To the Gap (Daughter of the Wildings #4)

by Kyra Halland

  It felt like the end of the world. Worse, it felt like it could be the end of her and Silas. But Mr. Bington was trying hard to cheer her up, so Lainie politely answered, “No, I guess not.”

  “You want to tell me what it’s about?”

  She hesitated, trying to figure out how she could possibly tell him what was wrong without revealing that she and Silas were mages. “I wanted to go with him to keep an eye on those two rustlers. I just didn’t want him to go after them alone. And he –” Her voice broke as the hurt bloomed fresh again. “He yelled at me. Told me to stay behind.” More tears spilled from her eyes, and she wiped them away with her shirtsleeve.

  “Ah. It hurts to have a dear one’s voice raised against you, I know. But he was only trying to protect you. Men will do whatever it takes to protect the women they love, even if they have to be stern with them to do it.”

  “But it’s dangerous for him, too.” There was no way she could tell him how dangerous it really was. “I want to help him. I don’t want him to get hurt.”

  “I know,” Mr. Bington said. “Women can be just as fierce as men in wanting to protect the ones they love. But he looks to me like the sort who can take care of himself without you putting yourself at risk. And think of it this way. If he doesn’t have to worry about protecting you, he has a better chance of dealing with those rustlers without coming to harm.”

  He did have a point there, she supposed. But Silas was the one with a bounty on his head; he was the one they – whoever they were – had tried to assassinate. He was the one who had been allied with the outlawed Hidden Council. But he refused to believe that she could be of any use. She had saved him from Orl Fazar and from Oferdon. She wasn’t a child, damn it. She wasn’t useless and fragile. But, again just to be polite, she said, “I guess so.”

  “Sure he can. He’ll be fine, and this will all blow over before you know it.”

  She wished it could be that easy. But this disagreement went far deeper than whether or not she got involved in a fight or where they went after the drive. It went right to the heart of what they were together. If that broke, there might not be anything left of them.

  Mr. Bington didn’t say anything more as the wagon trundled along at the back of the herd. Lainie was glad of his company; it was good to not be alone when she was so hurt and scared. But she was also glad he didn’t keep asking her to explain things that couldn’t be explained. A trail hand came back to the wagons to fetch Landstrom and Endis, but otherwise there was no sign that anything out of the ordinary was going on, no sounds of shouting or gunfire or any other sign that the confrontation with the cattle-rustling mages was taking the dangerous turn that she dreaded. Still, she waited, terrified of what might be happening out of her sight and hearing.

  At long last, Silas rode out from the herd with Endis and Landstrom and the other boss who had gone with them. Lainie’s fear dissolved into relief on seeing him safe, then her anger and hurt boiled up again.

  He rode over alongside the wagon. “Lainie –”

  “What?” she snapped.

  Mr. Bington cleared his throat. “I think I’ll go over to Mrs. Bington’s wagon and see how she’s doing. You want to drive for a time, Shark?”

  “Sure.”

  Mr. Bington stopped the wagon and climbed down, and Silas took his place on the wagon seat. He picked up the reins and flicked them, and the horses started pulling the wagon forward again. He took a deep breath. “Lainie, listen –”

  “You don’t talk to me like that, Vendine.”

  “I’m sorry. If there was going to be trouble, I didn’t want you in the middle of it.”

  “And you think I wasn’t worried about you too?”

  “Lainie, look,” he said in an undertone, “maybe they were only rogues trying to rustle some cattle. But they could have been hunters, scouting the outfit for renegades. I had no way of knowing.”

  “If they were hunters, you’re the one they’d have been looking for. Not me.” She was getting tired of having to say it.

  “Listen to me. I’m just your ordinary, everyday renegade, but you’re different. You have to understand – you haven’t just broken a few laws. You’re dangerous. A threat to the Council.” Even though he was keeping his voice low, she noted that he carefully avoided using the word “mage”. “And it isn’t only because of what you can do,” he went on, “though that’s bad enough. It’s because of what you are and what you show is possible. You’re a threat to their power, their authority, their control over everyone like us, and they cannot allow that.”

