Love Me With Fury

by Janelle Taylor

  “They were lost at sea,” she replied, half in anger and half in sadness.

  “Then find some way to get them back! Those pirates couldn’t have done more damage to you if they had killed you! You’re letting them destroy your whole life, child. Is that what you want, to let them win? My lord, Alex, did you give them your soul to survive?”

  Stunned by the vehemence and anguish in his face and voice, Alex began to ponder his.words and her behavior.

  “I know it was a terrible experience for anyone to endure, but let it die. Don’t let it consume you like this,” he urged her. “You aren’t even trying to help yourself get over this vile act against you. You refuse every offer of help I give. You’re giving in to your troubles. Don’t! Fight them, Alex, and I’ll help you. Put on some pretty clothes and get out of this house! Have some fun for a change. It’ll do wonders for you, I promise.”

  “But what if I run into one of those awful men again?” she wailed, exposing one of her deep concerns.

  “Pirates don’t sail into guarded ports like ours,” he argued. “You’d hardly meet a man like that at dinner or out riding,” he continued.

  Yet, Alex knew how easily Captain Joshua Steele could fit into any situation. Without his suave disguise, he was accepted anywhere he chose to go. He had been in England; he had been at the mansion of the governor in Florida. He had frequently anchored near many American ports to visit and stroll among these people. He could just as easily and safely sail into this port.

  “Pirates lead dangerous lives, Alex. They spend most of their time at sea or holed up in some slimy place with their confederates. The chances of ever seeing any one of them again is practically nil,” he reasoned. “Between the American and English fleets, that ship of scoundrels could be at the bottom of the ocean right now.”

  Instead of giving her comfort, that statement alarmed her. Stephen, Andy, George, Tim, Tully and the others gone forever? Dead or captured? She fiercely rejected that possibility with all her being. But her uncle was right; she was merely existing. Stephen had brutally and unforgivably betrayed and used her, but she couldn’t allow him or any man to devastate her.

  Alex glanced over at her worried uncle and smiled at him, really smiled at him for the first time since June. She sighed heavily, this time in rising determination. “You’re right, Uncle Henry; I’m hurting myself as much as he did. Shall we make a new attempt to revive the old Alex?” She laughed mirthfully. “Perhaps not the old Alex, but a wiser and better one,” she joked lightly. She paused, then continued. “I really was a terrible nuisance, wasn’t I? I honestly didn’t mean to distress you so. Papa was too lenient and indulgent with me. I was a spoiled, hateful brat. I really had some growing up to do. Change is difficult and painful, Uncle Henry. Papa knew what he was doing; he knew a marriage would settle me down. Yet even now, the thought of some empty, pre-arranged deal sounds disgusting.” As she chatted aimlessly, she only halfbelieved what she was saying. But marriage would offer her some protection from harsh life and these feelings of guilt over Joshua. Love and passion like that surely came only once in a person’s life. Her heart was ravaged by the thought of never experiencing such exquisite emotions again. Damn him, he would pay dearly for this anguish and shame…if they ever met again!

  With eyes glimmering with renewed life, she cautioned, “Just don’t push me too fast, Uncle Henry. Let me take this rebirth a pain at a time.”

  He chuckled and smiled, his eyes crinkling at the edges. A thought came from nowhere and she questioned, “Did you ever learn where Tessa went and why?”

  “I’ll never understand that girl, Alex. She’s as headstrong and willful as you were,” he stated, bringing laughter at his last word.

  “She just packed up and left without anyone seeing her? What about the baby and money?” she asked, concerned about this flighty and brazen girl who was a mystery to her. Tessa had been her personal maid for over a year before this fateful trip. But in all their time together, Tessa had revealed little about herself or her feelings. In her pregnant unwed state and without money, why would she simply take off like that? How would she survive?

  Suddenly Alex beamed with a new idea. “What about a man, Uncle Henry? Perhaps she ran off with some new love. She couldn’t have gone far without money or assistance.”

