A Woman's Courage

by S Block

  ‘We go into love never knowing how things will turn out,’ Pat said. ‘We hope for the best, trusting our hearts won’t be broken and at the same time knowing there are no guarantees. And still we take a leap of faith. I suppose we know it’s worthwhile. ’

  Alison looked suddenly serious. ‘It just feels so selfish of me to be planning my wedding when Teresa’s so utterly bereft. ’

  Pat took her hand and squeezed it. ‘I don’t think so, and I doubt Teresa will either. She’s your greatest friend – of course she wants you to be happy. If it were the other way round, how would you feel? Would you want her to go ahead?’

  Alison nodded.

  ‘Well then. Marry John and be happy. Give all of us something to feel glad about. ’

  Chapter 36

  D

  AVID COULDN’T HELP THINKING that the fire at the shop was his fault. If only he ’d left things as they were, been in less of a hurry to push his parents into expanding what was already a perfectly good business. If only he ’d had the sense to see his father’s collapse as a sign to ease up rather than assume even more responsibility.

  If, if, if.

  He ’d been blinkered, so determined to press on with his plans it had almost cost him his family.

  The damage caused by the fire took weeks to repair. Every bit of electrical wiring throughout the new shop had to be replaced, and the plasterwork redone. To be on the safe side, the butcher’s was rewired too, at considerable inconvenience, not to mention expense. It seemed there were hitches and hold-ups at every turn. Before work could resume on the new shop, the building, left sodden by the water from the fire hoses, had first to be thoroughly dried out. That alone seemed to take forever. The pressure was on to complete the work and open in time for Christmas, and David felt it most keenly, wanting to make up for what he saw as the mistakes he ’d made so far. Once they were up and running, he told himself, the shop would do a roaring trade, and the problems of the past would be forgotten.

  On the day they opened, towards the end of November, Joyce Cameron was first through the door. Bryn and David, wearing the smart white coats favoured by grocers, greeted her warmly as Joyce processed regally throughout the store, conducting a thorough inspection, pausing to pick up various items which she examined before putting them down again.

  ‘This is a brand I’m not familiar with,’ she said, studying a tin of processed meat. ‘Oh, I see you’ve managed to get hold of Turkish Delight. ’ The jars of sweets behind the counter caught her eye. ‘Lemon sherbets, an absolute favourite of mine,’ she declared, moving towards them. Bryn took the jar from the shelf and hovered next to the scales with it while Joyce dithered. ‘Pear drops!’ she exclaimed. Bryn put the lemon sherbets back.

  ‘Two ounces of pear drops, then?’ he suggested, keen to make his first sale.

  Joyce continued to waver, drifting off to examine the festive biscuit selection, the tempting boxes of Cadbury’s Milk Tray and, next to them, cans of instant coffee. ‘Coffee? Is it popular?’ she mused. ‘I suppose time will tell. ’

  Bryn and David exchanged a look.

  ‘I must congratulate you on a thoroughly splendid job,’ she said. ‘You have transformed the place. What a wonderful asset to the village after all those months of having an eyesore in our midst. ’

  ‘Thank you, Mrs Cameron,’ David said. ‘I hope we can count on your custom. ’

  ‘Absolutely,’ she replied, and took her leave without having bought anything.

  David rolled his eyes as the door shut behind her. ‘Couldn’t resist the eyesore dig, could she? She had no intention of shopping – she just wanted to have a good old nose about the place. She didn’t even bring a shopping bag with her – that’s how serious she was about making a purchase!’

  ‘Don’t worry, son,’ Bryn said. ‘Once people get used to the new set-up, things will pick up. ’

  By the end of the first week, however, business remained slow. Plenty of customers arrived, curious to see what the Brindsleys had done to the shop, but few seemed in the mood to spend. Bryn, left to hold the fort alone after the first few days, began to wonder if it had been a mistake to think a shiny new ‘emporium’ would go down well in a traditional village. Not that he said so – whenever David bemoaned the lack of custom, Bryn assured him it was entirely normal for a new business to take time to find its feet.

