What if he's as horrible as my Dad thinks? What if he has changed from the person I once knew? She asked herself. Aqua chewed on her bottom lip. A moment later, she stepped out of the car. The Blake that she remembered might have had some strong opinions, but he wasn't a rude or cruel person. She felt as if she owed him the chance to explain himself. Aqua took one last look at her reflection in a diner window. The tight designer jeans she had chosen, t-shirt and cream-colored cardigan were spot-on. She felt confident. Not too flashy and definitely not too provincial—just perfect. Shaking her head, she made for the entrance to the diner.
When Aqua approached the table where Blake sat, her heart fluttered, despite her determination that it wouldn't. It was hard not to think about him showing up at the door of her childhood home with a ring.
"Aqua." Blake smiled as he stood up. He pulled out a chair for her. "I had started to wonder if you would show."
"I'm here." She smiled as she sank down into the chair. Like a hawk, Aqua watched as he settled into his. "Sorry for being a little late.”
"No need." Blake shrugged and looked into her eyes. "I'm just glad that you're here."
Aqua realized that she could swim in those milky blue pools that scrutinized her carefully. She scanned them from edge to edge, for a moment losing herself in their depths. Aqua felt that she could disappear in his glance and not even notice it. "Me too," she managed. Aqua’s chest warmed as she realized that her words were true. At that moment, despite her misgivings, there was nowhere else where she would rather be.
"Excuse me, would you like to order something?" The sharp tone brought Aqua back to reality. She wondered if the waitress had been standing there for a bit, and mentally shook herself to get a grip. Aqua gave her a warm smile that was not returned. “Just a coffee, cream, and two sugars, please.”
“Black for me.” Blake nodded to the waitress who left with an attempted hearty “coming right up” that failed miserably. Then Blake turned his full attention back to Aqua, and she felt her stomach flip at his intensity. “I hope you don't mind my inviting you for coffee. I know it's been a long time since we've seen each other. I thought it might be nice to catch up.”
“Oh, it is nice,” she said lamely, biting her lip as she instinctively thought pain might bring her to her senses. Aqua’s throat grew thick around her words. She was nervous and couldn't think of a single thing to say. Luckily, he didn't seem to notice.
What Aqua just couldn’t understand was what was wrong with her? Was she feeling guilty, or did she still harbor feelings for this man? What would have happened if she'd known he was going to propose? Would she have done things differently? Their breakup had been so abrupt and mechanical that she hadn’t spent a lot of time or energy on it. She’d simply moved on. She was excited about her future and moving away from Burnt River to New York City. Maybe this was payback for locking away pent-up emotions so callously.
"I noticed you at the funeral."
Aqua’s eyes snapped up from their empty scrutiny of the wooden table. She hadn’t been listening to a thing he had been saying. “What was that?”
Blake chuckled. “Are you all right, Aqua?” His smile vanished, replaced by a deep sigh. “I feel like you’re someplace else. We could do this another time if you’d prefer?”
“No, really, I’m sorry. Forgive me.” She swallowed nervously and was grateful the waitress returned with the coffee. Aqua watched her place the sugar and cream on the table. She kept her eyes on the mugs as she filled their cups and left. It was all the respite she needed. “I am genuinely glad you asked me for coffee, Blake.” Aqua pressed her lips together for a heartbeat. “Mom’s fall yesterday... I guess I am still a little out of sorts because of it.”
“Yeah, I can imagine. Accidents like that come as such a surprise. One moment the person you love is perfectly fine and the very next they collapse.” He studied her.
She squirmed. “Mmm, yes, I was thinking the same thing.”
“Like I said, I noticed you at the memorial the other day. I was surprised to see you.” Blake brushed the back of his hand across the curve of his chin and gazed down at the table. "It just didn't seem like the right time to say hello. And, I assumed you'd be headed back out of town pretty quickly."
