ExFiles - Mayhem and Maddie

by Dakota Cassidy

  Well, I wouldnt call him a shithead if he wasnt one. But today he is, so thats what Ill call him.

  Katy chuckled. Sometimes its okay to get it out of your system, Madison , so we indulge Victoria from time to time.

  Maddie could identify. Um, well like I said, Im Madison , but you can call me Maddie, Im thirty-five, divorced six months.

  What brought you here to us, Maddie?

  Duh, divorce. I guess Im having trouble adjusting and my friend Corrine said you guys were experts.

  Katy clapped her hands. Oh, youre Corrines friend! Shes a lifesaver. Id have nothing in the way of investments if it werent for Corrine.

  Im having trouble adjusting too, Maddie. I hate being single. I miss Juan, Maxine croaked. Her Spanish accent was light, but evident.

  Well, did ya miss him when he was batting your head around like a friggin golf ball? Victoria interjected.

  Fat tears swelled in Maxines big, brown eyes.

  Victoria ! Its okay for Maxie to miss Juan. Its natural, even if he was a hand happy swine. Katy patted Maxines hand consolingly.

  Victoria snickered. Yeah, well Maxie, now hes off boffing some other poor fool and soon hell be whaling on her just like he did you.

  Whew, talk about bitter. This was divorce six years after the fact?

  Im sorry, Maxine. Maddie felt her heart tug that Maxine shed tears over a man who beat her.

  Maxines eyes narrowed. The puta, she stole my Juan! Ill see her dead!

  Katy clucked her tongue. Better her than you, Maxie, and thats exactly what would have happened if you didnt leave Juan when you did.

  Youre right, Katy. I know you are, but sometimes Maxie shook her head.

  Sometimes what? The freak beat you, what else is there? Maybe this wasnt the place for her. Albert never beat her, he just -- well, he was just an asshole who wanted a divorce.

  So what happened to you, Maddie? Victoria cocked her head and gazed intently at her.

  Shrugging her shoulders, she looked at each of them. I just got divorced. He didnt beat me, or anything like that. He just decided that ten years of my fucking life was old and tired and he asked for a divorce. Then he took whatever he could get his hands on, started using mousse, got a cool sports car, and an apartment in the city. Pretty cut and dried. Oh, she was using dirty words. Potty mouth.

  Katy smiled softly, her pretty, cornflower blue eyes crinkled at the corners. I sense bitterness there, Maddie.

  Victoria snorted. Well, of course you do, darling. Its why were here isnt it? To, she swiped her fingers in the air, making mock quotation marks, share. Unleash all this bitterness. Bond.

  Ooh, talk about sarcastic, Maddie thought.

  Yes, Victoria , thats exactly why were here, except youve been here for like EVER. I mean, get a grip, youve been divorced SIX years! SIX years! Maxine yelled, Get over it already. If Im still as bitter as you in six years, I swear, Ill move to Tibet and live with a herd of goats before Ill act like you do! Maxie took a deep breath, resting her hand on her chest and making the sign of the cross. Obviously praying for patience. Im sorry, Katy. I just couldnt help it. Sometimes I just snap.

  Oh shut up, Maxie! Victoria yelled back. As if you should talk, always wringing your hands over Mr. Puerto Rico. He beat you, Maxie, within an inch of your life and left you for some hoochie. Thats what he did. But here you are every week crying over that pig. It may have taken me six years to get this far, but I sure as hell aint crying over not getting the crap kicked outta me anymore!

  Ladies! Katy shouted, Im going to ask you to go to your special thinking spots and take a moment to gather yourselves. NOW. Her tone brooked no discussion.

  Now it was Katys turn to take a deep breath. She closed her eyes and rolled her head on her neck. Any minute now, she was going to chant

  Maxine and Victoria sat in chairs that were a fair distance apart and eyeballed each other with seething venom.

  Was the special thinking spot like time-out for divorced adult women who couldnt control their impulse to rip each other to shreds? As Maddie watched this unfold, she couldnt help thinking they needed Valium or at the very least, carefully monitored anger management courses.

  Im sorry, Maddie, Katy apologized. Certainly, this isnt what you expected when you joined us. Were usually much more productive.

