Gutter Princess

by Kimmie Easley

  “I’m hardly perfect.”

  “Are you going all shy again? It’s a little too late for that, don’t ya think?” He snickered.

  Baby peered at him from underneath the mass of wild tendrils of hair.

  “Hmmm, ok. I’ll have to work on that in a minute. Bathroom?”

  She pointed him in the direction of the restroom and tried not to gawk as he climbed out of the bed. His body was flawless, clear down to those two little indentions at the small of his back. He snatched up the foil wrapper and made his way to the bathroom.

  Alone in the bedroom, Baby sat up and threw on an old Rolling Stone t-shirt. She piled her messy nest on top of her head and clipped as much of it in place as possible.

  Lucky walked back into the room. The man was certainly comfortable in his own skin. She no longer avoided his gaze. She watched him slip on his jeans, leaving them unzipped, revealing his mouthwatering nature trail.

  He hopped onto the bed, and Baby giggled as it bounced under his weight. Lucky propped himself up on his elbow and beamed.

  “What’s that look for?”

  “I am one satisfied son of a bitch right now.” His grin widened.

  Baby threw her hands up over her face in embarrassment. She couldn’t remember the last time she had experienced such intimacy. Sex, sure. She remembered that all too well, no matter how many times she tried to forget it, but this was different. Part of her had expected Lucky to get up and leave when they were through. Now with him lying next to her, in her own bed, made everything all too real.

  Getting a closer look at his yummy chest, Baby Jade examined his vast array of tattoos. Her fingers mindlessly traced the day of the dead skull on the right side, once splashed with color, it was now fading. The dark shading gave depth to the eye sockets, creating a haunting effect. Looking closer, most if his tattoos were haunting. The eyes of the pinup spanning long ways down his chiseled ribcage were full of sorrow and pain. A three-dimensional fleur de leis with a carnival mask wearing a joker hat and the word NOLA sprawled across the center covered the upper half of his chest. The metallic gray hid images in the intrinsic design. Two jazz musicians playing horns were nestled on one side and the Pontchartrain Bridge on the other. Spanish moss spilled over the edges. A tribal tattoo crept over his left shoulder and up his neck. Thick lines with jutted, sharp edges spiraled over his hard chest. There were a few others that had no rhyme or reason. A cartoon shark. Louis the Alligator dressed in his king costume with a small tree frog hanging out of his mouth. There were too many to count, and that didn’t include the ones on his back, arms, and legs.

  However, the one that spoke the most about him was the red heart resting right over his own. It had stitch marks like the kind you would see on Frankenstein. The script arching over the top read, “Until We Meet Again.” Baby knew it was in honor of the child that he had lost.

  She placed her hand on top of the heart. Lucky’s hand landed on hers. The wounded look in his eyes confirmed she was right. It was a constant reminder of the love that he lost, a love he never had the chance to know in the first place.

  “What do we do now?” Baby twisted her body to meet his gaze.

  Lucky’s hand still embracing hers. “Now we get down to the dirty stuff.”

  Her eyebrows shot up, “Already?”

  “Well, I wouldn’t say no. But that wasn’t exactly what I meant.” He ran the pad of his thumb across her swollen lips. “Don’t you think we have a few things to talk about?”

  Sinking further into the pillow, Baby rolled her eyes. “Seriously? You wanna go ruin a perfectly good orgasm with talking?” Her stomach pitched at the thought of talking about Slade.

  “Don’t give me that. Something serious happened tonight, and no. I’m not talking about this,” he said, fanning his hand across the bed. “That was some crazy shit tonight at the club.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Yeah? You’ve gotta say more than that. What the hell happened? You froze as soon as that big ape touched you. What was that shit?”

  Baby nipped at her bottom lip. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Maybe not, but you need to talk about it. What’s that guy got on you?”

  “He doesn’t have anything on me. We all have a past,” she said, her hands fidgeting with the bed sheet. “Mine likes to rear its ugly head from time to time.”