  “But what about Orl Fazar? He was like me, and they bred him to be like that on purpose.”

  “He was working for them. You aren’t. That’s the difference between you and Fazar. The Council, or people connected with it, people of influence, controlled him. They don’t control you.”

  “I guess so,” she said reluctantly. “But we don’t know that the Council knows what I can do.”

  “They know.”

  “Okay. So Fazar got that message sent off before he died. But we don’t know for sure what it said or who he sent it to. And maybe someone found Oferdon in the mountains and he told them. Or maybe not. What we do know is that you’re the one there’s a bounty on. You’re the one they hired someone to kill.”

  “Lainie, they know. I got another message yesterday. It said, ‘Take the girl and get as far away as you can.’”

  Lainie’s thoughts ground to a halt as the world as she assumed it to be suddenly turned into something else. She didn’t want to believe it; there had to be a mistake. If it was true, that would mean Silas was right to not let her help him and to want to take her far away. It would mean the end of all her hopes and dreams. “Maybe whoever sent it knew if they told you to leave without me, you wouldn’t.” Even as she said it, she realized what a thin, weak straw she was grasping at.

  “No. They know about you. And it isn’t just them. It’s the folks here too. They would hang you in a moment, no questions, no regrets, if they knew what you are. So –” He took a deep breath. “That’s why I’ve decided that when the drive is over we’re going –”

  “To Amber Bay. No.” She didn’t care how much danger she was in. She couldn’t go so far away from home.

  “Not Amber Bay. That isn’t far enough.”

  “Where, then?”

  “Look, I talked to the owner of the shop where I bought your ring. He’s a foreigner from across the western sea. He told me how much it would cost to go over there and settle. With what we earn from the drive, we’ll have enough, or close to it. They’ll never find us there.”

  Across the sea, across the great western ocean to the far side of the world… “No.”

  “Lainie, it’s the only way –”

  “Damn it, Silas, I said no!”

  “Lainie, wait–”

  She couldn’t talk about it. She couldn’t bear it that he would ask that of her. Amber Bay was bad enough, but the other side of the world, across the ocean? How could he even think of such a thing? All at once she had to get away from him and the awful, unimaginable thing he was asking her to do. She jumped down from the seat of the slow-moving wagon, stumbled a bit, caught her balance, and started running as fast as she could away from the herd. She was afraid this might be the end of them; he might decide her heart was someplace other than with him if she refused to go. But she couldn’t go away to the other side of the world. She just couldn’t.

  She ran across the grassy prairie, gasping for breath, tears spilling down her face. Behind her, she heard Silas call out, “Lainie!” She glanced back over her shoulder. He was running after her; with his longer stride, he would catch up quickly. She pushed herself faster, away from the questions that she couldn’t bear to face any more.

  Her legs were burning, her lungs heaving for air. She stumbled, and he caught her from behind, holding her firmly. Weeping, she struggled to break free, feeling foolish and childish and not caring.

  He refused to le
t go. “Lainie, stop. Listen to me.”

  She spun around in his arms to face him. “No, Silas. You listen to me. First Amber Bay, now this – Don’t you understand what you’re asking me to give up?” She wiped tears from her face. “This is my home. I’ve got as much right to be here as anyone. They ran me out of Bitterbush Springs, but I’m not going to let them run me out of the Wildings. If we go away, I’ll never see my Pa again. He won’t have anyone of his blood to claim his ranch when he’s gone. You should know what that means to him, after what his mother did to their family! And we’ll never be able to go to the Mage Council and get the block taken off of you. I’ll never be able to have babies. Don’t ask that of me, Silas. Don’t.”

  “The Mage Council won’t change.”

  “They might! New people with new ideas might join, or maybe one day we’ll find a way to make them see we aren’t really criminals.”

  “You don’t know those people. I was born and raised among them. They’ll never change.”