  Wasnt there like therapeutic basket weaving? How to exorcise your ex in ten days or less classes? Making ends meet without the 401-K you were gypped out of in the divorce settlement? How to be naked with a new man every week program? Lookin for love on a shoestring budget?

  When were they going to get to the good shit, cuz this sucked.

  Well, truthfully, I came for the ring-side seats to Rawlings versus Rodriguez, Maddie joked.

  Maxine snickered and then so did Victoria . Maddie laughed too and soon the tension broke and they were all laughing.

  Well, it beat watching the Discovery channels Guide to Ancient Egypt.

  * * *

  Good gravy, how had they ended up here? Maddie twirled the straw in her drink and squinted into the dark of the bar. Maxine said that once a month they made an effort to get out together as a group. Socialize, meet new people.

  Sing karaoke.

  Maddie groaned. She was not singing karaoke. This would be where her line was firmly drawn in the sand. There would be no smooth sounds of Motown coming from her lips.

  Obviously, Maxine didnt feel the same. She sat on a barstool up on the stage, her head flung back, eyes closed, microphone in hand, singing Diana Ross part in Endless Love. Victoria joined her as Lionel Ritchie, her auburn hair almost pink under the lights, swaying to the ballad, more than just a little off key.

  It would be rude to put her fingers in her ears, wouldnt it?

  Katy sat quietly beside her, lost in the music and her rum and coke.

  So, this was single. Wow, what fun.

  The bar was rather empty, with the exception of a few stray men along the far wall. Slim pickins indeed.

  Are you having fun, Maddie? Katy asked.

  Oodles.

  Yeah, this is nice. I havent been in a bar in eons. Like probably as far back as this stupid song goes.

  Im sorry if the girls upset you. Sometimes all of my training goes to waste when they go at each other.

  Training? Did one train to be divorced?

  Im a counselor. I specialize in obsessive compulsive disorders.

  Well, of course she did. It explained the thinking chair or spot or whatever the hell it was. Well, they seem to be getting along just fine now.

  Maxie and Victoria had their arms wrapped around one another, gazing deeply into each others eyes as they came to a rousing Endless Love finish.

  I think theyve had too much to drink, Katy giggled.

  Maddie smiled. I think youre right. Did Maxines husband really beat her?

  Katy nodded. Yeah, he was a first class asshole. The last time he nearly killed her. Shes come a long way since he left her. But the pain is sometimes still fresh.

  Maddie shook her head. Shed taken a lot of crap from Albert, but if hed ever hit her shed have left him slicker than snot. Sometimes, toward the end, she almost wished he had hit her; it might have been more honest than the covert beating she took.

  What about Victoria ? Shes been divorced six years. Thats a long time to hold a grudge.

  Katy sipped her drink. Victoria s husband left her because shes a control freak. Its not something easily lived with and dating for her has been sporadic since the divorce. When we come here, its one of the few times I see her really let go.

  Maddie didnt know what to say. And you? What happened with you?

  Katy sighed. Her slight shoulders sagged. She looked fragile and even a bit broken. I married young and we drifted apart I guess. We were married for twenty-one years.

  Holy matrimony. Im sorry, thats a long time to call it quits.

  Yes, yes it was. We drifted and just couldnt find our way back to each other. It was all very amicable, if you ca
n believe that actually happens.

  Maddie gulped. It was so much worse when it was amicable. How could you hate the guy if he let you have the toaster? It didnt give you a lot of excess change to put in your bitter cup.

  Do you have children?

  Two boys, eighteen and nineteen. Off in college now.

  I dont know what to say. Im really sorry.

  Katy gave her a bright smile. Im okay. I have my practice and the girls. My life is full.

  Another divorced phrase. My life is full. As opposed to empty when I was living with someone who was supposed to make it full. So I live alone and now Im fuller.

  She needed another drink.

  Chapter 5

  Reeeuunited and it feels sooo goooood Reeeuunited cuz its under good. No, not good, it was something else, but she couldnt remember. Undergood wasnt a word, was it? No, that wasnt right. Ah, well, it didnt matter. She was a SUPERSTAR.

  Maddie was officially six sheets to the wind and loving every minute. Opting to karaoke via her chair, head thrown back, loud and frighteningly off key, she sang her heart out.