  “Hey,” Lucky said, “I opened up a closet with a shitload of skeletons. Now it’s your turn to unload on me. No one should carry around that much fucking shit. I’m not trying to upset you or bring up old demons. I’m trying to wrap my head around it. You’re one of the strongest chicks I think I’ve ever met, but tonight it’s like you turned to putty in his hands.”

  Baby Jade tossed the sheet aside and threw her legs to the floor. The Rolling Stones shirt barely covered her backside as she marched out of the room. She choked back the sob that had been welling up in her throat. The last thing she wanted was for Lucky to see her crying like a girly girl. She didn’t want him to confuse her crazy childhood bullshit for a lovesick relationship with Slade.

  At first, she was mentally kicking herself for not buying more wine, but then thought it was a blessing in disguise. Alcohol would only heighten her emotions. Checking the clock blinking on the microwave, Baby was surprised to see it was only one forty-two a.m. She grabbed a glass and filled it with lukewarm tap water. She had become accustomed to no ice since the freezer was more temperamental than the hot water heater. She guzzled down the first glass and filled a second, giving herself a little time to breathe before heading back in, knowing the whole time she was going to answer his question.

  As she made her way back down the hall, attempting to piece together some sort of sanity for an answer when it hit her that Lucky hadn’t made a peep since she had walked out.

  “Hey, did you want something to …” she began to ask before the sight of him on the bed stopped her cold. Between his fingers, he held a small baggie of white powder. Cocaine. “Are you going through my shit?”

  “No. I found it in the middle of the bed. Does that mean you have more stashed around this place?”

  She stalked over to the bed, plucking the tiny bag out of his hand and threw it into the top drawer of her dresser.

  Folding her arms across her chest, she lowered her head. “Maybe you should go.”

  “No.”

  Her face shot up. “No? It’s my damn house. If I say leave, then that’s what you’re gonna do.” She stepped closer to the bed, her blood pulsing through her body, creating a new thumping in her head.

  “That’s not what you said. Come on, you don’t want me to go.” Lucky offered his hand. Baby looked at him, trying to size up the situation. Is this guy for real? She placed her hand in his and he guided her back to the bed. He sat in the middle of the bed, resting his back against the wall. Still in nothing but a pair of jeans, he spread his legs and patted the space in between. Baby nestled herself into the spot, molding her body to his.

  “Let’s start over. It looks like you have some shit you need to work out. I’d like to help you do that.” Lucky ran his rough hands up and down her arms. “I’m not here to judge you. Lord knows I have my own shit to deal with. I’m here to listen or help you if I can.”

  Baby pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. Her head rested on Lucky. The rise and fall of his chest made her own breathing steady. The light thud of his heartbeat soothed her.

  “You’re right. I froze. I wish I had a better answer. I thought I had the bullshit under control.” Baby paused, trying to figure out how to proceed. She was thankful she couldn’t see Lucky’s face. “I’ve known Slade for years now, and to put it mildly, I’m not proud of those years. I told you about my mother and about my fucked up childhood. If Ma’Linn hadn’t stepped in, I don’t know where I would have ended up. She was a part of my life from as far back as I can remember. She fed me, bathed me, and took care of me when I was sick. I moved out when I was fifteen, but we�
�ve maintained that mother-daughter relationship.”

  “If you guys were that close, why did you move out at such a young age?”

  “Because Ma’Linn dealt with a lot of shit. Still does. Her son Phillipe and I used to play together as kids. We spent all of our time together. We made forts in the fields and fished every day when my mom would disappear. He was my best friend when we were kids, but as we got older, it didn’t take long for Phillipe to fall in with the wrong crowd. He was a few years older than I was and the gang life sucked him right in. He started out with petty theft and breaking into abandoned buildings. Once he got in with the 110ers, there was no turning back. He started doing dope, and I don’t mean recreational drugs. He was on the heavy shit. He was in and out of jail and Ma’Linn did all she could to get him help, but he only spiraled further out of control. It became too much. I didn’t feel right taking all of her attention when her son needed her.”

  Lucky’s hands stopped moving and rested on her shoulders. “Did he ever hurt you?”

