Many a Tear has to Fall

by Joan Jonker

  Tess smiled across at her sister. ‘That’s what I’d like, Maddy, but only if that’s what you’d like as well. If you’d rather go to the seaside, I wouldn’t mind.’

  ‘Why don’t we have a vote on it?’ George suggested. ‘Hands up those who want to go to the seaside.’ When not one hand was raised, he nodded with satisfaction. ‘The country wins by an overwhelming majority.’

  ‘Ooh, goody!’ Tess sat up straight on his knee. ‘When will we be going, Dad?’

  ‘When and where has to be decided yet, pet. I start my holidays in two weeks’ time, and I’m off for two weeks. So it will have to be within that time. I’ll start making some enquiries tomorrow, see if anyone in work can recommend a decent place. If not, I’ll slip down to our Ken’s tomorrow night. He and Millicent have been to a place in Wales a few times, and they said it’s a pretty village and the two children loved it.’

  ‘I’ll go in the morning, if you like,’ Ann said. ‘I know Ken will be at work, but Millicent should be in. She’ll have the name and address to write to, and the sooner it’s done the better. With all the factories being on holiday at the same time, chances are most of the bed-and-breakfast places will be booked up. So we don’t have a lot of time to spare.’

  ‘That’s an idea, love, if you don’t mind?’

  ‘It’s a good reason to get me out of the house. The weather’s so lovely, it’s a shame to stay in, and I’m sure Theresa would enjoy the trip out.’

  ‘You lucky thing!’ Maddy said. ‘I’ll be stuck in school all day while you’re out gallivanting! Roll on Friday, when we break up.’

  ‘You’ll be singing a different tune halfway through the long holiday,’ Ann said. ‘After a couple of weeks you’ll be bored stiff.’

  ‘Not this time, though, Mam, ’cos I’ve got a holiday to look forward to.’ Unlike most of her friends, Maddy loved school. She was popular with all the girls and teachers, and was always near top of the class in every subject except history, which she hated. ‘If we take a big bag, we might be able to bring a baa-lamb home with us. You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Tess?’

  Her sister’s eyes rolled. ‘Ooh, I don’t know about that. I’ve never seen a lamb, only in books, so I don’t know if I’d like one.’ Her brows drew together. ‘What would we give it to eat, Maddy, and where would it sleep?’

  ‘It would eat all the scraps we leave, and it would sleep in bed with you.’

  George’s chuckle was hearty when he saw the look on Tess’s face. ‘She’s pulling your leg, pet. Lambs live in fields, not in houses.’

  ‘And they certainly don’t sleep in my beds,’ Ann said, with mock severity. ‘The very idea! I’d spend my life cleaning up after it!’

  ‘That’s settled then,’ George declared. ‘No big bag, no baa-lamb. And I think that’s enough talking for tonight, it’s time you girls were in bed.’

  ‘Ah, ay, Dad!’ Maddy was too excited to go to bed. ‘Look how light it is out, we’d never be able to sleep.’

  ‘You heard what your dad said, so do as you’re told.’ As the words were leaving her lips, Ann was wishing she could take them back. With one sentence, she had wiped the smiles from her daughters’ faces. There was no need for it either, as George would have sent them to bed without it sounding like an order. She’d spoken out of habit, but it was a habit she had to get out of if she ever wanted to see the same love and trust in their eyes when they looked at her as there was when they looked at their father. ‘You can take your books with you,’ she said now, trying to make amends, ‘and read for a while.’

  ‘I’ve got a better idea,’ George told them. ‘Ask your mam for some paper and you can play teachers. Give each other simple sums to do, then mark them, just like a teacher does. How does that sound?’

  Tess didn’t look very sure. ‘D’you mean Maddy will mark my sums, and no one else will see them?’

  George ruffled her hair. ‘It’s only a game to pass the time, pet, you can tear the paper up afterwards if you like.’

  A smile appeared. ‘Shall we do that, Maddy? I promise I won’t cane you if you get any wrong.’

  Her sister nodded. ‘I’ve got a good idea. The one who gets the most sums wrong has to tell a story. It can be a fairy story out of one of our books, or a made-up one. Okay?’

  Tess looked at her father and wagged a finger, asking him to lean closer. She whispered in his ear for a while, then George burst out laughing. ‘That’s very good, sweetheart. If Maddy takes my advice, she’ll make sure she wins so she can hear your story.’

