Sex in Numbers (S.I.N. Rock Star #1)

by S. R. Watson

  “Yeah. Okay. It’s over. There. Now are you happy? I’ve said it. You will find somebody better than—”

  “Save me the “I’ll find somebody better” bullshit,” she cuts me off. “I never thought of us as more than a fuck anyway. I just wanted to hear the words. Don’t brush me off like one of your Goddamn groupies.” She raises her voice slightly, and although she claims that she has gotten what she wanted, clearly things are not as settled in her mind as she tries to pretend it is.

  “I have to go. I can’t do this. Tell the guys I left.” I can hear her hollering behind my back.

  “Yeah. Do what you do best—run.” I don’t acknowledge her last statement. I leave her alone with her anger and hope to God, the guys didn’t hear her.

  I stand here, not knowing what the fuck to feel. I can’t believe I confronted Diesel. I didn’t plan on it, but the liquid courage of my wine demanded answers. His nonchalant, what did I do attitude, pissed me off. Oh, and that “I will find someone” crap made me want to strangle him. How dare he treat me like one of his groupies that he is done with and has to let down easy. Let’s call it what it was. It was a fuck—nothing more and nothing less. So why the hell am I so bothered by his dismissal? I knew the score before I opened my legs. I can’t go back outside and listen to them to talk about football. I pull out my phone and call Brooke.

  “Hey.”

  “Where are you?” I can hear the guys still talking about football in the background.

  “In the kitchen. I’m calling because I’m ready to go. Tell Xander please. I’m sorry to cut our time short, but I’ll explain later.”

  “It’s okay. I have to get back to studying for a test tomorrow, too,” she says loudly. I’m guessing this is for the guy’s benefit, so they don’t question our sudden need to go home. “We need to get back, Xander,” I hear Brooke say. She makes up a story about me getting a call from some members of our study group looking for us and that we have a test tomorrow. I’m glad I’m not the one who had to tell him that lie. I don’t think I could have kept a straight face.

  “Okay spill,” Brooke prompts, once we are behind the closed doors of our room. First Diesel leaves, and then all of sudden you need to leave, too. What gives?” I don’t know how to approach the subject, since I withheld some parts of my morning with Diesel. I guess I just get it over with and tell her everything. I always do for the most part.

  “So maybe I didn’t tell you everything this morning,” I begin.

  “I knew it. I can always tell, but I don’t push. What did that asshat do?”

  “Well, everything else I said was true. The sex was amazing. I mean the orgasms were mind blowing, and there were too many to count. Only thing is, this morning he was a different person. He wasn’t the attentive lover who put my pleasure before his own. He didn’t look at me like I was something special. Instead, he looked perturbed. He was anxious to get away from me. He couldn’t get his clothes on fast enough. It felt as though he regretted last night.” I plop on my bed. I can feel the anger within me start to surface again.

  “Oh, babe. I’m so sorry.” She comes and sits next to me on the bed.

  “I didn’t plan on saying anything to him. It was just a fuck. But then the more wine I drank; the more I wanted answers. I wanted him to just fucking tell me it was over. I cornered him in the kitchen,” I chuckle sadly.

  “Shit. What did he say?” Brooke’s eyebrows are nearly in her hairline.

  “He look taken off guard, at first—like he didn’t realize he’d done anything wrong. Then the cockiness appeared after I dealt with the brush off. My thing is…don’t treat me like a fucking groupie. We had sex, it’s done, say so, and we both move on. Don’t treat me like something you regret.”

  “Forget him. He probably just sucks at the “after sex” part. His loss.” She grabs my hand and squeezes. “You know it isn’t you, so don’t give it a second thought. You had a chance to fuck that sexy beast and now you can move on. You knew he wasn’t the type to settle with. Think of it as wetting your appetite before getting the main dish. We will find you someone more suitable.” There’s that phrase again of “finding someone.” I don’t want to fucking find someone. This isn’t a free for all. I felt something with Diesel, so I let myself have him. I don’t want to fuck with guys for the hell of it or for the sake of being in a relationship. I don’t regret anything. It was fun while it lasted. So why am I still bummed? Why can’t I pull myself out of this funk? Surely, I haven’t caught feelings. Ugh, I don’t know what the fuck I’m feeling. I’m just going to have to stay away from the lake house until the feeling passes. I really do hope Platinum signs them. That would be an amazing opportunity for them.

