I stared at her. “What?”
“I swear, I’m not making this up. Google it.”
“I don’t want to,” I said.
“What do you mean, you don’t want to? You don’t want to know if the guy that you’ve suddenly been spending all this time with isn’t a rapist?”
“He’s not a rapist!” I snapped. “He saved my life!” I unknotted the scarf around my neck. The bruises had definitely faded, but they were still very much there. Carolyn’s eyes bulged.
“Did he do that to you? Oh, my God, Emmy! What the hell happened?”
“No, he didn’t do this to me! He saved me from the guy who did!”
She shook her head. “No, no, no. No, Emmy, this is not okay. What are you doing? What are you getting yourself into?”
“I’m trying to find my sister!” I took a deep breath. “I thought this guy who owned a club that Isa played at had information to give me. So I went there, and I don’t know if he and Isa were involved at some point or what was going on between the two of them, but... things got a little out of control. He did this. He strangled me. And I would’ve been dead if Jason hadn’t been there.” I paused. “I mean, I was, basically, dead.”
“Then I’m glad he was there. That’s the last thing I want, is to find out my best friend has been murdered. But do you even know what you’re doing, Emmy? Who these people are you’re hanging around? It just doesn’t sound safe. I think you should leave this up to the police. That’s what their job is. That’s what they’re there for. I really don’t like that you’re getting so involved with this, Emmy. I know Isa’s your sister, I know you’re worried sick about her—but it’s not going to do anyone any good if you end up dead! And finding out that the Jason you’ve been hanging out with is the same guy who was accused of sexually assaulting—”
“Well, hold on,” I said. “You said sexual misconduct first. Now it’s sexual assault?”
She gave me a quizzical look. “Is there a difference?”
“I think so. Isn’t one like rape and the other is maybe... not as serious?”
“It’s all serious! Men abusing their power and mistreating women just because they can is a really big deal, and I don’t think one is any worse than the other.”
I tied the scarf back around my neck. “I’m not saying that I think it’s okay for guys to say or do whatever they want to girls,” I said, “but seeing as I just was a victim of sexual assault—”
“What?”
“Well, that guy was probably going to rape me. The whole thing started because I wouldn’t do whatever my sister apparently does with him, which is just gross to even think about, but I feel like that’s a lot different than some guy catcalling me when I walk down the street.”
“It’s endemic of a larger problem. And that larger problem is guys thinking that they own women. I’m not trying to start some philosophical debate with you on this or anything—I just wanted you to know that this guy you’ve been gushing over might not be who you think he is. And seeing all this stuff that you’ve been getting into—you might want to think about being a little more careful.”
I didn’t know what to think, about anything. I could feel a headache coming on, just behind my eyes, a throbbing pulse that seemed to go in time with my heartbeat. How had everything gotten so messed up? Before Isa disappeared, my life had been quiet, orderly; I knew how my days were going to be. The worst problem I had to deal with had been a bad date with Silas—which, now, compared to everything else, seemed like a walk in the park. None of this seemed real, and half of me expected that I’d wake up in the next minute and find out that it had all been a dream. Isa and I could have a good laugh about it.
***
I didn’t really have a plan for the rest of the day, but when Jason called and asked if he could drive up here, I told him that was fine.
“I just wanted to check in with you,” he said. “Make sure you were still feeling okay.”
“I am. I don’t feel any worse, anyway.”
“No funny business, I promise,” he said. “I’ll be a gentleman.”
“You are a gentleman. I’ve never thought otherwise.”
Perhaps agreeing to have him come over wasn’t the smartest thing, but I wanted to see him. We were two adults; we could be around each other without trying to hook up, couldn’t we?
While I waited for him to arrive, I thought about what Carolyn had said, the way she seemed to think that it would somehow change my mind about him. If it was true, maybe it would. But I didn’t think he’d ever do something like that—he was way too nice, seemed way too concerned with other people’s feelings. Someone like Lucas Oddland? Yes, of course. But Jason was nothing like that at all.
It was still on my mind, though, when he turned up.
“Wow, great place,” he said as he came in. “The trees out here are incredible. I love how they’re like nature’s air conditioner.” He looked at me closely. I hadn’t bothered to put the scarf back on. “Definitely some bruising there. But you’re feeling okay?”
“A little sore, maybe. But nothing too bad. Come on in.”
It felt a little strange to have him standing there in my house; I couldn’t remember the last time a guy had been inside. Silas had come over once to pick me up but hadn’t come in. And before that? I couldn’t remember.
“Listen,” I said. “Remember my friend, Carolyn? The one we ran into the other night at the Peruvian place?”
“Yeah, I remember her.”
“She was being kind of weird when I told her about you, and then when she saw you... I didn’t really know why, and I wasn’t sure if it was something that you’d picked up on or not. But... she was just over here and she told me something... about you. And that cooking show you were on.” I paused.
“So you heard about that,” he said after a moment. He brought his hand up to his mouth and rubbed the lower part of his face. “It’s not something I was trying to hide—I want you to know that. I never brought it up because the accusations weren’t true. Though I know if you go online and google it, not much of what you’re going to find is going to say that.”