  “But –”

  “Even if they do, it won’t be any time soon, and in the meantime, if they get their hands on you, they’ll destroy you. I won’t let that happen.”

  “Do you think I don’t worry about you, too? There’s an eight hundred gilding bounty on your head! And someone sent an assassin after you! But running away isn’t the answer. What about your beliefs? What about protecting Plain folk?”

  “To the hells with them. They tried to kill you, and they’ll try it again if they get the chance. The shop owner told me there’s no such thing as magic in those lands. No one would care that we’re mages.”

  No magic? Her mind struggled to grasp this, and failed. “How could there be no such thing as magic? Maybe – maybe they say that because they don’t want there to be such a thing as magic or mages.”

  “Better that than you being hanged as a mage. As long as you’re safe, I don’t care about anything else.”

  She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. This wasn’t the Silas she thought she knew. “You say that now, but if you turn away from what you believe in, one day you’ll look back and realize what you gave up for me, and you’ll hate me for it, and yourself too.”

  “I wouldn’t –”

  “And what about what we have together?” she went on. “Is running away and hiding really all you want to have to show for it? Or are we going to stand together and make something of our lives? Make the Wildings into a better place for Plains and mages to live together? And show the Mage Council that all those rules are wrong?”

  “I’m not –”

  “I don’t want you to get hurt, either. If something happened to you, I don’t know what I would do. I’ll do anything to protect you – except ask you to be less than the man you are. So don’t you make yourself into less than the man you are for my sake.”

  Abruptly, he turned his back to her and stood with his arms wrapped tightly around himself, tension written in every rigid line of his body, as though he was fighting to hold himself together. “Don’t you understand, darlin’?” His voice was strained and hushed. “All those times – When I saw them putting the noose around your neck, and Orl Fazar holding his knife at your throat, when I saw you lying on that altar and thought –” His voice broke “– thought you were dead, when I thought I was going to lose you to the cravings, those were the worst moments of my life. I couldn’t live if I lost you. A world without you is a world I don’t want to live in.”

  He wasn’t crying, was he? At the realization, Lainie’s heart seemed to rip right in half. She put her arms around him and rested her head against his shaking back, his breathing ragged in her ear. “I want to be safe,” she said. “And I want you to be safe. But not if it means we have to turn our backs on everything else we love and everything else that’s important to us.”

  He didn’t answer, and she had nothing more to say. She gave him a squeeze, then turned from him and walked away, back towards the herd.

  They were the hardest steps she had ever taken.

  * * *

  SILAS TURNED AND watched Lainie walk away. He felt scoured raw, stripped of all hope and emotion. She wanted to be with her Pa; she wanted a man who could give her children. She didn’t want a man who would turn tail and run away from everything he believed in just to protect her. All he wanted was to keep her safe, but in trying to do so, he was going to lose her as surely as if the mage hunters got her. But at least she would still be safe.

  Silently cursing himself, he followed her back to the herd.

  She didn’t speak to him in camp that night, not even when she served up his supper at the grub wagon. Instead of sleeping before his shift on night watch, Silas sat up by the campfire, staring into the flames as though they held the answer to the problem of how to protect Lainie without driving her away from him. She finished her chores early and retreated to the wagon where she slept, still without saying a word to him. Soon after, he fetched Abenar and rode out for the night watch.

  Not long after the start of his shift, Paslund joined him. “I’ll take over here, Shark. I get the feeling you and the little lady need some time together.”

  Silas hesitated. What if she turned him away? What if she had decided she would rather be with Dobay, her Pa’s foreman, whom she had been expected to marry before Silas came along, or with some other ranch fellow? At the same time, longing filled him for the warmth of her arms, to kiss her and tell her he was sorry, to hear her say, “It’s okay, baby.” Even if he knew she would reject him, he couldn’t stay away. “Sure, thanks.”

  He took Abenar back to the remounts corral and saw to the gelding’s care while he worked up the courage to approach Lainie. Then he went to her wagon, took a deep breath to brace himself, and knocked on the wagon box. “Lainie?”