  ‘But it’s nearly Christmas,’ David said. ‘If we can’t do well now, I’m not sure we ever will. ’

  Miriam refused to admit defeat. ‘We need to hold our nerve and trust that things will come good,’ she said. ‘Think of how much we’ve come through as a family, all of us pulling together. We’re meant to succeed and we will, you mark my words. ’

  Bryn, who knew better than to argue, simply nodded. ‘Let’s hope you’re right, Mim,’ he said.

  ‘I am. ’ She sounded defiant. ‘We just need to believe we’re on the right track. We survived the fire, didn’t we?’

  Bryn frowned, wondering where she was going with this. ‘Well . . . ’

  ‘And I won’t believe it was for nothing. We’re closer than ever, a family nothing can break. The shop will pick up, you’ll see. If this war has taught us anything it’s that we never know what’s round the corner. ’

  ‘Usually something bad,’ Bryn countered.

  ‘Not always. David came home, didn’t he?’ She gave Bryn a steely look. ‘So we’ll have less of that gloomy talk, if you don’t mind!’

  *

  ‘What if we can’t make a success of it?’ David asked Jenny. ‘It’ll be my fault. ’ He was walking her home after a late finish at Tabley Wood. ‘They were perfectly happy with the butcher’s until I persuaded them to expand and take on a business we know nothing about. The first week’s takings were pitiful. If that’s a sign of things to come, we might as well give up now. ’

  Jenny nodded slowly, but didn’t answer.

  ‘I can’t even talk to Ma because she just goes on about God having a plan for us and how we must have faith and . . . ’ He sighed, exasperated. ‘Never mind that we’ve sunk almost every spare bit of cash we’ve got into a shop that everyone agrees looks wonderful and no one seems to want to spend money in! It’s all my fault, Jenny. If one more person says how smart the awning is, I swear I’ll scream. ’

  David stopped and turned to face Jenny. ‘I’m so sorry. There’s me going on, not even asking how you are. It must be difficult at the base just now after what happened. ’

  ‘It was the funeral today, in the village where Nick grew up,’ Jenny said, sounding close to tears. She had been on duty the day that his plane crashed. ‘All the top brass went, so the base was deserted. I can’t stop thinking about Mrs Lucas, expecting a baby, her husband going out to work and never coming home. It’s unbearable. Why, when they had everything in front of them?’

  David pulled her close. ‘I don’t know, it doesn’t make sense. ’

  His mother held an unshakeable belief in Providence, but in his experience, there was no such thing. Weren’t good people lost when his ship went down? He had lost friends. He remembered one, Johnny, who carried a tiny crucifix with him, a talisman given to him by his mother. He had perished. As far as David saw it, in war, and in life, there were no special dispensations. Whether you lived or died was completely random.

  ‘Try not to think about it too much,’ David said. ‘Sometimes it doesn’t help to dwell on things, to wonder why. There is no why. Bad things just happen, and we can’t always find a way of explaining them. ’ He kissed the top of her head. ‘It’s why we need to count our lucky stars and be glad for the good things. We just need to work out what’s important and hold onto it. ’

  Her arms tightened round his waist. ‘We’ll be all right, won’t we?’ she said, her voice muffled against his chest.

  ‘’Course we will. I promise,’ David told her, aware that he was in no position to know.

  He sounded like his mothe
r.

  Chapter 37

  W

  HILE TERESA WAS AWAY for the funeral, Alison kept an eye on the house, going in every day to open the curtains and let a little fresh air in. Each day brought more letters of condolence in the post. She put them on the sideboard in the front room, ready for Teresa’s return. It was likely she ’d be away at least a week, she told Alison, staying with Nick’s parents.

  In anticipation of her return, Alison put bread and milk in the pantry. She didn’t want Teresa to have to think about such things, not at a moment like this. The chrysanthemums and asters in the front garden were flowering and she cut a few and placed them in a vase on the kitchen windowsill.

  The following morning, when she arrived at the house and let herself in, the atmosphere felt changed. Teresa must be home. Alison called out a cautious ‘hello’, and when there was no answer, she assumed Teresa must still be sleeping.

  She went quietly along the hall into the kitchen, where she found the curtains already drawn back, the kettle warm and cups and plates in the sink. As she waited for Teresa to appear, she filled a bowl with water and did the washing up.

