The Flirtation

by Kayley Loring

  Chapter 19

  Avery

  It had been exactly one month since I’d last seen Luke. We did not go back to working or flirting together like we had before the Bahamas. We had not Skyped or spoken on the phone, we had only emailed. Since Bucket’s merger had passed the six-month mark, there was no longer anything urgent for Luke and I to communicate about, and it was too soon for me to officially start looking for a new transatlantic business opportunity for Bucket. His big wedding ceremony was coming up in May, and between now and then he was doing a lot of surfing stuff in Australia. I had received a fancy invitation to Ingrid and his London nuptials, but I hadn’t RSVP’d yet.

  I had done a pretty fair job of throwing myself back into work after Luke had left, and only every so often I’d realize that I had been studying the neighborhood surrounding Luke’s office building on Google Earth, wondering where he had lunch, who he ate dinner with, who he went home with. It was creepy and stalkerish and I couldn’t stop even though it made me anxious and sad and so very mad at myself. I had driven away happiness, and now I was punishing myself.

  I ran around the Central Park reservoir—twice, just to torture myself. Every step of the way, remembering the sound and feeling of him running along beside me, me trying to keep up with him, him slowing down to match my speed. The casual, unspoken intimacy of it. How we were both icy cold and blowing on each other’s fingers. Now I was cold and alone, with nothing but my own voice in my head.

  I cried—sobbed, for the first time in many years. I cried for my Dad leaving, my Mom dying, the time I wasted not being honest with Luke, the terrible short uneven bangs I got in high school that took an entire year to grow out properly. I cried for Charlotte’s Web, the chocolate peanut butter ice cream I’d eaten all of in one sitting, the empty jars of marmalade in the cupboard that I would never throw out, the way I’d pushed Luke away when he was clearly so willing to be close to me. I cried because I tried to get back together with Mr. Potter, but he seemed so angry and impatient and impersonal now.

  I remembered what the massage therapist at Chandra had said. I tried to breathe into the pain. But then I pictured myself breathing into my heart, and I started laughing, but then I started crying again because laughter and happiness reminded me of Luke. Yeah. I was a freaking mess.

  Fortunately, my wonderful assistant Natalie was always there to cheer me up at the office and keep me on track. Until she wasn’t. She walked in, one morning, and placed a piece of paper on my desk, along with a bottle of green juice. She was convinced that I just needed more live enzymes.

  “What’s this?” I said, opening the bottle of green juice, and not looking at the piece of paper.

  “My two weeks notice,” she said, a slight quiver in her voice.

  I put the bottle down. “Shit.”

  “I’m sorry. I will help you hire someone amazing to replace me and I will train her—I actually already have three resumes to show you.”

  “Are you going to McKinsey?”

  “No,” she said, giggling. “I’m moving to London.”

  “London, England?”

  “That’s the one!”

  I sat back in my chair, gripping the bottom of the seat. “You got a job in London?”

  “Not yet. I will.”

  “So why are you moving to London?”

  “To be with William!” She practically sang the words.

  “Oh. Who’s William?”

  “Luke’s assistant.”

  Whuck? Oh!...Oh?”

  “We’re in love!”

  “Ohhh…That’s great! When did you meet him?”

  “When you started working with Luke, of course. On the phone, and then we were emailing and then texting and FaceTiming and Snapchatting.”

  “But have you met him in person?”

  “Not yet. But we’ve FaceTimed a lot. I mean…A lot. And I’ve always wanted to live in London, so why not?”

  Why not? “Um. Did you ask if he’s willing to come here?”

  “He offered, but I’m an anglophile. It just makes more sense for me to go there.”

  “But Natalie.” I thought you were smart. I thought you were sensible. I thought you were sane. “Shouldn’t you just go for a visit first? Spend a little time with him, before deciding to actually move there? There are tax implications for an American living in the UK, you know?”

  “I know. I don’t care. I love him. He loves me.”

  “But…what if it doesn’t work out?

  She shrugged. “What’s the point of worrying if a relationship won’t work out? If it doesn’t I’ll either move back here and be sad for a while and then get over it and move on, or I’ll stay there and be sad for a bit and move on. We sparked. A lot. I want to see what happens next.”

  I wished I could inject her fearless, healthy attitude into a pill and swallow it. I convinced myself that she was twenty-two and could still afford to take that kind of risk, financial and otherwise. But I knew that even at twenty-two, I myself would not have been so easy-breezy about love or anything else for that matter.

  I got up and hugged her and genuinely wished her the best of luck. I thought about texting Luke about this, but…it would only highlight my own inability to get on a plane and be with him.

  I stayed at the office late that night, and fell asleep on the sofa. I awoke to the sound of knocking on my door, and opened my eyes to see Magda’s sweet, concerned face.

  “Hello?” she said. “You okay in here? Need water?”

  I realized that I had fallen asleep cradling a bottle of red wine in my arm. Classic. “Oh no, I’m fine, look—I only drank half the bottle.” I sat up, put the bottle on the floor, and rubbed my face. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

  Magda was dusting the furniture. “I was happy to not see you for a while, but I did miss you.”