  Bartender Maddie slapped the table with the palm of her hand, I need another drink. A big, big, big one. Maddies head fell forward on her arms. She laid her cheek against her wrist and closed her eyes.

  Maxine leaned over toward Maddie and brushed the hair from her eyes. No, mi amiga, you dont need another drink. You need to go home and get some sleep.

  Maddie lifted her head from the table and tried to focus on Maxine. No, I want another drink. I want one with the pretty pink umbrella like Victoria has. Was that her with the slurred speech?

  Darling, youre smashed, Victoria informed her, and I think they only give you a pink umbrella if you have what Im drinking and you cant do that, Maddie because then youre mixing your alcohol, which leads to puking and puffy eyes and all sorts of things that are ugly for your skin.

  Maddie pounded her hand on the table again. I want another drink. Pushing the hair out of her eyes, she waved her arm in the air, pointing her finger at the poor bartender. You, bring me another drink and put an umbrella in it. Humor me.

  Hookay, Maddie, its time to go home. Im calling Corrine so we can get your address. Katy rubbed her back in soothing circles while she called Corrine on her cell phone.

  Okay, Corrine, she heard Katy say somewhere far off in the distance, I will, I promise. Bye.

  Maddie felt her head bobbing, but she couldnt seem to get control of the up and down motion. Is Corrine going to get me another drink?

  Katy chuckled. No, but she said youre missing the Home and Garden channels spring extravaganza

  Maddie sat upright. Ooh, a spring extrava ex extra Oh, whatever. She loved their fall bonanza. Was it fall? Yes, it would have had to be, because there were no winter flowers and that was the last one she could recall watching. Were there flowers in the winter? No, certainly not. It was too cold. Brrr, cold.

  Okay, Kaky, Maddie said popping up, I have to go. The Home and Garden channel has a special tonight.

  Ive called you a cab. Cmon, well wait outside with you. I think a little air would be a good thing.

  Maddie let Katy lead her through the bar and out the door. You are really nice, Kaky. I like you and I think your husband was a stupid head for drifting away Or whatever he did.

  Victoria let her perfect nails rest under her nose to mask the smell of Maddies breath. Whew, Maddie, you are snockered.

  Maddie threw her arms around Victoria , knocking her slight frame backward. Oh, Victoriaaa, Vic turia Vick-EEE, maybe you should get snockered too, an then you wont be a CON-TROL freak.

  Victoria patted her back and stepped away from Maddie. Right, darling and youre the perfect example of what I want to be when I finally run amok. Thanks for showing me the way.

  Uurre welcome. Maddie smiled, her lips curling awkwardly.

  Maxine giggled when Maddie wrapped her arm around her shoulders and gazed deeply into her eyes. Maxie, did Mr. Puerto Rico do that to you? She referred to the small, white scar by Maxines lip. Maxines hand flew to her mouth, but Maddie pushed it away. Hes a mean jerk and if he ever touches you again, Ill Ill well, I dunno what Ill do. But itll be really bad. So there. Maxine hugged her hard and Maddie sniffed the warm cinnamon and vanilla flavor of her coat.

  Okay, Maddie. Well see you next week, I guess, right? Maxine asked.

  Are we gonna get snockered and sing karaoke again?

  Katy took Maddie by the hand and opened the cab door for her. Well see what happens then, okay? For now you go home and get a good nights rest.

  K Kaky, bye.

  Maddie watched as the three women turned into a blur of color that made holding her head upright difficult. She liked them and she wanted to go back to see them again, but not before she had more sex.

  Cole would want to have sex. Shed call Cole.

  * * *

  Stumbling into her apartment, she kicked off her shoes and held the doorframe to get the room to stop doing that moving thing.

  Cole. Sex.

  In that order, please.

  Digging around in her purse, she found his card and grabbed the phone. Punching in the number, she smiled when he answered. He sounded like he was asleep. Hello, his husky voice rumbled across the line.

  Cole? Its Maddie.

  Er, hey, how are you?

  Im fine, how are you?

  Okay. Maddie, do you realize what time it is?

  She frowned. Is it too late to have sex?

  He chuckled. Have you been drinking, Maddie?

  What does drinking have to do with sex?

  It could be why youre calling me so late asking about sex.

  So, do you wanna have sex?

  Now?

