Many a Tear has to Fall

by Joan Jonker

  Ann was halfway up the street when she could feel one of the bags slipping from her arm. And the only person in sight who could help was Nellie Bingham, on her way to the shops. ‘I wonder if you’d help me, Mrs Bingham? One of the bags is slipping and I’d be grateful if you’d push it back in for me.’

  Without saying a word, Nellie weighed up the situation. Then, spotting the wayward bag, she pushed it to safety before going on her way. Ann stared at the retreating back and shook her head. Nellie really was a difficult person. Still, that was no reason for Ann to be rude as well, so she called after her, ‘Thank you, Mrs Bingham.’ But for all the notice Nellie took, she might just as well have not bothered.

  Dolly opened the door and grinned. ‘I nearly got caught short there, girl, I just made it in time.’ She stood aside for Ann to get past. ‘Saved by the bell I was.’

  Ann deposited the bags on the couch. ‘Can I ask if you’ll put these on top of your wardrobe, Dolly? Otherwise the girls will be snooping.’

  ‘Yeah, leave them there, girl, and I’ll take them up when we’ve had a drink.’ Dolly eyed the cake bag. ‘Me mouth is watering.’

  ‘There’s only one cream slice, so two of us are going to be disappointed. Shall we draw lots for it?’

  ‘Not at all!’ Bridie said. ‘Sure, it’s meself that’ll be thankful for a cake of any kind.’

  When Dolly laughed her whole body shook. ‘I’m not as generous as her, girl, I’ll fight yer tooth and nail for the cream slice.’

  ‘No need to, you can have it. After all, your cheek saved me a few bob today, so it’s the least I can do.’

  The three women sat around the table discussing the coming festive season. ‘You had the party on Boxing Day last year, Ann, so I’ll have it this year,’ Dolly said, her plump elbows resting on the table. ‘That’s only fair.’

  ‘No, we’ll do as we did last year, shall we? Me Boxing Day and Bridie New Year’s Eve. That’s if it’s okay with you?’

  Both women nodded. ‘The children can have their own little party in my house,’ Bridie said. ‘They’d enjoy it better than being with us grown-ups.’

  Dolly nodded, looking decidedly happy. ‘That didn’t take long, did it? Our Christmas parties organised in five minutes! Yer can’t beat that!’

  ‘Hardly organised, Dolly, but I know what you mean.’ Ann glanced at the clock. ‘It’s time to start thinking of putting the dinner on. But I’ve enjoyed myself today, thanks to you two. And if you feel like it, we can go again next week and get the rest of the presents.’

  ‘Suits me, girl!’

  ‘And me,’ Bridie said. ‘Sure, wouldn’t I rather be out in good company than sitting in me house looking at four walls?’

  Ann pushed her chair back. ‘Come on, Bridie, we’ll leave Dolly to get on with her dinner.’

  ‘So you had a good day?’ George said, contented to see his wife looking so happy. Moving to Willard Street had been the best thing that could have happened to her. She laughed more easily, even telling jokes herself, and was far more relaxed. And of course the improvement in their younger daughter’s health was a big worry off her mind. ‘Did Dolly have the stallholders tearing their hair out?’

  ‘Not quite. One said that because of her his children would be having bread and dripping for their tea. And he didn’t know how she could sleep at night taking the food out of the mouths of children. But it was all in fun, they seemed to enjoy her haggling.’

  ‘You’ve made some good friends in the short time we’ve been here.’

  ‘Yes, I feel very lucky. We’ve even arranged the Christmas parties, as we did last year, with the children having their own party in one of the houses.’

  ‘Oh, goody,’ Maddy said. ‘I hope I can ask James and Billy.’

  Tess was quick to say, ‘And I’d like Jack and Willy to come.’

  Ann shook her head. ‘No, Theresa, definitely not!’ She went on to tell of the encounter with their neighbour. ‘Not one word out of her, even when I shouted after her to thank her. She’s impossible, there’s no getting through to her.’

  Tess could keep quiet no longer. She was sorry to break her promise to Jack, but she couldn’t sit and listen to his mother being criticised by someone who didn’t know what Mrs Bingham had suffered. ‘Mam, what would you do if I died? Or Maddy died?’

  ‘What a terrible question to ask, Theresa! What made you think of such a thing?’