  My inner thoughts are interrupted by Brooke trying to convince me to go to a house party next weekend. Ordinarily, I would say no. Feeling down, I decide to do something out of the norm.

  “Sure, I’ll go.”

  “What?” she asks stunned. “I was prepared to beg and you go and surprise me with being all easy. First you agree to hottie watch with me and now go to a house party. What have you done with my best friend?” she giggles.

  “A little change is good. Not saying it will be permanent, but I willing to try to have a little fun this semester.”

  “Okay. We have to go shopping on Thursday. All you ever wear is those jeans. We need to accentuate your assets.” She gives me a huge smile and bats her eyes. She is really pushing her luck, but I let her make it. If she wants to go shopping and make me look like slutty Barbie with her for the night, I’ll indulge. I have to admit that my mentality has come a long way.

  “Fine.” I watch as she clasps her hand over her mouth. She gets up off the bed and does a celebratory dance. Then she stops mid-move and turns to look at me.

  “Oh, one more thing.” She approaches me cautiously. “While you were in the kitchen with Diesel, Xander mentioned picking us up on Friday so that we can watch their performance. Apparently they’re going to be doing more of their original songs for Desiree, and he wants us there for luck.”

  The smile on my face drops. “Brooke, I can’t.” All I can imagine is seeing Diesel flirt with countless women and getting up to his usual after the show.

  “Lourdes. Xander said ‘us’, but it’s really you he wants there for support. This can be the night that changes their lives, and he wants his sister there to witness it. You can’t let the fuck you had with Diesel twice make you turn your back on your bother. That would crush him. What excuse could you possibly give—what could be more important?” Of course she is right. I can’t do that to Xander, even if I could think of a valid excuse. Shit.

  “You’re right.” I hang my head in defeat. This thing with Diesel is bothering me way more than it should.

  “Hey. Hey. None of that. You pick your head up. We’re going shopping Thursday. I will make sure you are a knock out for Friday night. Diesel won’t know what hit him. He will regret that he was such a douche and he lost his chance to hit that,” she says, pointing toward my vagina. Okay, that makes me smile. Yes, his loss. I just thought of a plan.

  “I think I’ll just be the biggest flirt on Friday night. Show him, he is not the only dick out there. I’ll show him that I can be sexy like those skanks he attracts, and how he lost his chance with me.” Suddenly I’m in a better mood. Why should I let one man determine my worth? Make me feel inferior? I can’t wait until Friday to put my plan into action.

  We’re sitting in the Escalade and my nerves are taking over. Xander’s eyes almost fell out of his head when he saw me, but he didn’t say much. I know that he is treading lightly, not wanting to bruise my self-esteem. He couldn’t fake his reaction though. I could see the curiosity in his eyes. I’m wearing a red strapless bandage dress that has my tits busting over the top and just barely covers my ass. I know I’m going to be pulling it down all night, but not so much where the girls spill out. The black pumps and clutch purse complete the look. Brooke did my make-up and hair. I must admit I look
hot. I didn’t know I could look this way.

  “You look gorgeous,” she says reading my thoughts. “But nobody is going to see that if you say in this truck.”

  “I think you need a coat,” Xander mumbles under his breath.

  “Oh, hush. She looks hot.” Brooke blows him a kiss and he gets out of the truck.

  “Ugh,” he grunts. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to hear about his sister being hot. I finally get out of the truck because I know I can’t hide here forever. Brooke gets out and joins me. Her black dress is similar to mine but with straps. Also because her ass isn’t as big, her dress has a little more length.

  “Come on, sex kitten. Let’s go knock ’em dead.” Ugh. I feel like Xander now. I’m already starting to regret this decision. I need some liquid courage and quick.