  ‘That sounds great!’ Maddy’s infectious giggle rang out. ‘I’ll race you to the top of the stairs.’

  ‘Hang on a minute,’ George said. ‘What about our goodnight kiss?’

  Maddy’s hand covered her mouth. ‘Ooh, er, sorry, Dad. It’s just that I can’t wait to hear this story.’ She hugged her father and kissed him. ‘Goodnight and God bless.’ Then she moved on to her mother, with Tess following on. ‘Goodnight and God bless, Mam.’

  ‘Don’t get into bed without washing your hands and faces,’ Ann said. ‘And fold your clothes neatly on the chair, not on the floor.’

  Her words were lost in the mad scramble for the door. At least it appeared to be a mad scramble, but in reality it was Maddy waving her arms and laughing, as she pretended to try and beat Tess through the door. There was never any doubt that she would let her sister win.

  ‘It’s a wonder one of them didn’t fall and break their neck,’ Ann said, when they heard the girls running the water in the bathroom. Then she looked at her husband through narrowed eyes. ‘What on earth did Theresa whisper in your ear?’

  ‘Something that surprised me and made me wonder where we are going wrong with her. When she’s left to do something off her own bat, she’s got as much nous as any ten-year-old girl. I know that she’s not strong physically, but there’s not much wrong with her mind. If we could only find a way of encouraging her to open up, draw her out of her shell, I’m convinced she’d come on like a house on fire.’

  ‘George, if you tell me what she whispered in your ear, I’d know why you’re thinking what you are. So tell me.’

  ‘If she gets her sums wrong, and has to tell a story, she’s going to tell one about bringing a lamb home in a big bag. The lamb will be called Curly because all the ones she’s seen in books have curly wool. It can sleep on the couch, have its own chair at the table, its own knife and fork, and will be taught to use the toilet so you don’t have to clean up after it. And it can be taken for walks with a dog’s lead around its neck.’

  ‘That’s very good considering she made it up in a matter of minutes.’ Ann gazed down at her clasped hands. ‘George, am I holding her back? Am I too strict with her? If I am, I don’t mean to be. I just want to do what’s best for her.’

  George patted the space next to him on the couch. ‘Come and sit here, love.’ When she was settled, he put an arm across her shoulders. ‘I know you love her and worry that she’ll never live a normal life. And I know you only want what’s best for her. But perhaps being a mother and a teacher to her isn’t the right way forward. You’re too close, and when she’s not in school, which is more often than not, she never has any time away from you. She worries that she can’t meet your expectations of her, and as I’ve just said, she is never away from you, so the worry is constant. I may be wrong, love, but I think we have to consider Tess’s interests and not our own. Let her develop at her own rate and see if that works.’

  ‘But how can she develop if she hasn’t any targets to aim for? Every child needs teaching, even if it’s only the very basics. She’ll never learn if she has nothing to learn from.’

  ‘You’ve tried the conventional way of teaching, and it hasn’t worked. Perhaps it would have done if she’d been attending school every day like Maddy, but there is no point in thinking what might have been. We need to go down every avenue until we find one that suits her. Because there is a way, love, it’s just finding it. Perhaps if we try it a
s a family, or treat it as a game? Anything we can think of, Ann, but we have to find that way. Tess is capable of far more than she’s showing at present, of that I’m sure. And I think we should consider allowing Maddy to help her more.’

  Ann moved back to meet his eyes. ‘George, you can’t expect a twelve-year-old to teach a backward ten-year-old, it’s out of the question.’

  ‘Nothing is out of the question, love, not where our daughter’s concerned. And she’d be more likely to do things for Maddy because she idolises her. But instead of reading stories to her in bed at night, if Maddy set her a couple of easy sums it would be a start. I’m not saying she’d make great strides forward because that would take a miracle. But a couple of sums, getting harder each night, now that would be progress. She wants so much to make us proud of her, and worries because she thinks she’s a failure. I believe that is the cause of a lot of her health problems. And why she never has an appetite.’ George was conscious his wife might be hurt by what he was saying. She could take his words to mean she had failed their daughter. But it was better to be open than let things carry on as they were. ‘I’m not a clever man, love, and I might be talking through my hat. But let’s work together on this. Let me have a word with Maddy, and give it a trial for two weeks. Even if she only learns to write a short sentence, and gets a few sums right, it’ll be a start. She’ll enjoy that, I know she will. And if we find she seems better in herself, and her appetite improves, we can take it from there.’ He took her hand in his and gently squeezed it. ‘We’ve got to do what’s best for our daughter, love, no matter what it takes.’