  ‘I want to know what you would do, Mam, if I died? Please tell me.’

  Ann looked to her husband for help, but George too was at a loss and shook his head. ‘I can’t imagine anything so terrible, Theresa, but I think I’d want to die too. I would surely go out of my mind with grief.’

  ‘Like Mrs Bingham did?’

  There wasn’t a sound, not even of breathing, for several seconds. Then George asked, ‘What are you saying, Tess? Your mam and I would like to know.’

  ‘Mrs Bingham had a little girl, Enid, and she died when she was five. Jack told me ages ago but asked me to promise not to tell. They only moved here because his dad thought it would be better for his mam. You see, she went out of her mind, Mam, like you said you would.’ The tears were rolling down the girl’s face, and Maddy put her arm around her and held her close. ‘She never used to be like this, Jack said, she was always happy and laughing. And his dad never used to drink either.’

  ‘Oh my God, the poor woman!’ Ann was racked with guilt. ‘I don’t know what to say, I feel devastated for her. And her husband and the boys. If only I’d known I would have tried harder, as I’m sure the other neighbours would. But we weren’t to know.’ She was sobbing when she turned her face to her husband. ‘George, that’s why she searched for little Emma Wilson when she went missing. We all searched, every woman in the street, but it was Nellie who found her and brought her out of that entry to safety. And she wouldn’t let anyone thank her. She must have been thinking of her daughter then.’

  George nodded before turning to his younger daughter. ‘What else did Jack tell you, Tess? Did he say why the little girl died?’

  Tess sniffed up. ‘His mam thought it was only a cold, but it turned to pneumonia and the little girl died. Jack and Willy loved their little sister, and they still think of her. But they were too young at the time to help their mam and dad.’ She drew a hand across her tear-stained eyes. ‘You mustn’t tell anyone, ’cos I gave my promise to Jack, and he wouldn’t be my friend if he knew I’d told you his secret. And I wouldn’t have broken my promise to him if everyone didn’t keep on calling Mrs Bingham bad names.’

  ‘I think this is one promise you were right to break. Only good can come of it, Tess, so don’t fret that you’ve told us.’ Once again George was struck by his younger daughter’s understanding. She’d said all along that Mrs Bingham couldn’t help what she did, and except for the first week or two after they’d moved into this house, she’d never failed to stick up for the woman. It was as though she could sense things that other people missed. And she could be as stubborn as a mule in her loyalty. ‘Now we know, we can try to build bridges.’

  ‘You mustn’t tell anyone, or I’ll never speak to you again.’ And the expression on their daughter’s face told her parents she meant every word.

  ‘I certainly won’t go shouting it from the rooftops, Theresa, but I have to make amends for being so wrong about Mrs Bingham. I’ve said some wicked things and I’ll never forgive myself. In her shoes, I would probably have behaved a lot worse than she has.’ Ann looked down at her hands, where the fingers were pressing hard on the skin around her nails. She could feel the pain but told herself it was God paying her back. She felt like rushing upstairs, throwing herself on the bed and sobbing away her sadness. Losing a five-year-old girl didn’t bear thinking about. But how to help someone who didn’t want help? ‘Theresa, do you trust Mrs Lizzie?’

  ‘Of course I trust Mrs Lizzie, she’s my friend.’

  ‘Then let me tell her what you’ve told us. You know Lizzie is very wise, an
d she wouldn’t ever hurt anyone. So let me ask her advice on how we can best help Mrs Bingham?’

  ‘You can tell Mrs Lizzie as long as you don’t let on to next door. It would bring it all back and Mrs Bingham would be very hurt if she was reminded about little Enid.’

  ‘I give you my solemn word that we will never tell her what we know. Hopefully the time might come when she feels able to tell us herself. She has to learn to trust us first.’

  ‘I know that, Mam, and I have tried to get her to like me, but I can’t get anywhere with her. And I feel sorry for Jack and Willy, ’cos they lost a little sister that they loved.’

  ‘Well, I’m going to leave you to clear the table and wash up, while I go down to see Lizzie. I don’t want to leave it, because it’s Christmas in three weeks and it would be nice to be friends with our neighbours by that time. I don’t mean close friends, that can’t be done in such a short time, but it would be something to build on.’

