by Darcy Burke
Maybe eating dinner was a bad idea. Even if Paula only ate soup and some bread, her stomach was heavy. It was the impending conversation she needed to have with Perry that was responsible for it, not the food itself. Knowing this did little to quell the wave of nausea that came over her as she opened her bedchamber door. She swallowed and stepped into the hallway.
She could do this.
She had to do this.
With a soft click, she shut the bedroom door and faced the stairs. She closed her eyes and steeled her resolve. She would find Perry and ask to speak with him alone. She’d be discrete. Whatever the outcome, she would not do anything to embarrass him. She opened her eyes and wiped a tear from her cheek. Maybe she could talk him into having the conversation in the dark. The last thing she wanted was to see disappointment in his eyes when he realized she wasn’t the virgin he thought he married.
Forcing her feet forward, she thought over all the ways she might tell him. She struggled to find the best angle to go with, but no matter how she worded it, nothing sounded right. She was just going to have to tell it as simply as possible and be done with it. Her mother was right. It was best to take the medicine fast and get it over with.
When she made it to the bottom of the steps, she almost turned around and ran back up but reminded herself she needed to do this. She proceeded down the hall, her slippers soft on the floor. From the den, she heard familiar voices. One was her brother’s. The other voice was Perry’s. Her steps slowed. She swore the sudden beating in her heart was going to make her faint.
Clasping her hands in front of her, she entered the room. Neither gentleman noticed her. Their attention was on the chessboard in front of them. She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled.
As she opened her mouth, Perry told Stewart, “I can give you two-hundred pounds.”
“I know, it’s a lot to ask,” her brother replied, looking relieved, “and I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t absolutely necessary—”
“It’s not necessary,” she blurted out before she had time to think. This wasn’t how she planned her talk with Perry. But when both gentlemen turned their gazes in her direction, she couldn’t undo her bold action. With far more bravado than she felt, she stepped forward so they could get a better look at her in the candlelight. “I can’t let you do it, Stewart. It’s not right.” Ignoring the dark scowl on her brother’s face, she made eye contact with her husband. “I’m sorry.”
“What is this about?” Perry asked as he retrieved his cane and stood up.
“Paula,” her brother said, a slight warning underlying the pleasant tone in his voice.
“No,” she told her brother. “I’m going to tell him.” She paused. “Everything.”
“Don’t be a fool.”
Perry approached her. “Let her speak.”
She glanced at her brother who narrowed his eyes.
“Do you need to speak with me in private?” Perry asked in that all-too-familiar gentle way of his.
She couldn’t look directly at him. “No. Stewart knows everything already.”
“And you wish him to be here?”
No, not really. But she needed to expose him for the person he really was, and it was easier to do that if he was in the room. She nodded.
“Wait for just a moment.” Perry went to the door and shut it before he returned to her. “What is it, Paula?”
She had to do this. There was no backing out. “I…um…I’m not the person you think I am.”
“What do you mean?”
“She means she was Lord Holloway’s mistress before she met you,” Stewart snapped.
Her cheeks warmed. “I was never his mistress.”
“But you slept with him without being his wife, and he gave you money.”
“It wasn’t like that. Exactly.” Unable to look at Perry, she focused on her hands. “When I first met him, he came to the cottage my mother and I lived in because his carriage broke down and he and his coachman needed a place to rest. As a way to thank us for our hospitality, he gave us some money.”
“And he kept coming back to enjoy your bed,” Stewart growled.
“Let her tell this,” Perry ordered. In a softer tone, he said, “Go on.”
“He found out about Stewart when he returned to London. Stewart’s always had money. Father was well-to-do. Stewart was supposed to provide for Mother and me, but we barely had enough to live on. Lord Holloway felt sorry for us. He came out to give us extra money. And,” she forced out, “in time, things of a more personal nature developed between us. It happened so fast. None of it was planned.”
“So what happened?”
“I didn’t have any money I could bring into a marriage so he married someone else.” She swallowed and blinked back her tears. “I’m not proud of my past. I wish I had come to you untouched by another gentleman. You deserved that.”
He set his cane by a nearby chair and closed the gap between them. “Now it makes sense. All those times you asked me if I loved you…”
Cupping her face in his hands, he tilted her head up so she had to look at him. Instead of the condemnation she expected to see in his eyes, she saw tenderness. And it was that tenderness that made her break down and cry. He pulled her into his arms and let her lean on his strength.
Perry looked at her brother. “I gather you threatened to tell me about Lord Holloway if she didn’t give you my inkwell and twenty pounds?”
“It was fifty, but I sold my necklace to make up for thirty of it,” she spoke up, knowing full well her brother would never disclose the details.
“I don’t need to stick around for this,” Stewart muttered as he jumped up.
“No, you certainly don’t,” Perry replied, his voice uncharacteristically sharp. He released her and limped over to him. “I’ll have the butler see you and your coachman off within the hour. And in case you think of using someone else in the same way you used Paula, I’m going to make sure all of London knows exactly what kind of gentleman you are.”
