by Ava Reilly
‘Baby,’ he had whispered, ‘come here. I don’t like the space between us. I want you in my arms.’
I had let him drag me closer, hoping I could find solace within his arms as they wrapped tightly around me again. Skin-to-skin contact was exactly what I needed, and I immediately felt safe and at home. I closed my eyes and concentrated on his breath blowing warmly on my neck before I finally drifted off into a peaceful and uninterrupted sleep.
As the sun rose I found myself in the same position but instead of being yanked out of a tear-stained sleep I was woken by soft kisses on my shoulder. The fear I knew I was supposed to register didn’t exist; I wasn’t afraid of his touch or his intentions as I let him consume me again. I felt the same safety and love as I had the night before, only this time I was very awake and alert.
‘Morning, babe,’ he whispered in my ear.
I didn’t know what time it was but as soon as I moved I regretted it. I felt the impending hangover smash my body as the blinding light flowing in from the curtains reflected from the mirrored walk-in wardrobe at the end of the bed. I buried my head further into the crook of his arm until I spotted the glass of water beside the bed. I was desperate for the liquid to wet my painfully dry throat but I was too afraid to reach over and grab it. Even though I had drunk myself into oblivion the night before I maintained every memory and it made me smile to remember how many boundaries I had broken through.
‘Good morning,’ I said with a smile in my voice, barely recognising the horsey sound escaping from my mouth.
‘Are you hungry?’ he asked as I finally plucked up the courage to grab the glass on the bedside table. I hadn’t felt hungry until that point but the thought of eating anything made me feel even more unwell.
‘No, not really. Are you?’ I responded as I swallowed the first gulp of water a little too quickly, resulting in hiccups.
‘No, I actually just want to wrap you in my arms,’ he said with a cheeky look in his eyes. I knew what that look was, I had seen it the night before. The first thought that crossed my mind was something I had never asked myself before: was I a morning sex kind of person?
As I set the glass of water back down on the bedside table he moved towards me and pulled me back down on to the bed. He leaned over my naked body as my head hit the pillow. I giggled as he began to smother me with kisses. I felt so carefree and happy—he may have taken my virginity but he had also given me back something I had never realised I was missing. He showered me with affection with no ulterior motive, and he gave me the chance to say no by sticking by his promise of never pushing my boundaries. I knew I was safe with him, and because of this I was ready to give him anything and everything.
When I stopped giggling he lifted his head to meet my gaze. With his faces inches from mine I was finally able to see a vulnerable side to him that until this point he had kept hidden. His eyes were so full of secrets but something about the way he looked at me—a vulnerability showing beneath the confident, hard exterior he portrayed to the world—made me feel like I was seeing him like no one else had.
His dark eyes were almost black, his features were striking and the strength of his fully flexed arms on either side of me gave me comfort, showing me he was strong enough to handle me at my worst, something he had seen part of the night before.
I lay silently for what felt like forever as I searched his eyes, and as he returned my stare I felt him piercing my own cold exterior, allowing me to share the raw person I was at heart. I reached my perfectly manicured thumb up to touch his cheek to wipe away an eyelash that had strayed. I felt him flinch beneath my fingertip and saw a flicker of the wall rising back up to protect him. After everything I had overcome the night before I couldn’t let him withdraw from me. He turned his head but before he could unlock his eyes from me, my hands flew up to his face to straighten it back to where it had been moments before. Looking deeply into his eyes again I noticed something had changed. The playfulness had left his eyes, and his demeanour was less warm, but I wasn’t going to break away just yet. I closed my eyes and pulled myself up to lock my lips with his, keeping my hands firmly on either side of his face. I needed to feel the same connection again that we had just shared. I was worried that I had just shown him too much of my broken soul and scared him away.
As my kiss grew hungrier I began to feel him melt back into it. His arm slid underneath me and pulled me closer to his bare chest. My heart beat rapidly as his hand caressed my cheek so tenderly that I found myself fighting back the tears that had been building at the thought of him disconnecting from me. I had fought with myself for so long over the decision to be with him, and now I was worried that I had given too much to him, that he would now consider me disposable and I wouldn’t be able to hold on to him. I was desperate to feel the connection we had shared the night before, and to believe that this was not a one-night stand.
As I felt his rapid heartbeat against my bare chest I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him. I arched my back towards him and wrapped my legs around his hips. I released my hands from his face and ran my nails up his back and through his hair. He groaned in my mouth as I repeated the same motions and felt him grow hard against my inner thigh. I rocked my hips upwards, almost begging him to enter me, eager to feel him inside me. I was well and truly past wanting it—I needed it.