  “That could be right. Frankly, I was glad she left. She surely liked men and let them know it,” he said disappointingly of Tessa’s lack of morals. “I wonder if her new fellow realized she was carrying another man’s child. She was sick for a long time, even took to her bed for nearly a week after you left. The maid said she was having lots of pain and was weak for days. She could have fooled this new lad. With her plump figure, she didn’t even look pregnant after her worse bout of illness. Fact is, she looked and acted like nothing was wrong when she finally got up and around.”

  “Perhaps she miscarried and didn’t tell anyone, Uncle Henry. That would certainly explain everything. If she was ready to carry on like before, she knew she couldn’t do it here. She’s probably working in some tavern or roadhouse miles away. It really doesn’t matter; Tessa was always strange and flighty. She never made a good servant, but I hated to tell Papa to let her go. I should be ashamed of myself, but I was partially happy about her illness on the voyage over here; it kept her out of my hair—which she never could fix right anyway,” she added, giggling cheerfully.

  “I hate to confess, Alex, but I had the entire house searched after her disappearance. I feared she had stolen something to pay the way for her departure. She just wasn’t trustworthy or dependable.”

  “Was anything missing?” she asked.

  “Not that I could discover, but I wouldn’t be surprised to find some unnoticeable and valuable object missing. That’s all in the past. Let’s discuss getting you out of this confining house,” he suggested, a twinkle in his eyes.

  “What did you have in mind?” she suspiciously inquired.

  “Shopping? Dinner with the Gillises? A small party here?” he offered her some choices, recalling her words about pressure.

  “I really don’t need to buy anything else, Uncle Henry. You’ve given me so much as it is,” she protested his generosity with vivid appreciation.

  “Since when was the day when a female didn’t want to go shopping for some frivolous items?” he merrily ventured, delighting in this new mood.

  She smiled radiantly. “Idle shopping has never been one of my pastimes, and you know it,” she chided him gently. “As for a party here, I’m not sure I’m ready to be all smiles and entertain guests for an entire evening. Who’ll be at the Gillises?” she asked, feeling obligated to accept one of his suggestions.

  “The Hardys, the Wellses, the Howards, the Carters, and the Greys,” he added the last name with vivid amusement.

  “I see what you’re up to, you sly fox. Three out of those families have eligible sons.”

  “Sons who’ve previously shown a great deal of interest in my becoming niece. Plus, the Wellses have twin sons named Joe and John, twenty-three. Look alike, but oh so different in character. Joe is quiet and serious, reputed to be a fine and respectable lad. But that John, he’s a rakehell who haunts the wrong side of town. About the only vice he doesn’t have is heavy drinking. If you asked me, I think he likes to keep a clear head at the gaming tables and around eager, marriage-minded females! The Gillises have two daughters, one a beauty and one hopelessly plain. I think that’s the reason they give so many parties for people with grown sons,” he mused aloud between chuckles before going on with his perceptions.

  “Of course, the Howards have three daughters to rival them. Well-bred girls, but vain as pea hens. Nice looking enough, but no comparison to you or Helen. Poor Alice, it must be heartbreaking to stand in Helen’s shadow. You’d think that conceited girl was Helen of Troy the way she acts and dresses. She’s the prettiest young woman around when you’re not here. I doubt she’ll take kindly to your intrusion of her territory.”

  They jo
ined in gay laughter. “I’m not a competitor in that field, Uncle Henry. She is welcome to all of those eager swains. I’m looking for someone very special. And when I find him, I’ll battle any woman who stands in my path,” she mischievously vowed. “If the Gillises are trying to shove their daughters off on these lads, why would they invite a family with three rivals?”

  “It wouldn’t look proper to have all those males and only their daughters present. Besides, Robert and Tom are good friends. But if you come with me, Helen won’t be the center of attention as always. I’d love to see you pluck a few of her fine feathers. Might be good for her and the other girls.”

  “Henry Cowling! You’re a spiteful rogue,” she stated amidst her giggles. Yet, what better way to take her mind off her troubles? Girls like this Helen seemed had always annoyed her. They were like Joshua Steele who thought he could take, use, and discard anyone he pleased.

