American Christmas (Dreamers)

by Adriana Herrera

  But since starting to plan this for Yin, I’d been trying to remind myself that I had people now. I was anxious, but I would breathe through it. Because right under that was the anticipation of seeing Yin’s face when he opened that envelope and saw the tickets.

  “Sorry,” I said, trying hard to offer Jude a real smile. “Just thinking that the logistics are going to be a doozy.”

  Carmen waved a hand in the air at that. “You’ve got it all planned out already. Easton got you that discount with his points for that very swanky hotel around Bryant Park.” I nodded at that. I’d spent hours looking at the website. The hotel overlooked the New York Public Library, which as far as Yin was concerned was the most important landmark in the city.

  Carmen went on ticking things off her fingers. “Nesto hooked you up with reservations at that Japanese tea room Yin’s always talking about. And you got bus tickets so you don’t have to deal with city traffic or worse, parking. You’re all set.”

  I cringed as she went down the list. Trying to smother the flutter of panic that started every time I thought about my nonexistent savings. And like he was reading my mind, Jude spoke, “I wish you would’ve let us help you with the tickets. Easton also offered—

  I shook my head stubbornly, knowing where he was going to go with that and there was no way I was doing this again. “No, Jude. I’m so grateful for the offer and the help, but I can’t keep accepting handouts.”

  Carmen made a sound of protest and Jude opened his mouth, obviously about to disabuse me of this line of thinking, but I was not backing down on this. “You have already done too much for me. So much that I can’t imagine how I will repay all of it.” I closed my eyes, remembering the rescue operation that Patrice and Easton had done only a few months earlier, when my uncle kicked me out of his house in the middle of a snowstorm.

  I pressed a fist to my chest like that would ease the pounding in my heart whenever I thought about the panic I’d felt that day. The way my uncle had thrown in my face all the ways he’d helped me since I’d gotten to the States. How he threatened to mess with my green card process because I was nothing but a bother. A nuisance. I always had to remember that no matter how much people wanted to help, I couldn’t keep burdening them, and especially not with things like trips to go see a Broadway show. Asking for a hand in an emergency made sense, but this was the kind of stuff people could start to see as taking advantage. As generous as this family I’d found in Ithaca was, even they would eventually get tired of having to rescue me. Of doing favors for me. I had myself, and I had Yin, but I could not keep taking and taking.

  When I opened my eyes Jude’s were practically burning with all the things he wanted to say. He was usually the most reserved person I knew, happy to let everyone opine, while he sat back and observed. So in moments like this, when he seemed eager to speak, the rest of us shut up and listened. He stayed where he was, sitting on the little love seat that Nesto kept in his office and looked between me and Carmen until he finally spoke. “You know how long it took before I let Carmen convince me to go out to lunch with her?”

  “Six motherfucking months!” Carmen’s frustrated voice boomed around the office, making both me and Jude laugh. “You think he’s quiet now? You should’ve seen him when he was doing his monk cosplay.”

  I cracked up at that because Carmen was ridiculous. “He was so sad and lonely, and I could tell he needed a friend, but he was so damn stubborn. Until I finally was like, ‘we’re going to the Indian lunch buffet or so help me!’ and look how happy he is now.” She gestured to her best friend, who was doing his best to look pissed at her but failing completely.

  “Can I get a word in now?” He rolled his eyes at her when she made a “get on with it” gesture with her hands. Jude and Carmen were like an old married couple and really, it was always fun to be around them. But when he turned to me again, Jude looked very serious—a real feat considering he was wearing a Christmas sweater that had unicorns with candy cane horns.

  “Anyway. After all the stuff that happened with my family...” He paused for a second. I didn’t know all the details but I knew enough to know his family had been terrible to him, and that because of it, he was really leery of opening himself up to friendships once he moved to Ithaca. “It wasn’t so much that I couldn’t let people in.” That warranted a scoff from Carmen, but Jude ignored her, focused on what he needed to say to me.

  “It was that I couldn’t bear the idea of being a burden, or worse, trusting that I could rely on others to help me with all my baggage, and then having it thrown back in my face. I had to learn to take that leap of faith. Trust that there were people out there that wanted for me the things I wanted for myself.” By this point Carmen had her arm over his shoulder and my own throat constricted at how much I could relate to that. But I didn’t really know what to say. This was all hitting too close to home, and Jude wasn’t done.

  “Trust us when we tell you that nothing makes us happier than to see you happy. Trust us when we tell you that it’s a joy for us to see you both making your way in the world. And none of that is some kind of fluke. You both work your asses off and deserve to have people in your life holding you up. We’re glad to do as much as you let us.”

  I opened my mouth to croak out some kind of answer, when Nesto burst in the room.

  “What’s with all the scowling?” Nesto asked as he bent down to kiss Jude on the lips and give Carmen a peck on the cheek. “Something happen with the tickets?” He looked between me, Carmen and Jude.

  I shook my head and held up the envelope. “No issues. I got them right here.”

  That only made Nesto more confused. “So what’s all this super mopey energy about then?”

