“I brought you some food,” he mumbled as he laid the tray on the dresser. “I know you are tired, but you need to snap out of it, Shanny. I don’t recognize you anymore.”
Shanny slowly sat up. There was only one way to make Joey give up on trying to make her happy. Everyone would discover it soon enough, she thought. She might as well just get it over with, and then she could face her dilemma on her own, she decided.
“I need to tell you something,” she said. “But you have to promise not to tell another soul, once I tell you.”
“What?” Joey asked, coming to the bed and sitting on the edge, grabbing her hands she held in her lap.
She looked so pale and frightened. It upset him, just to look at her in that condition.
“The reason you can never marry me is that…” she paused as tears started to well up in her eyes, then swallowed and continued. “It is because…well…I am a soiled woman. You deserve something better than that,” she rushed on.
“A soiled woman?”
It was apparent that Joey did not understand what she was talking about.
“It…it means that I am no longer a virgin,” she mumbled quietly, not able to look Joey in the eye.
“Arnel did that to you?” Joey gasped. “I should have shot him instead of slugged him!”
“Which, is the reason why I wouldn’t tell you. He does have a wife and children to care for. I know it was despicable of him, but I wouldn’t want you causing his wife to become a widow or his children orphaned.”
“You are way too kind, Shanny, that is one of the reasons I love you!”
“You have no reason to love me, after what I did,” Shanny said quietly. “Only it is worse than that,” Shanny continued, her voice shaking. “I am so frightened, Joey. I don’t know what to do!”
“No!” Joey breathed reading the truth in her expression.
“Yes,” she admitted, bowing her head.
“You have to marry me now!” Joey insisted. “No one knows. No one has to know!”
“But they would know, Joey. Even if I married you and you pretended… You are Comanche. One look at the…the baby and they would know it is not yours! Why would you want to marry me now anyway? I have shamed myself and you as well!”
“I don’t care what others will think. It doesn’t matter what they think because they would not be bold enough to voice their doubts! Look at you! Your father was dark-headed, with dark eyes, according to Connor, and all of his children turned out to have blond hair and blue eyes. They will merely think…I don’t care what they will merely think. I will not allow a negative word to be spoken against you! You will be my wife, and I would protect you from any slurs if they are dared to be spoken!”
“You love me enough to do that?” Shanny exclaimed realizing she had totally misjudged Joey.
“I told you I would always love you, Shanny. I told you we are meant to be together forever. It doesn’t matter if you are with child. Arnel took advantage of you and fooled you. It wasn’t your fault! If you marry me, it will become my child once it is born. It will be the same way you have become Chayton’s child when he was not your real father, and your mother has become my mother, even though someone else gave me birth.”
“Then I have something else to confess to you,” Shanny said, now lifting her face to catch his eyes.
“Nothing you say will change my mind, Shanny,” he insisted.
“I don’t want to change your mind,” Shanny admitted. “I just wanted to tell you I have been wrong all this time. I have always loved you, Joey, I just didn’t know it. I thought I loved you as a brother since we were raised together. I didn’t think it was right that a brother and sister should love each other in any other way. Even when I was thinking of marrying Arnel, I didn’t want to lose the closeness between you and I. I need to ask you to forgive me for ever doubting you, and wanting to marry Arnel when it was you I should have loved instead.”
“Shanny, Shanny,” Joey cried, gathering her up in his arms, “I never thought I would ever hear you say those words. We should get married as soon as possible. We could have a triple wedding along with your sisters!”
Shanny started to giggle.
“Oh, Joey, I was so worried. I thought my life was over. And now…now you have saved me. Your love has saved me.”
“My love for you has always been within my heart, Shanny. Even as children I could never imagine myself being with anyone other than you.”
“Let’s wait a couple of days before we tell anyone,” Shanny suggested. “It will seem too sudden if we tell them now.”
“Yes, you have been treating me less than loving,” Joey smiled. “We can say we argued, and then we kissed and made up, and to prove your love for me, you agreed to marry me after all.”
“They probably won’t believe us, but it is worth a try,” Shanny smiled.
“You look better already,” Joey said, looking at Shanny’s beaming face.
“I worried I had ruined my life forever. I was afraid I had lost you forever. I never want to lose you, Joey. You were always right. We were meant to be together forever!”
“And we will be,” he assured her.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Ina sat with her hands folded in her lap. The creek of the rocking chair made a steady rhythm on the stones of the front courtyard, which faced out from the entrance of the old Spanish house. She was feeling more comfortable now, but still a little confused. Only flashes of past memories lingered in her head and just when she was sure she remembered something, she suddenly lost the thought. The only true memory she had was of Hudson caring for her. She distinctly remembered how his hands felt strong and protecting when he pulled the damp washcloth over her body. She almost wished she still had a fever so she could have that soothing feeling again.
Hudson no longer stayed in her room, sleeping restlessly on a nearby cot. He had moved into another room. He told her it was his old room and she couldn’t understand why he called it his old room when he had always been in the house from the moment she opened her eyes?