  In an uncommon state of needing to punish another person, she irrationally viewed Helen as Joshua’s stand-in. People like them deserved to be taken down a notch or two! Intrigued and feeling deliciously wicked, she agreed to the party. Slightly surprised, Henry glowed with happiness and excitement. “It’s tomorrow night. Can you be ready that soon?”

  “Without a doubt, since you purchased that provocative emerald gown for me. I daresay this is what you had in mind for its debut. I shall be the perfect lady while I teach sweet Helen she isn’t the only woman alive.”

  Elated with both ideas, Henry burst into hearty laughter and confessed his eagerness to see this feat. To his further astonishment, Alex relented to his prior suggestion to walk in the moonlight through his aromatic garden.

  Leisurely sipping a glass of white wine, they lingered in the light of the full moon while inhaling the intermingling of fresh air and heady flowers and enjoying a real conversation. It was like Alex had mysteriously received a heavy infusion of new life and zeal.

  That night, Alex slept without awakening or dreaming. When slender fingers of sunlight played upon her face the next morning, she yawned and stretched, feeling calm and fresh for the first time in ages. Had she reached that inevitable and wonderful moment when the past was finally being laid to rest? To test herself, she envisioned Joshua. She was definitely making real progress. The pain and desire were still present, but they had lessened to a dull ache. Perhaps those twinges would always be there to remind her of her reckless adventure and to caution her against giving her heart and body so freely to any man who magically entered her life. At last, she could accept and deal with her past life with him. How deliriously wonderful this new-found peace was. A heady and dangerous sense of power filled her.

  Henry couldn’t believe the complete about-face in her, but relished it. He cancelled his morning meeting when she invited him to go riding with her. They rode for hours, savoring the beauty of nature. As if displeased with her face, Mother Nature was boldly altering it. Leaves were threatening to burst into flashy oranges, reds, golds, and scarlets at any day now. When October came soon, Henry promised to take her on a tour of the nearby countryside when autumn was in its peak.

  They lingered over a light lunch at a quaint inn. They laughed and talked until her sides ached, a marvelous feeling she had missed. Pushing all painful memories aside, she sank her pearly teeth into this new and intoxicating bite of life. Pleasantly fatigued, their return ride passed in tranquil silence.

  To look her absolute best for tonight’s event, Alex rested for an hour with a cold wet cloth upon her eyes. She took a lengthy and enlivening bath in a warm tub of fragrant bubbles. Taking two hours with her hair and clothes, when she finally descended the steps, Henry couldn’t take his eyes from the entrancing sight which gracefully floated down the steps and walked toward him.

  She playfully quizzed, “Will Lady Alexandria Hampton be at her finest tonight, dear uncle?”

  “Utterly matchless and enchanting, my child,” he complimented her. “To recall how you resisted that gown is beyond me. It is perfect and bewitching.”

  She slowly twirled before him to allow his scrutiny. Never one to adhere to stuffy fashion, her tawny hair was artfully drawn up near the top of her head to allow a cascade of heavy ringlets to fall to her creamy shoulders. Wispy curls like golden feathers rested upon her forehead and fell beside her ears. Not a pin, comb, or ornament distracted from the lovely style which enhanced and revealed her flawless face.

  Like two precious emeralds, her green eyes glittered with pride and enticement. A carry-over from her days at sea, her skin was still a soft caramel shade. A subtle hint of color played upon her cheeks and lips. His eyes lowered in vivid appreciation and affection. Emerald earrings and a solitary matching stone at the swell of her breasts were her only embellishments. A fragile gold chain held the heart-shaped stone in place.

  But her dress and hair inspired the reasons for her transformation from carefree child to seductive woman. Again her lack of concern for normal fashion was revealed by her gown. Henry never knew it was the vivacious French seamstress who had designed and insisted upon this particular dress, raving about how perfect it was for her figure and coloring. Lacking the strength or will to argue back then, she had let the charming creature to do as she pleased. At this moment, she was glad.