  I was about to say something self-deprecating but Jude spoke up before I could. “Oh just Carmen bossing people around.”

  “Hey!”

  She balked and leaned over to pinch her best friend on the arm.

  “Ouch, damn, Carmen,” Jude yelped, and soon we were all smiling, but I could tell Nesto didn’t quite buy Jude’s story. I was glad for the change of topic though. I tried to focus on imagining how happy Yin would be to get the thing he’d been dreaming about for years now.

  “What are you smirking about?” Carmen asked, taking me out of my daydream.

  I shrugged, trying my best to look nonchalant, but totally failing. Yeah, I was cheesing. But who could blame me? No matter how pressed I was, I knew I was going to blow my man away. I glanced over at Jude and Carmen who were still patiently waiting for me to share what I had been smiling to myself about. “I was just thinking about Yin’s face when he opens the envelope.”

  Carmen grinned and leaned down to kiss my cheek. “You two are cute as hell.” But when she gave another look to the envelope in my hand she narrowed her eyes. “Please tell me you’re not really just going to put that blank envelope under the tree.” I tried to school my face, but the cluelessness must’ve shown anyways. “Oh my god, Ari. Not even a ribbon or anything?”

  The panic on my face had to be pretty obvious because Nesto and Jude cracked up, and Carmen just went to the canvas bag she’d brought with her, shaking her head. “See how it is, everyone is always complaining about my bossiness, but where would your ashy asses be without me?” she asked grumpily as she pulled out a red box with little Christmas trees painted all over it. “Here,” she said, handing it over. “I assumed you wouldn’t be thinking about the little details. You’re welcome. Don’t stick your tongue at me, Nesto. The only reason you even have one in your head is because I know Jude would kill me if I yanked it out.”

  Jude balked at Carmen’s menacing look and wrapped his arms protectively around his boyfriend’s head. “Leave his tongue alone, Carmen.”

  I tried to keep a straight face, but failed miserably. Once we all had recovered from Carmen’s threats to Nesto, I took a closer look. “Wow. Yeah, up until now my big plan was
just to write Yin’s name in red marker on the envelope.” She cut her eyes at me, while both Nesto and Jude busted up. “Thanks, Carmen. Are you sure I can keep this?”

  She waved a hand and moved to sit on the love seat again. “Yes, it’s yours. I always buy too many. And you’ll need it because if I know your boyfriend, he’s probably wrapping your present to look like something straight out of a magazine.”

  “This is true,” I admitted with a nod, while she hummed in agreement. Yin loved to make everything look pretty, and he would appreciate getting his gift in a nice package. “Thank you.”

  “You’re very welcome. I knew you wouldn’t get any help from these two,” she said, jerking a thumb in the direction of my boss and his partner. “For all of this one’s bowtie and cardigan game, he’s a real letdown when it comes to home décor.”

  Jude protested as Nesto kissed him. “Don’t listen to her, baby. You got perfect taste. Just look at who your boyfriend is.”

  Carmen ignored him and passed me a red ribbon to wrap around the box. Once I was done I held it up for the rest of the group to admire. I opened my mouth, but Carmen spoke up first. “Don’t even ask. He’s going to love it. Now don’t forget to take photos when he opens it, because that kid is pretty even when he cries.”

  Chapter Four

  Yin

  “How was the restaurant today?” I asked for the second time in as many minutes. Ari always focused on the road when he was driving, but he seemed more lost in his thoughts than usual. He’d been acting kind of weird for weeks, but this morning I’d finally been able to get him to relax—well, relax for him—but now he was back to scowling and brooding. I was starting to wonder if I’d made a mistake by talking up the whole gift thing.

  “Babe.” I spoke in a more terse tone and that finally got him to look at me.

  “Sorry, I got distracted for a minute. What were you saying?”

  I opened my mouth to ask what was wrong, but lately that only started weird silences and sometimes arguments. The move to Syracuse was looming large for both of us. Anticipation and a whole lot of nerves too. I knew he would kill it in law school, and hoped I could handle my classes too. But we both had our insecurities: neither of us were native English speakers and we each missed a couple of years of formal education. All of which was not super uncommon for refugee kids, but still it was nerve-wracking to think we wouldn’t cut it in grad school.

  I knew Ari was stressed, we were both perfectionists and despite all the work that had gone into getting in, I knew he was scared he’d fail. I knew, I had the same doubts after all. Except I didn’t feel the pressure Ari did. My sisters didn’t care what I did as long as I was happy.

  I wanted to make them proud, of course, and I worked toward that, but there wasn’t that underlying need to prove to the world that I deserved to be here. Ari had been let down too many times to not feel like he constantly had to. Hell, his only blood relative in the States was his uncle who would be the first to gloat if anything went wrong. That’s why getting this right was so important. I wanted to remind him he was loved. That I had his back.

  “Now you’re the one daydreaming. I thought you wanted restaurant gossip,” Ari teased.

  “You have my full attention.” I blushed as he gave me a smile I could only half see, with his eyes trained on the road ahead.

