Finding Strength (The Searchers Book 5)

by Ripley Proserpina

  “Yeah,” he replied. “We just left Nora. She’s exhausted and hopefully going to nap. I just wanted to check in about home.”

  A sigh blasted across the line. “I’m glad she’s down there. I’m seriously debating coming back, except…”

  “Except what?” he asked.

  From the front seat, Ryan turned around. “Put him on speaker, will you?”

  Apollo nodded, and Matisse’s voice filled the car. “Except that Tyler needs Cai in his corner, and honestly, I’m fucking afraid of leaving this house. I don’t know what Murray’s people are looking for, if they were just fucking with us, or if there’s something else. I’m afraid I’m going to go out for groceries and they’ll burn the whole thing down.”

  In the driver’s seat, Seok stiffened. “Was there more damage than you realized?”

  “No,” he replied. “Just the computer and the lock on the door. I reviewed the tapes, and while they’re looking for whoever did it, the kid was pretty well covered up. I don’t expect that they’ll find them. The computer was old, and I kept it for parts. There was nothing on it, which they’ll have realized by now.” Matisse’s voice lowered, like he was trying not to be overheard. “I really think it was a warning. Murray’s way of showing us that even when he’s under investigation, we should be afraid of him.”

  “Fuck that guy,” Ryan spit out. “He’s not intimidating anyone.”

  Apollo agreed wholeheartedly. “Have you actually seen him? Has he, or the other people Nora told us about—what were their names?”

  “Gino Peretti,” Seok said. “And Lars Something-son. And the woman, the doctor, Jessica Chase.” Seok had come face-to-face with the people who’d scared and bullied Nora.

  “And Jeremy,” Matisse said. “I never met him, but Cai did. He was the one in the basement lab.”

  Yeah. If Apollo ever met that man, he’d be eating through a straw afterward. He’d locked Nora in a basement, in the dark, and then interrogated her like a criminal. He barely resisted cracking his knuckles. Yeah. That guy was first on his list.

  “Jessica was on the camera,” Matisse interrupted Apollo’s revenge list. “But I haven’t seen any of the others. Murray’s on the news—not talking—but his story is definitely in heavy rotation.”

  “Professor Bismarck is still considering himself Nora’s lawyer,” Ryan said. “I talked to him last night.”

  “How much is that costing us?” Seok asked bitterly.

  “Nothing,” Ryan replied shortly. Apollo made out his profile as his friend studied Seok. “What’s your problem?”

  Seok pushed his hair out of his face. “Nothing. Sorry.” He didn’t sound sorry, but their friend left it alone.

  “How much longer do you think she’ll need to stay down there?” Matisse changed the subject to one that was on all their minds. Nora asked the doctor the same question every morning.

  “Don’t know,” Apollo answered. Getting her from Mississippi to Vermont would take a lot of coordination and stamina on Nora’s part. “But I think we’re looking at a hospital discharge this week.”

  “That’s fucking amazing!” their friend’s voice was so loud through the speakers, he winced. “I talked to Nicole when this happened, and they’ll make a ground floor room for her. Nicole’s already looked into therapists who can come by the house. Something about water therapy, but that’s a while down the road.”

  “So we’re going to be here indefinitely,” Seok said. “Look. I can make that work, but what about you and Ryan?”

  Apollo’s stomach dropped. “I can’t leave her. I’ll talk to my professors about finals—I’m sure they’ll be flexible.”

  “Mine are done,” Ryan said.

  Apollo stared at the back of his friend’s head. “When the fuck did you get that done?”

  “I’m not sleeping so well these days. I had tests online and a couple of papers. All of it was done remotely. I don’t know if your stuff can be done that way.”

  “Yeah.” He rubbed his hand down the back of his head. “I don’t know. I think so. But I might have to come back for a few days.” The last thing he wanted to do was leave Nora, but at least she was so much better now. It was hard for him to even recount how many weeks had passed. Christmas must be right around the corner. “Did we miss Christmas?”

  Matisse laughed. “Have you looked around my house? Did you not notice the eight-foot Christmas tree?”

