis said.

  “We’re on our way, Dad. I’m going to take you home and Kati is going to stay with you while I go to the drugstore and get all your prescriptions.”

  “Fine!” Otis said, then nodded off.

  Mandy pulled the car into the garage, and Kati helped get Granddaddy into the house. Otis refused to go to bed. He wanted to sit in his recliner. “I’m cold,” he said, as soon as he sat down. “I almost froze while I was in the hospital. Turn the furnace up.”

  “Mom, the furnace is on seventy-five. I’m sweating as it is.”

  “He has next to no circulation. He’s going to stay cold, but we have to keep him comfortable.”

  “I’ve got an idea,” Kati said. “I’ll get the wool blanket out of his closet and I’ll cocoon wrap him.”

  “Give it a try. I’ll be back as soon as I pick up his prescriptions.”

  “Er, Mom, before you go, I need to ask a big favor.”

  “Kati, I don’t have any extra money, so—”

  “I wasn’t going to ask you to buy me anything. Jeez! I got evicted and I have no place to go. It’s just a matter of time before my car is reprocessed. You know I took in Leigh and Tristin when she left Jeremy. My granddaughter is out of formula and I just spent my last dollar to buy a case. Granddaddy is deaf and blind, he won’t even know we’re in the house if you’ll let us stay.”

  “I’ll never turn my children out, you know that. And I’m going to need help with Granddaddy. So you and Leigh take care of him, and I’ll get that basement cleaned out. You can fix up an apartment.”

  “You’ve got a deal. You’ve been itching to clean out the basement for years. While you’re busy, Granddaddy will just think we came over to help take care of him.”

  “And I’m going to enjoy every minute of getting rid of all that junk. In the meantime, you three will have to share the front bedroom. We’ll move things around and put up Tristin’s crib.

  Mandy borrowed Tony’s pickup and she hauled off several truckloads of junk. But she found antiques that took her breath. “Gold mine!” she said, as she pick up vases, crystal pieces, books, whatnots and do-dads. The back room that was Otis’s work shop when he made frames for Iris’s oils and prints was full of antique furniture, plus framing and matting supplies and his tools.

  Mandy called an antique dealer and though she knew she was only getting half of what it was all worth, she sold it. A few eggs again. I’ve got to build a nest as fast as I can. Dad is damn near dead and I’ve got to be able to live after he’s gone.

  Kati’s boyfriend, Trance, brought all her household furniture over in his truck, and he also installed a range and fridge in the laundry room where there was a full bath.

  “You’ve got a nice apartment setup, Kati. And thanks for the two week break. I’ve really enjoyed cleaning out this basement and putting it to good use.”

  I watched you through the whole thing, Mom. You were having fun, and the sweetest part was watching Jude throw stuff into the back of the pickup. She’s a worker.”

  “She was happy to be Nana’s little helper. She had more fun than I did.”

  “Once you’ve got Granddaddy down for the night will it be okay if Trance comes over to see me?”

  “I guess so. But you have to keep things quiet. Daddy is deaf and he won’t hear anything, but my hearing is keen and I need sleep. Every sound in the basement comes up through the vents and I really don’t want to hear what’s going on.”

  For the next three weeks, Mandy managed to prop Otis in bed and get eight pills, three times a day down him. He’d choke, but Kati patted his back until he had them all down. Otis had taken his last dose of pills for the day and he said, “Are all these pills gonna get me well.”

  “No, Dad. They’re just prolonging the inevitable.”

  “Well, if I can’t get well, I see no point in taking all them pills. Throw them away!”

  “You’re of sound mind, Dad. You have the right to refuse any meds.” Mandy turned toward Kati. You’re my witness. I never want it said that I withheld his medicine and I hastened his death. You heard him, right?”

  “I heard him. I’m your witness.” Kati gathered Granddaddy’s pajamas and bed linen. “I’ll get the laundry done, then I’ll start cooking.”

  Mandy sat down on the bedside by Otis. I’m not going to throw your pills away. If you change your mind, I’ll start giving them to you again.”

  Otis broke down and cried. “I won’t change my mind. This is the end, honey.”

  Mandy kicked off her shoes, crawled into bed beside her dad and put her arms around his shoulders. “I’m sorry,” she managed to say before her tears erupted.

  Otis lay his head over on Mandy’s shoulder and cried harder. Mandy cradled his head and patted his face and her heart said, I forgive you for wanting to annul my adoption. I forgive you for saying as soon as I was out of your life, the better you and Mother would be.

  The minute she forgave, she felt the resentment and anger she had harbored all those years take flight, and she felt as light as a feather. In an instant she realized she had released herself from prison after forty-four years. I was the warden and I kept the cell locked. I could have set myself free years ago, but I was too stubborn. She wiped her tears, blew a breath of liberation, and she felt cleansed. She patted Otis’ face. The greatest hurt you ever put on me, turned out to be the greatest lesson you ever taught me. Forgive.

  Winter passed on by and there was no snow, which pleased Mandy.

  April 10th, Mandy gave Otis a sponge bath, and with Kati’s help, they changed his pajamas. Mandy checked the catheter bag and noticed the urine was rust color. “He can’t hang on much longer. His kidneys are shutting down. And he’s got a temp,” sh
e said, as he touched his forehead. “That means the pneumonia is worse.”

  “Mom, I know you promised Granddaddy that you wouldn’t put him in a hospital bed, but we can barely walk after bending over this bed all day. And he’s having hallucinations. We have to fight him continuously to keep him from falling out of bed head first. He’s trying to go to fields and get his tractor, and he tried to jump out of bed because he thought rats were crawling over him. We can’t keep wrestling him. We’ll have to tie him to the bed post.”

  “I’m going to call Hospice and ask if they’ll them bring me a bottle or Adavan. I’ll keep him calm and keep him asleep. I won’t tie him up. That’s cruel.”

  Within the hour, a sweet lady from Hospice brought a bottle of Adavan and a bottle of Roxanal. “Give it to him as often as needed. And don’t wait until he starts thrashing and trying to get out of bed. If he flutters his eyes or makes a sound, give him another dose. The Roxanal is liquid morphine. He could be in pain and you won’t know. Keep him calm and comfortable. We’ll get a hospital bed to you this afternoon.”

  Mandy put two pills on each side of his mouth, between his teeth and gums. She squeezed a water filled sponge until they dissolved. Otis didn’t seem to know what she was doing. Soon, he was in a sound sleep. Later, three men brought in a hospital bed. Mandy and Kati scooted the regular bed into a corner, and the men put the hospital bed beside it. Then they grabbed the corners of the sheet and hoisted Otis onto it.

  “Please don’t wake up, Dad. I don’t want you to know I broke my promise. But I had no choice.”

  It was midnight, but Mandy couldn’t sleep. She sat in a chair by Otis’s bedside and watched his shallow breathing. 2 am, rolled around and Mandy decided she’d go to bed. She had fixed a blow-up mattress in the sitting room, so she’d be close if her dad should make a sound. She bent and kissed his forehead, “Goodnight, Dad.”