  ‘Yes, I know, and I’ll go along with what you said. I’ll give lessons a miss tomorrow and take Theresa to Millicent’s with me. If the weather stays as nice as today, we could walk most of the way and do some window-shopping.’ Ann tried to shake off the feeling that she’d in some way let her daughter down. She never shouted at the girl if she got sums or words wrong, but she was strict with her. Lessons were two hours in the morning and two in the afternoon, and after she’d marked the papers, her daughter would be made to sit at the table until she’d corrected any mistakes. And all the time she thought she was doing the best for Theresa, so she could live a normal life, like her sister.

  Ann hung her head, seeing herself in her mind’s eye standing over the young girl as she struggled with words and figures. Theresa always did as she was told, never answered back, but there was never a smile on her face until her sister or father walked through the door. ‘In fact I’ll stop the lessons altogether until after the summer holidays. So for seven weeks we’ll do as you suggested and see how things work out.’ She gazed into her husband’s face and he could see the sadness in her eyes. ‘I just want Theresa to be like other girls, and have a chance in life.’

  ‘I know that, love, and you’ve done your best over the years, God knows. So have a break now, relax, and get to know your daughter without worrying about what is going to happen to her in the future. Because I feel it in my bones that everything is going to be all right, and in a few years’ time we’ll be wondering why we ever thought it wouldn’t be.’

  While her mother was clearing the breakfast dishes, Tess went to the door with her sister to wave her off to school. ‘You’ll come straight home, won’t you, Maddy?’

  ‘I promise I’ll run all the way.’ Maddy fell into step with Angie Williams, who lived three doors away and went to the same school. ‘Don’t forget to tell Auntie Milly I was asking about her and Uncle Ken.’

  ‘I won’t!’ Tess waited until the two girls turned the corner before going back into the house. ‘Shall I help you dry the dishes, Mam, or get my books out?’

  ‘The dishes are almost done,’ Ann called from the kitchen. ‘And there’s no lessons today, we’re going to see Auntie Millicent. So go and have a wash and put your nice pink dress on.’

  Tess was smiling as she climbed the stairs. The pink dress was her very favourite and she was only allowed to wear it when being taken anywhere. So her mother must think this was an important occasion. The girl didn’t spend much time washing, it was just a cat’s lick and a promise because she couldn’t wait to get dolled up. And as she pulled the dress over her head, she spoke aloud: ‘I wonder would me mam get annoyed if I asked her to put a ribbon in my hair?’

  Ann was on the landing and heard the words. She quickly turned and went quietly back down the stairs, avoiding the boards that would creak and give her away. In the living room she stood by the table and asked herself was she such an ogre her own daughter was afraid to ask for such a small thing as a ribbon in her hair? Things had come to a pretty pass if that was the case.

  Tess flung the door open and rushed in. ‘Mam, will you fasten the button at the back, please, I can’t reach.’ As she turned, her eyes lit on the pink ribbon spread out on the sideboard. ‘Ooh, is that for me, Mam?’

  ‘It is, love! You and I are going out of here like a couple of toffs today. When I’ve combed your hair and put the bow in, I’m going upstairs to put my best dress on. That should give the neighbours something to talk about, shouldn’t it?’

  Tess giggled, then studied her mother’s face. ‘Mam, why do you wear your hair like that? You’ve got lovely hair, much nicer than mine ’cos it’s nice and curly. But no one can see the curls the way you’ve got it.’

  ‘I’ve always worn it like this, Theresa, because it’s easy to manage. And it looks more tidy than hanging about my face and getting in my eyes.’

  With no lessons today, and wearing her pink dress, plus the ribbon that would soon be tying her hair back, Tess was feeling on top of the world. And brave enough to talk to her mother as she never had before. ‘You’d look much prettier if you wore your hair loose, Mam, honest! And I bet me dad would like it.’