  She was putting the last of the dishes away when a woman appeared in the doorway. She was slender, with tousled blonde hair past her shoulders, still in her night things, with a dressing gown too big for her. She was familiar, although at first Alison couldn’t place her. Then it came to her – Nick’s pilot friend, the one who flew for the Air Transport Auxiliary. Annie. The previous year she ’d been seriously injured in a crash and spent some of her time recuperating with Teresa and Nick. She seemed unperturbed to find Alison there, greeting her with a sleepy smile.

  ‘You must be Alison. You’ve been keeping an eye on things for us. ’ She raked a hand through her hair. ‘You must excuse my rather sloppy appearance, I’m afraid we got back late and I’ve not been awake long. ’ She yawned. ‘I’m Annie – I think we might already have met. ’

  Alison nodded. She wondered if the dressing gown was Nick’s. ‘Yes, I seem to recall you were in a wheelchair the last time I saw you. ’

  Annie pulled a face. ‘I was a bit smashed up for a while, but I’m pleased to report I’m good as new again. ’

  ‘You were at the funeral?’

  Annie nodded. ‘Nick was a very good friend. We ’d known each other for years. ’ She winced. ‘I always had the sense he was charmed, that he would come through the war unscathed. I suppose it was what I hoped, as if thinking it would make it true. ’ She looked away, her face solemn. ‘You want the best for the people closest to you. ’

  Alison found herself wondering how close they’d been, if Nick and Annie were once more than friends. Or, perhaps, Annie and Teresa. She dismissed the thought. ‘How’s Teresa?’ she asked.

  Annie went to fill the kettle. ‘Bearing up. She’s been making an effort to create the impression she’s coping. Hoping to persuade everyone, Nick’s family included, that they’ve no need to worry about her. Probably trying to persuade herself, too. ’ She put the kettle on the stove and lit the gas. ‘I’m not convinced. Beneath that brave exterior, I think she’s in pieces. Her situation is about the hardest it could be. Enough to break your heart. ’

  Alison was quiet.

  Annie rummaged in a cupboard for cups and decanted milk into a jug. ‘Will you stay for tea?’ she said.

  ‘Of course. I’d like to make sure Teresa has everything she needs. ’

  ‘Oh, no need to worry,’ Annie said, with a slight smile. ‘I’m here now – I can take care of that. ’

  *

  When Teresa appeared, Annie was attentive, bringing a cushion to put at the back of her chair. She made toast – ‘burnt to a crisp, just the way you like it’ – and smothered it in jam, instructing her to eat.

  ‘There’s no need to fuss,’ Teresa told her.

  ‘There’s every need,’ Annie countered. ‘When I was under your care I seem to recall doing as I was told. ’

  Teresa gave her a weak smile. ‘Really? I recall no such thing,’ she said.

  ‘Well, it’s my turn to look after you now,’ Annie went on, placing a hand on Teresa’s shoulder. ‘I’m at your beck and call. Anything you need, just say the word. ’

  Teresa took her hand and held it for a moment.

  ‘Now, eat your black toast,’ Annie said, wrinkling her nose, ‘before it gets cold. ’

  ‘I’d forgotten how bossy you can be,’ Teresa said.

  Annie made an innocent face. ‘We need to keep your strength up. ’

  We.

  Alison watched, struck by their closeness, the unmistakable signs of intimacy that passed between them. As Teresa ate, Annie hovered at her side. She tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and topped up her tea.

  Alison’s suspicion that Annie and Nick might once have been more than friends was definitely misplaced.

  It was Teresa she must have been involved with.

  ‘How long are you intending to stay?’ Alison asked, rather more sharply than she meant to.

  Annie raised an eyebrow. ‘Oh, I’m here for the duration,’ she said.

  Alison stared at her. It was impossible, surely. Nick had just died, barely weeks ago, and for Annie to be here, perhaps taking advantage of Teresa’s fragile situation . . . She glanced between the two of them. ‘I suppose they’ll be expecting you back at the ATA before too long,’ she said to Annie.