  Apollo thought back. Actually, he hadn’t noticed it. Ryan glanced over his shoulder and shrugged.

  “There’s a tree?” Seok asked.

  Matisse laughed again. “Decorations go up after Thanksgiving and stay until New Year’s. Seriously guys, the tree is fucking huge.”

  They were almost back to Matisse’s house. “I guess I’ll know in a minute.”

  “My mom always puts it up.” This time their friend’s voice was quieter. “Maybe this year she didn’t. With everything going on, I mean. Look, I’m going to go. I’m talking to some guy who does security professionally, even though there’s no way he’s as thorough as me. Or as talented. But he’s got guys who will actually patrol, which is the one thing I can’t do if I’m back in Mississippi with you.”

  Seok had pulled into the driveway and parked in the garage. “We’re here anyway,” he said. “Call us later.”

  “See ya,” he replied and hung up.

  The three of them got out of the car, moving slowly toward the house. It was still light outside, but white lights were strung around the outside of the house and around the magnolia trees and landscaping. “Huh.”

  “In our defense, we’ve been distracted,” Ryan noted as he opened the door. There was—yep—a huge fucking tree. It was set between two sets of stairs, which meant that Apollo walked by it on the way to his room. Every. Day.

  They stood for a moment, staring at it.

  Heels clacked against the marble floor as Nicole came to greet them. “Just noticing my tree? I wondered how long it would take you.” She grinned. “Guillaume hasn’t noticed it either.”

  “Sorry,” Seok said. He took a breath and faced Matisse’s mother. “We’re so grateful for your hospitality. If there’s anything we can do—”

  She waved his offer away. “I’m more than happy to have you here.” Glancing at Apollo, she added, “All of you. For however long you need to stay. And I’m counting on Nora staying here as well. I’m sure you’ve spoken to Matisse, but we’ve got a security company going to look at your house. They’ll patrol and monitor so Tisse can come back. I’d feel better if he was here, resting and recuperating.” Her smile disappeared, replaced with a worried frown. “He does too much.”

  Seok nodded. “You’re right. The house is my responsibility.”

  Nicole shook her head. “That’s not what I meant,” she replied, but Seok had started upstairs, taking them two at a time. She turned to face him and Ryan. “That’s not what I meant.”

  Ryan was quick to reassure her, “I know. Everyone is just tired.” But his gaze was still on the stairs, and he had the same worried frown Nicole had. “I’m going to check on him.”

  He headed upstairs, leaving Apollo with Nicole. “Merde.”

  Apollo had lived with Matisse long enough to know what that meant. But she’d done nothing wrong. This was what they did, though. When one of them needed something, another one of them stepped in. They made it work and supported each other. “We’ll figure it out,” he said. “Don’t worry.”

  31

  Nora

  Freedom.

  Nora stepped outside for the first time in weeks and breathed in the cool fresh air. She was walking with a sort-of cane. When Katie told her she’d need one, Nora had expected—well—a cane. What she got was a handle with three rubber grips. It was sturdy. And pink.

  “I can’t believe I’m out.”

  Apollo held her elbow while Ryan waited next to the car. She glanced over her shoulder at the huge building. She’d have to come back for appointments, but the rest of
the work she was going to do would happen at home—Nicole’s home—whatever. No more hospital!

  Ryan helped her into the car. She had to sit sideways. Her bad leg extended along the seat. Apollo got into the passenger’s seat and in seconds, they were driving along the shore toward home.

  Traffic whizzed by them as Ryan drove. She glanced around him out the windshield, expecting to see a line of cars. There was no one in front of them. Nora giggled. “You can go the speed limit,” she said, even though she was touched that he was so concerned about her that he was driving like a grandpa.

  “We’re not in a hurry,” Ryan replied, to which Apollo nodded. “Look at how contorted you are back there.”

  “Nicole offered to have a private ambulance bring her home,” Apollo muttered. “We should have said yes.”

  “Guys,” Nora spoke through her laughter. “I’m fine. This is perfectly comfortable and look.” She tugged on the seatbelt. It caught and held. “The belt works great.”

