by Ava Reilly
When I returned, two shots of Gran Patrón Burdeos tequila sat on the table and the manager was nowhere to be seen. Hugh smiled and pushed the shot towards me gently. I eyed off the glass with caution. I had never had tequila before—was I really about to start now when I had promised myself I wouldn’t drink much?
I swallowed hard and leaned over to pick up the salt. I took a deep breath in and licked the skin in between my thumb and index finger before shaking a small amount of salt onto it, and then I picked up the lime wedge in the same hand and the shot in my free hand.
I braced myself for whatever was to come, then licked the salt off, lifted the liquid to my lips and downed the contents of the glass at the same time as Hugh. I felt the fire erupt down my throat and circle in my stomach as I sucked on the lime wedge. I could feel the cloud of self-preservation and judgement wash away as a clean level of calmness enveloped me. I looked straight at Hugh and realised that was why he had ordered the shots: he knew I needed to take the edge off but he wasn’t going to openly embarrass me by mentioning it. Instead, he placed his hand gently on mine and smiled. I instantly felt at ease. The shot had done the trick; I wasn’t scared anymore, I was calmer and, I like to think, a lot more fun. As the night rolled on more and more people approached our table, and I didn’t mind because by this point I had thrown my original plan out the window and was well on my way to becoming inebriated. I actually welcomed the company.
As Hugh answered a call on his mobile, a man sat next to me and introduced himself as the restaurant owner. We began to talk and got along quite well. When I finished my vodka and orange he asked if I was interested in trying a new wine they had just imported. In my drunken state I stood up, squeezed Hugh’s hand and mouthed that I was heading to the bar, the owner following after me. As I stood at the bar trying the new drink, I could see Hugh from behind a huge white pillar. He was still on his call and I was enjoying the view I had from the bar; he looked delicious in his unbuttoned business shirt and dark blue jeans. I could feel the growing desire burning from the inside out as I sipped the wine.
The more I drank the harder it was for me to stand still. I was getting antsy and felt like dancing. I desperately wanted to feel Hugh grind up against me in a crowd of sweaty people—better yet I wanted to get hot and sweaty with him between the sheets.
When Hugh finally joined us I was standing against the Italian pillar and the owner was leaning against the bar talking to me. I was midway through a conversation and by this stage seriously drunk when Hugh grabbed my hand and said we had to go.
I laughed out loud at how serious he was, but something in his cool tone and tight grip made me shut up pretty quickly. He dragged me out of the restaurant on to the kerb that was filled with waiting patrons, where he stopped dead in his tracks and spun around.
‘I don’t like that!’ he said almost inaudibly with a roughness in his voice that I hadn’t heard before.
‘What?’ I responded with a smile, trying to keep the situation light because I could feel the intensity of his frustration burning in my direction.
‘I don’t like seeing you with other men—the way he was looking at you, the way he was coming on to you, the way you were laughing at what he was saying. I just don’t like it. Why aren’t you that easy around me? You’re always so tense,’ he spat, making my happy mood quickly dissipate.
‘We were talking about you, for fuck’s sake! The reason I was so comfortable around him was because I wasn’t attracted to him!’ I threw back at him. I was extremely pissed off by this point. He was ruining my night and I was very intoxicated, the combination throwing my emotions out of whack.
He froze, obviously not expecting my response to come out so confidently. The restaurant owner was stunning but he didn’t have what Hugh had—it was then that I realised Hugh had my heart.
‘Stop reading something into nothing. I’m here with you, aren’t I?’ I said after a few seconds, allowing the situation to settle with him.
I saw the conflict growing in his eyes. I reached up and planted a passionate kiss on his lips to reassure him.
‘I’m so sorry, Ava,’ he finally said.
Once the dust had settled we made our way down the street and ended up at the gentlemen’s club we had been to before. I was excited to be there again—it held fond memories for me and I knew that Hugh would be able to calm down again once we were inside.
After bypassing security I met all of the owners but found myself getting along with the one I had met before. Rick was just as lovely this time and it was obvious that he adored Hugh.
Even though I was stupidly drunk I found myself having the time of my life and didn’t want it to stop. I downed another shot and Hugh made sure the drinks kept coming. I felt myself slipping well and truly beyond drunk and into a state of severe intoxication but I really didn’t care; I was having too much fun to remember that I had a meeting in less than eight hours.
As we all stood at the bar talking I realised just how low my inhibitions were when I announced to Rick that I didn’t have a gag reflex. Both Hugh and Rick dropped their drinks right next to the bar and the glasses shattered on the floor as they burst out laughing. Rick looked at Hugh with huge eyes before saying, ‘Is she for real?’ Hugh couldn’t stop laughing, and what happened next was something that I didn’t realise I had done until it was far too late.
While both men stood there with their jaws dropped I turned to Rick and began the downward spiral of a conversation that I would later regret. I had never lowered myself this much in all my drunken experiences.
‘Don’t believe me, Rick? Why don’t you find out for yourself?’ I said confidently as I threw my head back and opened my mouth as wide as I could. The look on his face was priceless, he turned to Hugh who couldn’t believe what he was seeing and burst into another fit of laughter. It felt so good to make him laugh, even if it was at my own expense.
