The Emotional Wound Thesaurus: A Writer's Guide to Psychological Trauma

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The Emotional Wound Thesaurus: A Writer's Guide to Psychological Trauma Page 11

by Becca Puglisi


  PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM

  Attributes: Alert, appreciative, cautious, disciplined, discreet, empathetic, focused, independent, nurturing, observant, private, proactive, protective, resourceful, sensible

  Flaws: Addictive, controlling, defensive, hostile, humorless, inhibited, insecure, irrational, needy, nervous, paranoid, suspicious, temperamental, timid, uncommunicative, volatile, worrywart

  TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND

  Having one’s picture taken

  Seeing someone who looks like the stalker

  A sensory trigger tied to one’s stalker (a certain song being hummed, the scent of roses, etc.)

  Milestones (a holiday, an annual work party, etc.) that occurred at the time of the stalking

  OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND

  Being put into the same situation that created one’s stalker in the first place (having to promote someone within the company, being asked out on a date and wanting to decline, etc.)

  Learning that one’s stalker has been freed from jail

  Getting into a relationship with someone who begins to exhibit possessiveness or jealousy

  Discovering that a love interest has a history of domestic violence or emotional instability

  RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS

  BEING TREATED AS PROPERTY

  EXAMPLES

  Being prostituted

  Being enslaved

  Being sold to another person

  Having one’s marriage arranged against one’s will

  Being given to traffickers

  Being raised as a donor (organs, marrow, etc.) for a family member

  Being forced to do things one doesn’t want to do in order to benefit others

  One’s value being determined by how much money, power, or prestige a special quality such as beauty, strength, or virtue may bring

  BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Physiological needs, safety and security, love and belonging, esteem and recognition, self-actualization

  FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED

  I have no value.

  I exist merely to benefit others.

  What I want doesn’t matter.

  This must be what love looks like.

  This is normal.

  I’ll never be free.

  My will is not my own.

  I’m no better than an animal.

  I’ll only be free in death.

  THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…

  Being sold or given away to someone worse

  Being abused and hurt

  Becoming attached to someone and then having to leave them

  Being used by others

  Never escaping the culture of abuse

  Being killed because their value is no longer the same

  Never experiencing unconditional love

  POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS

  Becoming highly obedient in hopes of winning a handler’s favor and avoiding punishment

  Losing one’s will or identity; associating solely with one’s captors

  Being cowed by anyone in authority

  Doing one’s best to fly under the radar and not attract attention

  Having little or no self-esteem

  Being unable to feel or express certain emotions

  Engaging in detachment or dissociation to get through the abuse

  Going through the motions, keeping to oneself, and doing what one is told

  Focusing on activities that will please one’s keepers and help achieve their goals

  Rebelling in small ways (by hoarding items, obeying in action but not in attitude, etc.)

  Considering suicide as the only way to escape

  Privately honing a skill that could help one eventually succeed

  Privately practicing a forbidden talent in an effort to hold onto something of one’s own

  Secretly stockpiling items for a future escape attempt

  Subtly reaching out for help (e.g., passing a note to someone considered to be sympathetic)

  Running away and possibly turning to drugs or alcohol to cope with one’s past

  Having frequent thoughts of suicide or possible suicide attempts

  Not trusting people

  Not planning too far into the future

  Underachieving; thinking small

  Viewing the world with apathy

  Showing disrespect for anyone in authority

  Exerting control over those considered to be weaker (animals, siblings, schoolmates, etc.)

  Distractibility; being unable to focus

  Seeking familiarity through toxic relationships

  Reluctance to build relationships (to avoid abandonment and loss)

  Feeling empty but wanting to change and feel as others do

  Appreciating small things that others take for granted

  Slowly opening up and seeking help (through therapy, confiding in someone who is safe, etc.)

  PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM

  Attributes: Alert, cautious, cooperative, courageous, courteous, discreet, easygoing, empathetic, friendly, gentle, humble, kind, loyal, nurturing, obedient, patient, private, simple, thrifty, traditional, unselfish

  Flaws: Addictive, apathetic, callous, cynical, devious, dishonest, flaky, humorless, ignorant, inhibited, insecure, nervous, rebellious, self-destructive, subservient, uncooperative, weak-willed, withdrawn

  TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND

  Promises that are broken

  Being left in the company of unfamiliar people, like a babysitter or an aid worker

  Being given a compliment or gift one used to receive from the abuser

  Perceiving that one is being used by a friend or family member for their own personal gain

  Sensory triggers tied to one’s abuse (the clink of a chain, the sound of mattress springs, etc.)

  OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND

  Escaping and getting a taste of freedom only to be caught and returned to one’s “owner”

  After escaping, meeting a person one suspects is being mistreated and wanting to help them

  Recognizing that one is repeating the cycle by treating one’s own children as property on some level

  After escaping, going through a string of toxic relationships and realizing one hasn’t healed

  RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS

  BEING VICTIMIZED BY A PERPETRATOR WHO WAS NEVER CAUGHT

  EXAMPLES: When one is victimized or attacked in some way, the apprehension and punishment of the perpetrator is often part of the injured party’s healing process. When the offender remains at large, the victim continues to feel vulnerable. This is true for the victims of many atrocities, including…

  Rape or sexual assault

  The murder of a loved one

  A home invasion

  A mugging or physical assault

  Domestic abuse

  Kidnapping

  Stalking

  Carjacking

  Bullying

  Identity theft or money fraud

  BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Safety and security, self-actualization

  FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED

  I will never be safe as long as he or she remains free.

  You can’t believe in anything or anyone.

  This person has crippled me.

  I can’t put down roots until he or she is caught.

  Since I can’t protect myself, I can’t be responsible for others.

  When you let people in, they will always take advantage.

  The system has failed me and can’t keep me safe.

  THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…

  The person never being caught

  Being victimized again (by this person or someone else)

  Loved ones being victimized by this person

  Living forever in fear

  Feeling stuck emotionally due to a lack of closure over what happened

  Trusting the wrong person a
gain

  Letting down their guard or letting people get close

  Being unable to protect loved ones

  Never being able to regain their freedom and control

  POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS

  Aggressively enhancing the security at one’s home, turning it into a fortress

  Going into hiding (changing one’s name, moving, altering one’s appearance, etc.)

  Hounding the police for details of the case

  Showing disdain for the authorities (talking negatively about the police, arranging protests, etc.)

  Hiring a private investigator to find the perpetrator

  Becoming overprotective with family members

  Worrying excessively about the safety of loved ones

  Becoming paranoid

  Mental disorders arising from the perpetrator being free and from the victimization itself (depression, PTSD, anxiety disorders, phobias, etc.)

  Self-medicating

  Driving people away out of a desire to protect them

  Avoiding new people or keeping one’s guard up so they can’t get close

  Only leaving one’s home when it’s absolutely necessary

  Giving up on one’s dreams due to being crippled by fear

  Falling into self-pity

  Misreading circumstances and attributing guilt or bad intentions where there are none

  Avoiding situations that would make one responsible for others

  Recognizing how certain actions made one easier to victimize (like leaving a house key under an outdoor planter or not locking one’s door) and resolving to avoid those actions again

  Becoming more aware of one’s surroundings and being cautious when dealing with others

  Pursuing goals despite fear and worry because one is determined not to be further victimized

  PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM

  Attributes: Adaptable, alert, analytical, bold, cautious, courageous, disciplined, discreet, hospitable, independent, just, meticulous, observant, organized, persistent, private, protective, resourceful

  Flaws: Addictive, compulsive, cowardly, defensive, forgetful, humorless, inflexible, irrational, irresponsible, martyr, nagging, nervous, paranoid, pessimistic, resentful, suspicious, temperamental, timid, vindictive

  TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND

  Being contacted by the perpetrator (through a letter, text message, phone call, etc.)

  Seeing a stranger in the distance and suspecting them of being the perpetrator

  Watching a movie or reading a book that mirrors one’s situation of being victimized

  Odd happenings (items going missing, a car window being smashed, an object being moved, etc.) which may be coincidental or not

  Sensory triggers that remind one of the assault (the smell of cigarettes, a creaky stairwell, etc.)

  OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND

  Meeting another survivor who is able to live a full and happy life, and wanting that for oneself

  Finding the perpetrator and extracting justice, but discovering it didn’t solve one’s problems

  When a family member is in danger, one must trust the authorities who let one down in the past

  Facing a stress-related health scare and knowing one must find a way to let go and move forward

  RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS

  IDENTITY THEFT

  EXAMPLES

  A criminal obtaining personal documents and assuming one’s identity

  Having one’s passport duplicated and used to illegally bring a criminal into the country

  One’s bank account or investments being drained by someone with false documents

  Accruing debt when someone clones one’s card

  Being harassed by creditors, police, or criminals because another person has assumed one’s identity

  Online accounts being created in one’s name for cyber-bullying purposes

  A spoof online account being created by a rival who seeks to ruin one’s reputation

  Being billed for Medicare when one’s identity is stolen, affecting one’s ability to obtain insurance

  A friend or family member posing as oneself and then doing something to stain one’s reputation

  One’s fingerprints or DNA being used by someone to implicate one in a crime

  Having one’s image photo-shopped into compromising situations and shared online for revenge

  One’s personal information being used to create a fake account at an unsavory sex or predator site

  One’s email being hacked and used to send criminal threats or damaging information

  BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Physiological needs, safety and security, esteem and recognition

  FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED

  Trying to make a better life is useless because someone will just take it from me.

  I was targeted because I am weak.

  People don’t respect me because I am not worthy of respect.

  Predators are everywhere; I can’t trust my information with anyone.

  Control is an illusion; what I have can be taken away at any time.

  No one can help when times get tough, especially the police.

  My name will never be fully cleared; I will always be limited by this.

  THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…

  Being used or exploited

  Losing everything they have built

  A financial ruin

  Making a mistake by placing their trust in the wrong person

  The institutions in society that are supposed to be safe

  POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS

  Avoiding technology and information-gathering processes

  Stashing money in hiding places rather than using a bank

  Obsessively changing one’s passwords, bank accounts, and credit cards

  Refusing to share personal information

  Shutting down social media accounts

  Overreacting when friends or co-workers ask personal questions

  Mistrust that leads one to question the motivations of others

  Paranoia that pushes one toward fringe conspiracy theories

  Always paying in cash

  Never leaving one’s wallet, phone, etc. where it can be accessed

  Avoiding close relationships (if the identity theft was personal or hate-motivated)

  Shredding or burning mail and other paperwork that contains personal information

  Keeping paper copies of everything in case one needs to prove that other information has been falsified

  Mistrust bleeding over to other institutions (insurance agencies, banks, etc.) that should be trustworthy

  Instituting unreasonable internet and technology rules for those in one’s care

  Always reading the fine print and often refusing to sign off on standard policies (a website’s Terms and Conditions, a doctor’s Consent To Share Information form, etc.)

  Being slow to warm to new people

  Discussing one’s worries and mistrust openly, passing the fears on to listening children

  Educating oneself on safety protocols so the identity theft can be avoided in the future

  Hoping for the best while planning for the worst

  Simplifying one’s life (getting rid of extra credit cards, downsizing so life is easier to monitor, etc.)

  Adopting greater self-sufficiency

  Becoming independent so one can live off the grid if one has to

  PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM

  Attributes: Alert, analytical, cautious, discreet, honest, organized, proactive, sensible, simple, studious, traditional

  Flaws: Controlling, cynical, dishonest, evasive, hostile, insecure, obsessive, paranoid, prejudiced, uncommunicative, withdrawn

  TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND

  Finding an odd charge on a credit card bill

  Spoof emails asking for banking information, passwords, or requests for money

  Friends or loved
ones asking for a loan

  Being contacted by the people who came after one initially (like a collection agency or bank official)

  Being hacked, even harmlessly, on one’s Facebook page, a Twitter profile, etc.

  One’s credit card being declined at the mall

  Being detained (even briefly) by customs officials at an airport

  OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND

  Having to disprove an accusation (by a financial institution or law enforcement, for instance) long after one’s identity has been restored

  One’s paranoia leading to false accusations of another’s motives that are quickly disproven, leading to the realization that one’s mistrust is hurting others

  Having an opportunity to make a financial difference in someone’s life

  Having to testify in court against those who stole one’s identity

  RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS

  WITNESSING A MURDER

  EXAMPLES

  A family dispute that turns violent

  Seeing a pedestrian being killed in a mugging

  A classmate dying in a school shooting

  One’s parents being killed in a home invasion

  Watching as a police officer is shot by a criminal

  A friend being murdered at a party during a gang-related hit

  Being kidnapped along with another victim who is murdered by one’s captor

  BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Safety and security, love and belonging

  FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED

  I should have done something to stop it.

  I’m useless under pressure.

  I can’t protect the ones I love.

  I should have died instead.

  The world is a dangerous and unpredictable place.

  People are inherently violent.

  No one is ever truly safe.

  THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…

  Being murdered

  A family member being killed and being powerless to stop it

  Freezing up when they are needed most (if this was a factor during the wounding event)

 

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