You Deserve Better (By Your Side Series Book 2)

by A. P. Watson

  When all hopes of a peaceful state of mind were destroyed, I decided to return to my room. Tension snaked along the length of my spine, and my bed beckoned me with open arms. If I wasn’t careful, stress would eat at me from the inside out. I’d. Been. Through. Worse. Those were the words I kept telling myself, but if they were true, then why did I still feel like this? I missed a friendship I only had for such a brief period of time. Jacks had gotten under my skin, and if I was being completely honest with my self-destructive tendencies, I preferred it that way. Being on top of the world only left one place for you to go—down. I liked it better when things were fucked up, because rock bottom meant there was nowhere else for you to fall.

  I really did try to sleep, but my brain wouldn’t shut off. Too many thoughts were buzzing around, and it seemed impossible for me to quiet them. What the hell was I thinking? Dinner with Jacks and Kenneth in a single night? If I didn’t end the evening by getting admitted to a mental institution, it would be miracle. But for now, there was one thing I could do to ease my restlessness. I plugged my headphones into my phone and played the song again. The melancholy lyrics seeped into my very soul, and for the final time that night, I thought of Jacks. Somehow, I knew he was also trying to force his mind into submission, and I’d bet my life he was using the same song to do it.

  To say I peacefully awoke the next day would be a drastic understatement. The feeling of someone violently shaking my consciousness out of the tranquility of sleep was the first thing I was able to comprehend.

  “The hell?” I asked, my voice spitting out like the flames of a crackling fire.

  “It’s about time you wake up!” Ter shouted.

  “What did I ever do to you?”

  “Think really hard about some big things that have transpired in the last twelve hours.”

  I held up my arms in defense, bolting upright. Ter knelt over my feet, glaring at me with a look that could crumble concrete. I wanted to feign ignorance, but as my eyes widened with recognition, she smiled smugly.

  “I was going to tell you.”

  “When?” she asked. “As you were walking out the door?

  “You and Ryan fell asleep really fucking early last night!”

  “Don’t try to change the subject!”

  I chewed on my lip nervously. “Okay, so I may or may not be having dinner with two men tonight.”

  “Two?” Ter’s surprise quieted her rage.

  “Yep,” I answered. “I’m meeting Jacks at six to go over some details for your engagement party, and then I’m going on a second date with Kenneth at 7:30.”

  “Damn.”

  “What?”

  “I wanted to be angry with you, but I’m actually impressed.”

  “Don’t be. I wasn’t really thinking, so all of this is a fluke more than anything.”

  “Are you sure you’re ready?”

  “For a second date? I had a great time with Kenneth, so I think it’s the right move.”

  Ter rolled her eyes and shook her head. “That is so not what I was talking about.”

  “Yeah, no shit.”

  “Are you ready to see Jackson?”

  I shrugged, dropping my focus to a few strands of hair that had tumbled over my shoulder. “I’ve never been more uncertain of something in my entire life.”

  She slid her hands into mine. “Chances are he’s just as scared.”

  “Doubtful.”

  “You know, after all the time the two of you spent together, I find it truly baffling that you still don’t realize how high of an opinion he has of you.”

  “He sure had a terrible way of showing it.”

  “So people aren’t allowed to make mistakes?”

  I sighed loudly. “I didn’t say that.”

  “Ry and I have both talked to him. And I’m not arguing for you to get back together; all I’m saying is that maybe he deserves a second chance or at least the opportunity to redeem himself,” she stated. “To Jacks, you’re the dream he woke up from.”

  “Are you reciting the inside of a fortune cookie?” I asked, arching a brow.

  “You’re the one he didn’t want to get away.”

  “If that’s true, then why was he the one who pushed me there?”

  chapter six

  flowing into you

  I WIPED MY HANDS on the outside of my coat, hoping no more sweat would accumulate in the time it took to step inside the restaurant. I was walking toward Monteverde, where Jacks and I were meeting for dinner. Jacks knew I loved this place. In the time we spent together, we frequented it several times, and if I was being honest, it was a relief to be meeting on neutral ground.