"Hmm. Yes, well, you never know." Aqua sat back some as the waitress returned and asked whether they wanted any breakfast. After they declined, she left again. Aqua looked across the table at Blake. For a heartbeat, she was lost in his good looks. His eyes had always sucked her in like a vortex—it was no wonder he was a successful physician. He had the uncanny ability to make you feel like you were the only person in the room. “I want to spend a little more time with my family, and perhaps… well, I may open a small office locally."
"Wow. That’s a surprise. I’d heard you loved New York and your work there. " Blake’s expression softened; no longer the physician and analyst, but more like the Blake she remembered. "I hope we'll be able to get to know one another again, Aqua. I mean, it's always great to reconnect with friends."
"Yes, it is." Aqua tightened her lashes just enough to look a little deeper into his eyes. If he carried any resentment about the past, she couldn't see it. "I thought what I wanted was in New York, and it has been an amazing ride, there’s no doubt. But to be honest, lately, I’ve felt a bit restless and couldn’t quite put my finger on why. I love all the museums, the people, the activity, but the traffic, and the chaos, and the high-pressure of the big city, it--well, I'm not sure..."
"Well, don't get too comfortable because the latest charity auction in Burnt River is going to be quite high pressure. From what I've heard, the local council meetings run late into the night and two rival councilman's wives are having it out over who is going to be in charge of the bake sale. Seriously intense politics."
"Wow." Aqua laughed. "That sounds far too intense for me to handle. I might have to sit that one out."
"Oh, please don't, because I have to be there. I'm a donor. It would be much more tolerable if there was a familiar face around." Blake’s gaze lingered on hers, his eyes traveling to her lips and back to her eyes.
"Hm, sounds intriguing. I haven't been invited, but I’ll take your word for it." She shrugged and glanced away.
"Consider yourself invited then." Blake slid his business card across the table. "If you want to join me, all you have to do is call. My cell, office, and home number are on the card.”
"That's so nice of you, Blake." Aqua passed her gaze over his features once more. Was it possible that he hadn't aged at all since high school? "I'm sure you can think of a few other people that might like to attend as your guest, however."
"Maybe." He tipped his head from side to side. "But none will be as intriguing or mysterious as you."
"Mysterious?" Aqua shook her head. "Trust me, there's nothing mysterious about me."
"You are to me." Blake’s voice shifted just enough for her to notice that it moved from playful, to curious. “When you left here, Aqua. You were ready to take on the world. So what really happened that sent you running back home?"
"I wouldn't say that I'm running back home." Defensiveness rippled through her. It wasn't the first time she'd heard that comment. A few of her friends in New York had mentioned it when she told them that she wasn’t sure she would return. “People change," she said banishing the criticism from her mind.
"Some people do, I guess." Blake nodded, and his crystal blue eyes locked on hers. "Some of us don't. Some of us know exactly what we want from the time we first lay eyes on it, and that never changes."
"Lucky few, I guess." She was breathless as he continued to stare hard into her eyes. How is it that he could make her squirm? She had seen more in her years with the CIA than most people encountered in their lifetime, but here she was, intimidated by a man she’d once loved. She felt her cheeks grow pink.
The heat rose up her neck and spread on her face as questions raced through her mind. He can't be talking about me, can he? It can't be poss
ible that he still holds a candle, after all this time, could it? “So what made you come back here, Blake? I thought you'd take off, and carve out a new spot for yourself. Conquer the world and all, as a famous researcher or surgeon.” she said moving the discussion away from what had moved precariously close to the way they felt about one another once. Aqua wasn’t ready to deal with that.
“A new spot?” He smiled and shook his head. “I like this spot just fine. After med school, I came back here for an internship, and I realized, I didn't want to leave. Everything I'd ever known was here. My family was here, I didn't see a reason to walk away from all of that. I guess that doesn't sound very adventurous, but it's the truth. People in Burnt River deserve good medical care, too. So I completed a residency at John’s Hopkins in Internal Medicine and decided to come here to practice medicine.”