Rick turned to look at me, not believing that I was serious until I raised my eyebrows at him, tempting him to give it a go. He reached out and stuck three fingers down my throat before wiggling them around for good measure.
‘Holy shit, she’s a keeper,’ was all he could say when he finally removed his fingers from the back of my throat. I blushed, realising what I had just done and instantly felt guilty as I looked at Hugh. He shook his head and smiled at me as he downed the rest of his drink.
‘Well, now I think I owe you a drink,’ Rick said after composing himself.
‘I think you do, I’m a little parched now,’ I responded, trying to forget what I had just done.
I was having a great time until what seemed like the thirty-third drink, when I began to feel sick. I thought I had handled my alcohol pretty well despite my little throat trick; I could barely feel a thing and my mind was muted, which was both a good thing and a bad thing. Just as another round was ordered I felt that I had hit my limit. I leaned over the bar and asked the waitress for a glass of water instead of a vodka and orange. She could see the state I was in and politely handed me a glass of cold water, which I immediately downed. It was a big mistake and I knew that I was going to pay for it. I excused myself from the group and feigned a smile before I walked straight into the gold bathroom. I rushed into the closest stall, placed my bag on the back of the door, kneeled down and was very sick. Shortly after that I got up, laughed and then managed to redo my make-up. In my drunken state my fixed face looked perfect, but I took a photo to check what kind of a job I had done the next morning—just in case. I then popped a breath mint and rejoined Hugh.
When I finally returned the group was in full swing, laughing, smiling and carrying on. I knew I had hit a wall, so I took no notice of anyone and grabbed another glass of water. The only reason Hugh knew something was wrong was because instead of standing with them and joining in on the fun I chose to sit down opposite them.
Breaking away from the group, he walked straight over to me and said, ‘I’ll take you home, honey, you look like you could use some s
leep.’ I tried to argue with him because I didn’t want to ruin his night but he wouldn’t have a bar of it.
I barely remember leaving the club let alone getting back to the apartment. When we reached the front door he carried me into the bedroom, laid me gently on the bed and took off my shoes before turning on the television. I flipped over the covers and climbed under them into the cold bed.
‘Ava, you can’t sleep in that,’ he said in a velvety smooth voice.
‘Watch me,’ I mumbled before cracking up laughing as I lay there obliterated. He kissed me gently on the forehead, and I didn’t even register that he had left the room until after he returned with a glass of water and placed it on the bedside table next to me.
‘I’ll be back shortly. Rest up, I’m just going to give the keys to Rick. He’s coming back for a drink in a few hours,’ he whispered, which didn’t surprise me, as he had mentioned Rick coming back to the apartment earlier in the evening. I had grown to realise that Hugh was a very social person and if he hadn’t seen someone for a while, it seemed like he felt as though he owed them any time he could spare. I guessed it stemmed from the fact that most of his time was taken up by his office desk and iPhone, which was the price you pay for being successful, and something that I was learning quickly. I knew I would be okay in an hour, I was just exhausted—oh, and very, very drunk. After he left I tried to stay awake as long as I could. I felt so relieved because, despite my strong desires throughout the night, I was still conflicted and panic-stricken about actually going through with it and acting on them. My concerns began to ease a little as I thought I had escaped the possibility of intimacy . . . I had no idea how wrong I was as I finally fell asleep.
What felt like hours later I was woken up to a very bright light and someone standing by the bed. I didn’t want to open my eyes. I wanted to slip back into blissful sleep, until I realised that I was hungry for Hugh’s touch against my skin. I opened my eyes slowly, trying not to blind myself at the intruding light, and it wasn’t until I looked up and saw a blonde Barbie standing over me, playing with my hair, that I began to panic. I recognised her immediately as Rick’s girlfriend. Before my mind could register the fear my body felt she said in her cutesy little voice, ‘You look so pretty when you sleep!’
My throat was so sore and dry that I couldn’t scream. I thought I was in the middle of a nightmare, and I silently began to pray that I would wake up in a sweat and Hugh would be there to comfort me. When that didn’t happen I sat up, jumped back and threw myself halfway across the bed. As my mind caught up I realised that I had taken off my clothes and found myself in my matching lace bra and underwear, so I grabbed the sheets and pulled my knees up to my chin as she edged closer.
At that moment the door flung open and Hugh entered to find me curled up on the corner of the bed as Barbie leaned over me giggling. The look of utter shock on his face gave me little comfort as I whimpered, ‘What the fuck? Get her out of here.’
Within seconds he ordered her to leave and she began to laugh loudly, obviously drunk. I was paralysed in the corner of the bed, barely able to believe what had just happened. Hugh slid across the bed, kneeled next to me and gathered me up in his arms, hugging me in a fierce embrace. I felt my body convulse uncontrollably as the alcohol began to course through my veins again and the adrenaline made my heart race. Hugh may not have understood where my fears stemmed from but he had obviously sensed that there was something wrong. It was at that moment that I forced myself to look at him. I traced his jawline with my index finger and fought back the tears threatening to flow. I spun around to climb on top of him and began to kiss him passionately. I made the decision then that there was no way my mind was going to talk me out of it this time.