She watched him now, practicing on his horse in a distant corral, as he worked at roping and cutting young mavericks from the herd for branding. She liked the way he sat in the saddle, his back straight, his body moving with the horse in an easy flow as though horse and rider were one. She felt she had ridden a horse before. After all, the only clothes she had were denim britches, so she must have been used to riding. She just didn’t want to risk it yet. She wanted to sit and try to remember. If she could only remember!
A life without a name or a past troubled her. She knew she wasn’t married to Hudson, because she didn’t wear a ring, and besides he would have told her if they were married, but there was something familiar and down to earth about him. He seemed like he would make someone a good husband.
She had been told about her past and her family and another ranch they all owned, but nothing sounded familiar. She got used to the Indians coming up to talk to her. They seemed to know her and acted friendly, but something about them made her shy away each time they tried to get close to her. Then there was this man, Cooper, who insisted she had agreed to marry him, and they shouldn’t put it off. He only told her this at moments when he caught her alone, while Hudson was elsewhere, and mentioned it had been a secret, and that is why no one else knew about it. Hudson didn’t seem to like him and that made her dislike him too.
Now she turned her head to see some riders approaching the house. New people frightened her. They kept telling her they knew her and she should remember them, but try as she may, she couldn’t remember anyone. She was afraid Hudson would stop paying attention to her because he would give up trying to get her to remember who she was. He would end up leaving her alone having to cope with all those strangers and Cooper, who wanted her to marry him. The thought alarmed her.
She stood up to go into the house, so she wouldn’t have to face any more strangers who claimed to be old friends or family. There had been a couple
of pretty girls claiming to be her sisters. She had to believe them because they looked a lot like her. Only all the stories they related to her of her childhood did not jog one memory. There was the older brother, Connor. He seemed nice and concerned, but he always had a worried look on his face, like he just didn’t want to deal with trying to get her to remember him.
She saw that Connor led the group that was approaching, so it must be more old acquaintances wanting to get her to remember them. It hurt to try to remember. Why couldn’t she just be Mia and not try to remember?
“Ina!” She heard a woman call, and turned to look, as an older woman jumped off her horse and came, throwing her arms around Ina.
Ina stiffened. She didn’t know this woman, though she smelled familiar and the sound of her voice struck a certain chord within her.
“Ina, don’t you remember me?” Callie said when Ina stiffened at her hug.
“I suppose you will tell me I know you,” Ina mumbled. “I’m called Mia, not Ina,” she informed Callie.
“Well, you shouldn’t be!” Callie said sternly. “You will never remember who you are if no one uses your real name!”
“I like the name, Mia. I am told it is part of an Indian name Miakoda. Hudson says Chogan gave me the name. I don’t remember Chogan or that he gave me the name, but I like the sound of it. It feels like it is my name.”
“Then I suppose we could call you Miakoda, but even Shanny and Joey’s names were changed to American sounding names so people would accept them more.”
“The Indians frightened me at first, but I like to hear them talking in their own language. It sounds soothing to my ears even though I can’t understand it.”
“You should understand it, Ina,” Callie stated. “All of you children know a lot of Comanche words. We have had Comanche braves working on the ranch since you were children.”
“I don’t remember my childhood, even though Tommy and Beth have tried to remind me of it. I don’t remember anything except from the time I got sick.”
“I’m sure it will come to you in time,” Callie said with determination in her voice.
“I am told you are my stepmother,” Ina mumbled. “I need to ask you something.”
“What?” Callie asked.
“It is about the man Cooper. Do you know him well? Do I know him? He informs me that I have agreed to marry him. I haven’t told Hudson. He doesn’t seem to like Cooper. But you would know, wouldn’t you, if I was planning to marry someone?”
“Goodness, child, you keep your distance from Cooper! He is not a trustworthy person, even though we have to allow him to work here. I have been told some troubling information about him, and when he worked for me, many years ago, he tried to deceive me. He would try to deceive you as well if he could. Stay close to Hudson. I don’t know him well, but Connor believes he can be trusted.”
“Thank you for telling me this,” Ina smiled and started to turn away.
“Don’t rush into the house! You need to meet Shanny and Joey, along with Chayton. They will be upset if you refuse.”
Ina turned back and braced herself for yet more people gushing over her, claiming they were good friends or family.
When she looked at Shanny and Joey, Ina smiled.
“Connor told me about you,” she said. “I don’t remember you, but the story Connor told was impressive about how Callie saved Joey’s life when he was an infant, by feeding him right along with her own daughter.”
“You have always been a good big sister,” Shanny told Ina.
Joey didn’t say anything.
“You will be coming to the wedding when Tommy and Beth get married, won’t you?” Shanny asked.
“I heard they were marrying Indians,” Ina said, as she looked from Chayton to Callie, and then back to Shanny and Joey.
“Yes. We have close friendships with the Comanche. Joey is Comanche and we are very close.”
Shanny grabbed Joey’s hand and looked up at him, wishing she could tell Chayton and her mother about their decision to marry each other. Only she felt she needed more time to show everyone that her and Joey’s relationship was returning to the way it had been before they ever took the trip to Philadelphia.