He lifted me upwards before positioning himself with expert precision to enter me without breaking our kiss. I tried to edge my way down the bed, desperate for him to fill me, but he held me so tightly that I struggled to budge even an inch. I felt a cheeky smile creep across his face as my impatience grew and my slick desire became evident as he rubbed the edge of his shaft up and down, spreading my desire along his cock. As he broke away from me I didn’t want to open my eyes. I covered my face with my hands out of sheer frustration before he pulled them away, pinning my wrists to the bed. A flutter of panic erupted in my core before he took me by surprise, crushing my lips with his and driving into me with such force my head hit the headboard. I cried out in a mix of ecstasy and pain as he thrust into me deeper and faster with the same smooth motions that threatened an almost instant climax. He then broke away from me again and nuzzled his lips into my neck, kissing and sucking on the tender spot just below my earlobe. I arched my back again as his thrusts became more driven before I felt his body tremble violently above me and we reached climax in unison. As I breathed raggedly I realised right then and there that I was definitely a morning sex person . . . I was an anytime sex person as long as it was with Hugh.
‘Holy shit, babe, that was incredible,’ he whispered as his heartbeat echoed in his voice and his sentiment echoed in my mind.
We lay there for such a long time that I almost fell asleep in his arms again, curled up in my favourite place—my little nook in between his shoulder and arm—as he kissed my sweat-ridden forehead gently.
After I had showered and dressed I wished that reality and the world outside would disappear and I could stay with him in the apartment forever. My bubble was about to burst, though, as our responsibilities were remembered and I prepared for my work meeting.
I knew that this time it wasn’t going to be long until we saw each other. He craved me as much as I craved him; he had shown it in more ways than one and this gave me the confidence to return to reality without fear of when I would see him next. I was not another notch in his belt—I was different.
I walked into the lounge room with my bags and saw him sitting at the table behind his laptop. He looked delectable in his business attire, exuding a level of power and sophistication that turned me on. What had he done to me? I was becoming an animal! I could have stood there all day looking at him.
‘What are you looking at?’ he said as he raised his eyes from the computer, catching me staring at him.
‘The sexiest man to walk this planet,’ I responded flirtatiously, giggling from the inside out. All this giggling was so out of character for me but I was enjoying it.
‘Well, you�
��re not too bad yourself,’ he said playfully.
I walked towards him, dreading leaving but knowing it was inevitable.
‘I have to head off,’ I said in a matter-of-fact tone as he stood up to face me.
‘When will I see you again?’ he asked with a slight hint of longing.
‘Soon,’ I promised as I wrapped my arms around his neck before he placed his hand on the small of my back, pulled me closer to his body and kissed me softly.
I pulled away slowly, taking in his delicious scent just one more time before he walked me to the door. He kissed me again passionately before I walked over the threshold and said goodbye.
As the elevator arrived and the doors closed in front of me I felt as though my heart had been ripped out of me. The entire way home I cried. I cried for the fact that I was leaving him but also the fact that I had been able to break down my barriers on my own terms. I finally felt like I was freed from the chains of my past. Hugh had come into my life at the right time and now I was able to allow him into my heart without any fear of what it would mean when I returned to my reality without him. My thoughts about what that might be like changed every day as I battled my inner demons, but every now and then I didn’t feel as afraid of the consequences. I knew deep down after the night we had spent together that there was no turning back. I was caught up in everything that he promised and the aching in my heart showed me I was capable of letting someone in, even if it was only a little. What the future held I had no idea but right at that point in time I couldn’t bear the thought of a future without Hugh Montgomery in it.
#NinthConfession
#COAMMPlaylist:
‘Baby, I Love Your Way’
Big Mountain
When I left him I went about my meetings as usual. My days were always full with anything from preparing proposals for my clients, meeting with executives to strategy-building. There was never a moment that I didn’t think of Hugh, which at times was distracting. Every now and then flashes of the night before would flood through my mind and catch me by surprise. His lips on my skin, his tender touch and the intoxicating smell of him swirled under my nose as if he was right in front of me. I felt alive for the first time in my life and I didn’t mind Hugh intruding into my mind when I was supposed to be concentrating on other tasks. I found myself smiling brightly and had a spring in my step as I thought about how far I had come personally and how far we had come from that very first night. I didn’t need to message him and tell him how I was feeling because I had said it all in my actions. It had taken Hugh twelve months to get me into bed, and I was glad I had waited. He was the first person I had ever felt safe enough to share everything with, he was the first person I had ever slept with and I knew deep down that I had made the right decision. Hugh had taught me some incredible things about love, life and patience. I no longer felt the need to panic about where we were headed or what it meant for my future. I was blissfully happy, and nothing was going to ruin that.
Two weeks after we spent our first night together I decided to fly out to see Hugh. The distance was driving me crazy; I wanted to wake up next to him and spend many late nights making love, but I felt like it wasn’t possible at that point in time for reasons I couldn’t really explain. As the blissful state had begun to wear off I started to wonder if and when it was ever going to be possible to have that kind of relationship . . . and if I even really wanted that.
I texted Hugh to let him know I was on my way.
Flying down tonight, are you free? x I sent with a smile on my face and excitement filling my heart. Although I was confused about what I really wanted, knowing that he was excited to see me always brought a smile to my face.
He seemed over the moon at my impulsive decision. Absolutely, what time do you land? I’ll pick you up. Can’t wait to see you. x he responded.
