Lions and Tigers and Bears: The Internet Strikes Back

by George Takei

  This explains the popularity of shows like “Candid Camera” or “What Would You Do,” where everyone but the target of the set-up is in the know. It taps into the same delight experienced when planning — and executing — a surprise party. This was famously captured in the SNL character Surprise Sue, created by the incomparable Kristin Wiig. Surprise Sue is all about the birthday surprise parties — the secrecy, the cake, the gathering of friends, and the final “surprise!” where the shocked face on the birthday boy or girl makes it all worth it. We laugh because Surprise Sue takes this joy to the extreme, to the point where she has to knock herself out with a vase to keep from letting the cat out of the bag, but it rings true: If planning the surprise is the cake, then watching reality dawn upon the birthday guest is the icing on it.

  Another aspect is best described by the German term schadenfreude, which means “happiness at the misery of others” (as popularized by the musical Avenue Q). (And really, who else but the Germans would openly acknowledge this emotion by giving it a name?) This is definitely a universal theme; indeed, some of the best pranks I shared with my fans online came from outside the US and Europe. In one memorable clip, a terrifyingly real-looking velociraptor (really just a cleverly costumed prankster) rampages through an office building in Tokyo, Japan. Fellow office workers, enlisted as part of the ruse, run screaming from the creature, heightening the sense of “reality” for the victim, whom the dinosaur had chosen as his intended dinner. The lengths to which the producers (and the victim’s co-workers) went to build the prank meant their target couldn’t simply deduce it was a prank. Who pulls off something that elaborate for fun, after all? You can view the video here: http://ohmyyy.gt/raptor

  Another famous clip appeared in a Brazilian candid-camera type show. In it, the producer exploits our commonly shared fear of being stuck in an elevator with the power out. To this, however, they add the spooky: A ghost-like little girl enters from a hidden panel when the lights flicker out, then screams banshee-like at the trapped victims once the lights came back on. Come to think of it, I doubt such a prank could ever be pulled off in the United States without someone ending up sued for psychological pain and suffering. In fact, the risk of a full-on coronary isn’t negligible. Once again, knowing the lengths to which the show’s staff went, and wondering how we ourselves would have reacted, made the pay-off in the terrified reactions of the victims all the sweeter. You can view that clip here: http://ohmyyy.gt/ghost

  Short of epic pranks on April Fools’ Day and elaborate set-ups, there are also the simply joys of your basic office prank. One of the most popular memes I’ve shared demonstrated how to prank like a boss at work:

  After I posted this, fans submitted many of their favorites, many of which involved filling the scourge of the modern era — the cubicle — with all manner of materials.

  These include Cheetos:

  And popcorn:

  And shredded paper:

  Or post-its:

  Or Dixie cups:

  The cups are particularly epic because we know how much care, time and attention went into pulling off this cubicle battle. But if extra points are to be awarded, it should go to this:

  Others submitted examples of how to win at the “office wars.” Here was my personal favorite, which I call the “Febreze bomb.”

  Before you launch one of these, be sure your supervisors and co-workers are in on it, because there tends to be significant collateral damage.

  Finally, there is the this simple variation of the poisson d’avril that shows how we all love to see another made the fool:

  Bottoms up!

  Meme Me Up

  There is perhaps no higher honor in the Internet universe than being transformed into a meme. It means that, somehow, you have come to stand for more than yourself, and your visage has now entered into the cultural lexicon as a new emblem of, well, something.

  When talking of the process of meme-ification, two images spring to mind, you might say “immemediately”: Willie Wonka and, for lack of a better moniker, the Dos Equis man. Someone some time ago decided that these two were deserving to be meme-ified, wrapped up in text, if you will, for all time. This spawned an incredible number of opportunities for others to make a point about, well, something.

  It isn’t hard to see why Wonka makes for the perfect meme. Cool and implacable, and willing to speak the truth because he worries not a whit about what others think, his every word carries weight. An eccentric, single man (and yes, the rich are never crazy, they’re eccentric), who builds a magical chocolate factory and works primarily with Oompa Loompas with skin more unnaturally orange than Speaker John Boehner’s — this is someone who has probably figured out most of life. Or at least the edible parts.

  Gene Wilder played Wonka with such a lilting yet mocking tone that one actually began to wonder whether the famed chocolatier was ever serious about anything he said. This reminds me of something a fan once posted to my wall: Why doesn’t “sarcasm” come with its own font? If it did, perhaps Wonka would have used it on the wrapping of all his candies. I imagine sarcasm to be a backward slanting font, each word leaning away from rather than into the next. These days it is getting harder and harder to tell reality from distortion, truth from satire, especially on the Internet. How many times have I read a “news” article from Christwire.org or The Daily Currant, and in my indignance even come this close to sharing it, only to realize that it was entirely satirical? I really should know better. After all, Christwire.org even published a picture of me and a bare-chested Steven Tyler of Aerosmith, whom they identified merely as a “buxom co-ed” — as proof that my homosexuality was a sham:

  Now from the ever-mocking to the ever-too-serious. My second example of the quintessential meme-ified character is the Dos Equis man, also known as The Most Interesting Man in the World. This fellow, like Wonka, is a larger-than-life fictional character who is said to have done it all, from bench pressing two nubile Asian women at once, to freeing an angry bear from a bear trap.