  “OuNYe was pretty busy and I left before the dinner crowd really started coming through. I mostly helped out with getting the catering orders out. Nesto had the right idea with rolling out those holiday themed empanadas—we sold out of all of them.”

  I groaned, remembering the delicious fried pastries filled with pernil. “Those are pretty good. I hope he brings some to dinner tonight.”

  That elicited another nod. “He will. You know Nurys’s got the hookup.”

  I laughed at that. Nesto’s mom helped out at the restaurant all the time and knew all the staff, so she got extra special treatment from everyone. “Did anything else interesting happen?” His expression changed with my question. Not anything that anyone else would’ve noticed, but I knew Ari like I knew myself by this point.

  Part of it was from the almost two years we’d been together. But I’d learned so much about him that first year we’d just been friends, when I’d agonized about my crush on him and spent an unhealthy amount of time obsessing over every one of his expressions, and what those meant when it came to me. I knew that even if he looked serious, when he raised an eyebrow, he was in a playful mood. I also knew his real smile was not the one with all his teeth he flashed to strangers. That was just his way of letting them know that he may be big and bulky, but he wasn’t a threat. The real smile, that one was shy and it made his eyes shine.

  I knew everything about Ari, and I knew that right now, he was hiding something. “Not much; almost everyone was kind of checked out. You know how it is before a holiday, people are just focused on getting their stuff done and heading home.” If I didn’t suspect he was definitely up to something, the flash of perfectly straight white teeth confirmed my suspicion.

  “No gossip, then.”

  He pursed his lips and shook his head at me. “Nope. Nesto and Jude were getting all the food for Nurys’s house together and I slipped out as soon as I was done to come and get you. And no, I am not telling you anything about your present, Yin, stop fishing,” he teased. “Now let me focus on the road, this snow is no joke, and snow tires or not, this Prius needs some close attention to handle these hills.”

  “Fine, be like that. But don’t be surprised if you get a stocking full of coal for Christmas.”

  He just shook his head as he put out a hand to squeeze mine. “You know that I don’t need anything. Waking up with you every morning is the best gift I could ever get.”

  I melted a little at that because he knew exactly what to say to distract me. “It’s sad how easy I make things for you.”

  He laughed as he ran a hand over my leg. “I’m looking forward to dinner tonight.” He sounded happy and that went a long way to calm my jittery nerves. I had to trust that no matter how tomorrow’s gift exchange went the most important thing was that we would be together. And he was right, it would be a nice evening. “I’ve never done a White Elephant gift exchange. I hope I got the right thing.”

  I smiled, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. “That’s the whole point, hon. The weirder the gift, the better.” Ari was always overly attentive to observing the proper etiquette for social situations. He worried about not sticking out, about blending in. It was an immigrant thing, I knew. Especially for him, without much of a community of people from his country here in Ithaca. “Those beer mugs you got are super nice.”

  He nodded, but didn’t look quite convinced. “We’ll have a nice time,” I assured him, as I brought my hand to his thigh. “And then we’ll have our own celebration.”

  Ari’s breath hitched as he drove, and he tangled our fingers together. “I can’t wait.”

  “Me too. Especially since it’s our last holiday in Ithaca.” I hadn’t meant to get all emo on him, but Ari instantly caught the nervousness in my voice.

  “Bébé, we will only be an hour away. And your sisters would come and kidnap us if we even hinted at not coming to Ithaca for the holidays.” His calm reassurance went a long way to making me feel better, but I still felt unsettled.

  “I know you’re right, but it’s the end of an era, you know?” I sat there with my heart beating fast, annoyed at myself for always making too much of everything.

  I noticed we had slowed down, and before I could ask what was wrong, Ari had pulled into the parking lot of a gas station a few blocks from Nurys’s house. He took off his seat belt and soon was leaning over, his lips pressed to mine. “We will be okay, Yin. I know it all feels too big,” he said, bringing my hand to his chest, so I could feel the beating of his heart. “But as long as you are with me, I know I’ll be oka
y. I love you.”

  I felt myself melting into the certainty of that, still a little scared, but comforted in what we had. “I know I’ve been fussing a lot, about gifts—”

  Ari stiffened at that, but only for a second. He kissed me again, edging out the anxiousness fluttering in my chest. “Anything you give me will be perfect, because you are giving it to me.”

  I groaned, kissing him hungrily. “I just want everything to be beautiful,” I said, as I pulled back gasping for air. Feeling too much, too soon as it always was with Ari. But when I opened my eyes he was right there, looking at me like I was the center of his world.

  “Everything with you is beautiful, bébé.”

  As soon as we arrived at Nurys’s the remaining unease melted away. Just the smells coming from inside were enough to distract me. The house was decked out in a full holiday theme. In a corner of the living room there was a tree with what seemed like a million little lights, decorated with ornaments Nesto had mentioned his mom had brought from DR years ago. There were tiny drums with the Dominican flag colors painted on them. Miniature tropical fruit baskets and small palm trees. “Nesto, Yin and Ari are here!” Nurys called from the door as she came in to greet us. “Look at you two, so handsome—and those sweaters. Adorable,” she said as she gave each of us a hug and a kiss.