  Neither one of them responded, but Ryan did speed up about five miles an hour. Rather than argue, she rested her head against the seat and watched the scenery. There were Christmas decorations everywhere, and every church they passed had a huge cross covered in twinkle lights. It was strange—Christmas and green. In Vermont, everything was stark. But here, the leaves were still on trees and flowers bloomed. She couldn’t say she didn’t like it. A thought occurred to her as they drove. “Did I miss Christmas?”

  “No.” Apollo smiled at her over his shoulder. He looked better than he had in a long time, more relaxed and rested.

  “Our first Christmas,” she replied.

  “First of many,” Ryan answered, causing her face to heat.

  This was their first Christmas, and in Nora’s mind, the most important. They almost didn’t get it. She had no illusions about her accident—it could have been so much worse. Somehow, through some stroke of luck, she came out with injuries from which she’d make a full recovery.

  She was alive to celebrate Christmas, and she had all of the guys with her. Okay. Three out of five guys, but according to Ryan, Matisse and Cai would be returning soon.

  “I’m so lucky,” she said quietly. “So, so lucky.”

  Apollo was still watching her, and his smile dimmed just a little. “You’re alive,” he said. “Recovering.”

  “I feel like I’ve been given a gift,” she said, “making it through that accident.” The conversation had gotten a lot more serious than she meant for it to. “Best Christmas gift ever.”

  Neither one of them said anything, but Ryan’s cheek lifted in a smile, and she could make out Apollo’s dimple.

  They arrived at the Boudreau house and Nora sucked in a breath. Above the Christmas lights was a sign, “Welcome Home, Nora!” And beneath it stood Seok, Matisse, and Cai.

  Flooded with happiness, her throat closed, and she sucked in a shaky breath. “Guys…” she breathed. “Did you know?”

  Two of the men she loved exchanged a look that said, “Yes.”

  The car barely pulled to a stop before the three guys were there, opening the door and reaching for her. Nothing felt as good as being surrounded by them. “When did you get here?” she asked. Her voice was shrill and piercing, but she didn’t care. “How are you? I’m so happy to see you! I can’t believe you surprised me!” The words tumbled out of her mouth, but they only watched her happily. Each person tried to answer her, but they spoke over each other.

  “This morning!”

  “I missed you so much, chére!”

  “I’m good, tired. But good.”

  “My neck hurts like a mother fucker, but it’ll be fine.”

  Cai reached for her, and she went into his arms. He was wearing a long-sleeve t-shirt and jeans. Too many clothes for Mississippi. Or maybe not. It was air-conditioned everywhere. “I missed you so, so much.” He kissed her scalp. “You look beautiful.”

  Stepping back, she lifted her casted hand to her head self-consciously. “It’s different.”

  “I love it,” he whispered, grazing his lips across her temple. “You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

  Her face heated, and she leaned her head against his neck. It felt so good to be back in his arms.

  “My turn,” Matisse said.

  Cai stepped back, and then Matisse had her. He smelled so good. Like cologne and leather. She was careful though, since he was still in a cast as well. “Look at us,” he said, touching the finger of his casted hand to hers. “We match.”

  Her laugh was a little watery, but she wasn’t sad. She still had big reactions to things—a side effect of the brain injury, Apollo assured her. One that, with time, would mellow.

  “I won’t break,” he told her. “You can hug me tighter.”

  She slung her arm around him, squeezing his waist as he kissed her head and face. He pulled back enough to study her. “You look damn good, chére.”

  “I feel good,” she answered, because it was true. Everyone she loved was with her; this was all she asked of life.

  Matisse’s family had greeted them when they came inside but then left them alone. Nora worried at first that it was selfish of her to take all of Matisse’s attention from his mom.

  “You don’t have to leave,” she assured her when she headed toward the front door.

  “I’m meeting friends for cocktails,” Nicole said. “And besides, I got him all to myself this morning.” Then, blowing everyone a kiss, she was gone.

