by A. P. Watson
“Living in sin?” he asked, nudging me with his shoulder. “Do people still say that?”
“Yes, they do! Besides, you know what I mean.”
“I don’t think I do, chipmunk.”
The sounds of Jimi Hendrix strumming a guitar hovered around us.
“Do you want me to explain it to you?” I leaned toward him, my lips barely grazing his ear. “Or would you rather I draw you a picture?”
His attention dropped to my mouth. “Actually, I’m going to need you to do both.”
“What are the two of you whispering about?” David sat in one of the armchairs across from us looking pleased as punch.
“Drawing,” I answered with a giggle.
For a moment, David seemed confused. “Drawing?”
“Yup,” Jacks stated.
“This music reminds me of listening to Jacks the other night. It was the first time I ever heard him play.”
“He’s an incredible guitar player,” David added.
“I couldn’t agree more.”
“Both of you give me too much credit. I’m decent at best,” Jacks stated.
David scoffed at Jacks’s reply. “Bullshit. We both know you could’ve made a career out of being a musician, but you loved playing too much to make it your job.”
“Eric Clapton, B.B. King, Jeff Beck, David Gilmour, and Jimi Hendrix were incredible guitarists, not me.” Jacks laughed, tilting his head to meet my gaze. “Did you know Hendrix played guitar both-handed?”
“No,” I answered.
“His father thought playing left-handed was a bad omen, so he was forced to play right-handed. But when his father wasn’t around, he would take the right-handed guitar and flip it over so he could play left-handed,” Jacks added.
“Damn.”
“You should have heard him in person. His performances were electrifying,” David stated.
“I can only imagine,” Jacks replied.
“I’ve watched some videos of him, but I’m sure nothing compares to the real thing.”
“It never does, Wren. It never does.”
I leaned toward Jacks once more, my hand lightly gripping his arm. “Despite your opinions, I think you’re a wonderful guitar player and I loved listening to you.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
We listened to Jimi Hendrix and David’s wild stories about Woodstock until the roast finished cooking. With the three of us seated around the small kitchen table, it felt like we were a little family. We ate, laughed, and drank to our heart’s content. And for a while, things were simple, I was happy, and there was nowhere else in the world I’d rather be.
By the time seven o’clock rolled around, it was time for me to leave for Kenneth’s. Part of me wanted to go, but the other part really wanted to stay. When I stood to gather everyone’s dishes, Jacks stopped me.
“You cooked. We can be the ones to clean up.”
“You sure?” I questioned.
“Of course. It’s the least we can do for such a wonderful meal,” David answered.
“I hate that I have to leave so soon, but I promised Kenneth I would stop by and watch a movie with him.”
“Thank you for making a roast. It was the best one I’ve had in a long time.” David stood from the table, his arms held wide.
I moved in to hug him. “I’m glad it was edible. I’ll make it again soon.”
“That would be greatly appreciated, and I hope you have a good time with Kenneth.”
“Thank you,” I said, kissing his cheek. “Bye. Love you.”
“Love you too,” David replied.
When I turned around, Jacks was standing behind me with Ford at his heel. “Have a good time.”
“Will do.” I petted Ford’s head for a minute before turning to give Jacks a brief hug. “I’ll be home soon.”
“Ford and I will be waiting.”
I didn’t know what else to say, so I smiled and turned to walked away.
Less than half an hour later, Kenneth and I were perched on his sofa, his arm wrapped around my shoulders. But my thoughts were still with Jacks and David because I was finding it hard to focus on anything he was saying.
“Are you still tired from the weekend?”
“Yeah. The past few days have been hectic.”
“I can’t even imagine how much work it is to plan an entire engagement party.”
“So, what kind of movie did you have in mind?” I asked.
“I was thinking another action flick would be fun. Does that sound okay to you?”
“Sounds perfect!”
“Awesome, there are a few different ones on my Netflix queue. I know you mostly watch television shows on there, so I figured at least one of them would be something neither of us have seen.” He scrolled through the choices, allowing me to read through each movie.
“I actually haven’t seen any of those, so whatever you want to watch is fine with me.”
“Okay.” Kenneth selected a movie and turned off the lamp beside us as the opening credits began to roll. “Have I ever told you how gorgeous you are?” His breath fanned across the side of my neck, and my body shifted closer to him in response.
“Nope. Never,” I teased.
“Well, it’s true.” His lips planted just underneath my ear. “You’re gorgeous.”
“And what else do you think about me?”
“I think you’re smart.” He kissed the line of my jaw. “And sweet.” This time, he moved to my cheek. “And I think I’m absolutely crazy about you.” He paused for a moment and simply stared at me.
“Those are good thoughts.”
“They most certainly are.” His hands curled around my face and joined our mouths together. The kiss was sweet and slow at first, but as our lips continued moving, I could feel how badly he wanted me. My arms wrapped around his neck as his hands moved to my waist, pulling me into his lap. The longer our mouths moved together, the more I realized I didn’t want it to stop. When we finally did part, our chests heaved as they desperately craved air. “I’m sorry, I know you wanted to take things slow.”