  I pushed open the glass doors of the restaurant and was almost immediately overwhelmed by the fragrant scent of garlic and herbs. The food here was nothing short of amazing, and it was going to be hard not to eat anything at all. My decision not to eat was made for several reasons. First, I would be meeting Kenneth for dinner as soon as this meeting was over, and second, it would decrease the amount of time I had to spend in Jacks’s presence.

  I spotted him as soon as I crossed the threshold of the restaurant, so I reluctantly made my way over there. If one’s heart could leap into their throat, then mine had bounded right into my windpipe and gotten stuck there. As I moved closer to Jacks, a twinge of misery assaulted my conscience. Ryan hadn’t been kidding. Jacks was clearly miserable. He was still as handsome as ever, but dark circles clung to the skin beneath his eyes. He’d always been so full of life, but that zest had obviously faded. Jacks was struggling, and I knew how he felt better than anyone.

  When he finally laid eyes on me, it was as if his entire countenance transformed. He smiled and stood as I approached. He was dressed in a pair of charcoal slacks and a freshly pressed pale blue button up. As always, Jacks’s attire looked pristine.

  “Hey,” I said, setting my purse on the floor next to my chair.

  “Hey.” My fingers unfastened the buttons on my coat, and Jacks quickly moved to stand behind me, easing the thick wool off my shoulders. “Allow me.”

  “Oh, thank you.” He placed my coat on the back of the chair, pulling it out from the table as he helped me sit.

  “Wow, you . . . look amazing.”

  It took me almost two hours to decide on a long-sleeve black crop top and maroon high-waisted pencil skirt, but now that I considered my selection, had I dressed for my date with Kenneth or my meeting with Jacks?

  I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, suddenly more nervous than when I entered the restaurant. “I have a date after this.”

  “Of course you do.” Jacks winced slightly. “I’m sorry, that didn’t come out how I intended.” He grabbed the empty glass in front of me, filling it to the brim with wine. “Honestly, why do I even think I’m capable of holding a proper conversation with you?” He handed the glass to me and then took a long drink from the one already sitting in front of him.

  “Probably for the same reason I think it’s smart to drink alcohol around you.” The words escaped my lips before I could stop myself.

  He smiled, barely shaking his head. “And to think that you always believed we had nothing in common.”

  I rolled my eyes sarcastically. “What? A girl isn’t allowed to be wrong every now and then?” I asked.

  “This is news to me, because I was always under the impression you were never anything but right.”

  I took a long drink of wine, the sweet liquid instilling a false sense of confidence in me. “You make an excellent point.” I reached into my purse, retrieving a small notebook and a pen.

  “I have been known to do that every so often.”

  I opened the notebook to an empty page and clicked my pen several times. “Have you visited David yet?”

  “I stopped by Monday evening to see him. He looks great. And I have to admit, it’s nice to have him talking to me again.”

  I glanced up from the empty page, my brows scrunching in confusion. “What do you mean it’s nice t
o have him talking to you again?”

  “Did I say that?”

  “Yes.”

  Jacks sighed loudly, setting his wine glass back on the table. “After the party at Everest, my grandfather stopped speaking to me for two months.”

  “What?” I was incapable of hiding my surprise at Jacks’s confession. “Why?”

  “Because I fucked up. Because I hurt you.” His answer hit me like a ton of bricks. “Spending Christmas completely alone was deserved, believe me.”

  “David stopped talking to you because of me?” I asked.

  “You know, there is one thing I’ve never been able to understand. And that’s how you don’t recognize the profound effect you have on people.”

  I dropped his gaze, unable to stare into those sad brown irises any longer. So much agony lived within their dark depths. “That had to be hard on you.”

  “Like I said, I deserved it. Besides, if I had been in his position, I would’ve done the same thing.” He sharply inhaled and exhaled before continuing. “I’m not going to lie, though, it was hard. It felt like I’d lost the last of my family, like I didn’t have anyone.”