  We go into the bar, but the guys haven’t taken the stage yet. They usually go on about ten and it’s just after nine. “Let’s get a drink,” Brooke suggests.

  “That is an excellent idea. You read my mind.” I’m proud of my conquest of these heels. You’d think I wear them all the time. I sashay my ass like I saw Desiree do this past weekend and Brooke laughs.

  “Let me guess who that is supposed to be.”

  “Desiree,” we say in unison.

  “You have too much ass for that walk, babe. You’d give every guy within a mile radius a raging hard-on.”

  “If a guy was a mile away, he couldn’t see my ass, you moron. What are you trying to say?” I gently push her, and she is in hysterics.

  “That was a compliment,” she gasps between chuckles.

  “Let’s just get our drink, cray cray.” We make it to the bar and I’m happy to park my ass in the seat. I said I can walk in these heels, I never said anything about them being comfortable. These are definitely “get-your-ass-somewhere-and-sit-down” shoes. The bar girl is the same one from last time so she doesn’t card us, although Brooke made her twenty-one this summer. I order a mojito and Brooke orders a Cosmo. We are two drinks in and on our third before the guys take the stage. They open with Memphis May Fire’s, Speechless. The women are already rushing the stage.

  Diesel is wearing his signature look. His fitted white t-shirt hugs his chest and abs, showcasing every muscle. I can see the bulging of his biceps as he grips the mic. Because I’m sitting back here, I can ogle him without being obvious. His jeans sit low and his muscular thighs are drool worthy. His fucking body is just amazing. No matter how much of a douche he may be, he is sexy as fuck. I can’t help but to continue my perusal. His hair is tapered short on the sides with a little length spiked on top. His goatee is trimmed neatly. Adding to all this, I know first hand that he can fuck so he has the full package. Well almost, he’s still a manwhore.

  “It’s a mystery, too good to be true. I find my purpose when I look at you,” Diesel begins. The rasp in his voice demands attention. It’s as sexy as he is.

  “Enjoying the view?” Brooke asks, interrupting my lustful thoughts.

  “Whatever,” I reply nonchalantly

  “Oh, I don’t blame you. He is hot as hell, but so are you. Come on. Let’s move closer.” She doesn’t give me a chance to protest. She is off her barstool in seconds. We take our drinks and walk to the back of the room where the stage is. I watch as Diesel rubs his abs and uses eye contact to flirt with the women. Brooke obscurely pokes me in the side and uses her head to gesture for me to look to her right.

  I see Desiree perched at one of the few tables off to the side of the stage with her legs crossed. She has two guys in suits sitting next to her. I can see her smiling as she take in the band’s performance. That has to be a good sign right? I sure hope so. Regardless of my dismissal by Diesel, I want the guys to succeed. If Desiree’s expression is anything to go by, they are knocking it out the park. They sing a couple more cover songs before they mix in some of their original stuff. These guys are amazingly talented. I stay hidden within the crowd, until familiar lyrics fill the air.

  I keep telling myself it's the last time

  Each time it proves to be a lie

  The darkness pulls me deeper into the shadows

  It won't let me see the light.

  It's a never ending battle that I can't seem to win,

  Maybe one day I'll defeat the devil…

  the monster that lives within.

  I want to leave it all behind

  I want to leave it all behind

  I want to leave it all behind

  Take back control… Make my escape from these demons I face.

  This is my warning to you.

  This is your chance to be free.

  Don't give into the hunger I crave

  because I can't be sated.

  I want to leave it all behind

  I want to leave it all behind

  I want to leave it all behind

  You’re my weakness, this is clear to see

  I try to hide the demons from you that live inside of me

  You’re getting too close to finding out my secret

  And now I have to let you go, so that you may never know

  Take back control… Make my escape from these demons I face.

  This is my warning to you.

  This is your chance to be free.

  Don't give into the hunger I crave

  because I can't be sated.

