Shattered: A Bad Boy Billionaire Romance (The Blackthorn Brothers Book 2)

by Cali MacKay

  “No….” She wailed, the pain in her voice like a dagger to my heart.

  I held her tight in my arms as she wept, rocking her back and forth in a futile effort to try to soothe her, tucking her against my side until eventually her tears dried up and she was spent. And though I took her to see her brother, she didn’t stay long, shaking her head and turning away from him after just a short while. “It just doesn’t look like him anymore. And I’d rather remember him the way he was, the way I knew him, before Ray got his hands on him.”

  By the time we left the hospital and drove to my place, it was close to midnight. She barely said a word to me the whole drive over, looking battered and broken, her heart and soul defeated. It was so unlike her, always so feisty, even if we were at odds, and seeing her like this was breaking my heart into a million pieces. All I could do was just be there for her, and let her know that her nightmare was now over, even if it might take a long time for her wounds and her heart to heal.

  I dropped her bags in my room and crossed to her side, hopelessly worried about her. “What can I do to help you through this, baby girl?”

  “I need a shower. I need to wash everything away.” Yet a shower would never be able to wash away what she’d been through.

  And though I wanted to ask her about our baby, I knew I had to hold off, since she was already dealing with so much. “Come on then…”

  When I placed my hand on the small of her back, she slowly pulled away. “I’m sorry…but…I think I’m okay managing this on my own.”

  I knew she was hurting, but it left me feeling helpless to have her push me away. “As you wish, love. I’ll be right here if you need me.”

  I watched her walk away from me, closing the bathroom door behind her, as I silently swore to myself that I’d do whatever it took to see her through this.

  Sitting on the edge of my bed, I texted my brothers to let them know we were okay, but that we’d need to make funeral arrangements for Skylar’s brother. In the condition she was in, I didn’t want her having to worry about anything.

  Yet as I sat there alone, waiting for Skylar to finish showering, I was left with nothing but my thoughts and the day’s events—and they didn’t make for good company. It was nearly impossible not to run through my memories of the day, since the image of Skylar bloody and naked in Ray’s arms with a knife to her throat was seared on my soul and brain, and wasn’t something I’d ever be able to forget. But it also served as too good a reminder that I hadn’t gotten to her fast enough…that I had done a fucking piss-poor job of protecting her.

  The truth was that I wouldn’t be surprised if she blamed me for everything that happened and wanted nothing to do with me. Because I knew that a whole lot of this was my fault, even if I was only trying to do right by her, and save her from a horrible situation.

  Kidnapping her? Yeah…that may not have been the right way to go about things.

  I stepped under the hot spray of water, biting back my whimpers and screams as my cuts and wounds stung as if someone had poured boiling acid on them, my eyes burning with tears that I was incapable of holding back. And so they fell. Better to get them all out while I was alone, instead of while I was with Finn, since I knew he’d only worry and start asking questions.

  And with the sorts of questions he’d no doubt eventually be asking, I knew it’d be impossible to answer them truthfully and have us come out the other end unscathed. Because the moment he found out about our baby, I knew he’d never be able to look at me again without hating me for the decision I’d made. I could have walked away from Ray and let my brother suffer the consequences—and yet I hadn’t.

  I’d stayed to try to save what family I had left, not anticipating that Ray would find out. I thought for sure that I’d have found a way to get myself and my brother out of there safely before he’d figured it out.

  I’d been mistaken.

  And now, I’d not only lost my unborn child, I’d also lost my brother, murdered a man—albeit in self-defense—and before long, there was too good a chance Finn would walk away from me, once he found out what I’d done.

  It was all too much to deal with, my sobs finally breaking free as I sat down in a crumpled heap on the cold tile floor, my heart and soul shattering into so many pieces, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to put them back again.

  Finn pounded on the door, calling out to me before finally coming in when I didn’t answer, unable to find the words to tell him that I was okay, since it’d be nothing but a lie. Crossing to my side, still fully clothed, he gathered me up in his arms and held me to him, murmuring words of comfort as I clung to him and wept for all that I’d lost, for all that I’d been put through, and for all that would eventually come.

  I didn’t know how long we’d stayed like that, but at some point, he turned off the water and covered me with a plush towel before carrying me off in his strong arms and laying me down on his bed, doing his best to dry me off before he bundled me up under the covers. He quickly stripped off his soaked clothes, quickly changing into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt—and for that, I was grateful.

  He laid down by my side and gently pulled me into his arms, kissing the top of my head as my tears finally slowed, but only because I was spent and had no more tears to give. “I’m so fucking sorry, baby girl…but I swear, we’ll get through this together.”

  Except that I didn’t know how we’d manage it once the truth was out.

  Finn had yet to ask me about the baby, but I knew it was only a matter of time since Ray mentioned it not once but twice. And it’s not like it was something Finn would easily forget, especially when he must be confused about me being pregnant when he’d been completely unaware of it.

  Yet for now, I was being offered a reprieve to mend my broken heart and battered body. And so I took the silence being offered and allowed myself to slip into the darkness and mercy of sleep.

