by Cali MacKay
“You know…you’re awfully good at jumping to conclusions.” She scoffed at me with a shake of her head, tears slipping down her cheeks. “The guy in there is my boss. Not my boyfriend. Though if it hadn’t been for Colt…I don’t know where the hell I’d be right now. ’Cause he’s pulled me through some dark times, Finn…”
Times that I should have been there for her. And yet…he wasn’t her boyfriend…
“Fuck, Sky…I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you—but it’s not as if I could find you. You fucking disappeared on me—and it’s taken me months to track you down.” I couldn’t help but close the distance between us, drawn to her like the tide to the moon, desperate to have her in my arms once more. Yet, every time I looked at her, I couldn’t see anything but another man’s child growing in her belly, when it should have been mine. “Who’s the father?”
Looking down, she closed her eyes for a long moment, her tears spilling down her cheeks as she shook, though she still didn’t look at me as she spoke. “I don’t know.”
What the fuck? How could she not know? Didn’t she know who the hell she’d slept with?
And then it fucking hit me. I must be such a damned fucking fool. “You mean, you don’t know if it’s mine or Ray’s.”
All I could manage was a nod in answer to Finn’s question, my words stuck in my throat. I still couldn’t believe that he was here, after all these months. “Just go home, Finn. I’ll call you once I know if the baby’s yours.”
He shook his head as if trying to clear it, giving me an incredulous look. “Have you lost your fucking mind, Sky? That’s not fucking happening. I’m not leaving.”
My heart ached to feel his touch. Yet as he closed the distance between us, my eyes flashed to Colt, who was still watching us intently through the shop window, looking ready to jump on Finn if he thought I might be in danger.
“So then, what exactly do you want to happen, Finn? You made it clear that you couldn’t forgive me for staying with Ray and losing our baby. And when I tried to reach out to you, you never even called me back. Not a single word. Not that I can blame you.” I let out a weary sigh, months of frustration and heartache leaving me with my defenses up, though I knew he had every right to be angry with me. “Why the hell are you here?”
“I’m here because I love you, damn it. The last few months have been nothing but miserable for me without you around. You belong with me…no matter what we’ve been through, that’s never going to change.” He closed the distance between us, cupping my face in both his hands and pulling me to him, his head bent to mine. “I know we still have a lot of issues to work through, but I love you. We can get through this.”
“And what if the baby isn’t yours? What if it’s Ray’s?” The mere thought left me feeling completely conflicted after everything Ray put me through.
This was my child—and I was still conflicted. So, how the hell was Finn supposed to deal with it, especially if the child ended up being Ray’s? I couldn’t even imagine how Finn must feel, especially after I’d lost our first child.
“What do you want me to say, Skylar? This isn’t easy for either of us. But…” He let out a weary sigh, and then pulled me into his arms. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy. And at this point, even if the baby is Ray’s…it won’t matter. I’ll raise it as my own.”
I pulled back, looking at him in disbelief. And though I wished I could believe him, I knew it was likely no more than wishful thinking on his part. “You say that now, but how the hell are you going to deal with raising Ray’s child?”
“There’s still a good chance it’s mine, and even if it isn’t, Ray’s gone—and I fucking love you, Sky. How could I not love any child of yours?” His hazel eyes locked on mine, but the intensity of his gaze was just too much.
After all we’d been through, I didn’t know if I could just pick up where we’d left off. Things were different now—even if I wished we could go back to the way things had been before Ray ruined my life.
“You couldn’t even bear to look at me just a few months ago. And now? You think you’re going to be able to push that all aside and we’ll just pick up where we left off—so I can end up with even more heartbreak when you decide to leave ’cause you can’t deal?” Getting over Finn felt like it’d be impossible—but I was doing my best, and finally making headway. But if he left me after I’d let him back into my life again? I didn’t know if I’d ever manage to survive that.
