American Christmas (Dreamers)

by Adriana Herrera

  She sighed, the worry clear in her voice. “You both need to talk. I’m sure he’s also in agony wherever he went to sulk. And Yin, you have to know that you do for Ari as much as he does for you.”

  “But do I?” I asked, unsure.

  “Yes, you do,” my sister answered fiercely. And even though I was sure she really felt that was the truth, I wondered if Ari would eventually get worn down by always looking to keep me happy. I also feared that what happened this morning would be the first thing that made him realize perhaps I was just too much.

  “But I’m always so bossy. Look at what I did. Because of my need to control everything now our Christmas is ruined.” I thought of all the times he would leave work in the middle of the day to pick me up. How he was attentive to everything I needed, and would let me call the shots on everything from what we ate to what movies we watched.

  Maiah’s voice broke into my fretting. “I think you need to go and talk to Ari. Because you’re making too many assumptions. And if what you say is true, and you want to be less pushy, then maybe don’t decide how Ari feels for him.”

  I deflated at that. She was right. “Okay.”

  “I’ll let you go now, but I know you two are going to be fine...as long as you talk to each other. And please consider that maybe Ari just likes the things you like too, Yin. Or maybe he’s content to eat where you ask because what he wants is just to be with you.”

  I heard it, but it sounded too easy. I knew there was some truth to my worries. I’d known it for a while and I wasn’t sure I could take her full advice on this. But she was right about talking things over. This gift fiasco happened because neither of us had been open with the other.

  After I ended the call I was ready to go roam the building looking for him, but as soon as I’d pulled a sweatshirt over my head I heard the door of the apartment open. I got to it in three steps and before he could say a word, I flung myself at him and said it first. “I love you and I’m sorry. Can we have a do over?”

  “I was about to ask you the exact same thing, bébé.”

  Chapter Nine

  Ari

  “For as much as we talk to each other, this was a spectacular fail.” I grunted at Yin’s words, hating the self-deprecating tone in his voice. But he was still clinging to me like I was the only thing keeping him afloat, so all was not lost. I tightened my arms around him. His slighter body fitting so perfectly with mine. The connection that we’d always had, even when we were friends, still so strong. That was something that Yin had given me. The certainty there was at least one person in this world who cherished me. Who wanted to understand me and for whom I was essential.

  I had people and they never hesitated to make me feel cared for. But what Yin gave me was like nothing I’d ever had in my life. This place to rest, this deeper connection with someone who saw me just as I was and wanted all of it. Being with Yin like this was as spiritual as I got these days. Just the two of us figuring out where we were going next. Doing the hard work of growing up together—nothing felt more right.

  I pulled back to look at Yin and pressed my lips to his. “I had a long talk with Patrice and he gave me a better way to think about this.”

  “Oh?” An eyebrow rose on my boyfriend’s forehead, his curiosity instantly coming to the surface.

  “He basically said we love each other so much we played ourselves.” That made him grin and that crooked tooth I found so enticing peeked out.

  He shook his head, but there was a tiny smile tugging at his lips. “We sort of did.” From one moment to the next he deflated though. My instinct to say or do whatever I needed to in order to get him as happy as he’d been this morning was almost overwhelming. But my need to avoid ever upsetting Yin was not healthy either. That was some work I needed to do. Continue to remind myself that I was worth being with, even with my shortcomings.

  “It is sort of wild that we both ended up getting each other our dream presents,” I said letting it sink in that no matter how bad the execution, we had both tried really hard. “We can still fix this, right?”

  Yin’s head snapped up, and for the first time since the gift-opening fiasco he seemed to be sure of what he had to say. “Of course we can fix this. It’s us.” He uttered that last word like it had a meaning of its own. Like it was an explanation all in itself. And it did, because the fact that Yin and I were a we, was a statement in and of itself. The fact that we were standing here both so far from where we were born, able to make a life together—god, it was so much.

  No matter what happened this morning, I believed in the promise of who we could be together. I’d already seen so much come from this love. “You know what I think?”

  “Uh, no,” he said with that crooked grin, and I felt a shiver course through my spine from how much I wanted him in that moment. “If I could read your mind we wouldn’t be in this situation to begin with, Aristide.”

  “Fair.” I laughed and pressed my forehead to his. I brought him in closer, pressing his taut, lean body to mine as much as I could manage. “Patrice said something to me, months ago.”

  Yin made a curious sound, but he didn’t interrupt. He was like this, happy to hear what I had to say and wait for as long as it took for me to find the perfect way to say it. “He told me when things were really bad with him and Easton, he talked to Milo and he’d told him he had to remember that no matter how big the mistake, if he kept going, if he figured out a way to be with Easton, then he would have years and years. That if he let himself have that love, then he’d get a whole future with it.”

  I could feel air going out of Yin’s body. The way his previously tense muscles softened until he was pliant and soft under my hands told me he had understood what I was trying to say. That it was exactly what he’d needed to hear. “I like that a lot,” he said, as his now soft, barely there accent came back, because he was brimming with emotion. “This one is just the first Christmas of many together and still we both get what we most want, right?”