  Come morning, I felt like an empty shell, my mind, my heart, my soul feeling completely numb—in total contradiction to my body, which felt as if I’d been hit by a truck and set on fire, making it impossible to forget what Ray had put me through.

  I still had to make funeral arrangements for my brother, and yet I’d barely managed to get out more than a word or two since getting up, feeling like there was too good a chance the floodgates would open if I said too much, and then there’d be no stopping my tears. And Finn…I couldn’t bear to even look at him, knowing I’d see nothing but worry in his eyes.

  “You need to eat something, Sky…” He’d already been sweet enough to cook me breakfast, though I hadn’t managed more than a few bites. “I’m really worried about you.”

  I took another bite or two, but then had to push my plate away. “I need to go… My brother…the Feds…there’s too much that needs to get done.”

  “I hope it’s okay, but I enlisted my family to make the arrangements for your brother. As for the Feds, those fuckers can wait until you’re feeling up to being questioned. Besides, if they really need to speak to you, I doubt they’d think twice about showing up here to get the answers they need.” Finn’s anger and frustration with the FBI was palpable, and I couldn’t blame him for being angry with them, since they kept sending me back to Ray instead of protecting me.

  “Thanks for taking care of Matt. I just don’t think I could manage…” I swallowed down the lump in my throat and let out a ragged breath, trying to keep it together.

  “Whatever you need, baby girl…I’m here for you.”

  The next few days crawled by as I was forced to watch Skylar withdraw from the world, though now that we’d buried her brother in a small, private ceremony, I was hoping that she might finally start to heal and move past everything she’d been put through.

  “I should get going…get back home.” Skylar wrapped her arms around herself as if warding off a chill. “I can’t thank you enough for helping me through the last few days.”

  No… There was no way I could let her go, especially not when
she was still an emotional mess, and I needed answers about our baby. “I want you to stay here with me…I want you to move in so we can finally get back to what we once had. Because you know neither one of us will ever be happy if we’re apart.”

  She let out a weary sigh, her gaze avoiding mine, but as she started to turn away, I grabbed her hand, refusing to let her run out on us. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this, Finn… You’re better off without me. And I need time alone to piece my life back together.”

  “You don’t need to do that alone, Sky. I want to be part of your life, and that means sticking around through the good and the bad. Especially if we’re going to have a baby.” I’d been trying to hold off on bringing up the matter, but there was no way I could let her push me away when we were going to be starting a family.

  Her eyes shimmered with tears as she pulled her hand free of mine. “There is no baby, Finn. I’m not pregnant.”

  “But Ray… He mentioned a baby…and not just once.” I knew things had been chaotic, but that wasn’t something I’d easily imagine or forget. “And he said it was mine.”

  This time when she looked at me, there were tears streaming down her face. “Please, Finn…I can’t talk about it.”

  I knew she’d been through so much, but I couldn’t figure out what the hell had happened. Had she lost the baby? Or was Ray mistaken and making assumptions? “So…you want me to just let you walk away? And we’re not even supposed to discuss this?”

  “What good will it do? There is no baby, and nothing can change that. What’s done is done, and that’s why I need to go.” She looked so broken and defeated, and I couldn’t help but pull her into my arms, ignoring her struggles, until she finally settled against my chest and sobbed.

  I sat us down on the sofa, holding her to me, desperate to ease her pain, even if a part of me wanted to keep pushing until I got the answers I needed. And yet I couldn’t do that to her. Not after everything she’d been through so recently. “I swear, Sky… We’ll get through this together. Just please, stay. No good will come of you running away from your problems, or from me.”

  “You say that now, but one day…you’ll hate me.” Her last words were no more than a whisper, though I knew I hadn’t heard her wrong.

  “Nothing will ever change how I feel about you. Surely you must know that by now. You can talk to me about anything, baby girl.” After all Ray had done to her…after losing her brother and being forced to kill Ray, I knew she had every right to be emotional. But it left me worried that she’d walk away from us, when all I wanted was for her to be happy, and for us to get married and have a family. “Say you’ll marry me.”

  She looked down at the engagement ring I’d slipped onto her finger a week earlier, before turning her gaze on me. “You should take the ring back, Finn.”

  “I don’t want the ring back. What I want is for us to get married. To be happy. To live our lives together.” I cupped her face in my hands and brushed my lips against hers in a whisper of a kiss, needing her to see what she meant to me. “I love you. You’re the only one I’ve ever loved—and I know you feel the same way about me, even if you’re trying to push me away.”

  “I wish I could marry you, Finn. But I can’t. Not until you know the truth—and I don’t think I can bear to tell you. Which is exactly why I can’t marry you.” She squeezed her eyes shut against her tears, as my mind raced, trying to figure out what she was keeping from me.

  “You can marry me—and you will. So, just tell me, Sky. Nothing can change the way I feel about you.” And the fact that she wasn’t telling me what happened was only making me crazy.

  “I wish that were true…but I’m afraid it’s not.”

  I knew I had to tell Finn what happened, and yet I couldn’t bear to tell him the truth, knowing it’d ruin whatever good was left between us. And after all we’d been through, there was little left for me to hold onto. Finn was all that I had left, and even that was precarious.