“Kenneth,” I whispered.
“Yeah?”
“You won’t ever hear me complain about a kiss like that.” I grinned at him, his pale blue eyes drawing me in with every breath I took.
“Your smile kills me.”
In those eyes, those words, I could see how he viewed me. To him, I was sweet, treasured, and everything someone could possibly want. And when I was with him, I wasn’t a mess. I wasn’t someone who kept secrets from the people she trusted most. I was just me, and that notion was absolutely intoxicating.
I smiled again, eliminating the distance between us. “If that’s the case, then you better keep giving me a reason to do it.”
Our lips attached like magnets. Kenneth and I had kissed before, but this time, everything was different, intensified. And the more we kept at it, the faster my heart began to beat.
We kissed until the ending credits rolled.
“I’m going to be completely honest here: I think that’s the best movie I’ve seen in a while.”
I chuckled at Kenneth’s confession, the tips of my fingers tracing up and down his arms. “I might have to agree with you.”
“When do you want to do it again?”
“I’m free this Thursday and Friday.”
“I have a work dinner I have to attend on Thursday, but my Friday is wide open.”
“It’s a date then,” I breathed.
“Can’t wait.” A few strands of hair fell into my face, but when I tried to brush them out of the way, he stopped me. “Leave them,” he ordered. “I like it when your hair is a little messy.”
“You’re cute.”
“So she does like me.”
“What?” I asked, surprised. “You mean you couldn’t tell?”
“I had my doubts.”
“Maybe I should show you again.”
“I can’t think of anything I’d like more.” I
peppered kisses over his mouth, lightly nibbling on his bottom lip. “Yeah, that’s working, but I’m still going to need some more proof.”
I laughed. “You would.”
As I left Kenneth’s apartment an hour later, I felt so much lighter than I expected. Spending time with him was a welcome reprieve, especially after all the things that happened last Saturday. It was just after ten when I got back to Jacks’s place. Neither Ter nor Ryan had tried to reach out to me yet. I’d now gone days without speaking to either of them, and it felt strange. Sometimes, it’s impossible to comprehend how vital another soul was to your being until they were gone.
When I entered Jack’s apartment, the lights in the kitchen and living room were off. As I walked down the hall, a single stream of light spilled through the cracked door of his bedroom. I hurried to my room and quickly changed into a pair of pajamas. I stepped back into the hall, adjusting the bottom of my tank top as I walked toward his room.
“Hey,” I said, knocking. “I just wanted to let you know I’m back.” I pushed the door open slowly, standing in the threshold of his room.
He glanced up from the book he was reading. “Hey.” Jacks’s back was pressed against the headboard of his bed, and Ford was curled up beside him. “Did you have a good time?”
“I did.” I took a step inside, moving to the edge of his bed. “Did you and David get everything cleaned up okay?”
“We did. Although, he kept eating on the roast, which delayed things a bit.”
“He would.” I chuckled, shaking my head. “Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“Did you ever entertain the idea of being a musician?”
“I did for a little while when I was younger, but moving around and playing different gigs every night really didn’t appeal to me. And I only started playing after my parents died, so it was an escape, a way to heal, more than anything.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” He shrugged off the T-shirt he had on, laying it on the bed beside him. “I was just about to try and get some sleep but you can sit down if you want.”
I crawled over the edge of the bed, moving to cuddle up next to Ford. “I understand what you mean about needing an escape. After everything with Liam went down, my confidence was shattered. Not to mention, I was up to my ears in debt. I didn’t know if I’d be able to dig myself out of the hole I was in, but the second I slid on my first pair of heels, everything came rushing back. I believed in myself, and when I stepped on that stage, everything else just melted away.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” he replied, reaching out to rub Ford’s belly. “When I grabbed my first guitar, I had no idea what I was doing, but I knew it felt good in my hands. And each time I strummed my fingers across the strings, everything I was feeling became easier to bear.”
“And a lot of people don’t understand that kind of feeling.”
“No, they don’t.”
“Jacks, would you do something for me?”
“You don’t even have to ask.” His lips barely curled into a smile. “What do you need me to do?”
I swept a strand of hair behind my ear. “Will you play for me again?”
“Let me grab my guitar.” He hopped off the bed, and I could hear his feet padding down the hallway as he walked toward the living room. There were three different guitars on display in his living room, and when he returned, I saw that he was holding the same one he played the other night. Sitting across from me, he propped the guitar on his knee. “What would you like to hear?”
“Play something that reminds you of me.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, his voice light, playful. “That’s a pretty bold request.”
“Quit it. You know you love me.”
My breath hitched as I realized the words I’d spoken. His eyes focused on me, and it was as if the entire world ceased to exist. I racked my brain, searching for the right thing to say. My retort was meant to be a joke, but the words were weighted by all the things we left unsaid.