“I’m starting to feel the same way. It’s great to be close to my parents again, and it's been nice getting to connect with some of my old friends. It's funny, in New York City there were people everywhere, but I never really found a true connection with them. I have a few friends, but not like the friends I had here...” Her final words surprised her. Had she meant to say that out loud? Aqua took a sip of the coffee, desperately searching for a topic change.
“We were close.” It was a statement of fact. Imitating her, Blake rolled his coffee cup between his long fingers as he scrutinized her. “At least, I thought we were.”
Aqua’s chest thickened with a surge of guilt. She took a breath to release it and placed her cup back on the table with a loud thwack. “We were,” she added hastily, biting her lip.
Heated silence filled the space between them. He watched her lip, he looked as though he knew exactly what she was thinking, and it was uncanny. She could think of a thousand ways to apologize, to bring up the topic of the fact that she hadn’t known he had stopped by that day, and yet she couldn't get it from her head to her lips. Instead, she looked around the diner. The round bright lights by the counter drew her attention to the menu displayed high on the wall above the kitchen. The dining space was decorated with old memorabilia of the pioneers who had first settled in Burnt River and a few flags belonging to the local football team. Red accents on the seats, booths, and counters created a simplistic and aesthetic feel to the place. Blake’s voice dragged her back to their table.
“It's good to see you again, Aqua. I'm glad you're here. I think you'll find our little town has changed quite a bit, but many things are just the same.” He pulled some money out of his wallet. “Sorry to race off, but I have some appointments to get to. Speaking of,” he tossed the cash down on the table, and when he met her eyes again, she noticed distance in them. “How is your Mom doing?”
“Tough as ever. That salve seems to aid the healing just fine.”
“That salve.” Blake chuckled. He stood up from his seat. When he leaned over her, Aqua could smell every lovely detail of his cologne, along with a hint of his coffee-laced breath. “Watch out for infection. And call me.” He tapped the business card that remained on the table. “I don't want to go to that auction alone.” He caught her eyes briefly and winked. “Thanks for letting me pay the check without a protest of me encroaching on your rights.” He turned and strolled out of the diner.
Chuckling, Aqua stared after him until she felt the eyes of several of the diner customers on her. Blake was so hard to pin down. One moment he seemed to be flirting mercilessly with her and the next, he had that coldness that carried through him like barbed wire around an impenetrable fence. For some reason, as she gazed down at the business card, she felt as if he'd set a trap. Was he really glad to see her again? She picked up her cup of coffee and swallowed the warm, sweet liquid. He hadn't even stayed long enough for it to get cold.
Had the conversation steered too close to the past?
Chapter 6
For the rest of the day and into the next, Aqua’s mind flipped back and forth between excitement and uncertainty.
On the one hand, it seemed as if Blake was interested, but on the other, she wasn't sure if she was. There was no question that there was a chemistry between them, at least for her, but that didn't mean that she should do anything about it.
She hadn't been brave enough to broach the subject of his missed proposal. A part of her hoped that maybe he'd forgotten about it over the years, but she knew that wasn't possible. You didn't just forget moments like that. As much as she wanted to believe that he had forgiven her, and had moved past it, she couldn't help but notice that he hadn't mentioned it either. Then, when the topic had strayed toward the past, he'd left in a hurry. It was complicated.
Aqua distracted herself by looking for available office space and texting local friends to schedule lunch dates.
However, every quiet moment filled with thoughts of Blake. Was he thinking about her too? If he was, he wasn't showing it. He hadn't called or texted. Even though he'd indicated that he invited her to the auction, she had no idea what time it would start or where it was. She expected that he would at least text and confirm everything if he really wanted her to go with him. But as a few days slipped past, she found herself doubting he was serious about the invitation. Or more likely, he'd just changed his mind.