  The neckline dipped to a V which halted only in time to prevent exposing her bosom in a most immodest manner. So recently from France where fashion was at its peak and originality, the seamstress was talented beyond her age. The puffed, elbow-length sleeves were secured at the shoulders with flat bows. The bodice was plain and sized perfectly to flatter without boldness. The waist was snug and the skirt was full, highlighting Alex’s diminutive waist. At the middle of her waist in the front, the outer skirt was slashed to the hem and sloped to either side to reveal an underskir of expensive lace over satin in a color which matched the lush green of the satin gown. Except for the delicate lace and cut-away overskirt, there was nothing to detract from the elegant simplicity of the becoming gown. Gizelle had used no contrasting color to spoil its effect. Satin slippers in matching emerald green completed her attire.

  As Henry caught her hand and kissed it fondly, he noted she wore only a single emerald ring upon her graceful right hand. Just before asking about the emerald and diamond bracelet Daniel Grey had mentioned giving to her, he changed his mind and offered to let her wear one which had belonged to his deceased wife.

  “Thank you, Uncle Henry; you’re so kind and thoughtful. But I don’t want to overwhelm our hosts with a king’s fortune in jewels. Besides, counting the dress, my hair, and these other stones, no one will even notice the girl at all,” she impishly alleged.

  “There won’t be a soul present who won’t know you’re there, child. Ready to leave; the carriage is waiting.” He took her elbow and led her outside and into his carriage.

  “Drive slowly, Zachary. I don’t want to muss my hair,” she entreated, eagerly anticipating the impending charade.

  Timed just right, they were the last guests to arrive at the Gillises. After the butler answered the door, every eye was trained upon them as they entered the drawing room. Standing poised like an earth-bound goddess on her uncle’s arm, every conversation and movement ceased abruptly as they were announced, “Henry Cowling and his niece Lady Alexandria Hampton.”

  Alex was amused when even their host and hostess had difficulty regaining their composures before coming forward and greeting them. Robert Gillis’s admiration and astonishment was as evident as Mrs. Gillis’s annoyance and chilling manner. All smiles and refinement, Alex politely spoke with each one and waited patiently as her uncle did the same. It was Robert who saved the moment by cordially introducing each guest present.

  Alluring green eyes gradually followed his direction as the names were given to her. Amidst another brief conversation between her uncle and Robert, she made her hasty assessments of each person. Alice was indeed plain, but her timid smile was friendly. Alex spontaneously returned it. The Howards’ daughters were a curious va
riety: one flaming redhead, one drab blonde, and one raven-haired girl who looked the youngest and brightest of the group.

  Helen was in a class to herself. A sultry brunette with sky-blue eyes and a ripe figure was shooting visual daggers at this unwanted opponent. Her carriage was haughty and sullen; her mood, childishly envious. Decked out in bright sunny yellow, it was clear she vividly resented Alex’s presence. She turned up her nose and chatted with the two males on either side of her.

  From her uncle’s previous descriptions, it was easy to pick which ruggedly handsome male was John or Joe. Minus their noticeable difference in behavior, both were identical: dark blond hair, sapphire eyes, proud and well-defined features, and a heavy dose of masculine appeal. Alex quickly noted one striking difference: John’s golden tan was much darker than Joe’s tawny one.

  She had forced herself to smile pleasantly and nod at Seth, Steven, and Daniel. From Daniel’s smoldering and displeased gaze, Alex knew he was sorry for having brought a companion along, no doubt to harass Helen. Yet, a sparkle of fury was noted in his eyes. Could it be he was still piqued with her for refusing to see him since her return? Could it be he doubted her uncle’s claims of illness? Why did he keep staring at her wrists, then glaring coldly at her? No matter, she flippantly decided. She had no intention of using Daniel in her sport tonight. Thankfully, he was out of competition anyway. He turned to respond to something his companion had said. She was pretty, but no competition for either her or Helen.

  Knowing it was time for dinner, both Alex and her uncle politely declined a glass of sherry. The bell rang and they strolled arm in arm to the massive dining room. Alex was impressed by what she witnessed there and during dinner. In spite of her first impression, they lived elegantly and certainly knew how to entertain with a flair, sparing no expense.