Pushing the fears to the back of my mind again, I booked myself into a hotel and sped off to the airport for a last-minute flight. I made it just in time after a hectic day at the office. During the flight my nerves were in overdrive: the last time I saw Hugh I had slept with him willingly but highly intoxicated, and I began to panic about whether I would be able to endure it all over again sober with my inhibitions at an all-time high. I feared the wall that had been lowered would shoot back up and if so that would surely set off alarm bells in his head. He would have so many questions and I wouldn’t know how to answer them without breaking down or sounding completely nuts. Neither of these scenarios was an option, so I simply had to get a grip.
As soon as I walked out of the airport I looked around the arrivals pick-up and could feel his eyes burning into my flesh. I couldn’t spot him but I knew he was there. I spun around and felt my heart race uncontrollably as his eyes connected with mine through the front windscreen. He was sitting in his blacked-out Range Rover, looking straight through me, his dark eyes sending shivers down my spine. There was no turning back; the look in his eyes screamed desire and passion. I blushed as I walked towards him with my gaze focused on the ground. He climbed out of the car and ran to the passenger side to open the door for me. As I looked up to see him standing there I was finally able to take him in. He took my hand gently and placed his free hand on the small of my back before kissing me softly on my right cheek. I felt my neck instinctively arch in the opposite direction to give him access to my neck. I could smell his cologne and feel his touch, his breath on my cheek sending violent currents of electricity crashing down on me from head to toe. As he lifted me up into the car I could feel the air leaving my lungs in a heavy exhale that was almost painful.
The moment he was inside the car he was on me. I was relieved his windows were so heavily tinted as he leaned across the centre console and took my breath away with his kiss. His growing hunger and passion had me melting further and further into the seat. With my eyes shut tightly I began to imagine climbing over the centre console and onto his lap, placing my own hands on either side of his face and kissing him with everything I had inside me. I craved skin-on-skin contact and I imagined ripping his shirt off and running my nails down his chest as his hands ran up and down my back, and then I imagined taking him then and there. As I opened my eyes I knew I was going to be able to defeat the demons inside me—nothing was going to make me take a step back, I was going to continue moving forward, with Hugh.
We drove in silence to the hotel and when we arrived he opened the door for me again and helped me out of the car with the same care as before. He parked the car and carried in my luggage as I checked in and freshened up.
We ordered room service for dinner, which allowed us to sit back and relax in each other’s company. I preferred this to spending time out and about in the city. It was selfish, but I wanted him all to myself.
Hugh poured a glass of champagne for us both, and my hands began to shake as I drank it lying on the bed watching football. A few minutes later he took my glass, placed it on the bedside table and then covered my eyes with his warm hands.
‘Keep your eyes closed,’ he whispered as he took his hands away. My pulse began to race as I heard a small rustle to my right and then felt a small weight placed in front of me.
‘Open,’ he whispered with a smile in his voice.
As my eyes adjusted to the light I was taken aback by the beautiful pale pink bag with a black bow that was placed in front of me. I was afraid to open it, torn between wanting to know what was inside, and not. When I finally looked inside, I found the most beautiful gifts wrapped up in pink tissue paper. I struggled briefly over whether to accept them. I didn’t want anything from him; I cherished what was inside the bag because clearly he had put thought into it but all I ever wanted from him was his love and affection, and I didn’t want to set a precedent—he didn’t have to buy me things to keep me.
I looked up at him, placing my right hand on his face as I studied his eyes. He had the most incredibly intense brown eyes that bored into my soul. As our gaze intensified I found myself drawing closer to him without even
realising it.
His lips locked with mine, my eyes snapped shut immediately and before I knew it I was grasping at his white business shirt, pulling it off him with raw desire. He caressed my skin with gentle kisses as his hands began to explore my body. His breath quickened and I realised he was just as caught up in me as I was in him. He was my drug, something I couldn’t give up even if I tried. The passion he exuded was intense and grew with every touch, every glance, every breath and every kiss. There was no escaping it: I was falling madly in love with this man.
He lifted me up, taking off my shirt before gently laying my head down on the pillow as he slid over me, his weight crushing me into the bed. I was nervous and my hands betrayed me as I fumbled trying to unbutton his pants. He began to laugh as I grew frustrated. I was fighting not only to get the pants off him but also to quiet the voice in my head that was telling me that I was entering dangerous territory.
After he removed his pants I was itching to feel him inside me. I ran my nails down his back, clawing at his skin with animal instinct. I felt my pulse racing as he began to slowly take off my jeans. I felt like screaming as my patience began to thin. I arched my back as he ripped off my jeans and G-string in one swift motion.
In an instant he was back on top of me, lightly kissing the tender spot on my neck. I was desperate to flip him over and take control, but he was taking thing agonisingly slowly.
I wrapped my legs around his waist and tried to pull him down closer to me. He laughed, knowing he was teasing me. Well, two can play at this game, I thought to myself.
I waited for him to begin his descent of kisses down my chest and towards my stomach before I slipped out of his grip and pummelled him to the bed before he had a chance to realise what was happening. He looked up at me blankly as I straddled him and grabbed his wrists, pinning them down on the bed before he could protest. I crushed my mouth to his and caressed his tongue with mine. The control and power made my fears evaporate; I was able to determine the pace. I gave him a wicked smile as I broke away, still keeping his hands pinned to the bed.