“You don’t have that kind of influence.”
“No, I don’t. But I know someone who does. Life is going to get awfully uncomfortable for you when you return home.” After Stewart stormed out of the room, he pulled the cord to call the butler. “You don’t need to worry about him,” he told her. “He won’t be causing problems for you anymore.”
“You…you’re not disappointed in me?” she hesitantly asked.
“No, I’m not disappointed. Paula, I keep telling you that there’s nothing you can do that will make me stop loving you.”
He collected her into his arms. Relieved, she collapsed against him. It was over. Now she didn’t have her past overshadowing her life with him. Finally, she was free. Truly and completely free.
TWENTY-SIX
After Stewart left the manor, Perry was exhausted. The day had been a long and trying one, but it was over and Stewart would no longer be a problem. He had expected Stewart to reveal something, but it had been Paula who broke under the strain of the past week and told him the truth. And in so doing, he saw just how much her past tormented her. The last thing she needed was more condemnation. What she needed most was to put the past behind her and proceed into the future with a fresh start.
“I’m sorry I put you through this past week,” he whispered as he led her to her bedchamber.
“You didn’t put me through anything. I did it to myself by letting my brother control me.”
“You were scared. No one can blame you for what you did.”
They stepped into her bedchamber, and she turned to face him. “Perry, I tried to get the inkwell back but he wouldn’t let me and then I paid someone to make another one just like it—”
He closed the gap between them and pressed his fingers to her lips. “The past is the past. You can’t change it. And to be honest, I’m not interested in your past. I’m interested in your future.”
She clasped her hand around his and kissed his fingers. “You have my future, Perry. There
’ll never be anyone but you.”
“I know. And I won’t have anyone but you either.”
He leaned forward and kissed her. After they undressed, he thought he’d do something playful and picked her up in his arms. As he hoped, she giggled in delight. The mood lightened considerably, something that was a great relief after the strain of the past week. Grinning, he carried her to the bed, hardly noticing his limp as he did so. It was funny how he used to be so self-conscious about it, but when he was with her, it was like he didn’t have one. She accepted him—all of him. He didn’t have to be someone else when he was with her. He could be who he was, flaws and all. And better yet, now she was free to be herself as well.
When he settled beside her on the bed, he took a moment to inspect her in the candlelight. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, venturing to trace her soft skin with his fingertips, starting at the base of her neck then settling over one of her breasts.
Her gaze met his and she rubbed his back in gentle circular motions. “Make love to me, Perry,” she whispered.
He leaned forward and kissed her. She responded to him, parting her lips to accept him into her mouth. His fingers resumed their exploration of her breasts, first spending time on one then going to the other. She seemed to especially like it when he traced the area around her nipples until they grew hard. On impulse, he lightly squeezed her nipple which made her moan.
“You like that?” he asked, his voice soft in the quiet room.
“I like everything you do,” she replied.
“But I might not be good at what I’m doing.” He hadn’t meant to voice that thought aloud, but it slipped out and immediately, he wished he could take it back. There was nothing that said inadequate like a gentleman who said such a statement.
She shifted so that she could face him. “There’s a difference between making love to a lady and having a meaningless dalliance with her in bed. You make love to me.”
Considering her experience with Lord Holloway, he had no doubt she was right.
She cupped the back of his neck and pulled him to her so that his mouth met hers. Relaxing, he decided he wouldn’t stress the book so much. Sure, it had given him some ideas of what he could do, but in the end, what mattered most was that she knew that this act meant everything to him. He wasn’t going to run off and leave her. He was going to remain with her. She was the only lady he’d take to bed, and that was really what she longed for.
When their kiss ended, he brought his mouth to her nipple and traced it with his tongue. He was rewarded with a contented sigh. He continued to caress her breasts, taking his time to fully enjoy her.
At one point, she guided his hand to the dark curls between her legs. “I need you to touch me here,” she whispered, slightly out of breath.
She slid two of his fingers into her and moved his thumb so that it was over a small nub. She proceeded to demonstrate how he could best increase her pleasure by rubbing her nub in circular motions. Then she rocked her hips in a gentle rhythm. It didn’t occur to him right away that the book had suggested this very thing. As much as it pained him, he supposed he should have read the thing sooner…though he’d never let Christopher know that.
Recalling something else the book suggested, he moved lower down her body and repositioned himself so that his mouth was over her sensitive nub. The book had claimed that either his hand or his tongue was sufficient for maximizing a lady’s pleasure, but he was now curious about the difference and was rewarded with a sharp gasp when his tongue touched that part of her. As he continued his ministrations, her moaning grew louder and her fingers dug into his shoulders.
Something he hadn’t anticipated was how arousing the whole thing would be, for either one of them. There was a sense of euphoria in bringing her closer to sexual release. And before long, she stilled and cried out his name. Her body clenched around his fingers, pulling them further in. When she relaxed, he got up and crawled on top of her, pleased to note the look of contentment on her face.