“I didn’t believe it,” I said. “I don’t think you’re like that at all.”
“Well, thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone did. I get it—most people are inclined to side with the woman in cases like this, and I know that plenty of women are victims of sexual misconduct all the time. But that is not what happened in this case.” He shook his head. “Since you do know about it, though, I guess I’d like to be the one to tell you my version of the story.”
I nodded. “Okay. I already believe you, but if you want to, you can.”
“The whole thing started because one of my co-workers heard that they were going to be shooting a new cooking show here in the city and they had put a call out for potential contestants. I don’t think Cole or any of the others thought I’d actually make it, but I did—I think because it was for amateurs only. And I’m definitely an amateur; cooking was always just a hobby of mine, something I liked to do. But I ended up making it, and my boss gave me the time off to do it, and everyone was really supportive and cool. It was actually a lot of fun, at first.” He pressed his lips together, frowning. “And I don’t want to talk shit about other people, so I’m not going to mention any names, even though you probably already know if you looked it up online.”
“I didn’t.”
“Well, one of the female judges was... clearly interested. We had a mild flirtation, I admit, but she’s a celebrity and I knew she was married, and if there’s one thing I am not going to do it’s get involved with a married woman. I saw what my mom’s affairs did to my dad, and there’s no way in hell I want any part in anything like that. She didn’t have kids or anything, but... still. We were friendly with each other, and they’d have these events occasionally, for everyone who was on the show, just like social hour or whatever. She got really drunk at one of them and came on to me pretty hard, a
nd I know some people saw us that night, but I swear nothing happened. It definitely could have—she wanted it to—but I did my best to be a gentleman. I brought her back to her hotel room and tucked her into bed, yada yada. Thought I was doing the right thing. I guess sometimes people don’t take getting rejected very well, and she was apparently one of them. She didn’t make the accusation until after the show was about to air—long after I’d been voted off—but she had some pretty terrible things to say about things that I never did.”
“That’s awful,” I said. “I really don’t understand why someone would do that. Just because you weren’t interested?”
“I guess so.” He shrugged. “There are some people out there who just don’t care how things affect others. She never pressed charges or anything, or pursued any sort of investigation, but... it was still pretty rough for a while. Someone had taken a picture of us at one of the social hour things, and that made the rounds online and she was pretty outspoken about it at first. Being famous certainly helped that, I’m sure.”
“But how is that fair to you?”
“It’s not. It was hard for me, I won’t lie. It still is. I haven’t had any desire to cook anything, which sucks because that really was something I just enjoyed doing. It was a mistake to go on the show; it’s not like I was planning to open a restaurant or something if I won. That was the grand prize—money to start your own restaurant. I went on the show knowing that I wasn’t going to do that. Cooking’s always just been for fun. If I had to run a restaurant, that would take all the fun out of it real quick.”
“I’m really sorry that happened to you.”
“Thanks,” he said. “And thank you for not jumping to conclusions and actually being willing to talk with me about it. A lot of people just took her side, believed what she had to say. And even those who didn’t, they were still wondering about it—I could see it in their eyes. People I’d known a long time, in some cases.” He exhaled. “I’ve been trying to put it past me. But it’s not something you can ever just forget about. Especially thanks to the Internet and the fact that anyone can access that information if they look it up. I was lucky, though, in other ways, because I didn’t lose my job and the woman didn’t try to take the matter further. She knew as well as I did that nothing happened.”
“I would be so upset if that happened to me,” I said. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be falsely accused of something like that.
“The whole thing is upsetting. But, like I said, I’ve been trying to just move past it and get on with my life.”
I went over to him, close enough that he could reach out and touch me if he wanted to, though he kept his hands down by his sides. I knew I had told myself that I wasn’t going to do this, that anything between us would need to be ignored, that we’d have to keep things platonic, but now that he was here, now that I was in his presence once again, I realized how badly I wanted him, and that maybe it didn’t matter what other things were going on. Maybe it would be foolish to ignore something like this, when he and I obviously had such a strong connection. I reached out and took his hand, stepping into him so the length of my body was pressed against him. I tilted my head back and looked into his eyes.
“Please kiss me,” I said.
He hesitated. “What? I thought... are you sure?”
“Yes,” I said, letting my eyes close as I felt his lips press against mine.
Chapter 15
Jason
For the briefest moment, I thought that it was some kind of trap, or a joke, that Emmy was asking me to kiss her—thought that she was going to turn around and say that she was just kidding, that that’s not really what she wanted. But I went ahead and did it anyway, because getting to kiss her for even a second was better than not getting to kiss her at all. I truly could not recall feeling such a strong connection toward someone before, a connection that was reaffirmed as our lips met. I let my eyes close as our lips moved, first lightly, then with more force, against each other, my mouth opening wider and wider. It was like we were trying to consume each other, like we had been stranded on a deserted island for decades and had now just been presented with a buffet of all of our favorite foods.