  ‘I’ve left the ATA,’ Annie said.

  Alison looked surprised.

  ‘I was busy thinking about what I might do next when . . . ’ She glanced at Teresa. ‘So here I am. As I say, for the duration. ’

  Teresa gave her a grateful look. ‘It means I’m not on my own,’ she said.

  Alison gazed at her. You were never going to be.

  ‘I know you and all my friends here would have rallied round and done as much as you could, but you’ve got your own lives, and I can’t expect to be handled with care in the coming weeks and months. Besides, there’s no substitute for having someone in the house with me. If I go into labour in the middle of the night, Annie will be on hand, and once the baby comes we can muddle through between us. ’

  ‘That’s quite a commitment,’ Alison said, looking at Annie. ‘Won’t you be missed at home?’

  ‘I rather think this is home now,’ Annie said, with a smile.

  *

  Alison made a point of calling on Teresa every morning, hoping for a private word, just the two of them – but Annie was always there.

  After a week or so, Alison arrived at the house and finally found Teresa alone. ‘Annie’s popped out,’ Teresa said. ‘She won’t be long. ’

  In that case, I’d better be quick. Alison declined tea and they went into the front room.

  ‘How are you?’ she asked.

  ‘Sleeping better, and Annie makes sure I eat. ’ Teresa smiled. ‘You’ve seen what she’s like, how strict she can be. ’

  Alison swallowed hard. ‘I just wonder, are you sure it’s such a good idea . . . Annie being here?’

  Teresa frowned. ‘Given my situation, having a friend to keep me company makes complete sense. I’d be lost without her. ’

  ‘Oh, Teresa, I’m not blind. I can see what’s going on. It’s obvious Annie is more than a friend. I’ve seen how she is with you, all the cosseting and fussing . . . ’

  Teresa flushed. ‘And you disapprove – is that it?’

  ‘It’s not a case of disapproving, Teresa. I’m concerned for you, that’s all. You’ve only just lost Nick—’

  ‘I hardly need reminding. ’

  ‘—you’re grieving, in no position to make decisions about anything, let alone launch into a relationship with one of Nick’s friends, someone you haven’t even known all that long. ’

  Teresa took a breath. ‘Alison, I know you mean well, but how I choose to live my life is really no concern of yours. Not anymore. I’m not your lodger. I don’t need advic
e on how to behave. ’

  ‘I’m not trying to tell you what to do – I just want what’s best for you and the baby. ’

  ‘Then respect my decisions. ’ Teresa gave her a defiant look. ‘As it happens, I know Annie rather better than you might think, and she’s exactly what I need in my life now. She’s strong and confident and . . . comfortable with who she is. Which is something I’ve always struggled with, as you know only too well. ’

  ‘I thought things changed when you met Nick. ’

  Teresa gazed at her. ‘I became the person I was expected to be – not who I truly am inside. The real me never disappeared, Alison, it just – I made myself hide it. Annie’s good for me. Somehow she’s able to, I don’t know, breathe life back into me . . . make me believe that things will, eventually, feel less hopeless than they do right now. ’ She was close to tears. ‘Having her here in no way diminishes how I feel about Nick. ’

  ‘Is that how other people will see it?’ Alison persisted. ‘At some point, they’ll work out what’s going on – and have something to say about it. You’ll be the subject of gossip. At least think about it, please. ’

  ‘I already have, Alison. It’s my life. Nick would want me to be happy. He loved Annie, you know, held her in the highest regard. Whatever you might think, she’s a good person, and she’s good for me. ’ She held Alison’s gaze. ‘I’m sorry, I’m quite worn out with all this talking, so if you wouldn’t mind . . . ’

  *

  Alison waited a couple of days before calling again, allowing time for the dust to settle. She felt bad about how she ’d left things and confided in John, swearing him to secrecy about Teresa, knowing there was no one else in the world she ever could have told. John urged her to make up with Teresa – and take a step back.

  ‘The woman knows her own heart,’ he said, ‘and, whatever you might think about the rights or wrongs of what she’s doing, having someone there day and night has got to be a good thing. Annie must really care about her or she wouldn’t be here. Surely that’s what’s important. ’