  “I missed you too, Magda. I’ve been sleeping at home,” I said, apologetically.

  “I thought perhaps you in London? With handsome English man?”

  “Nope. Not in London.”

  “Where is that polite handsome English man?”

  “Not here, Magda. He’s not here.”

  She smacked the feather duster against the top of my desk, startling me. She was about to reprimand me, of course, but then she saw how sad I was, and decided against it.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Me too.”

  “For the best, I’m sure. You good girl. Things work out for you, some other way, yeah?” She patted me on the shoulder.

  “Yeah. Sure. Thanks, Magda.”

  Later that morning, I emailed Ingrid and Bucket and told them that I would not be able to attend their wedding in London, due to a family commitment. My nephew’s eighth birthday party was planned for the weekend before, but they didn’t have to know that. I just couldn’t bear to see Luke at a wedding.

  Luke

  I had gone more than a month without texting or IMing Avery. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle Skyping with her. I had never felt so torn about a woman before. I desperately wanted to see her and hear her voice, but I was certain that if I did I’d get on the first plane to New York and make a fool of myself. She needed her space, that was clear, and I respected her enough to give it to her. But it was very difficult to refrain from IMing her after meeting her former assistant Natalie. She and William were so sweet together—it would have made Avery vomit. It would have been like forcing her to watch the end of every romantic comedy ever made. But I realized that Avery was probably losing her mind dealing with income tax forms, so I mused about it to myself. Good for Natalie and William. So that was two successful transatlantic mergers that could be attributed to Avery and me. That was something.

  I had come dangerously close to making a promise that I might not have been able to keep, when we were in New York together. Everything turned out for the best, I’m sure. I wondered if she would be bringing a date to Ingrid and Bucket’s wedding. I had not RSVP’d yet. I thought about what I had wr
itten on the note that I put into a shell, that evening on the Bahamas beach. If only I’d taken my own advice.

  Chapter 20

  Avery

  It was May, and the only social engagement I would be attending was my nephew’s birthday party. I spent hours deciding on a gift. It had to be something that wouldn’t hurt him. I didn’t want to get him anything sports-related, nothing with wheels, for obvious reasons. I didn’t want to get him any video games, in case they inspired him to try jumping from the rooftop of one building to another. I wouldn’t get him shoes, because he could trip and fall in them and that would be my fault. Nothing Lego or ninja-related. I didn’t even want to give him a book in case he got a paper cut. Maybe I was worried he’d associate me and therefore all women with pain. Maybe I associated his broken arm with the night that I totally blew it with Luke. I ended up getting him Blu-ray discs of The Goonies and all of the Back to the Future movies, which was really a gift for Jimmy.

  Bucket and Ingrid’s wedding was a week away, and I had no intention of going, especially since Bucket had informed me that Luke would be there. An apartment full of screaming eight-year-old boys and my niece was the perfect event to take my mind off of it. Jackson’s arm had healed up nicely, and when I arrived, he was using it to throw popcorn at his sister. I would have told him to stop it, but I was annoyed at her for asking me if Luke wasn’t with me because I was such an ugly poopie head. Because she was basically right. If I hadn’t been an ugly poopie head, surely he would have tried harder to convince me that things could work out between us. Or: if I hadn’t been an ugly poopie head, I would have tried harder to convince myself that things could work out for us.

  I waded through the sea of boys and toys, towards the kitchen, so I could help Jackie with food and drink. Jimmy was at Costco picking up a cake, and probably also a new gaming system, a case of wine, and a giant thing of beef jerky for the drive home.

  She handed me a big plastic bowl and a large bag of cheese-flavored popcorn. “Thanks,” I said. “What are the kids having?”

  She made a vague sound of humor-appreciation, and then held up a bottle of merlot. “This is for us.”

  I opened the bag of popcorn and poured it into the bowl. That was easy.

  “You called him?” She didn’t look up at me as she said it.

  “Nope.”

  “Heard from him?”

  “We’re both super busy with work…I assume.”

  She looked straight into my eyes. “How are you?”

  “Your place looks great, you must have been up all night cleaning. I could have helped.”

  “How are you?”

  “Fine, great, good. You?”

  “How are you?” She gave me the Big Sister Look, and I melted.

  I sighed. I slouched. “I’ve never been so lonely in my life.”

  “Go to London.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Go. To. London.”

  “You think it’s really that easy? You think I can just drop everything—everything that I’ve been working towards, the whole idea I’ve had of myself for my life? You think it’s easy for me to even admit that there’s some part of me that’s dying to just have sex every night and on the weekends and binge-watch Game of Thrones in bed with my guy while eating pizza and drinking margaritas?”

  Jackie did a really good job of not laughing at me. Almost. And then I laughed too. And then we were tearing up and hugging.

  “I love you, you weirdo. You are my best friend, and I will miss you if you end up moving to London, but if you don’t go to London to at least tell Luke how miserable you have been without him, I honestly believe that your whole life will turn to shit and you’ll be this bitter cynical lady all filled with regret, and I don’t want to play the Mom card again, but…stop driving away happiness. You deserve sex and pizza and Game of Thrones. We all do.” She shoved a handful of chips into her mouth.

