by Cali MacKay
In the end, the latter won out.
The next day was no less miserable, and day after day, things only got worse, Skylar’s absence only fueling my pain and rage, my utter heartbreak and sense of hopelessness. And as one day slipped into the next, I found myself sinking into a darkness I didn’t think I’d ever get out of.
My body, my soul, my heart…every fiber of my being ached to have Skylar back, in my arms and in my bed.
I was at a fucking loss and didn’t know what to do with myself, when I both hated her for staying with Ray and jeopardizing our unborn child, and desperately needed her. She’d always been my everything, and though I’d been damn frustrated with her before, I’d never truly been angry with her.
I checked my phone for the umpteenth time since she’d left, hating that she hadn’t called other than a handful of times in the days after she’d left, with no message left—not that I had bothered to pick up the phone either. And after losing her brother…after all Ray had put her through… I could just imagine how devastated she must be—and I’d left her to deal with it all on her own, which made me a total ass.
I picked up my phone, my fingers hovering over her number like I had a dozen times already, before tossing my phone down on the table, hating that we were even in this situation.
Fucking Ray… I should’ve put a bullet in his head the moment he even thought about looking in Skylar’s direction.
Contemplating whether I should head over and see her, I quickly pushed the thought from my mind, knowing all too well that the moment I saw her my anger would rear its ugly head, and that would only make things between us worse. What I needed to do was get the hell out of this house. Maybe go away for a bit.
But before I could do much of anything, Locke was pounding on my door. Fuck. I was in no mood for company, though I still let him in. Before he could even step into my house, he was giving me a good hard look and shaking his head. “What the fuck happened? You look like shit.”
I groaned, wishing he’d just go away. “I’m in no mood, Locke. Why are you even here?”
I followed my brother into my kitchen, where he dug around in my fridge before helping himself to a glass of orange juice and a banana off the counter. “Haven’t had any breakfast… I’m starving.”
“Then you should’ve headed to some diner instead of coming over to bug me and steal my food.” I plopped myself down on one of the barstools at the kitchen counter, glaring at my brother, since I had a good feeling there’d soon be a lecture forthcoming. My whole family had been calling to check in on Skylar and me, but I’d dodged their calls, in no mood to answer a million questions about my personal life.
“Where’s Skylar?” His eyebrows perked up as he pinned me with an all too knowing gaze, since I had no doubt he knew Skylar was gone—which I’m sure was quite evident by my grumpy mood.
I glared at him, in no mood to be discussing everything that went wrong between me and the only woman I’d ever loved. “She’s gone. I’m assuming back to her place, if you’re looking for her.”
“Are you going to tell me what happened? Or are you going to make me guess?” Locke leaned back against the counter, crossing his long legs out in front of him as he took a long sip from his glass.
“I don’t see how any of it’s your business.” The last thing I wanted to do was dredge up my anger and emotions, and discuss something that I’d yet to come to terms with. My brothers and I might be close, but this wasn’t something I was ready to share with anyone, even if Locke had different plans.
“That bad, huh?” He let out a sigh with a shake of his head. “You know…you loved that girl enough to fucking kidnap her and put your neck on the line. And I don’t know everything that she went through with that asshole, but I’d imagine it was pretty fucking brutal. So…I’ve got to wonder, what the fuck happened to have you walking away from her?”
“Who’s to say that I’m the one who walked away and not her?” Because she did walk away, even if I was the one who let her.
“Yeah…I’m not buying that. Because if she was the one to leave you, I highly doubt you’d simply let her go. Not after everything you guys have been through.” Locke looked like he was mulling things over, trying to figure them out before finally letting out a weary sigh. “Look…I’m sure things haven’t been easy, especially after everything that happened. But is it really worth walking away from the woman you love? ’Cause I got to say…I’d consider myself damn lucky to have someone who loves me as much as I know Skylar loves you. And no matter what’s happened, I can’t imagine any of this has been easy on her.”
I knew it wasn’t. She was suffering just as much as I was—if not more. And she was all alone, not only dealing with the death of her brother and our unborn child, but also dealing with the aftermath of what Ray had done to her, and the fact that she had taken his life. I knew Skylar, and though she’d killed Ray in self-defense, I was sure it was weighing down on her soul.
Maybe I’d been wrong to judge her so harshly. Yet I wasn’t sure my own heartache could deal with forgiving her.
Locke finished his juice and put the glass in the sink before turning to face me. “I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but I do know this. You’re going to be nothing but miserable without her, so whatever the hell happened, find a way to deal with it—and that’s not going to fucking happen if you stay here and never see her again.”
“You’re a real pain in the ass, Locke. But you may also be fucking right.”
I packed my bags, knowing I needed to get out of here. After everything that had happened, Seattle was nothing but a reminder of all the mistakes I’d made, and of the hell I’d endured. But most of all, it was a reminder that I’d lost a baby, and I’d lost Finn, and things were now over between us.
What I needed was to leave my past behind. To go somewhere new where I could get a fresh start, and just live my life. Maybe head to the East Coast. Or somewhere beachy and warm.