  I want to leave it all behind

  I want to leave it all behind

  I want to leave it all behind

  Before I know it I’m closer to the stage than I thought. Not the front row, because it is a frenzy up there, but close enough for him to see me. I see the moment he does a double take. I forgot all about this sexy persona I’ve taken on for the night. These are the lyrics he shared with me that nobody else had heard that day at the arboretum. The lyrics are finished and are beautifully arranged with the band. His voice is tender and vulnerable right now. I can’t stop the tears form welling in my eyes. Crap. I can’t mess up my make-up. Luckily, I’m able to keep the tears from falling.

  Diesel holds my stare as he pours his heart out into the chorus. An unfamiliar feeling passes through me and squeezes my heart. Suddenly this is all too much. Memories from that day flood my mind, as well as a other few times he showed me a different man than he shows everyone else.

  I back away from the stage slowly until I back into Brooke. “This song is amazing. It’s so different from their other stuff.”

  “Yeah,” I agree dryly.

  “It is perfect for Desiree to see. It shows their versatility. These guys can rock hard, but also be vulnerable and sultry. I think it’s hot. Not to mention, I’m seeing Keyser in a new light. The way his fingers is strumming that guitar is making my lady parts tingle.”

  “Ugh, Brooke. TMI.” So it seems my friend has set her sights on Keyser. He’s sweet enough, but is equally a manwhore like Diesel.

  The guys switch it up to Until the Ribbon Break’s version of, One Way or Another, and it’s sexy as fuck as Diesel’s voice lowers act an octave briefly. They’re really showing their range tonight. Unfortunately with it, his flirtatiousness makes reappearance. He kneels at the front of the stage and the women break their necks to touch him. He’s really keeping security on their toes tonight, as the women have to repeatedly be told to back up. God, I can only imagine once he really gets famous. Bad enough he already has a fan club. Those women at the front of the stage are the same ones from last time I was here, and the time before that, with a few new additions. The thirstiness among them is contagious it seems.

  I watch as he leans forward and uses one finger to stroke between the cleavage one blonde has squeezed together with her hands.

  She squeals at the contact. The women next to her tries offer up their tits as well, but he just winks at them as he backs away from the edge of the stage. The special moment I thought I shared with him with a room full of people is now officially ruined.

  “Look at those thirsty bitches,” Brooke says in disgust.

&nb
sp; “You’re in my head again, woman. I was just thinking that.” I shake my head. “Come on, I want another drink.” I don’t wait for her to answer. I make a beeline for the bar and she follows behind me. I see a couple of college frat guys I recognize from campus. I don’t know their names, but I’ve seen them around before.

  “James, Mike? What are you AKL boys doing here?” Of course Brooke would know who they are. She is such the social butterfly.

  “Alpha Kappa Lambda in the house,” the blond hoots.

  “Don’t mind Mike,” the ginger says. “Who’s your friend?” So the redhead must be James. Brooke looks over at me and smiles.

  “This is my best friend, Lourdes,” she says a little to excitedly. I see her matchmaker wheels turning. I admit James is cute—red hair, blue eyes, and freckles. He has a nice build too. Not as nice as Diesel’s, but muscular enough. I’m not really looking to meet or date anyone, but he could be just what I need to give Diesel a taste of his own medicine. I can do a little flirting of my own.

  “Hello, Lourdes. Such a pretty name. Nice to meet you.” He and Mike exchange glances. Yeah, this one is just as slick. He may or may not have his own fan club of women, but I can tell he is a whore magnet all the same. The conversation seems normal enough, but it drips with undertones of mischief. His eyes roam my body, but I can’t even blame him. My shit is on display for him to ogle.

  “Same here,” I say trying to sound interested as I shake his hand. Mike introduces himself and we all have a seat at the bar. I’m glad because these heels aren’t made for much standing around either.

  “So what are you ladies drinking?” James asks.

  “Mojito,” I reply. I try to stay with the same drink and not mix.

  “Long Island,” Brooke says. Of course, she has no problem switching it up. I have yet to see mixing alcohol be a problem for her though. The guys order our drinks, and I take a look over at the stage where the band is now performing The Color Morale’s The Dying Hymn. Diesel’s vocal range really is ridiculous. Those guys can go from soft rock to hard core without any effort. They keep the crowd guessing and have a little something for everyone to rock to.