  ‘It’s all right for me to invite Jack and Willy to the Christmas party, then?’ Tess asked. ‘I’ll be seeing Jack later when he goes for his dad’s cigarettes.’

  ‘Can I ask you not to mention it tonight, Theresa, please? It might be the opening I need to approach Mrs Bingham.’

  ‘You mean you would ask her if the boys can come?’

  ‘It’s just a thought at the moment, so don’t mention it until I’ve thought it through. Best to take things slowly or we may make matters worse. I’ll see what Lizzie says, she’s usually got an answer for most things, and two heads are better than one.’

  Norman opened the door and smiled a welcome. ‘Come in, Ann. Lizzie’s in the kitchen washing the dishes and asking why someone couldn’t invent plates that we could throw away when they’ve been used. I explained the difficulty of putting scouse on a paper plate, but she said it was all right for me, I didn’t have to wash the bleedin’ things.’

  ‘Blackening my name again, are yer?’ Lizzie came through from the kitchen wiping her hands. ‘So help me, he’s worse than a woman for tittle-tattle.’

  ‘I hope he’s going out then,’ Ann said. ‘Because what I’ve come to talk about isn’t to be repeated to a living soul.’

  ‘In that case I’m not going out.’ Norman plonked himself in his favourite fireside chair and reached into his pocket for his cigarettes. ‘Mind you, it’ll have to be juicy gossip for me to miss me beer.’

  ‘Take no notice of him, queen, he can’t stand gossip. And he’d never repeat anything ’cos that would mean talking, and it takes me all me time to get a word out of him.’

  ‘Lizzie Ferguson, yer exaggerate more than anyone I know. Why, only this morning I said ta-ra to yer when I left for work. And I’ll be saying it to yer again pretty soon when it’s time for me to go to the pub. That’s twice in one day, Mrs Woman, so don’t be telling people I don’t talk to yer.’

  ‘Well try and keep yer trap shut while Ann tells us what she’s come for.’ Her eyes narrowed, Lizzie gazed at her friend. ‘Yer look pale, queen, is something wrong?’

  ‘I’ve had a shock and it upset me. I’ll start from the beginning, when I went to the market with Dolly and Bridie, but I must stress that this is strictly between ourselves.’ When Ann came to the part where Theresa had asked if she could invite the boys next door to the Christmas party, her eyes filled up. ‘I said she couldn’t because their mother was impossible, there was no getting through to her.’ By the time she came to the end of the tale, the tears were running freely. ‘I feel terrible because while Theresa has been sticking up for Nellie all along, I haven’t had a good word to say about her.’

  Lizzie digested the news in silence, gazing down at her clasped hands. ‘Ye’re not the only one, queen, no one in the street has a good word for her. Some of them have come to blows with her, me included! Oh, dear God, what a terrible tragedy! Can yer imagine how she felt, losing a five-year-old child? It’s enough to send anyone round the bend. And the father and Jack and Willy, they must have suffered agonies too!’

  ‘It’s no wonder Joe Bingham drinks himself soft every night,’ Norman said. ‘It’s probably the only way he can cope with it.’

  ‘Jack told Theresa his dad never used to drink before the girl died.’ Ann pinched hard on the bridge of her nose, hoping the pain would take away the pain in her heart. ‘And he said his mam used to be always happy and laughing. Those two boys would only be eight or nine, and it must have been awful for them, not knowing how to show their grief.’

  ‘We can’t let it carry on,’ Lizzie said. ‘The family need people around them to take their minds off it. They’ll never forget it, or stop grieving, but having friends around them would ease their suffering until such time as they could remember their little girl without it breaking their hearts. The trouble is, Nellie is very difficult, she seems not to want friends.’

  ‘I’ve got an idea, and I wondered what you think about it, Lizzie. Theresa wants to invite the boys to the children’s Christmas party, that’s how all this started. And I thank God now for her obstinacy and her loyalty. She’s got a damn sight more nous than I’ve got. Anyway, I’ve told her not to mention the party to the boys, because it might be an opening for me to get on speaking terms with the parents. I could knock and pass the invitation through Nellie. I don’t think she’d begrudge the boys being asked, she seems to care for them. What d’you think, Lizzie, is it worth a try?’

  ‘I think it’s a bleedin’ good idea, queen! It’s no good being too eager and pushing ourselves on to her, that would only get her back up. I’ll pass the time of day if I see her, and I’ll keep on doing it even if I don’t get an answer. If we do it gradual, like, we’ll get there in the end.’