  “I cooked,” Seok said. She glanced over. He gripped the back of his neck with his hand and watched her nervously. Clearing his throat, he went on, “I made bulgogi.”

  “You did?” her voice squeaked. It was one of the first things he ever made when she first moved in with them. All of the guys had been ridiculously excited about it. Matisse mentioned it at least twice a week.

  “That okay?” he asked. “I wanted to celebrate.” It was then she noticed his hair. How blind had she been?

  “Did you do this, too?” He’d dyed his hair black, but it was shot through with streaks of such a deep blue she could barely make it out. She lifted her good hand to his hair, threading it through the silky strands. “I love it.”

  He leaned down and kissed her neck, causing a shiver to race through her. “You do?”

  “Absolutely.” She flipped his longer hair over to one side so it covered one eye.

  He held his hands out in front of him. Around his nail beds was stained blue. “I was out of practice.”

  “You’ve been busy,” Ryan said. He carried a bag of Nora’s things from the hospital. “I’m going to put these in your room.”

  She studied the steps. It would take some time, or maybe a piggyback ride, but she could get up them. Eventually.

  “Nicole set you up downstairs,” Matisse said. “Come see.”

  Seok backed away, making room for Cai and Matisse to stand next to her as she slowly made her way to a door behind the steps. Inside was a small room, it had one high window and was bright white. White built in shelves. White cupboards, and a twin bed on a white metal frame.

  It was adorable.

  “This was a pantry,” Matisse said. “It fit the bed, and the bathroom is right through those doors.” She noticed another door at the other end of the room and breathed a sigh of relief. This she could navigate.

  “She doesn’t use this room?” Nora asked. The shelves held pieces of sea-green glassware but that was it.

  “No,” he answered. “I used to use it in high school sometimes. For seven minutes in heaven.”

  Rolling her eyes, she eased herself onto the bed. The mattress was firm enough that she would be able to get out of it on her own. Ryan set her bag down on the end of the bed.

  “Your clothes are in these drawers.” He pointed. “Genevieve got you some athletic shorts and some long skirts she thought would be easy to change into.”

  “I brought you some of our t-shirts from home,” Cai said. “I know you like them. They’re i
n the drawers, too.”

  Never in her whole life had she been as cared for. With every decision, every gesture, the guys showed her how much she meant to them. She might not be able to reciprocate that right now, but she could tell them. She’d tell them every day for as long as she had them. “I love you all.” She met each one of their gazes and took a deep breath. This would be hard to say, especially since she was constantly on an emotional roller coaster, but she had to.

  “I never had a family. No one in my life ever put me first, whether by choice or because of circumstances or mental health or addiction…” She thought about the times when her dad had been off drugs and taking his medicine. In those brief bright periods, he’d been present. “I dreamed of a family where the people I loved, loved me back. And more than that, proved they loved me by sticking around.” She happened to glance at Apollo as he spoke, and he dropped his gaze. He rubbed the back of his neck like it was tight and blew out a breath before meeting her gaze again. Something hovered there. Something she couldn’t identify but that made her stomach clench. Had her words hit too close to home for him? She stood, leaning her weight on her cane. “Apollo?”

  His gaze went to the floor again and he blew out a breath. When he lifted it, his dark eyes were filled with tears. “Baby girl—” His voice broke, and she reached for him. Of all of them, Apollo had the hardest time with their relationship. Not that he didn’t love her, he absolutely did. She had no doubt, but she was one person, and she was in love with five people.

  “I’m sorry.” She wanted him to be happy the way she was happy. In no way had she wanted to make him feel like he wasn’t enough for her. “Apollo, I love you so much. Please. I’m sorry.”

  He shook his head from side to side. He wrapped an arm around her waist and dropped his head to her shoulder.

  His tears fell on her arm, and she held him tighter. “What is it?”

  He met her gaze, staring hard into her eyes before wiping his face on his shoulder. “Shit. I’m sorry.” A laugh burst out of him but there was no humor in it. “You said the same thing I’ve said to myself a thousand times. Why didn’t anyone ever put me first? Why didn’t the people I loved stick around?”