  “Crap.” I sighed. “I’m really going to do this, aren’t I?”

  “You better.”

  “What if…”

  “Just go and tell him how you feel.”

  “Yeah but what if…”

  “It can’t get any worse than what you’ve been going through since he left. A weight will be lifted. I promise you. The big thing you forgot to put in your life schedule is happiness. And hot sex.”

  We both stuffed our faces with potato chips. She poured us each a glass of wine, and we toasted to Sir Flirty McFlirtson.

  Before I’d finished the glass, while watching my sister place Spiderman cupcakes onto a tray, and listening to the kids yelling gleefully in the next room when Jimmy returned with an enormous cake, I got it. We work so that we can come home to play with our loved ones, not so we can keep finding excuses for why we don’t.

  I felt ready to stop flirting with love, and finally make a commitment to it.

  Chapter 21

  Avery

  I only had two tiny bottles of red wine on the plane, and zero pills to help me sleep. Okay, I had four tiny bottles of red wine on the plane, and zero pills to help me sleep, but I also got almost no sleep. I didn’t text Luke until I had arrived at Heathrow, in case I chickened out and didn’t make it out of JFK. I went with a business casual text to his business phone.

  Me: Hi there! Just arrived at Heathrow, heading to Bucket’s wedding. See you there?

  I stood there in a corner of the terminal for five minutes, staring at my phone.

  Luke: Welcome to London. See you there.

  Okay. No exclamation points. No “darling.” But it was a response. I will see him there.

  After changing into a simple blue dress and freshening up in the loo, I hopped into a cab and directed the driver to take me to St. James’s Church on Piccadilly. It was in the heart of Piccadilly Circus in the West End, which is basically the Times Square of London. A perfectly subdued and romantic location wherein I might quietly profess my love for Luke. Not.

  To be honest, I had in fact purchased a large fancy black hat, like the one Andie MacDowell wore in Four Weddings and a Funeral. Because GO BIG OR GO HOME. But the thought of drawing that kind of attention to myself while I was about to lay my soul bare in public made me want to throw up—despite the option of using the hat to cover my face or swat Luke with it, should things go awry. And, since I was not a totally self-centered asshole, I was also there to support Buck and Ingrid at their symbolic United Kingdom nuptials. I had called Ingrid and told her that I would be able to attend after all, and she informed me that they had hoped and planned for me to change my mind and looked forward to seeing me again. I wondered if they would have me seated at the same table as Luke. I wondered if there would be dancing at the reception. I wondered why it was still called the United Kingdom and not the United Queendom. I wondered why they drove on the left side of the street here. I wondered why I hadn’t had more to eat on the plane, and why there was so much fucking traffic. If I didn’t make it to the church well before the ceremony I would have to wait until the reception to talk to Luke, and I didn’t even know if he’d be attending it.

  I asked the driver if there was a faster way to get there, and he assured me that he would get me there on time, even though I never told him when I needed to be there. Still, I trusted him, in the way that Americans trust people with English accents because they sound so much smarter than us no matter what they’re saying.

  He did get me there before the ceremony had started. People were still milling about on the sidewalk and in the courtyard in front of the church. I was probably the only person there carrying a large weekender bag, but I didn’t want to use a locker at the airport in case I’d need my things elsewhere, and I didn’t want to pay for a hotel room in case I didn’t need one—whether it would be because I ran back to the airport screaming and crying or because I spend the night in Luke’s flat—only a short amount of time would tell.

  I scanned the crowd of polite, well-dressed people, and tanned, shaggy-haired surfers in suits. It was not
difficult to guess who was a guest of the bride’s or the groom’s.

  “Avery?!” I turned around and saw Natalie—my former assistant Natalie. In all my haste and turmoil I had completely forgotten to let her know that I would be coming today, and to be honest, I was very surprised that she was at the ceremony. She looked so much more grown-up and so much more Anglo-Saxon than when I’d last seen her in New York. She basically looked like Kate Middleton.

  “Oh my God Natalie hi!” I quickly ran over to give her a hug. “So good to see you—I decided to come last minute. Have you seen Luke?”

  “Um?” She was about to lean in and say something into my ear, but a handsome young man in a grayish blue suit approached us.

  “Looks like they’ll be starting on time,” he said to Natalie, then nodded at me. “Hallo, I’m William.” Then he recognized me. He looked at Natalie, eyes widened. Natalie pursed her lips and nodded her head. “Oh bloody hell, you’re Avery aren’t you? Hi!”

  “Hi, William, hi, have you seen?”

  “Um, yeah, he’s uh…”

  I looked around and spotted Luke, inside the back of the church. I felt my heart drop to my stomach, and just ran towards him, before I could change my mind. He was looking around, possibly looking for me. I tapped him on the shoulder. He looked so beautiful in his charcoal grey suit, and very serious. His eyes did not so much light up when he saw me, as they looked resigned. “Hi,” I said. “Can I talk to you, for a minute?”