  The Dos Equis man was played by actor Jonathan Goldsmith, an actor who probably never could have predicted that what began as an advertising campaign (and a highly effective one at that) would morph into something that anchored so solidly in popular culture. The gist and structure of the meme follows the language of the ad: “I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, it’s Dos Equis.” This lends itself well to hilarious reproduction, much like Wonka’s “Oh, so you…” zingers.

  Among the Dos Equis man memes, I like the “FML” ones best because they carry precisely the opposite intention of the original my-life-is-perfect ad:

  There’s something quite funny about The Most Interesting Man in the world having the kind of mundane problems mere mortals encounter. The meme works because “we’ve all been there” — even this guy, whom people feel they must thank after he punches them in the face.

  Here’s another favorite:

  It so happens that in his younger days, Jonathan Goldsmith played an extra on a certain late 1960s television series with which I’m so often associated. Yes, he was on Star Trek, but not just in any role. I suppose this feeds further into the myth that he is the Most Interesting Man, but interestingly, his was a dreaded “red shirt” role, which fans pieced together over time as signaling a likely demise. The red shirt death phenomenon was so predictive that it spawned its own meme:

  Someone somewhere had an “a-ha” moment when they realized that Goldsmith was among these doomed red-shirted extras. Thus this epic cross-over meme was born:

  Even Scotty got in on the act, being another famous red-shirted survivor:

  I’ve been fortunate enough of late to have “memed-up” by fans. My personal favorite of course employs an image from Star Trek, this one from the final movie with the original cast, Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, where Starfleet finally decided to promote me to Captain of my own vessel, the U.S.S. Excelsior. In it, I am comfortably sipping a cup of tea whilst seated in the Captain’s Chair. Per
haps there is something about the serenity of that moment, or the look of quiet confidence I managed to pull off right then, which captured the imagination of the meme-makers. The first example I came across began, of course, with an actual internal Star Trek reference:

  It didn’t take long for other creative types to get on board. The next version that crossed my feed poked fun at my penchant for proper grammar on my Facebook page:

  Now, I’m no more qualified to enforce the rules of grammar than the next fellow. And yet, it’s somehow funnier if someone with perceived influence and stature — say, a starship captain — takes the time to correct your grammar, while in the next moment addresses matters as pressing as, say, the end of the world. In fact, around the time of the predicted end, on December 21, 2012, gloom-and-doomsayers were lampooned generally across Facebook and Twitter, and a meme of me was deployed to great Wonka-like effect:

  So much for apocalypse now. During the latter days of 2012, I actually had a great deal of fun poking fun at the End-Is-Near crowd. Here’s was a coy play, for example, on the final weather forecast:

  The Mayan Calendar, and the apocalypse in general, soon became favorite subjects with which to pair me, and not just because I devoted a whole chapter to it in Oh Myyy — There Goes The Internet. I think zombie enthusiasts and Nostradamus groupies alike connect me with old-school science fiction, which often dealt with the downfall of humankind, whether by Martian invasion or nuclear holocaust. Here is one of my absolute favorite apocalypse memes, and not just because it used my book cover to make a point:

  Of course, I am not the only Star Trek personality to have been memed up. Sir Patrick Stewart, who played Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Enterprise in Star Trek: The Next Generation, has had a few of his very own. I prefer the one where he is gesturing with exasperation at the large screen on the bridge. Fans decided, quite rightly, that he was having a “WTF” moment. This meme was used quite effectively in a recent protest against Chik-Fil-A’s outrageous and very public statements condemning homosexuality:

  A second meme catches him in a rare “Oh Myyy” moment, while presumably simply reviewing log entries. Mr. Stewart is as straight as they come, but he isn’t above playing gay, and doing it masterfully, as his epic and devastating portrayal of the effete “Sterling” in the movie Jeffrey proved. Cattier fans nonetheless seized the opportunity and served it back to him quite well:

  Stewart also recently began to post pictures on Twitter of himself in his daily life. These rare glimpses into his private life resonated strongly with fans, and they at once began to have much fun with him. For example, here he is on a ski lift:

  Now, when you see Sir Patrick Stewart set against such a winter landscape, it’s nearly impossible not to say it, isn’t it?

  As with the Dos Equis man, there’s actually something quite hilarious about a celebrated captain of the Enterprise doing quite mundane things right here on Planet Earth — things with which all of us have struggled, but we presume our heroes and icons haven’t. For example, who hasn’t taken out the holiday ornaments and lights, happily humming carols to get into the spirit, only to be stymied and frustrated by a tangle mess of cords. It’s as if little gremlins had snuck into the closet and played drunk maypole with the lights sometime during the spring. Sir Patrick is no exception to this torment, but the fans had a bit of fun with his complaining:

  Sir Patrick recently paired with Sir Ian McKellan on a Broadway show, “No Man’s Land,” and they took to hanging out together as pals in and around New York. Sir Patrick put up photos of them on Twitter, appearing in beer halls and even at famous NYC landmarks. Fans glommed onto this unusual and delightful friendship, and the memes soon followed. One even presented me with a particular challenge:

  My staffers were quick to respond with a meme of their own.