  There was no mistaking the despair that laced his voice. Family was important to Jacks, especially because David was the only part of it he had left. I couldn’t begin to imagine how painful it had been to feel as though he’d lost David too. Instantly, as if drawn to his sadness, my arm slid across the table with my palm facing upward. Jacks’s hand slid across my skin, his rough fingers grasping my wrist. In response, I latched onto him, tucking the tips of my fingers underneath the sleeve of his shirt. His touch, his hold on my arm, was like a lifeline drawing me back from the brink of extinction. I held on to him for a long time, unsure whether I’d be able to let go or not. And as suddenly as they had appeared, my nerves about meeting him face-to-face dissipated. No hesitation or uncertainty lingered—only comfort remained. But sooner than I would have liked, the time came for me to withdraw from his touch.

  I met his gaze, the faint trace of a smile on my lips. “Should we start planning this engagement party?”

  “Yes, of course.” His hand slowly slid off the table. “Thank you for that.”

  I nodded. There were so many things I wanted to say that were just on the tip of my tongue, because the comfort that was given was also received. But cowardice prevailed, and I returned our attention to the topic at hand. “So, do you have any suggestions for Ter and Ryan’s party?”

  “I was thinking we could have a small, intimate gathering at my apartment.”

  “Actually, that sounds perfect. The size of the guest list is much smaller than I originally anticipated.”

  “I asked Terayn for some suggestions and she said she just wanted a simple party,” Jacks stated.

  “That was really nice, thanks for asking her.” I jotted down a few notes. “If we host the party at your place, then we can use the island in the kitchen to display all the food.”

  “That’s a good idea. I can take care of getting all the alcohol if you just tell me what you want.”

  “Okay. And for desserts, I was thinking petit fours and chocolate-covered strawberries would be nice. I can make the strawberries and then pick up the petit fours from a bakery.”

  “I don’t mind helping you with the strawberries if you want.”

  “Awesome.” My pen furiously moved across the page as I scribbled our ideas. It took a second for my mind to catch up with my mouth. Jacks offered to help me make chocolate-covered strawberries and I agreed. Like a fucking idiot, I agreed. I thought I had coerced my brain into being concerned with self-preservation, but ten minutes around Jacks and I was already sprinting toward dangerous territory. “And for food, I was thinking we could pick up some sushi takeout.”

  “There is a great spot right off Erie Avenue. If you text me a list of rolls Terayn and Ryan like, I can order the sushi and pick it up.”

  “Geez, we’re already using your apartment to host the party, and you’re picking up the alcohol. I don’t want you to feel like you’re doing everything.”

  “I don’t mind at all. Just tell me what you need me to do. I’m at your disposal.”

  Our waiter appeared at that moment to take our orders. I hadn’t intended to eat anything, but the smell of garlic was too tempting to resist. We both ordered the penne alla pomodoro. After our waiter left, I took another sip of wine, feeling more relaxed with every drink.

  “Oh! I almost forgot.” I reached into my purse once more and retrieved a CD of the duo Terayn and I had listened to the other night. I didn’t even know what possessed me to buy two copies of their album. But their music spoke to me, and I knew it would speak to Jacks too. “I got this for you.” I slid the CD across the table toward him.

  “Thank you.” He picked it up, instantly opening it to read about the duo. “Acoustic folk music.” He smiled, dropping his gaze to read over the song list on the back cover. “I actually love bluegrass and folk music.”

  “I heard them in person last weekend and they were amazing.”

  “I can’t wait to listen to them.”

  “You’ll love it, I promise.”

  Jacks ripped off a chunk of garlic bread and passed it to me. “Here, I know how much you love their garlic bread.”

  I accepted the bread, quickly taking a bite. “It’s so good,” I said. “I didn’t plan on eating anything, but the moment I smelled their bread, I caved.”

  “Their food is hard to pass up.”