  “The rest of the roasted chestnuts?” I busted up as Yin shook his head with his tongue sticking out in a disgusted grimace.

  “You’re not funny, and gross. You know what I meant. We’ve got us and even though we may need a redo with the gifts, we have each other.”

  I sighed knowing that we had a whole slew of awkward emails and cancellations to look forward to. Not to mention some of the nonrefundable stuff like my plane ticket. But we would be okay, even if we didn’t get elite soccer clinics or a Broadway show. “We always have next year.”

  Yin nodded as he pulled back from me, “I can’t go to Hamilton and flake on Maxine, but we can still plan for New York later this year, maybe?”

  “Yes, and even if I’m not going to the clinic anymore, I have my gear.” I had a feeling my face would heat for a long time to come whenever the soccer clinic came up. Yin’s brown eyes did lose some of their previous lightness as soon as I said it. Still, things felt solid again.

  “I wanted to do something for you.” He sounded so regretful and I knew his frown had to be a mirror image of my own.

  “We can do something for each other. Hey, we can plan together.” That definitely perked my man up. We were getting somewhere, because Yin loved nothing more than a plan.

  “That sounds good, but I’m still going to be a little sad.” I stiffened and because he did know me better than anyone else he shook his head, with an adorably stern look on his face. “And you’re going to learn to let me mope and I’m going to be less pushy and then,” he said with his mouth pushed to mine, his cheeks brushing against my own, “we’re really going to be the most amazing.”

  I could say so much, my heart was too full, even if it was a bit sore. I wanted to seal the deal with a lot more than a couple of kisses when Yin’s alarm went off. “Ugh, it’s time for us to start getting ready. I figured we’d get...distracted.”

  I turned us around
so he was right at the foot of the bed and dipped him like we were in one of those old movies. “I think I’ll distract you anyway.”

  Yin squealed, not sounding too concerned at being a little late for brunch. I was going to give this make-up sex thing my best too, but at that very moment everyone we knew in Ithaca showed up at our apartment door like a Christmas miracle flash mob.

  Chapter Ten

  Yin

  “I am not ready to receive company at all!” I yelled, horrified as my sister, together with Patrice, Jude, Carmen and Easton showed up at our door. I was doing my best to cover my reindeer pajamas as our friends grinned at us. I could hear Ari behind me laughing at my mortification.

  “What are you all doing here? We were about to get ready.” That was Ari, who was now standing next to me and gently pulling me out of the way so they could all come into our very messy and very tiny apartment.

  “But we haven’t cleaned up,” I wailed, as my sister dismissed me and walked inside carrying a plastic wrap–covered tray of spring and summer rolls.

  “We just got to Patrice and Easton’s a little early and decided to come and check on you guys.” Maiah looked pretty mischievous and I wasn’t sure what to make of that, since we’d just been on the phone, and she and I had agreed Ari and I needed some alone time for a heart-to-heart.

  “Nesto stayed upstairs setting things up for brunch. You know he micromanages all food consumption.” My boss did sort of take over whenever it came to comestibles, and Carmen never missed an opportunity to tease her best friend’s man.

  Ari moved around, trying to get things sorted while I just stood there watching the line of people come into our place. I cringed looking at the small pile of dirty dishes in the sink, and it was all I could do not to shoo them all out. My boyfriend teased me that I liked to keep our apartment Instagram ready, but I wanted it to look at least presentable. I had to focus on this home invasion and shut it down as soon as possible. For fuck’s sake, I couldn’t even remember if I’d actually brushed my teeth this morning.

  “Yin,” Carmen called, trying to get my attention from the far corner of our kitchen. She looked like she was up to something. My sister and Carmen colluding could only mean two things: something awesome or something humiliating was about to happen.

  “Stop standing there like a statue,” Carmen griped and tapped her cheek. I obliged her with a kiss, then properly greeted the others. Everyone, miraculously, found a place to sit. Within minutes we were all settled around our tiny living and kitchen area passing around summer rolls and talking about the morning. I was trying to figure out when to bring up the fact that we were now having an unplanned pre-game Christmas party at my place, but Ari started massaging my very tense shoulders and that at least got my mind off the fact that only Maiah had taken off her shoes before coming into the apartment. I hated snow salt on my floors.

  No one seemed like they were in the slightest rush. Patrice was working on a second shrimp summer roll while Easton looked like he was about to burst with whatever he had to say. My sister and Carmen were standing like sentinels by the kitchen counter, obviously in charge of the proceedings. Maiah’s phone buzzed with a message and after reading whatever it said, she finally clapped her hands and came over to sit on the arm of the chair Ari and I were sharing. “So we were thinking...”

  “Oh no,” Ari said ominously, only half joking, which got him a pinch from Maiah. “Ouch, damn.”

  “Be quiet, you, we have a proposal.”

  My heart started beating fast with nerves, because even though I knew my sister always had good intentions, just like Carmen did, they had a tendency to steamroll situations. The last thing I needed was for Ari to once again be forced or pushed into something he didn’t want to do. Not after I’d promised I would be better about letting him take his time with things. “Sis,” I started, but Ari brought me in closer to him and kissed me on the cheek.