I had a good chunk of money set aside, and it’d be enough to cover any expenses until I could get a new job. And since the Feds owed me big-time, after I put my neck on the line and my brother ended up dead anyway, they were kind enough to provide me with a new identity, in case anyone decided to come looking for me. It wasn’t anything as extensive as Witness Protection—just enough to allow me to start over.
With my car packed, I paused, sitting in the driver’s seat with the key in the ignition and my phone in my hand. My heart was breaking at the thought of never seeing Finn again. But what the hell was I supposed to do? It’d been a week since I’d last seen him, and he hadn’t bothered to call, and he hadn’t bothered to respond to any of my attempts to reach out to him.
Not that I could blame him. I knew he’d hate me for what happened—and that was exactly how it all played out.
Tossing my phone in the passenger seat, I started my car and drove off down the road, tears stinging my eyes as I headed out of town, leaving Seattle behind me, my heart aching like it’d been cut with a million shards of glass, my past leaving me with wounds that would never heal.
But there were no other options but to try to forget all my problems, and just maybe find a way to live with myself and all I had done wrong.
In the end, I let the road take me where it would, trying not to give it much thought, which was easy enough to do since I couldn’t get Finn out of my head. Was I really going to walk away from him without a fight?
I knew he was angry with me and he likely wanted me out of his life after all that happened, and yet it killed me to think that he’d never forgive me. But why should he? It’s not as though it’d bring our baby back.
And so I kept on driving, day after day, finally stopping in the quaint little town of Crooked Creek, nestled alongside a river at the base of some gorgeous wooded mountains, the smell of pine pungent in the air. A sense of peace surrounded me, and for the first time in a year, the tension in my muscles eased just a little. I was still a long way off from
being fine, and didn’t know if I’d ever get there fully, especially without Finn in my life, but for now, this place felt like the perfect spot to find a bit of peace.
There wasn’t a whole lot available for rent, but I didn’t need much, and I was lucky enough to land myself a job working for Colt in his busy mechanic’s shop, keeping track of his books and billing. And it just so happened that he had a one-bedroom apartment above his shop that he’d happily rent to me—and though it was small, it suited me just fine.
Though Colt was a man of few words and was good about minding his own business, he’d become a good friend, and helped me through some rough patches as days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. And before long, I found myself settling into my new life, though my heart never stopped aching for Finn.
I stood up from behind my desk in the shop office, my stomach already grumbling at the thought of lunch, and headed out onto the shop floor where Colt was pulling apart some engine. “I’m going to grab a bite to eat. Want to join me or should I grab you something?”
Colt looked up from the engine he was working on, turning his intelligent blue eyes on me, their color striking in contrast to his scruffy beard and oil-smudged skin, and wiped his hands clean on a rag. “I’ll come with you. I’m starving, and I hate it when my fries are cold. Just give me a second to get cleaned up.”
It didn’t take Colt long, and though he was definitely a hell of a lot cleaner than he’d been just moments earlier, nothing but a long hot shower and a good scrubbing would get rid of all the grease and grime.
Yet that rough and rugged unkempt look suited him—and the truth was he was one hell of a good-looking man and had more than his fair share of admirers. Hell, I half-suspected most of his female customers were sabotaging their own vehicles just to have an excuse to come into the shop and talk to him.
And despite Colt’s good looks and quiet charm, I still couldn’t think of anyone but Finn. Curse him.
Luckily, the diner was just a five-minute walk into the center of town, and though their menu was what you’d typically find at any diner, the food was damn good. Colt ordered his usual—a bacon double cheeseburger with bacon and jalapenos and an order of hand cut fries, where as I opted for a tuna melt with tomato, and a side of salt and vinegar potato chips, which I was stuffing into my sandwich.
Colt shook his head as he watched me press down my tuna melt, the chips crunching under the pressure. “You’re definitely from the city.”
That earned him a glare, though I knew he was just teasing me. “What? Haven’t you ever wanted a bit of zing and crunch in your sandwich? Maybe you should try it before criticizing. You might like it more than you think.”
He reached over and grabbed the other half of my sandwich, taking a bite before putting it back on my plate. But as he munched away, a smile crept onto his face—a rare enough sight, though I was getting used to seeing him smile a little more often as he got used to having me around. “All right…I’ll give you this one. It’s good.”
“It’s better than good—it’s fucking fantastic.” I took another bite, shooting a winning smile in his direction.
Popping a fry into his mouth, he grabbed the ketchup and covered his burger with it, and then emptied out a small pool on his plate, his gaze flicking back up to meet mine. “You look good with a smile on your face, Sky. You should think about doing that more often.”
“Funny you should say that, because I was just thinking the same thing about you.” I couldn’t help but tease him.
The truth was, the two of us were pretty damn pathetic. And though Colt hadn’t said much, it was clear he’d had his heart broken at some point, and had yet to fully recover, though that was nothing more than an assumption on my part.
“Humph. Smiling’s overrated.” He grumbled, turning back to his plate of food, somehow managing to devour half his burger in a matter of minutes as I tackled my own meal, and an easy silence fell between us.