  “I know! Nate still raves about the time you brought us takeout from here.”

  “How is he doing?”

  “Good. He’s been dating the same guy for the past few months. I think he and Eric are starting to get pretty serious.”

  “That’s good. Will they be at the engagement party?”

  “No. Unfortunately, they both have to work that night, but I know they’re really excited about the wedding.”

  “I am too. I’ve missed hanging out with Terayn and Ryan the past few months.”

  “It’s because they’re the best.”

  “They truly are.”

  I shook my head, remembering the first time Terayn and I met Ryan. “You should have been around them before they started dating.”

  “Why? What were they like?”

  “Infuriating! They were both so in love with one another, and yet, it took them forever to get together. I thought I was going to have to hold an intervention.”

  “Really?”

  “I think I ended up telling Ryan that if he didn’t ask Ter out, I was going to beat him with a golf club and bury his body in the woods.”

  Jacks laughed, nodding his head. “Sounds about right.”

  “Hey! Don’t be an ass,” I teased.

  He leaned across the table, his brown eyes holding my undivided attention. “Wouldn’t dream of it,” he replied with a wink.

  Every now and then, I liked to pretend I had everything figured out. But the more time I spent on this earth, the more I realized that notion couldn’t be further from the truth. There was something about the way Jacks looked when he winked that made my body all too happy to respond. My sinus tachycardia had been dormant for months, but it has already decided to rear its annoying head after only one meeting.

  I rolled my eyes dramatically in response. “Sure you wouldn’t.”

  “You know; I’ve always wondered how so much sass could fit in such a tiny frame.”

  “My short stature has nothing to do with how awesome I am!”

  “You’re right. You’ve never been anything less than amazing.”

  I tried so hard not to be flattered by his comment, but it was impossible. My fingers tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “So, the engagement party will be next Saturday, and I was thinking we could do the strawberries the night before, which would be a Friday. Are you sure that’s okay with you?”

  “It’s perfectly fine with me.”

  “You don’t have any big plans for Friday?”r />
  “I do now.”

  “Making chocolate-covered strawberries with me is hardly the mark of an eventful Friday night.”

  “See, that’s where you’re wrong. We’ll make strawberries, and then we may go for a walk, watch a movie, or let you choose what we do and possibly get arrested.”

  “Hey!”

  “You know I’m only partially joking,” he added with a wink.

  “Maybe I should start keeping a lawyer on retainer too.”

  “I’ll give you the number for mine. He’s a dick, but he’s good at his job.”

  The evil, vindictive part of my brain expected him to mention Elise. He promised he was done with her, but then again, old habits die hard. And she was the worst kind of habit.

  “Ooh, is he single?” I asked. Jacks cut a glare in my direction. “Too soon?” I quipped, hoping he understood I was only joking.

  “It’s like you’re trying to kill me.”

  I batted my eyelashes innocently. “Little ol’ me?”

  “Yep. You will be the death of me. Honestly, I don’t know why I keep expecting anything different.”

  “You say that like you hate it, but we both know that couldn’t be further from the truth.”

  His eyes followed the curves of my face, staring so intently I could feel my cheeks flushing under his scrutiny. Effortless. It’s the word I used to answer Terayn’s question, and it was the only word that could accurately describe Jacks and me.

  Thankfully, our dinner arrived before I could crumble at his feet. Being strong was an illusion, because when I was around Jacks, I was nothing but vulnerable.

  “I’ve forgotten how good the food is here,” he said, taking another bite of his dinner.

  “I know. I’ve really missed coming here with you.”

  My confession threw both of us for a loop. Damn word vomit. It was like my mouth was a freaking geyser. The plate in front of me suddenly became the most interesting thing in in the world. My attention settled on it, as I hoped the moment would pass.

  “Wren . . .”

  “Yeah?” I asked, feigning a smile.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?” I reached for the wine in front of me with a trembling hand. When I tried to pick up the glass, red liquid sloshed dangerously close to the rim.