He lowered his head and kissed her. She let out a soft sigh then wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer to her. He entered her and she rocked her hips once more, this time not as impatient as before. He wanted to prolong this experience. He’d taken her to completion and even now her body clenched around him from the effects of it.
He hoped to give her sexual fulfillment every time they came together in the future. While he believed that she was completely satisfied up to now, there was a certain empowerment in knowing he could take it a step further.
When he found his release, he held her close, murmuring her name and kissing her neck. Few things were as wonderful as being wrapped in her embrace. He remained with her for a long time, content to continue kissing her, loving how intimately they were connected.
Eventually, he settled next to her and pulled up the blanket to their shoulders before gathering her into his arms. Resting his cheek on her head, he closed his eyes and smiled. If anyone had told him how perfect his life would become, he wouldn’t have believed it. But there was no denying how much better off he was because Paula was in his life. And that was something he’d never take for granted.
The next morning before Paula woke up, Perry got dressed and went to the drawing room to see if Christopher or Agatha were up yet. When he found Christopher reading a book with a cup of hot tea and a tart on the table next to him, he sat across from him. “You’re reading a book. Let me guess. It’s either about pleasuring a lady or ways you can upset gentlemen at White’s.”
His cousin didn’t bother glancing up at him. “It’s a shame when people think they’re funny but they really aren’t. I mean, do you tell them the truth or humor them and laugh?”
“Humor them and laugh, of course.”
“Ha ha.”
Not to be deterred by his sarcasm, Perry leaned forward and saw the title. “Gothic horror? You’re still reading those?”
He shrugged.
After a moment, Perry leaned back in his chair. “I have a favor to ask of you.”
Christopher sipped his tea then looked up at him. “What favor is that?”
“I want you to ask Agatha to mention Stewart’s tendency to manipulate people in order to rob them of their wealth. It doesn’t have to be worded exactly that way, but make sure people understand he’s greedy and has no problems using people to his advantage.”
“What good is telling Agatha this going to do?”
“She needs to put it in the Tittletattle.”
Christopher, who was about to take another sip, dropped the cup and tea poured out all over the rug.
“What’s gotten into you?” he asked as he grabbed a cloth napkin to soak up the spill. “I can’t remember ever seeing you so clumsy.”
“How do you know Agatha works at the Tittletattle?”
Perry grinned. “You honestly don’t give me enough credit. Out of all the gentlemen at White’s, you were the only one who would find out about the wager between Lord Pennella and Lord Davenport, and more than that, your engagement to Agatha happened right after the thing was exposed in the Tittletattle. I might be many things, Christopher, but I’m not stupid.” Though, to be fair, he hadn’t figured it out right away.
“I suppose not.”
“There was no other way someone as lovely as Agatha would marry you unless she was afraid you’d expose her secret to the world.”
“Wait a minute.” He straightened in his chair, looking as indignant as he had at any of the times in the past when Perry caught onto what he was doing. “Are you saying that I’m not good enough for her?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. But,” he patted his shoulder, “since you are an expert in pleasuring a lady, I’m sure she’s found a way to be content with her lot in life. As for my wife… She’ll just have to be content with intelligence, good looks and wealth. Though, she did ask me to come right back to her bed after I talked to you, so I better get going. I don’t want to make her wait for me longer than
she’s able to bear.”
He gathered his cane, his smile growing wider as Christopher tried in vain to come up with a clever comeback.
“You look happier today,” Agatha greeted as Paula came into the drawing room early that afternoon.
Heat rose to her cheeks. She probably should have come down sooner, but Perry had distracted her during that morning…twice. Then there was the long and relaxing bath. It had been such a wonderful morning, the kind prompted by the newfound freedom she was now enjoying. No more secrets. No more lies. Just blissful intimacy with the gentleman she loved.
Agatha chuckled and waved her to the settee where she was sitting. “Come on over and have some tea and scones. You didn’t have breakfast and you ate so little last night. You must be famished.”
“Actually, I am hungry,” Paula admitted as she sat next to her.
“Perry will feel better when he knows you’re eating properly.”
“He was worried about whether or not I was eating?”
“He asked me to go to your bedchamber and make sure you ate something last evening.”
“Did he?”
“Yes. He loves you. The poor gentleman wants nothing more than to dote on you.” Handing her a cup of tea and a scone, Agatha added, “You’re worth doting on. You see him for who he really is and better yet, you appreciate him. There’s nothing he’d deny you.”
“There’s nothing I’d deny him either.”
“Good. Then make sure you eat.”
Paula laughed then quickly obeyed her. She had no idea Perry fussed over her so much, but it was wonderful that he did. “Where are our husbands?”
“Oh, they’re out riding their horses. You won’t believe it, but Christopher is at a loss for words for the first time since I met him. Perry’s been winning the battle of wits with him and Christopher doesn’t know how to handle it.”