  “Hell no! I mean, Phillipe had his issues, but he was always kind to me. I think he saw enough of my mom’s bullshit over the years and felt sorry for me. How’s that for irony? The local gang banger drug addict, pitying me?” Baby’s hand flew to her mouth to stifle a sob.

  “Are you ok? You don’t have to go on if you don’t want to.” He gathered her hair and piled it to one side, kissing her neck.

  “No, I’m good. I think I’ve spent too long keeping myself from talking to anyone that it’s hard to open up. Ma’Linn and I talk, probably more than we should actually. But other than that, it’s the daily bullshit with losers at the club.”

  “Yeah, well. I’m guessing some of those losers are part of the story.”

  “You got that right. Anyway, things were bad after moving out. The city’s hard on a kid living on the streets. Momma was gone, locked away for the umpteenth time. She didn’t want to see me. She still doesn’t and I don’t know why. Sometimes I sneak in and see her when she’s sedated. She doesn’t know I’m there. To be honest, it would probably scare the hell out of me if she up and decided she wanted to see me. Like I said before, no dad. I did the couch surfing thing for a while. I slept on benches, in abandoned cars. I’m ashamed to say I had a few boyfriends who took care of me every now and then. I knew what I was doing, but did what I had to. ”

  Lucky’s warm lips planted another kiss on her neck.

  “As you can imagine, I was knee deep in a pile of shit. There are some seriously messed up people out there. I had to find a way to be able to take care of myself. I was at one of my usual hangouts and happened to run into Jewella doing a private party. She was a different person back then. We hung out and talked for a while. She told me about Bottoms Up and how Mickey took on a few underage girls from time to time. As soon as I saw the guy she was dancing for fork over a pile of cash, I knew I would be down there the next day begging for a job.”

  Baby picked up the glass from the nightstand and took a sip. Her throat was dry and her hands trembling. “As soon as Mickey saw me, I was in. Jewella showed me the ropes. Some of the other girls were nice, and others were straight up bitches. I was allowed to waitress before moving up to dancing. Well, when the night finally came, I thought I was literally going to die. I had a full-blown panic attack backstage. Jewella gave me a couple of pills to help take the edge off. I didn’t ask questions. I tossed them back with a glass of vodka. By the time I got on the stage, I was blitzed. I’d lost one shoe and slid down the pole, landing on my ass. I still made good tips, which is where the addiction began. As the nights went on, the better I got, and the money did too. I was hooked. I noticed Slade in the club over the first few weeks. He talked a lot with Mickey, was in and out of the office, but after about a month, he came in to watch the show. Said he’d heard about the new girl, and he tipped like a fucking rockstar.”

  “You were addicted to the money?”

  “Hell, yeah. You would be too if you’d gone your whole life with nothing. And the little bit you did have, was hung over your head.”

  Lucky’s body moved from side to side under her weight. “I haven’t been put in that situation. I can’t say for sure. But money doesn’t mean as much to me as it does other people.”

  “Says the Gauthier …”

  His body stiffened. “That was a cheap shot.”

  She looked up and gave him an apologetic smile. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  Lucky pressed his lips to the top of her head. “It’s ok. I know this is tough, and I’m certainly not judging you. I really am trying to understand.”

  “The money itself was like a drug. I have to be honest. I was enjoying my new life. Once Mickey asked me if I was interested in dancing for private parties, I only hesitated for a second. All I had to do was dance. The men were assholes and liked to get grab happy, but overall, it wasn’t too bad. We always had security. Slade was at every party. He was my biggest tipper. I knew he was starting to take an interest in me, but I didn’t think it would go anywhere.”

  Baby squirmed, uneasy, readjusting herself between Lucky’s legs. How much did he want to know? She didn’t want to overshare and send him running for the hills. No one in their right mind would hang around after knowing the truth about the things she had done.

  “Mickey approached me one night to let me know Slade wanted to take me on a date. Notice I didn’t say he asked. It was more like a formality. And in case it wasn’t obvious, date was code word for whatever the hell he wanted to do. Literally, whatever he wanted to do.”

  Lucky’s heartbeat quickened, thumping hard against her back.