  ‘We’ve got to,’ Ann said, rising from her chair. ‘Or I’ll never know a minute’s peace. I’ll give Nellie a knock tomorrow and see how I get on.’

  ‘Will yer let us know, queen?’

  ‘Of course I will. Come and throw me out. Ta-ra, Norman.’

  ‘Ta-ra, girl, and the best of luck.’

  Ann stood in front of the mirror and spoke to her reflection. ‘Don’t stand there dithering, get on with it! She can’t eat you!’ She gave a nod of determination and made for the door before she could change her mind. But by the time she lifted the knocker on the Binghams’ door, her determination had turned to apprehension.

  There was no smile of welcome on Nellie’s face. ‘Yes, what d’yer want?’

  ‘We’re having a party for a few youngsters on Boxing Day, just some of the neighbours’ children, and I wondered if you’d allow Jack and Willy to come?’

  That put Nellie in a quandary. She didn’t want to get pally with the neighbours, but she had to think of her boys. They didn’t get much pleasure out of life, and she was well aware that she was to blame for it. And she knew they’d be tickled pink to be invited to a party. ‘Yeah, they’d like that.’ Then, as an afterthought, she mumbled, ‘Thanks for asking.’

  ‘It’s a pleasure, they’re nice boys.’ As she turned away, Ann said, ‘I’ll let you know the details in a day or two. Ta-ra, Nellie.’

  Back in her own house, she flopped in a chair and let out a long sigh of relief. She’d done it, and it hadn’t been so bad after all. And at least Nellie had spoken to her, that was a start. Then she frowned as a knock came on the door. She wasn’t expecting anyone, but it was probably Bridie or Dolly come for a cuppa and a chat. Thank goodness she’d bought a pound of mixed biscuits when she was at the shops.

  The smile dropped from Ann’s face when she saw Nellie standing outside. Right away she thought the woman had changed her mind, but she was wrong.

  ‘This party ye’re having, do the boys have to bring presents, and how many?’

  ‘Good heavens, no!’ Ann held the door wide. ‘Come in for a minute, we can’t talk properly with me up here and you down there.’

  ‘No, I won’t come in, just tell me about the presents.’

  ‘Stand inside for a minute. There’s no one in but me. As long as you
don’t look at the state of the room, I wasn’t expecting visitors.’ Ann walked back into the living room, giving the woman no alternative but to follow. ‘There’s about ten children, Nellie, far too many to buy presents for. But a Christmas card for each of them would be nice.’

  ‘Yer’ll have to give me their names.’ Nellie was eyeing the open door and would be glad to be walking through it. ‘Can yer let me have them?’

  ‘I’ll write them out and give them to you when I call to tell you the arrangements for the party. It’ll either be in Mrs Flannery’s or Mrs Hanrahan’s, we’re not sure yet. But there’ll be plenty of time for the boys to write the cards out.’

  Nellie took to her heels. ‘I’ll buy the cards tomorrow. Ta-ra.’

  George’s look was one of disbelief. ‘You called next door about the party, and then Nellie Bingham was actually in this house? You’ve done wonders, love, and I’m really glad the ice has been broken.’

  Tess came to give her mother a hug. ‘Thank you, Mam, you’ve made me very happy.’

  ‘I think you’ve been very clever, Mam,’ Maddy said. ‘Just a simple thing like the invitations, and it seems to have worked wonders.’

  ‘I wouldn’t go as far as to say it worked wonders, or that the ice has been broken.’ Ann was optimistic but didn’t want to build her younger daughter’s hopes up. ‘But it’s a small step in the right direction.’

  And on the other side of the wall, Joe Bingham and the two boys were surprised but very cheered by what Nellie told them. Was this the start to a new lease of life for his wife? Joe was asking himself. He said a silent prayer, please God, let it be so. While Jack and Willy were overjoyed by the invitation to a party, they didn’t say much in case it was the wrong thing. Nellie had been very matter-of-fact about it and didn’t seem fussy one way or the other. She was happy for the boys but she wasn’t thinking of any change in her life.

  ‘It’s very nice of next door to think of the boys again, they seem decent people,’ Joe said. ‘And yer went in their house, did yer?’