  ‘No, I’d look silly.’ Ann the schoolteacher was horrified at the very thought of anything so drastic, but Ann the wife and mother, without knowing, had allowed the seed to be sown. ‘Your father would think I’d lost the run of my senses.’

  ‘I bet he wouldn’t.’ Tess was holding her ground. ‘Why don’t you let it down tonight and see what he says? I bet he’d love you more than ever, and so would me and Maddy.’

  ‘Nonsense, it’s out of the question.’ But Ann was not as sure as she sounded. And her daughter looked so crestfallen, she said something she’d really had no intention of saying. ‘I’ll tell you what, Theresa, so you’ll know I’m right, I’ll take my hair down this afternoon when we come back from Aunt Millicent’s. And you’ll see for yourself how stupid I look and never mention it again.’

  But as she sat at the table, waiting, Tess was convinced her mother wouldn’t look stupid. She’d look as pretty as any of the other women in their street.

  ‘Well, this is a surprise!’ Milly Richardson smiled with pleasure as she held the door wide. ‘What’s brought you down to this neck of the woods?’

  Ann ushered Tess ahead of her. ‘I’ve come to ask a favour. We’ve been talking about having a few days away while George is on holiday, and he said you’d been to Wales a couple of times and might be able to recommend somewhere.’

  Milly pulled two chairs from the table and waved a hand. ‘Sit yerselves down.’ She chucked Tess under the chin before giving her a kiss. ‘Ye’re looking very pretty today, Tess, a proper little lady.’

  The girl was delighted with the compliment. ‘Thank you, Auntie Milly, this is my very favourite dress.’ Then she remembered what her sister had said. ‘Maddy told me to say she was asking about you and Uncle Ken.’

  ‘Tell her we’re fine, love, all fit and healthy. Yer Uncle Ken and Billy are at work, and Joyce is at school. They’ll be sorry they missed yer.’ Milly turned to Ann. ‘So, ye’re off on a few days’ holiday, are yer? Well, I can recommend the place we stayed at in Wales, we’ve always enjoyed ourselves there. The woman’s name is Mrs Owen, first name Gwen, and she does bed and breakfast, or, if yer want, she’ll do yer an evening meal as well. Her house is in a little village called
Hope, and she’s spotlessly clean and a marvellous cook. There’s a big back garden full of fruit trees and flowers, and a swing which you’d like, Tess.’

  ‘Does she charge much?’ Ann asked. ‘We’re not exactly flushed with money.’

  Milly gazed at her sister-in-law before answering. Although she liked Ann, she couldn’t help thinking that if she wasn’t such a snob they wouldn’t be short of money. A two-up two-down house wasn’t good enough for her when she married George, oh no, it had to be a six-roomed in Orrell Park. And she never went to TJ’s or the market to buy the girls’ school clothes; only Henderson’s in Church Street, one of the poshest shops in Liverpool, was good enough for her. George earned the same money as Ken, but with so much extra being spent on rent and clothes, they had nothing over for such luxuries as enjoyment.

  Mentally shaking her head, Milly decided she wouldn’t change places with Ann for a big clock. It was all well and good living in Orrell Park and shopping at Henderson’s if you had the money, but not when you were struggling every week. Still, she thought, we all have different ideas and it wouldn’t do for everyone to think alike. ‘For bed, breakfast and evening meal, she charges four shillings a day for adults and two bob for children. But yer get yer money’s worth because the table’s always piled high with good food.’

  Ann did a quick calculation. George only went for a pint once a week, and he only smoked five Woodbines a day, but if he did without for the next two weeks, as he’d said he would, they could probably scrape five pounds together with the bit they had saved and his two weeks’ holiday pay. Mind you, the rent had to be paid for those two weeks, but that was the only debt they had. ‘How do you get there, Millicent? On the train?’

  Milly nodded. ‘Don’t ask me all the travelling details ’cos I can’t tell yer. I do know the first time we went, some soft nit told us to get the train from Liverpool and change to another train at some other station. Ken is the best one to tell yer how to get there, I’m hopeless for remembering names. The second time we went was much easier, though. We only had to get the one train, and outside the station there were a line of pony-and-traps waiting to carry people where they wanted to go. It was a fair distance, but the bloke only charged about two bob and we didn’t half enjoy the ride through the country.’