Every text she received, her heart raced hoping it would be Blake. Ever since she'd looked into his deep blue eyes the day of her mother’s accident, everything in her life felt disrupted.
Her life was logical, her career path had been clear and promising, and yet now thoughts of Blake crowded her dreams and filled her days. It would be annoying if it weren’t for the fact that she yearned for him. There was no other word for it.
If she were honest with herself, she’d have to admit that she hadn’t felt this intense emotion even when they had dated. This behavior was so unlike her. She was behaving like a starstruck teenager. Maybe it was just all part of the transition of moving back home. Maybe she was making more of it than she should. Maybe it was grappling with Mr. Weiker’s death and the unfairness of it all. The world needed more people like him, not less.
Aqua didn’t even want or need a man in her life, and part of her insisted that when Mr. Right did come along, and she was ready, it wouldn’t be Blake. Maybe her mental fixation regarding the good doctor related to a biological insecurity that struck some unmarried women when they approached thirty years of age. She was twenty-eight; were her mind and body subconsciously sending her a message to settle down? She’d heard of it happening, she just never thought it would happen to her.
Determined to not lose her focus, she did her best to ignore the possibility of running into him again. As a doctor, Blake was busy, even in Burnt River, and she doubted that their paths would cross often if she were careful. Aqua decided to hurl all of her energy into opening an office in Burnt River. There was a lot to do if she wanted to move here permanently.
By the end of the week, she had put a deposit down on an office space, ordered furniture for it, and begun to build up a client list.
In the evenings, she sat out on the porch with her father and mother and counted the stars. It was a practice she'd missed while she lived in the city. She recalled as a little girl she used to wonder what it might be like to live in outer space one day.
Back then, she’d believed that by the time she was an adult, people would be living on the moon. Things hadn't changed all that much, but everything about adulthood seemed millions of miles away from the beliefs she’d had as a child.
Everything was far more complicated and adults seemed to be experts at making it so. Combined with the government work she was leaving behind, maybe that was enough to make her embrace the simpler days.
* * *
"Aqua, what's on your mind?" Her mother patted her knee. "You seem so far away."
"Sorry, Mom." Aqua smiled at her. "Just lost in thought, I suppose."
"I can understand that. Do you want to share those thoughts?" Miri met her eyes with a warm smile. "I'm happy to listen."
"It's just interesting how life turns out. Isn't it?" Aqua shook her head and looked back up at the wide-open sky. "I've missed this place, I've missed these stars, but you couldn’t have told me I would feel this way even just a year ago." There was a wistfulness in her voice.
"We've missed you, too sweetie." Her father rubbed the curve of her shoulder. "It's so nice to have you home." He sighed happily.
"But." Her mother drew a deep breath and released it slowly. "I think it's time we had a talk."
"A talk?" Oh boy, Aqua knew that phrase. It was code for her mother initiating a topic or conversation she knew Aqua would not want to discuss, but there was no way to avoid it.
"I know that you came back here just for the funeral of your teacher. I know that you didn't intend to stay. I don't want you to feel obligated to give up your dreams. You have a very successful career in New York even though your father and I still aren’t really clear on what it is you did there.” Her mother let that hang for a moment. “Regardless, if I thought you were giving that up, not because you want to, but because you feel you have to, it would break my heart."
Aqua felt her mother’s eyes burning into hers even amidst the darkness of night. "I want you to stay, of course, but I will never do anything to clip your wings. Your father and I are fine, you know."
"Oh Mom, you don't have to worry about that." Aqua smiled as she took her mother's hand. "You've taught me much better than that. I'm here because I want to be here. There was a point in time when I did believe that there was more for me in New York, but now I realize that everything I was looking for there, I already had here. A lot has changed for me over the past few months."
"Are you sure?" Miri searched her daughter’s eyes for any uncertainty. "That this is where you want to be?"
"Yes, Mom, I'm sure." Aqua laughed and squeezed her mom’s hand. "This is definitely where I want to be, at least for now."
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