Jacks didn’t speak. But when he began playing, the notes infiltrated my consciousness, taking me back to a night that happened so many months ago. He was playing “Bette Davis Eyes,” the exact same song we danced to on my birthday.
“You really like this song, don’t you?” I asked, barely speaking above a whisper for fear he might stop playing.
“I do.”
“Why?”
“Because it makes me think of you.”
I scooted closer to him, my body retracing the invisible tether linking us together. “And how does it make you think of me?”
His fingers moved deftly, shifting between different strings on the guitar. “I guess because it’s about a woman who lures men with her wit and charm. And whenever we first met, that’s always how I felt whenever I was around you,” he confessed.
“That’s a good answer.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
I was completely enraptured as I listened to him play song after song. He played until midnight, only stopping so he could get some sleep. I kissed Ford good night and slid off the bed to return to the guest bedroom. I’d barely reached the door when Jacks’s voice stopped me.
“Thanks for asking me to play,” he said. “I feel more relaxed now.”
“Reading didn’t help?”
“I was only reading because I thought it might help me fall asleep.”
“But it didn’t work?”
“Not at all.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re feeling more relaxed now. Get some rest.”
“Will do.”
He propped the guitar against the wall, and I closed his door behind me, barely making a sound.
The guestroom felt empty and cold when I opened the door. Even though I’d been asleep all day, my body was spent. I buried myself beneath the comforter and closed my eyes.
But sleep never came.
I tossed and turned, gradually becoming more frustrated with each passing minute. Defeated, I rolled out of bed and decided a glass of milk was in order. I tiptoed out of my room as silently as I could.
Light spilled through the crack underneath Jacks’s door. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t sleep. Forgetting the milk, I changed directions toward his room and lightly tapped my knuckles on the sleek wood. I waited half a second before letting myself in. Jacks lay on his back, his gaze fixated on the ceiling above him. I assumed he must have been lost in thought since he hadn’t noticed my entrance. But Ford had. Those floppy ears perked up instantly, and he rolled over. The movement ended the daze Jacks had been in. A look of surprise washed across his face as soon as he noticed my presence. Without saying a word, I rounded the bed to the side opposite him and pulled the covers back. Warmth flooded my body as I lay on the mattress.
“Do you mind if I sleep in here?” Jacks shook his head, his mouth drawn into a taut line. “I’m not bothering you, am I?” My second question earned another headshake. “You know you can use your words, right?”
“Ever think I might want to lay here and look at you for a minute before opening my mouth?”
I shifted to my right side, making us face one another. “Is that what you’re doing?”
“Would it bother you if my answer was yes?”
“No.”
“Then yes,” he whispered.
“Still couldn’t sleep?”
“Not even for a second.”
“Me neither.”
We lay there, our faces mere feet apart with nothing but Ford between us. I never realized feet could seem like such a great distance. I must have been out of my mind, because I was tired of the rift that separated us. My friend, my confidant, was the man I missed, and for one single night, I wanted him back. The sheets slid beneath my knuckles as I held my hand out to him. Chills danced along the flesh of my arm as his fingers interlaced with mine.
“Good night, Jacks.”
“Night, chipmunk.”
chapter
fourteen
if
THE FIRST THING MY brain registered was a slobbery tongue licking my cheek. Ford rolled on his back and playfully pawed at me.
“Well, hello to you too.”
The second thing my brain registered was the sheets I found myself buried beneath. I bolted upright, suddenly remembering I had slept in Jacks’s room last night. Everything that transpired last night was completely innocent. Jacks and I kept to opposite sides of the bed while Ford occupied the space between us. Our only connection had been our linked hands, but the comfort in that gesture alone was immeasurable.
I allowed myself to kiss Kenneth so freely, and then mere hours later, I held Jacks’s hand all night. This was exactly the kind of thing that happened every time I listened to my heart instead of my head. Stupid fucking heart. Maybe I should just accept the fact I’m incapable of making good decisions. My track record was already shitty at best, and accepting that would certainly lead to less disappointment in the long run. I had thought moving to Chicago would be my fresh start. I had convinced myself that all the negativity and drama from Tennessee would stay in the Bible Belt, but the only thing I managed to do was make a new mess. And this one? Well, it was a fucking doozy.
I slipped out of bed and straightened the covers. Then, I padded down the hall to the kitchen. It was already after three in the afternoon. I still had a few hours until my shift started, so I ate a bowl of cereal and decided to take Ford on a walk. Pulling on a pair of sweats and some sneakers, I grabbed Ford’s leash and practically raced him to the elevator.
The sun shone overhead, the air crisp and chilly. I took Ford for a longer walk than usual. It was a beautiful day, and the last thing I wanted to do was sleep it away. As we finished our tenth block, I pulled out my phone to check for any notifications. I had two new text messages and a missed call from Sean, but nothing from Ter. I scrolled through my texts, opening the one from Kenneth first.
Kenneth: I just wanted to let you know that I really had a wonderful time last night, and I can’t wait to see you again this Friday.
I held on to Ford’s leash and typed out a reply with my right hand.