  “Momma was having a hard time. I couldn’t afford to get her the help she needed on my own. She’d had a lot of episodes, but when she had that major breakdown when I was a kid, they dumped her in a shithole and ended her parental rights. When Mickey said as part of the deal, Slade would make sure my mother was taken care of, I said yes. They got her a room at Pecan Grove, which turned out to be the best place ever. I couldn’t imagine her anywhere else. Up until that point, I’d been doing recreational drugs. You know, weed and Xanax. Things to help me make it through the parties. But I knew that Slade meant business. It was bad.” Baby Jade’s voice cracked. “He made sure I had access to everything out there. I was drinking every day, playing around with new stuff, but as it turns out, coke became my happy place. Every time I turned around, it was in my face. Slade and I hooked up immediately. He paid good money to get what he wanted. Of course, I had to fork over the majority of it to Mickey as a finder’s fee.”

  “What a douche,” Lucky growled.

  “I’m not going to argue with you there, but the small amount I did get to keep I put away into savings. The parties became a nightly thing and ended up involving more people if you know what I’m saying. Slade liked to share what was his when he was feeling charitable. As it turned out, I was his.”

  Baby sucked in a deep breath, holding it before exhaling slowly. “I’m disgusted when I think about the things I’ve done. It was easier to make sure I wasn’t able to remember. And Slade was all too happy to oblige. Sometimes I lost days, couldn’t remember a damn thing. I woke up next to strangers and immediately rolled over to do another line of coke. If I tried to say no or make up some excuse why I couldn’t party, Slade would knock me around, making sure to mark up my face, that way I couldn’t work at the club either. He cut me off at the knees. If something didn’t go his way, I was his punching bag. If he wanted to flex his power, he used me to do it. Simple as that.”

  “I guess Mickey saw nothing but a paycheck.”

  “Yeah, and an endless supply of whatever the girls needed, especially Jewella. I’m sure Mickey’s pimped her out as well, and now Lolli is Slade’s new favorite. It’s wearing her down. I can see it in her eyes.”

  “By looking at Slade tonight, the relationship didn’t end well. How’d you get out?”

  “I’m not sure I’m exactly out. I think that’s part of wh
at you saw tonight. This has been a pattern. When I couldn’t take the scene anymore, I told Slade I was done. I was ready to take an ass beating, but he took it to the extreme. I couldn’t walk for two days. I drank my meals through a straw, not that I had much of an appetite.”

  Lucky balled his fists, pumping them open and close until his veins looked like were ready to pop.

  Baby picked up his arm and folded it across her chest, wrapping herself around his forearm, longing for the comfort and safety of having him close. “I didn’t care about me. I prayed he wouldn’t hurt the few people close to me. Phillipe ran in his circle. I was worried about Ma’Linn and, of course, Momma. He made life rough for a while, but I finally moved on. Mickey was pissed. He lost a lot of money. Slade took some of his anger out on the club.”

  “Your mom?”

  The tears streamed down her face, landing on Lucky’s arm. She imagined the ink smearing like a wet newspaper. “They quit paying for her room. She was going to be thrown out onto the streets, or worse, forced into a state funded institution.” She choked back the sob blocking her airway. “I couldn’t go through that again. I emptied out my savings account and paid for a year at Pecan Grove. Now I’m living off tips and trying to find a way to freeze time. When the end of the year comes, I don’t know what we’re going to do. Ma’Linn pays for her apartment on social security. It’s a big clusterfuck.”

  Lucky’s chin rested on top of her head as his embrace tightened around her. “You don’t make life boring, that’s for sure.”

  “Boring sounds pretty damn good right about now. Like I said, this fucked up cycle with Slade is a pattern and nobody knows it better than him. He knows how to get to me. Every few months I start to get weak. Every time I think I’m able to stay strong, he picks away at me, wearing me down. That’s what you saw tonight. He’s been working on me for a while now, and its right about this time I’d be giving in. I go on a binge and indulge in everything. I don’t know what happens. Slade starts leaving coke around. I usually toss it, but it gets harder and harder. I try to say no, but end up jumping in with both feet. I know it’s stupid.”