“I’m not going anywhere. I know what it’s like to live without you, and I can’t go on that way. I need you in my life, Skylar—I just need you to trust me, and give me another chance.” He took a step closer to try to close the distance between us, but I took a step back.
“You already knew what it was like for us to be apart—and you still wanted me gone. Though I get it… I fucked up, and the consequences were dire.” My entire life was such a mess. But for the first time in a very long time, it finally felt like I was starting to make progress with my feelings for Finn and I was dealing with all I’d gone through. I was getting my life together, and if I was going to bring a child into the world, then I couldn’t be making rash decisions. “I’m sorry, but I need to think this over. As much as I love you, as much as this is all my fault… I just don’t know if this is what’s best.”
“I’m not leaving—not until you come with me.” Not that I expected anything else from Finn. Nor was it a surprise when he closed the distance between us, sinking his fingers in my hair as he hauled me to him for a kiss that shook my very soul. “I love you, baby girl…and I’ll do whatever it takes to make you realize we’re meant to be together.”
I ignored my racing heart and took a step away from him, ignoring my body’s protests. “I live in the apartment above the shop. The stairs are just around the corner, and the door’s unlocked. You can wait for me there, if you want—or not—but I’ve got to get back to work.”
It was nothing but the truth, though at this point it was more of an excuse to buy me some time, so I could clear my head.
“You live in a place where you can leave your door unlocked?” His lips twitched into a hint of a smile, making my heart hitch with the love I still had for him. “Seems like a far cry from the sort of hell you’d had to endure in Seattle.”
“It is.” In fact, it was exactly what I’d needed to heal after everything I’d been through.
Losing my brother and my unborn child…the abuse I’d been forced to endure and killing Ray…and then having Finn push me away…it’d left me feeling broken and teetering on the edge of a darkness I didn’t think I’d ever be able to escape. Yet, I’d somehow managed to find a bit of peace here.
“I’ll be up as soon as I finish for the day.” I left him standing there, knowing I needed to put some space between us, before he weakened my defenses and I did something stupid.
The moment I walked back into the office, Colt crossed to my side, his brow furrowed with anger and worry. “You okay?”
“Yeah…I am. I knew he’d eventually find me. To be honest, I’m just surprised it took him this long.” Unless, of course, he hadn’t bothered to start looking for me until just recently.
“I take it he could be the father?” Colt’s blue eyes followed me as I walked behind the counter, nodding my answer. “And what about the other guy?”
“The other guy…” How was I supposed to tell him that “the other guy” had raped me and then I’d killed him? “He’s dead. And good riddance.”
Colt’s jaw tightened, his words spoken between clenched teeth. “Did he hurt you?”
All I could do is nod, unable to even look at him.
“And what about this guy? Did he hurt you too?” Colt was sounding like he was ready to find Finn and pummel him into the ground.
“No…he didn’t. He tried to save me.” My voice cracked. It was nothing but the truth, even if it was a hell of a lot more complicated than just that.
“Then maybe you should head upstairs and try to work this out.�
�� Colt leaned back against the counter, crossing his muscular arms in front of his broad chest.
“I wish it were that simple. But it’s not—and I’m not saying this is his fault. It really isn’t. But things are so messed up—and I don’t think there’s any way of fixing them.” Even if I wished there was.
“Sky…what the hell happened?”
All this time, and I’d barely spoken a word of what had happened. Yet now…I didn’t know why…but I suddenly found myself telling Colt everything.
And once I started, it was as if the floodgates opened, and there was no stopping until I’d told him everything.
I took the wooden stairs up to the deck and let myself into Skylar’s apartment, not quite sure what to expect when she was living over a mechanic’s shop. I closed the door behind me and wandered in, poking my head in the rooms and getting a feel for the place, curious to fill in the blanks about the months we’d been apart.
Though the place was relatively small, it felt cozy and I could see small touches of Skylar throughout the home, which just served to remind me that she’d been moving on with her life after I’d let her walk away. Though I knew it hadn’t been easy on her, it was clear she’d been trying her best to start over.