  A long silence passed, marked by the pounding of his heart and his growing despair. She was either so sound asleep she hadn’t heard the knock, or she was ignoring him. He knocked again. “Lainie, darlin’?”

  Again, there was no answer. He was about to turn away when she said, “Yeah?” in a small voice.

  “It’s me. Can I come in?”

  After another pause, she said, “Sure.”

  He climbed in. There was just enough light inside the covered wagon that he could see the shine of tears on her face. He knelt beside her and touched the dampness on her cheeks, gently brushing the tears away. “I’m sorry, darlin’. I just –”

  She covered his mouth with her hand. “Don’t talk. Just love me.”

  So he did. And it didn’t solve anything, or answer any questions, but at least she hadn’t turned him away.

  * * *

  OVER THE NEXT month and a half, the herd continued east along the Gap River. As the days and leagues went by, clouds began building up over the distant hills and mountains to the north, heralding the thunderstorm season soon to come. There were no more stampedes or rustling attempts, and life and work on the drive got easier, especially after the trail bosses threatened to hogtie the worst of the troublemakers among the Forn’s Crossing and Discovery crews and leave them in the care of the sheriff in the next town they came to.

  Lainie waited for Silas to say something more about going overseas or staying out of fights with mages, but he didn’t. He only mentioned once that he didn’t think they were done with mages, and then only to warn her to be on the lookout for trouble, which she was doing anyway. She knew the questions weren’t settled, but, for now, she was content to leave them alone, and Silas seemed to feel the same way.

  The herd crossed the Fairbank River without mishap, even though the crossing took two days. The tale of Silas’s rescue of Paslund in the White Rock reached legendary status as the Windy Valley men told it over and over to the other crews. Silas tried to brush aside the attention, but Lainie was proud and pleased – and hopeful that if the hands ever found out the truth about Silas and her, Silas’s deed would balance favorably against their hatred of wizards.

  Not long after crossing
the Fairbank, the herd joined up with the Thornwood Valley co-op herd at the town of Grand Meadows, which brought the number of cattle to nearly thirteen thousand and the crew to ninety. The town of Thornwood had been settled by Straight-Pathers, a sect whose members eschewed drinking, swearing, gambling, and fornication in order to purify themselves before the gods and earn a straight path through all eight heavens. The Straight-Pathers among the Thornwood Valley crew, including the trail boss, were friendly, sober, and hard-working; the rest were as restless and rowdy as any other cowhands after waiting at Grand Meadows for several days for the herd to arrive.

  Lainie went into Grand Meadows with the Bingtons for supplies, and the hands were given permission to spend a little time in town that evening, provided their shifts on watch were covered. Lainie was kept busy putting away the new supplies that evening, so Silas covered the first half of Paslund’s watch, in exchange for the times Paslund had relieved him early, while Paslund went into town to play cards and mail a letter to his wife and sons back in Windy Valley.

  Soon after, the summer thunderstorms began, putting an end to the danger of running into a long dry drive. The evening of the first storm, the crew gave thanks with offerings and prayers, and no one complained about getting drenched by the brief, heavy rains four or five afternoons out of every nineday. Rivers and creeks often ran high after the storms, but the water usually receded by the following morning, leaving the crossings passable. Lainie longed to practice her weatherworking skills on the thunderstorms, but Silas’s cautions held her back. They hadn’t found any more mages since the two rustlers, but if there were any out there, she had to admit, it would be foolish to announce her presence by using so much power unnecessarily.

  With the onset of the thunderstorm season came the first anniversary of Lainie and Silas’s meeting, followed less than two ninedays later by the first anniversary of their marriage. On the day of their wedding anniversary, Silas, not wanting to impose on Paslund again, asked around the drive crew to see if he could trade his shift on second watch for someone’s first shift, but Paslund got wind of it and insisted on taking Silas’s entire shift as well as his own. For her part, Lainie spent the afternoon working up the courage to ask Mrs. Bington if she could be excused from her chores a little early that evening.