“I will consider attending the wedding,” Ina said quietly.
She was older than her two sisters and she wondered why she had not gotten married yet? Even Connor remained single, she thought. A disturbing thought came to her that no one would want to marry a woman who had no memory, except for Cooper, whom Callie suspected of trying to deceive her. Her eyes gravitated to Hudson, who had left the corral where he was practicing and was walking over to join the group.
As soon as he approached, Ina reached out and took his hand. He could tell she was feeling out of place, but it wasn’t his place to insist that everyone leave, so he merely squeezed Ina’s hand to reassure her.
Callie could see the trust in Ina’s eyes, the moment Hudson came to her side. She could see how Ina clung tightly to Hudson’s hand, and she was happy there was someone there the family could trust to look out for Ina.
As the family gathered around Ina, talking to her and distracting her from her fear, Callie tapped Hudson on the shoulder.
“I would like to talk to you for a moment,” she said.
He released Ina’s hand and told her he would be right back, then followed Callie a distance away.
“I want you to keep Cooper away from Ina,” she told Hudson. “She tells me he claims Ina agreed to marry him. Is that true?”
“Not that I am aware of,” Hudson said. “I don’t know Cooper that much, but none of the Indians like him, and I think he frightens Ina.”
“He can’t be trusted! We believe he sold some of our cattle to rustlers during the storm, but only Adoette and Ina witnessed it. Ina can’t remember, and Adoette is a Comanche so his word would be considered prejudice by the ranchers in this area. There has always been bad blood between the Comanche and Texan ranchers.”
“I know,” Hudson admitted. Adoette told me about it. What should I do? I am only a worker here. Cooper is the foreman!”
“Just don’t let Ina out of your sight, and keep a close eye on Cooper as well. I will tell Chogan and Adoette about what Ina told me concerning Cooper. One way or another, I want him off this ranch, but we have to find a good reason to expel him. In a few days, Chayton will come to run the ranch, until Ina starts remembering who she is. Since she seems comfortable here and appears to trust you, I will let her remain here as long as I know you will protect her.”
“I will not let you down,” Hudson promised.
Callie felt Ina needed a strong man to stand by her. She had always been too independent to allow any man the opportunity to court her, but now, maybe there was a chance she would let Hudson take on a stronger part in her life. Only once she got her memory back, Callie wondered if Ina would have anything to do with Hudson.
Eventually, everyone left and Ina started to feel calmer again.
“Are you all right?” Hudson asked as they watched the group ride away.
“I can’t remember them, Hudson! I may never remember anything about my life up to now. I’m frightened. I don’t want to be left alone in a world where everyone is a stranger to me!”
“I’m not a stranger to you, am I?” Hudson asked.
“No. You are the only person I think I can trust. The woman who claims to be my stepmother told me I can’t trust Cooper. He told me I agreed to marry him!”
“Your stepmother is right,” Hudson agreed. “You can’t trust him. If he tries to talk to you, just walk away.”
“What if he tries to force me to marry him?” Ina asked.
“There is no way he could do that unless he tried to compromise you in some way. As long as you are never alone with him…”
“Hudson! What if he..? What if you are busy and I find myself in a situation with him I can’t get out of?”
“What do you want me to do, Mia? You know Cooper has to remain here as foreman
for as long as he wishes. If you just keep your distance, and I keep an eye on him…”
“He scares me. I don’t like the way he looks at me or the sneer that is on his face when he talks to me. There is only one way to keep him from forcing my hand.”
“What way?” Hudson questioned.
“Would you marry me, Hudson? Would you marry me and protect me? I don’t think I am ever going to get my memory back and I don’t know anyone I trust but you!”
“You want me to marry you?”
“Why not, you have seen me with no clothes on. You have acted the perfect gentleman. I trust you. I…I think I love you.”
“You don’t know if you love me. You don’t even know me, Mia! People will think I want to marry you because I would get a share in the ranch my uncle left to your mother. They would think I was taking advantage of you when you had no memory. What will happen when you do remember who you are? You will hate me for taking advantage of your vulnerability!”
“You won’t be taking advantage of me. I will be taking advantage of you! I know you like me, or you wouldn’t be helping me this way. Would you hate being married to me?”
“On the contrary, I would love being married to you, but I won’t do it unless your stepmother and stepfather agree. You will have to tell them it was your idea, not mine, even though I have thought of it often enough.”
“You see? You do want to marry me, only you are just too proud to admit it.”
“It’s not pride that keeps me from it. It is fear that others will think I want to take advantage of you, just like Cooper wishes to. The only reason I would agree to marry you is because I love you. I think I have loved you since you came here to run the ranch, only I knew I had no chance of you ever seeing me beyond anything other than your hired hand.”
“I don’t know who that woman is, who I used to be, Hudson. That woman did not know you the way I know you now. That woman is someone whom I may never remember. I only know that when you are near me and touching me, I feel safe and loved. I want you to be near me and never leave my side. If you are my husband, Cooper will have to keep his distance!”
Within the Heart Page 20