But as my racing mind finally slowed, it settled on the one thing I hadn’t expected.
Skylar was pregnant.
Mulling that thought over, I grabbed a beer from her fridge, half wondering who was drinking them, when she was pregnant, and sank down into the sofa. And though I truly meant what I told her, and I would happily raise any child of hers as my own, it was hard not to wonder what it might be like to raise Ray’s child after Ray had repeatedly raped Skylar, and was responsible for making her miscarry our child.
All I could do is hope that the child ended up being mine. It’s not as if anyone else would truly wish differently, if put in this sort of situation. And given the fact that we’d been together for days before Ray got his hands on her, I was hoping the odds were in my favor.
Yet, one way or another, I was going to be a father—and after spending the last few months mourning the loss of our first child, I couldn’t quite believe we were going to get another chance, and Skylar was pregnant once again. Now all I had to do is convince her to take me back, though after all our ups and downs, I doubted it’d be anything as simple as asking her to come back home to Seattle with me.
And though she’d said she wasn’t involved with Colt, I still couldn’t keep my jealousy in check. I knew what guys were like, and there was something about Skylar that made it damn near impossible for most men not to want her. I couldn’t imagine her boss was any different, though I had no doubt Skylar was telling me the truth. She’d never been one for lies.
Yet someone was drinking that beer, and it wasn’t Skylar.
The fact that Colt had been around to comfort her all these months while I’d been attempting to find her fucking killed me. I wanted to be the one who was there for her, and yet, I hadn’t been—and for that I had no one to blame but myself. And though she may not be seeing Colt, that didn’t mean there wasn’t someone else in her life—and it sure as hell didn’t mean Colt wasn’t interested.
I let out a growl of frustration, hating the thought of her with another man, though I knew there was a good chance I was jumping to conclusions. I took another swig of my beer, wishing I had something a hell of a lot stronger.
Before I could go looking around for a bottle of whiskey or another beer, Skylar walked in, looking uneasy, her eyes red from crying. I immediately crossed to her side, though I had to resist the urge to pull her into my arms, still not sure where we stood and not wanting to make things worse. “Hey… What’s wrong, love? What has you so upset?”
She gave me an incredulous glare and shook her head. “What the hell do you think, Finn? I was doing my best to get over you—after you shut me out—and now you’re here, dredging up everything, when I’ve done my best to try to move on. It was hard enough to lose my brother and deal with everything Ray put me through. But to lose you too…”
“I don’t want you to get over me—I want you to remember how good things were between us, before Ray stole you away from me. And you didn’t lose me…even if I needed a little time to sort my head out.” I cupped her face in my hand, but she still pulled away, as if she couldn’t bear the feel of my touch. “I still love you, Sky.”
“And I still love you.” She let out a weary sigh, shaking her head as she played with the buttons on my shirt, as if needing something to distract herself with. “But maybe…maybe love isn’t enough anymore.”
No fucking way. There was no way I was letting her walk away from what was between us. “Then we’ll find a way to make it enough, because I’m not leaving without you. You’re my whole world, damn it. We’re going to have a baby—and I don’t care whether it’s Ray’s or not. This is still our child, and I refused to be some sort of absentee father because you’re pushing me away. I love you, Sky—and that means I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back…whatever it takes to make you realize that we’re meant to be together.”
“Well, I’m glad I get a say in all this—once again.” This time, she truly put some distance between us, pacing the floor of the small apartment, her intense brown eyes pinning me with a glare. “You always think you can fix things by barging into my life and making demands, instead of taking what I might need into consideration. Well, this is my life, Finn…and I refuse to let you push me into something I’m not sure of.”
She might be right, but I still couldn’t let her walk away from us. Not when she was my whole life.