As my nerves and fears began to consume me I nevertheless felt like I was making the right decision. I kissed him passionately as I felt his hands run up and down my hips, the groan in his throat growing deeper and hungrier as I began to grind against him in soft but fluid motions. I felt the rigid length of him grow between my legs as my feeling of desire rushed to the depths of my sex, causing my muscles to spasm. He unclasped my bra and released my breasts, flinging the bra across the floor. The feeling of vulnerability flooded through me as he grasped my hips and flipped me underneath him before kissing my neck and down my collarbone. The burning electricity between us was becoming too much and I exhaled deeply as his mouth ventured south, leaving trails of light kisses along my stomach before stopping at my hips. He hooked his fingers under the fabric clinging to my skin and ripped it off. As the material tore I felt a rush of excitement run through me as the slick wetness returned with a vengeance. I arched my back in delightful anticipation before he slipped off the bed and walked into the bathroom. It was at that moment that panic set in and I curled up beneath the covers and flipped on to my stomach, trying to hide my face in the pillow.
Within moments he returned and climbed back on to the bed. He ran his hands down my back and then squeezed a cold liquid into his hands and began to massage in between my shoulder blades. The pain that erupted from his touch left me breathless. As I lay there silently feeling the tension release, the alcohol began to take effect again. I arched my back and turned around to face him. Much to my delight he was completely naked. I reached up and pulled him down towards me, running my nails along his back as I felt his arm wrap underneath me and pull me closer to him. I began nipping his ear before whispering that I was ready. With his free hand he tipped my head back to meet his gaze and his lips met mine again. I squeezed him tighter in frustrated but sweet anticipation. He pulled back before slowly gliding into me, filling me with his length. Ripples of ecstasy flowed through my body in a way that I had never known. He was a tight fit but the sound of his breath in my ear was enough to distract me. I felt his warm hands running down my neck towards my breasts and the intense gaze in his eyes sent violent trembles through my body as his pace quickened.
He placed his arm under my arched back and lifted me, kissing my neck ever so gently. I felt the fire inside my heart quicken into a roaring flame, burning me from the inside out. I felt empowered; I was in control and nothing was going to take away my newfound freedom from me. He set the edge of his jaw on my collarbone before whispering in my ear almost breathlessly.
‘I promise not to break you.’
Those simple words consumed me as I let my inhibitions completely wash away and got caught up in the moment. While I was silent I kept my eyes closed to feel every gentle thrust, hear every breath and savour every moment. I exhaled, growing calmer as each minute passed. I felt the trust and bond between us grow and knew that this was more than a one-night stand.
Just as I began to feel the rush of desire pulsate through me, Rick knocked on the door and I snapped back to reality, freezing immediately as my pulse began racing with fear. In my drunken, euphoric state I had completely forgotten that he was even on the same continent let alone in the same apartment. In that moment I felt the fear break through my barrier of stability and I knew that there was no coming back. I grabbed the sheets and pulled them close as Hugh got up and walked towards the door. A flood of light entered the room, touching the darkest of corners but I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t stop the feeling of violation passing through me as I heard Hugh and Rick murmuring to the left of me. I was beginning to panic and couldn’t focus on anything but the darkness ahead of me. I needed silence, I needed time to focus. I don’t know how long I stayed in the spot but the numbness that had consumed my body was verging on the point of painful. I slid down beneath the covers and forced myself to close my eyes.
Once Rick left, Hugh returned to the blackened room but I pretended to be asleep. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe, I was petrified of what was to come. He climbed across the bed and gathered me into his arms, rocking me back and forth kissing my forehead. I knew that he understood my unspoken fears; he may not have known where they stemmed from but he knew that there was something awfully wrong.
#
EighthConfession
#COAMMPlaylist:
‘All My Life’
K-Ci & JoJo
Lying in bed the next morning I rolled over to see that Hugh was still asleep. He looked so peaceful and I didn’t want to wake him. He had his arms wrapped protectively around me, and while I was feeling a little suffocated I also felt safe.
As I listened to him breathe and watched his chest rise and fall the memories of our first night together flooded back through my mind. It was one of heated passion, and unlike anything I had experienced. I didn’t really know what my expectations were when it came to relationships; was I more afraid of being loved or loving someone with everything I had? My fears stemmed from the physical and emotional pain of my past, but I was beginning to understand that my memories were something over which I had no control.
He had been sweet, kind, tender and gentle with my body, heart and soul. Our first night together was the most exciting, passionate and probably the healthiest thing I have ever done for myself. As we had begun to make love fear had controlled my body; I was trembling from the inside but on the outside time had stood still.
I had fallen asleep with Hugh’s arms wrapped tightly around me but sometime in the middle of the night I had moved into my own space on the other side of the bed. I needed to be alone but didn’t want to leave the safety I felt in his presence. It wasn’t until I felt my arm being dragged towards him that I realised I had been crying in my sleep. I immediately resisted the pull and pushed all of my weight into the bed to stop from moving closer.