Though I still missed Finn like a part of my soul had been wrenched away from me, I was doing my best to get on with my life, even if things were still screwed up. Because Fate had a sick and twisted sense of humor, and wasn’t done messing with me yet.
Colt’s brow furrowed; his eyes on his plate, he continued eating, before finally looking up at me, his mood now serious. He looked like he was mulling something over, as if debating something inside his head, before finally letting out a sigh, his blue eyes softening. “I know it’s none of my business, but…does the father know?”
“No…he doesn’t.”
And there was the crux of the problem. I was pregnant—and I didn’t know if this baby was Finn’s or Ray’s.
As I drove through the tiny town of Crooked Creek, nestled at the base of the mountains in the middle of nowhere, I had to wonder if my brother had gotten it wrong. Skylar had left Seattle without a trace. It was as if she’d simply disappeared, and it’d taken months for my brother to track her down—at least he thought it was her. Yet the last thing I could picture was Skylar living out here in the middle of nowhere, and working at a mechanic’s shop.
I didn’t know what the hell I’d say to her when I finally found her, but one thing was certain. She was coming home with me. I’d been nothing but a miserable fuck since she left, and though I’d been the one to let her walk away, not a day went by that I didn’t regret it. And what was worse was that she must think that this whole time apart, I didn’t want her back—even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. But by the time I came to my senses mere weeks after she’d walked away, she was long gone.
She must have had the FBI help her out with a new identity and Social Security number since she was now going by the name of Sky Jones. And if it weren’t for the first name, I definitely would have stronger doubts that this was actually her.
I pulled up in front of the shop she was supposedly working at, and headed for the office door. I half expected to see her standing right there, but instead there was no one at the moment, though I was soon greeted by a guy wiping his hands on a rag. “What can I do for you?”
I immediately felt my back go up with jealousy, as I was left wondering if this was the man Skylar was now spending her days with—tall, built, tussled brown hair and beard, and striking blue eyes. He looked like a goddamn Viking.
Fuck.
I hated to admit it, but the guy could probably have anyone he wanted—except that he couldn’t have Skylar.
She was mine, damn it. And I’d murder this asshole if he was fucking her.
“I’m looking for Sky. Don’t suppose she’s in?” I tried to keep the tension out of my voice, not wanting this guy to get suspicious and try keeping her from me. But it was damn hard to fully disguise my anger and jealousy.
“She’s not. Who’s asking?” The guy looked ready to fight me just to keep me from her—and it only pissed me off all the more.
“The guy she’s marrying.” That might have been a bit of a reach at the moment, but it would fucking happen. I couldn’t live another day without her in my life, and I’d do whatever it took to get her back.
His eyebrows perked up in question and disbelief, as a smile slipped onto his lips. “And Sky…does she actually know about this wedding? ’Cause I’m guessing she doesn’t.”
With a growl I couldn’t suppress, I resisted the urge to reach across the counter and pummel the asshole. “Where the fuck is she?”
“She’s right the fuck here.”
I immediately spun to find her standing behind me, holding two cups of coffee in a cardboard tray, relief washing through me even as she glared at me.
“Skylar…” Fuck…I didn’t even know what to say. And anything I did want to say, I sure as hell didn’t want to discuss while the Viking listened in and watched us from behind the counter. “We need to talk—just the two of us.”
“There’s nothing to say, Finn.” She shook her head, looking at me with tears in her eyes. It fucking killed me to see she was still hurting after
all she’d been through, despite the time that had passed. “What’s done is done. There’s no way I can change our past or what happened. Just go home… Go back to Seattle.”
She started to walk past me, heading toward the back of the counter, when I gently grabbed her arm, refusing to let her walk away from what was between us. But as I pulled her back toward me, her coat shifted and that’s when I saw it…the slight swell of her belly.
“You need to let go of her, right the fuck now.” The mechanic was coming around the counter, heading straight for me. Not that I could focus on anything but Skylar.
I did a double take, wondering if I was imagining it. But I knew every inch of Skylar’s body…
“You’re pregnant?” I was hit with a fit of jealousy, my gaze shifting between her and the blue-eyed mechanic, shaking my head in disbelief. I must have been a fool to think that she’d still be in love with me…to think she wouldn’t get on with her life and that she’d be waiting for me to come back for her.
But she hadn’t been waiting for me. She’d moved on just fine.
Before I did something stupid, like reach around Skylar and bash her boyfriend’s head in, I turned and walked out into the crisp fall air, even as she called out to me. “Finn…would you just stop?”
I spun to face her, my heart shattering to know it was finally over between us. “I guess you moved on with your life pretty damn quick.”
“And I guess you’re a real asshole when you’re jealous.” She stood there, arms crossed in front of her chest as she glared at me. “Why are you even here?”
“Why the fuck do you think I’m here? I’m here for you, Skylar…I came here to take you home. Because every day without you has been nothing but fucking miserable.” I just hadn’t expected her to start a new life—a new family—with someone else. “Not that any of that matters now. So, let me go… Let me get out of here, so you don’t have to bother with me ever again.”