I nibbled at her lower lip as I ran my hands down her arms. Her own hands were at my back, underneath my shirt, gently massaging the tight muscles there. She traced her fingers down the knobs of my spine and I shivered, felt myself get harder, that hardness pressing against her.
Her hands moved around to my front, playing across my lower abdomen as I cupped her breasts through her shirt, squeezing lightly, her nipples getting hard underneath my touch. She pulled away from the kiss and groaned, her head back, that throat exposed, those horrible marks on her neck. I felt a flare of anger but pushed it from my mind—I wasn’t about to start thinking about Lucas Oddland at a moment like this.
“Is this okay?” I asked softly, and she nodded, another light groan escaping from her mouth. Her breathing came in heavy gasps, her chest rising and falling.
“Yes,” she murmured. She reached down, then, and pulled at the hem of her shirt, pulling it up and over her head, revealing a simple black bra, a sleek torso, slender, flat abdomen, the slightest hint of her hipbones. I pulled my own shirt off, tossing it aside. “Let’s go in here.”
She turned and I followed her into her bedroom, onto her bed. We lay on our sides, facing each other. We began to kiss again, deeply, and after a few moments, I reached around and unhooked her bra.
Her breasts were perfect. They seemed almost too big for her slender frame, but there were no enhancements here. They were pendulous, firm, yet also compliant, with pale-pink nipples. I lowered my head and took one in my mouth, licking the areola first, then closing my mouth and playing with her nipple with the tip of my tongue. She ran her hands through my hair, tugging, her hips rocking back and forth.
I could’ve stayed there enjoying her breasts all day, but her hip gyrations started to get more intense, and I moved one hand down between her legs. She was wearing a pair of yoga pants and I could feel the dampness between her legs through the fabric.
“Oh, my God,” she groaned as I squeezed her lightly.
“Let’s get these off of you,” I said.
She shimmied out of the pants, pulling her black underwear off too. Her pubic hair was a shade or two darker than the hair on her head, and curly, but not coarse, the way it often is. It was silky and soft, and I ran my fingers through it a few times before moving my hand more slowly. Her thighs closed against my hand as I felt just how wet she was. I slid a finger inside of her and she shuddered, biting down on my shoulder. I was as hard as I’d ever been, as I managed to get my own pants off, sliding my boxers down my legs. She moved her hips harder against me, groaning. I took it for as long as I could but then all I could think of was being inside of her.
She spread her legs further and I positioned myself over her, keeping most of my weight on my forearms. I was able to still kiss her this way, and our lips were locked when I finally felt myself slide into her, felt the way her muscles enclosed around me and seemed to pull me in further, further, until I was all the way in, and we were joined.
For a moment, we both lay there, not moving, just enjoying the sensation of the tingling energy coursing through us.
I brushed her hair back and dropped little kisses along her forehead, then down the bridge of her nose, finding my way back to her mouth. Slowly, I began to move my hips, rocking them back and forth, then side to side. She moved with me, and I let my eyes close as the sensations began to take over. It felt like my whole body was disappearing, that the two of us were becoming pure energy that would meld together and turn into something amazing. The feeling was rolling, rollicking, this warm pleasure that was spiraling outward, all the way down to my toes, all the way up my spine to the base of my skull, up through my brain and out. I’d had plenty of good sex before, but nothing like this. It was almost as if I were having an out-of-body experience—or maybe it was the opposit
e of that; my body was having an experience unlike anything it had ever felt before. I could no longer tell where I ended and she began; was she following my lead? Was I following hers?
None of that really mattered. She arched her back, her breasts pressing against me, and she wrapped her legs around my waist, somehow pulling me in even deeper.
“That’s the spot, right there,” she groaned as I thrust into her. I could feel her muscles pulsating around me, feel how much wetter she’d gotten. It was enough to send me over the edge, but I didn’t want to go there yet; I wanted this to last as long as it could. I nibbled her earlobe and then kissed along the side of her face until our mouths found each other’s.
She raked her fingers down my back as I moved my hips, swiveling them in slow circles, and I could sense where she was on the wave of arousal; she was getting close, her entire body tensing underneath me.
I was getting close, too. The wave was about to peak, but I gritted my teeth, knowing I needed to hang on just a few moments longer so she could get there as well. She bit down hard on my shoulder as she came, which was enough to send me cascading right over the edge. My eyes were closed but fireworks still exploded across my vision, my whole body clenched, goosebumps tingling from head to toe. Reverberations of pleasure radiated out in every direction, our skin slick with each other’s sweat. I slowly rolled off of her and we lay there, both of us still breathing heavily. The ebb of the orgasm had gone, but little swirls of pleasure were still emanating from somewhere inside of me. She snuggled closer, and I put an arm around her, kissing the top of her head, happier now than I could remember being in a long time.
Chapter 16
Emmy
I didn’t know that it was possible for another person to make you feel that good. My whole body thrummed. I had writhed and gasped and moaned in such a way that I would have thought I’d be terribly self-conscious about, but I did not feel a single thread of that. What it felt like was I’d just taken an incredible drug that only had good effects, no bad ones. Jason wasn’t the first person I’d ever slept with, but he was certainly the most mind-blowing.
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