  No, next year. Yeah, now.

  Maddie, youre drunk

  Oh, I am not. And even if I was, I would still want to have sex.

  Sex.

  Maddie sighed in exasperation. What did a girl have to do to get laid? Yes, sex, Cole. Sex, sex, sex.

  Where?

  Where what?

  Where do you want to have sex, Maddie?

  Here.

  Where is here, Maddie?

  Stomping her foot she repeated herself for the apparently deaf, dumb, and blind. Here.

  Are you home, Maddie?

  Duh! Yes!

  Where is home, Maddie?

  What?

  Where-do-you-live? Like an address.

  If I tell you, can we have sex?

  Yes, Maddie. We can have sex.

  Finally! She gave him her address and hung up.

  Stripping her clothes off, she wobbled to the couch and waited. She was going to have sex. Did she shave her legs? Running a hand over her legs, she decided, yes, shed definitely shaved her legs.

  Ooh, maybe she should brush her teeth. Fresh breath would be important if she was going to have sex. She padded to the bathroom to do just that.

  Ugh, the lighting was so harsh in here. She really should have someone come and take a look at it, maybe put a dimmer switch in. But not before she brushed her teeth and had sex.

  Just as she was finishing up, the doorbell rang.

  Cole and sex. Her stomach did a little dance as she made her way back to the front door. Maddie flung the door open. Cole stood with a smile of amusement on his yummy lips. Maddie took his hand and pulled him inside. Cmon, lets go have sex. She tugged him down the hallway to her bedroom.

  Maddie, I dont think this is a good idea.

  If you didnt think it was a good idea, then you wouldnt have come over. Maddie lay down on her bed amid her pillows.

  Cole grinned and crossed his arms over his chest. Actually, I was sort of afraid youd just have sex with anyone if I didnt come over.

  Thats a terrible thing to say. Im not some slut who has sex with just anyone, you know. I have class and good breeding. So take off your clothes and lets go.

  Youve had a lot to drink, Maddie. It would be taking advantage and I just dont do stuff like that. Why dont
I cover you up and you can sleep it off. If you still want to have sex tomorrow, then you can call me.

  Maddie jumped up off the bed and stood in front of him. She unzipped his jeans, popping the button with more ease than she might have given herself credit for had she been sober. Coles hands found her shoulders, caressing them, sending shivers along her spine. Pulling his pants down, she took his underwear with them.

  His cock spilled forward, hard, thicker than the average Joe and lightly veined. Wow, he was beautiful. Now, look at that, she said as she wrapped her hand around him. You cant tell me that doesnt mean you dont want to have sex.

  Kissing the tip of her nose, he caressed her cheek with his thumb. Oh, I very much want to have sex with you, Maddie. Youre all Ive thought about since the other night, but youve had too much to drink and I dont have sex with women who might have regrets. Especially ones that I really like and want to get to know better.

  Maddie melted into his hand, as he trailed it down over her neck. Well, Ive been thinking about you too, Cole, and not just because Im drunk, so you can get to know me better afterwards. But first, were going to have sex, wild, uninhibited, totally naked sex.

  No longer feeling quite as tipsy, but free enough to let go of her inhibitions, she decided that she didnt care about anything else but right here and now. Kneeling before him, she clutched his thighs, letting the crisp hair on them scrape her palms. She leaned her forehead against one, thickly muscled and hard, and nudged his swelled cock with her nose. Adjusting to the unfamiliar, yet arousing scent of him, she tentatively swiped at his cock with her tongue.

  Cole rocked back on his heels and moaned when she ran her hands between his legs, cupping the tight sacks of his balls.

  She grazed him again, lightly, placing her lips over the stiff flesh. His hands clutched her hair, sliding into it and clenching her head. Empowered, Maddie licked him in long, slow strokes, from the base of his cock to the head. Jesus, Maddie she heard from above her. In small increments, she encircled him, swallowing the heated length inch by inch.

  Resting with him fully encompassed by her lips, she swished her tongue at the base of his shaft, then dragged her mouth back up again. Hmm, she groaned as she made another pass. His balls tightened in her hands as she gently kneaded them. Cole tasted like nothing shed ever known, nor savored as she did now. The continuous glide of lips and tongue made her nipples hard and her cunt slick.