  “What happened, Sky?” Cupping my cheek, he bent his head to mine as my eyes slipped shut. “Talk to me, baby girl.”

  I had to. And the truth was, he had every right to know. “It was a year ago. After we broke up, and you came back from Ireland…that one night together…”

  “You got pregnant.” The pain in his voice nearly killed me. He let out a ragged breath, sitting back in shock. “Why the hell didn’t you say anything, Sky?”

  “I couldn’t. Things were precarious with Ray, and if I told you, I knew you’d try to get me to come back to you. But I couldn’t leave him, Finn. Not when my brother’s life was on the line.” And yet my brother was still dead, even after the hell I’d endured to try to save him. It’d all been for naught.

  My wounds were still so raw, I couldn’t keep my tears from falling, feeling gutted and broken, with worse only to come. Yet when Finn pulled me into his arms, I let him, desperate to close out the world around me, wishing it could be just the two of us without our pasts and wrongs…without our mistakes and shattered souls.

  He kissed the top of my head, trying to soothe me, but before long, he pulled away just enough to look at me, cupping my face in his hands, as he dried my tears, his brow furrowed in anticipation of what was to come. “I love you, Sky. You know I do. But…I need to know what happened to our baby.”

  “I was nearly three months pregnant when I lost our baby…” I swallowed down the sob that wanted to escape my throat, my pain soul-wrenching. “Ray…he found out I was pregnant with your child and…he beat me until I miscarried.”

  “That fucking bastard. A million deaths aren’t enough for him.” The rage and pain in Finn’s voice tore at my heart, and it fucking killed me because I knew he was suffering because of my actions…because I chose not to walk away from my brother, staying instead in an abusive situation that I had no hope of controlling. And then Finn turned his hurt and anger on me, his eyes red with threatening tears. “How could you stay there, Sky? You knew what a sadistic bastard Ray was. And you were carrying our child. You knew what he’d be like if he found out, and yet you stayed with him instead of doing the sane thing and coming back to me so we could start our family.”

  “I know that now, Finn. But at the time, I was trying to save my brother, who was the only family I had left—and I swear, I didn’t think I’d be stuck with him for as long as I was. I thought it would take just a few weeks to get my brother out of that situation, and I never thought Ray would go to that sort of extreme. But when he realized you were the father…he lost it. It pushed him over the edge.” And he took all his anger and jealousy out on me. Not that he let me go to the hospital, opting instead to have me seen by one of his “doctors,” who was no doubt well paid for his silence.

  “Sky…why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” It was clear he was torn between pitying me and being angry—and I couldn’t blame him. “And why the fuck didn’t you get the hell away from Ray when you found out you were pregnant?”

  “I know it’s my fault for not leaving him the moment I found out I was pregnant, but I couldn’t abandon my brother.” For all the good it did.

  “I’m sorry, Sky, but the safety of our baby should have taken precedence over getting your brother out of trouble.” Never before had he raised his voice at me, and yet he had every right to yell at me. I reached out and grabbed his hand, needing to hold onto some sort of physical connection between us, and yet, he shrugged off my touch and got up to pace, tension stiffening his body, as a fresh wave of tears fell down my cheeks. “You should have fucking told me the moment you found out you were pregnant.”

  “I know, Finn… And it’s something I’ll never forgive myself for. I have no excuse.” What else was there to say? He was right.

  I should have told him. I should have left Ray, even if it meant my brother would have to fend for himself. But hindsight is twenty-twenty, as they say, and I’d made the wrong decision. I’d pay the price for my mistakes over and over again, the loss of my unborn child a devastation that I�
��d never recover from.

  “This wasn’t just your decision to make, Skylar. And of all the people to tell me that you were pregnant with my child… The fact that Ray knew about our baby—and I didn’t have a fucking clue. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say to you.” He could barely look at me, his hurt and disappointment evident in every look, every move of his tense body.

  But I knew what had to be done… I’d known all along.

  Slipping the engagement ring off my finger, I left it on the nearby table and headed out the door, knowing I didn’t deserve anyone’s love—certainly not Finn’s.

  And he let me go.

  I didn’t know what to say or how to feel, because I knew Skylar was going through her own hell. She was not only dealing with her brother’s death and the abuse Ray had put her through, but I had no doubt that she also felt this child’s loss just as painfully as I did, if not more, since it was clear she held herself responsible.

  Yet at the moment, it was all too raw, and I was far too angry to be in a caring, loving, and understanding mood.

  A baby…

  The loss I felt was so acute…so painful… I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to forgive her. And so when she walked out the door, I let her go, not trusting myself, knowing it’d be too easy to do something or say something stupid.

  I was devastated. In so many ways. And I was so fucking angry with the world.

  Not only would I never get to know and love my unborn child, but things between me and Skylar suddenly felt impossible. I was so angry with her, and I didn’t know how to forgive her—or if I’d ever be able to.

  I screamed out in frustration, desperate to put my fist through something as I paced the floor, feeling like a caged animal. Part of me wanted to go find Skylar and demand answers to questions I didn’t even know, but a bigger part of me wanted to drown my heartache and anger.