  “Let them have their moment, bébé, at this point it’s better to let them get a shot at pulling off a Christmas miracle.” The humor in his voice went a long way to relax me, so I just let myself lean on him.

  Carmen chimed in next. “So Ted and I were supposed to go to the city on Wednesday to see Hamilton, but um...” She paused dramatically, because our friends really did the most. “Easton let us borrow his fancy cabin in the Adirondacks, so we’re going there instead. And we were wondering if you could take the tickets off our hands.” Ari stiffened behind me, but he couldn’t exactly shoot them down after he’d told me to let them talk.

  “Carmen,” I started, but they were not done. Not by a long shot.

  Easton nodded, ready for his lines, and pulled something out of his pocket. “Yeah, and Patrice and I are going to be in the city for New Year’s, but P let his mom convince him to stay at her place. So now we have this nonrefundable hotel stay that we don’t know what to do with.”

  The “yeah right” was practically bursting out of my throat, but I decided to be a bit more diplomatic. “This is too generous.”

  Ari sat up too. I could feel the tension in his body under me. “We can’t let you give us all this.”

  That was when my sister spoke up. “Aristide, what you two achieved this year is quite an accomplishment. Moving into your own place. Getting into nursing school and law school while working full-time. You are both so amazing.” She choked up for a moment, but in true form got it together before the tears made it to her eyes. “We want to give you something special. And dammit, you will just have to sit there and let us shower the both of you with all the things that we see fit. We’ve been hoping for a way to get you both to take some time off for months.”

  I looked at my sister and saw just how bad she wanted this for me. How much she wanted us to take her up on this. She looked so good these days. Her hair in a very short cut. Her body lean from the yoga and Pilates classes she taught.

  It was always so strange to think that she had just been a girl herself when we left Myanmar. Only seventeen when my mother died in Bangkok, and yet she became the head of our little family without hesitation. So much responsibility on her thin shoulders, but she’d been a great role model and an even better sister. She and Ari were kindred spirits in that way, both having to grow up way too early.

  “Fine,” I grumbled, feigning annoyance as I leaned in to kiss her. “Shower us with gifts, if you must.”

  I looked up at Ari, and he was just shaking his head helplessly.

  “I happen to have a reservation and gift card for Oishī Tea Room for New Year’s Eve and two round-trip VIP tickets on the Cornell bus to the city that I can’t use either.” She winked at what was probably my gaping mouth.

  It really was too much, but it was perfect too. And in that moment all I felt was gratitude that we had these people. That in a matter of hours they’d come together for us and brought the gifts we had not been able to give each other.

  “There’s no way that you guys were able to plan all this so quickly.”

  “Oh ye of little faith.” Easton clicked his tongue and came to where Carmen and Maiah were standing guard. “I managed to convince this grump to get not one but two French bulldogs,” he said, gesturing at Patrice, who offered Easton the beatific smile he always gave him. “And you don’t think I could pull off a surprise New Year’s Eve trip to New York with Hamilton included?” I could admit he made a very good point.

  Both Ari and I were still quiet as they all looked at us expectantly. I knew they were surprised I wasn’t jumping up and down or screaming the whole building down with my cheers. I was kind of confused at that myself. For a moment I wondered if it was because somehow the show had lost its appeal. That maybe I’d lost the excitement for it.

  But when I thought about seeing Hamilton on Broadway, in the theater where Lin-Manuel and the rest of the original cast had performed, my heart started beating at a gallop. And then almost as if he knew th
is was his cue to reassure me, Ari leaned in. “I can’t wait to experience the show with you.” I was excited too, but Ari would still not get to go to his clinic. And I realized that’s what made Hamilton just a little less sparkly. If he didn’t get to have his dream present, I didn’t know if I could enjoy mine.

  I turned and whispered in his ear, as our nosy audience did their best to look like they weren’t watching every one of our movements. “But what about you?”

  He pursed his lips, but then he smiled. “We can always look for other clinics, maybe—”

  A knock on the door interrupted Ari and prompted a harried “finally” from Maiah, who hurried to open up for the newcomer. Soon Nesto was walking through our door. “I’m here. Shit, sorry. It took me longer than I thought it would to get the printout. Did y’all tell them?”

  They all looked at us again, and I was starting to feel like a fish in a bowl. Carmen broke the spell by taking the paper out of Nesto’s hand and reading it quickly before giving the rest of the room a thumbs-up.

  “Did they get the other stuff?” Nesto asked in a completely ridiculous stage whisper. The others responded with a mixture of shushing and eye rolls. Ari and I were looking at each other still mostly confused when Nesto rubbed his hands together. Just the way he did when he had really good news, or when he needed us to do a really tedious task at work, but tried to get us pumped up first. “Ari, you know how I was telling you that Tom knows a guy who runs clinics like the one you wanted to go to?”

  Ari shifted in his seat, but I could feel every muscle in his body going taut again. “Yes?” he asked, sounding almost frightened.

  “Well,” Nesto said with his trademark grin, “the one in Arizona was full, so you’re out of luck on that one.”

  “Nesto, for fuck’s sake!” That was Carmen, who looked completely unimpressed with Nesto’s delivery of the next surprise.