  A final anecdote about Sir Patrick Stewart. Once, when I was on a trans-Atlantic flight, I was in the front of the cabin and ended up seated next to none other than Patrick himself. I had a moment of double-take, and I leaned over and said, “Aren’t you…?” He responded with his double take. “Well, aren’t you!”

  It’s actually funnier if you do this in our voices, I’m told.

  Let’s Get SIRI-ous

  In the Fall of 2011, the world was introduced to Siri, the new virtual “personal assistant” available on certain Apple devices. Siri gave users the sense that a real person, in this case a woman with a soothing, calm voice, was ready to respond to their search requests and instructions. Although the technology behind the search results received decent marks at Siri’s rollout, some critics complained that Siri sounded entirely too subservient and docile in her delivery.

  Perhaps this is why her creators took it upon themselves to give her a bit more “sass.” The discovery that Siri had a sense of humor, and often a wicked one, spawned a whole new phenomenon, the Siri meme. These were typically screenshots users took of their questions or requests to Siri, with her deadpan, spot-on responses right below. Customers began to hunt for these gems by attempting all manner of questions. This campaign, which was the equivalent of an Easter Egg hunt, probably did more to further awareness and widespread adoption of the Siri interface than any standard marketing ever could have.

  Brad and our staffers on the Oh Myyy page (if you haven’t “liked” their page on Facebook, I highly recommend it) posted an example of Siri’s response to a common tongue twister. This example not only tested Siri’s ability to comprehend a difficult sentence involving quite precise articulation, but also her capacity to respond to an essentially nonsensical question:

  The staffers then asked fans of the page to post their favorite Siri Q&As, and I sifted through them to collect my favorites. Now, I should caution that new Siri-isms pop up with each update of Apple’s iOS, so what once passed for an answer may no longer appear. Add to that the possibility that many of these memes are now fan-generated, and there’s no telling what is original and what is not. Ah, the perils of the Internet. Siri truly is thus a microcosm for the Internet and all its wins and fails.

  It is clear, however, that Siri’s developers predicted that early adopters of the technology were likely to ask particularly geeky questions to test her nerd cred. Some of her responses, particularly to scifi-related inquiries, resonated solidly with that crowd:

  If you haven’t seen 2001: A Space Odyssey, this is a classic you should rent (or, perhaps I should say, stream) immediately.

  Star Trek fans had their fun as well, making the obvious Captain Kirkian request and receiving some fairly amusing responses, which varied apparently based on how the command was phrased:

  Despite her technical prowess, “beaming” appears to be beyond Siri’s pay grade.

  Siri has never been content simply to provide the same response to the same question. I found this aspect of her responsiveness particularly brilliant; the idea that different treasures might be buried in the same spot would undoubtedly entice many to pose the identical question, just to see what else they might unearth. Here is what two other fans reported in response to the woodchuck question posed by Brad and the staffers:

  Fans of Monty Python will appreciate the shout-out in that last answer. In fact, Siri’s developers seem to have a bit of a Monty Python bias. In a famous moment in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, when King Arthur and his knights reach a treacherous bridge, the Bridgekeeper poses three questions, the wrong answer to any one of which hurls the hapless respondent into the deep chasm below. After two of the knights fail and are jettisoned, King Arthur unwittingly defeats the Bridgekeeper, who again asks, “What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?” But this time, Arthur seeks clarification: “African or European?” to which the Bridgekeeper, surprised, stammers, “I…I don’t know,” causing him to be hurled into the abyss instead. Naturally, Siri has her own response to this classic question at the ready:

  Fans of Star Trek: The Next Generation might take note here as well: In a novel titled Doomsday World, Geordi La Fo
rge is in a bar where the owner is said to know “everything about anything.” After attempting to stump the proprietor with scientific inquiries, Geordi asks the well-known Monty Python question: “What’s the airspeed velocity of the unladen swallow?” When the bartender responds, “African or European?” Geordi concedes, “Damn, he’s good.” It appears some humor is destined to last through the centuries.

  Speaking of Monty Python, users love to ask Siri about the “Meaning of Life.” Humanity has created incredible technology, which now even talks back to us, but we remain plagued by some of the very questions that humankind encountered when our species first came down from the trees. To these questions, Siri provides responses that are as good as any I’ve seen:

  Of course, if you ask Siri again, she might start getting sassy:

  Other deeply philosophical questions are met with equal aplomb. There is perhaps no better known conundrum than the classic “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” This of course echoes the very debate at the heart of all creation stories, akin to asking how can something have come from nothing. Here is how Siri deals with this inevitable interrogatory. First, she offers an answer laced with scientific mumbo-jumbo (which reminds me of Star Trek scripts where the writers simply wrote [TECH] in place of actual dialogue):