Yet I knew that if I had any hope of making things right between us, I’d need to dig down deep and find the patience I seldom had. “I know I can be a pain in the ass, and that it must feel like I just barge into your life and bully you around, making demands in the name of love and keeping you safe. But I’ll do whatever it takes to make you realize that we’re meant to be together, even if it means I’ll have to find a way to back off and give you enough space to think, and make your own decisions.”
She smirked at me, her voice laced with sarcasm. “How kind of you.”
I rolled my eyes at Finn and plopped myself down on the sofa, still trying to wrap my head around the fact that he was here. Just when I was finally coming to terms with being on my own and not having him in my life.
It’s not that I had ever stopped loving him. I hadn’t—and frankly, I didn’t think I ever could stop. But after all we’d been through, I didn’t know how we could possibly move on from it all.
He knelt down before me, taking my hands in his, and forcing me to look at him, now that we were eye to eye. “I’m sorry, Sky…I really am. It’s not easy for me to back away when I see you hurting and struggling. But it was a mistake to push you away when you needed me. I was hurting and didn’t know how to deal with what happened—even though I knew damn well that you were hurting too. But I swear, I’ll do better. I’ll do right by you and this child—and I’ll do all I can to repair the damage between us, and make you happy again.”
The truth was we’d been happy, once upon a time. But that seemed like a lifetime ago—and it was a lifetime filled with a hundred lifetimes’ worth of pain. “I know you mean well, Finn… And I know you love me—just like I love you. But I’m still trying to get over everything that happened. I’ve done my best to leave my past behind me, so that I can move on with my life. But you’re…”
“But I’m a part of your past…” He let out a weary sigh, his brow furrowed—and damn, but my heart ached not just for him, but for the both of us. “I know this isn’t easy on you, Sky. How the fuck can it be? But we’ll always be a part of each other’s lives, and there’s no running from the life you left behind. Not when there’s a baby on the way.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” My hand went to my belly protectively, as I recalled those first days when I found out I was pregnant and how hard it had been to come to terms with
the fact that this child would always remind me of my past heartaches. And yet, this child also signified a new start…a new life. I just didn’t think my new life would also include Finn. “I just need more time to figure things out. And I can’t do that if you’re pressuring me. I can’t just erase the last few months and go back to the way things were.”
“That’s fine, love… Take all the time you need. Because I’m not leaving.” His hazel eyes were so intense, I couldn’t keep my heart skittering out of control, desperate to believe every sweet word. “We’re meant to be together, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make you realize that once more. Day after day, week after week, month after month…I’ll be waiting. Because a life without you isn’t a life I have any interest in living.”
He leaned in, and with his head bent to mine, he nuzzled me, catching my lips in a whisper of a kiss that only stoked my need for him, reminding me of what had once been between us—and what still might be. Yet, before either of us deepened our kiss, I forced myself to pull away, needing to keep a level head.
“I can’t make you any promises, Finn…” There was still too much up in the air…still far too much that could go wrong. And I didn’t know how I was supposed to leave behind my past when Finn was such a big part of it. “I’m not even sure I want to go back to Seattle. And I can’t just leave Colt in the lurch.”
“Whatever you want, love—whatever you need. If you want to stay here in Crooked Creek, then that’s what we’ll do. Or if you need more time to figure things out, then it’s yours. I just want you to be happy—and I want us to be together.”
Finn made it damn hard for me to keep him at arm’s length, especially when he was being so sweet and understanding. And though it’d be far too easy to just let him back into my life, every time I looked at Finn, it was hard not to think of everything that had gone so wrong. I had finally found a bit of peace here on my own.
“I know you’re willing to do whatever it takes to make this work—and that means the world to me, especially when you have every right to be angry with me for what happened. But I just don’t know if it’ll be enough to pull us through everything that we were forced to endure.” What if we tore open all our old wounds, only to find it wasn’t enough? I was holding on by a thread, and knew that any more heartache would be my undoing, plunging me into a darkness I might not ever escape.