A LIFE-THREATENING ACCIDENT
EXAMPLES
A transportation accident involving a car, boat, train, or plane
A carnival ride malfunction
Falling through a rotten floor (in a home, a condemned building, a wooden bridge, etc.)
Ground that gives way (due to snow covering a crevasse, a sink hole, etc.)
Falling through the ice on a lake
An accidental electrocution
Becoming tangled in underwater debris and nearly drowning
Being attacked by a wild animal
A rock-climbing fall due to malfunctioning gear
Falling out a window or off a roof
Construction accidents
A pedestrian or cyclist being run over by a vehicle
Being trampled by animals (a stampede) or people (in a riot, Black Friday insanity, etc.)
One’s clothing getting caught in machinery
Being buried (due to a sand pile collapsing, an avalanche, stepping in quicksand, etc.)
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Physiological needs, safety and security, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
The world is too dangerous; I’m only safe in my own house.
A boring life is better than being dead.
People only see my scars, not me.
I can never be who I was before this happened to me.
Death is everywhere so why pursue anything permanent (a family, dreams, etc.)?
I could die any time, so why do what’s safe?
I can’t trust my instincts.
The world does not need to be explored.
Others should make decisions for me since I’m too stupid to be in charge.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Nature, animals, or another element associated with the accident
Being alone or beyond contact
Blood, injuries, and pain
Being stranded
Danger and risk
Not knowing information and details
Making the wrong decision or choice
Travel
Sudden changes, and being caught unprepared
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Thinking in terms of the worst-case scenario
Over-planning to the point that it sucks the joy from everything
Sticking close to home; staying in rather than going out
Not wanting to do things alone
Avoiding activities with an element of risk that once brought great satisfaction
Seeking reassurances that a choice or action is safe
Checking in and constantly keeping tabs on loved ones
Checking statistics (safety protocols for an activity, safety ratings for transportation, etc.)
Needing to know the rules before engaging in relationships, activities, travel, etc.
Opposing activities related to the accident and barring one’s children from doing them
Reluctance or flat-out refusal to do things that are risky (skydiving, zip-lining, etc.)
Being alert to change (watching the weather, following recall notices for purchases, etc.)
Assessing the possible dangers of any location
Putting intuition first and leaving if something feels off
A reluctance to leave one’s comfort zone
Avoiding people and places tied to the accident
Becoming superstitious about certain things
Voicing one’s worries regarding the safety of different activities and situations
Citing possible dangers about products, locales, activities, etc.
Becoming highly reliant on safety technology (home alarms, apps for fact-checking, etc.)
Avoiding spontaneity; needing to assess every situation for possible risks
Going overboard and becoming reckless, almost daring death
Growing anxious if others show worry (being impressionable when fear is involved)
Avoiding serious relationships that could lead to deep attachment
A new interest in what happens after death
Adopting a “safety first” mindset
Learning first aid skills
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Alert, analytical, cautious, curious, disciplined, independent, industrious, loyal, mature, meticulous, nurturing, observant, organized, persuasive, proactive protective
Flaws: Controlling, defensive, gullible, indecisive, inflexible, insecure, irrational, know-it-all, nervous, obsessive, superstitious, timid, worrywart
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
A freak accident that happens in one’s presence
Witnessing a person who is oblivious to danger (e.g., standing near an open manhole)
A minor accident that causes injury (cutting one’s hand on glass, for example)
Media coverage of an accident where someone was hurt or killed
A loved one who experiences a near miss of some kind
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Deteriorating relationships due to one’s safety-obsessive tendencies
A survival situation where one must take risks and act quickly
A desire to help someone with much potential recover from an accident
Seeing a loved one brought down by an injury or diagnosis that they refuse to let limit them
Witnessing a role model do great good for others while embracing risk to do it
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
A LOVED ONE’S SUICIDE
NOTES: A loved one’s suicide is a difficult wound to process. Survivors often turn inward, searching for how they could have prevented it, as if they had failed the loved one by missing the signs or not trying hard enough to help. Others try to understand what led to the suicide and if they had somehow contributed to it. The depth of this wound will depend on how well the character copes and the amount to which they bear responsibility in their own mind.
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Safety and security, love and belonging, esteem and recognition
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
This is my fault. I should have seen the signs.
If I had been more available (or a better daughter, etc.) he wouldn’t have done it.
If she had really loved me she wouldn’t have done this.
I’m incapable of true intimacy.
I make life unbearable for others.
I’m good enough when life is easy, but when things get tough, people won’t turn to me.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Depression, and where it might lead
That they will miss the signs and it will happen again
Never being good enough for their loved ones
Being unable to achieve true intimacy with others
That they’re untrustworthy or incapable
That they may succumb to suicide one day just like the family member
Being abandoned by other loved ones
Their children being more susceptible to suicide, since they have now been exposed to it
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Withdrawing from family and friends
Lying to others about the cause of the loved one’s death
Confusion over how to tell one’s children about the suicide
Analyzing interactions with the one who passed to figure out what one missed
Mentally tallying the hurtful things one did to the loved one
Stomachaches and other digestive issues
Losing one’s appetite
Sleeplessness due to real or imagined guilt
Maintaining surface relationships as a way of avoiding potential hurt
Becoming overly needy and clingy with loved ones
Becoming hypervigilant with loved ones
Obsessively watching for signs of suicide in others
Panicking if a loved one is feeling low or sad
Difficulty respecting a loved one’s privacy or personal space if they seem vulnerable
Overcompensating (being too strict or lenient, smothering loved ones in an effort to pay closer attention, etc.) for what one feels guilty about
Becoming more nosy; trying to figure out how people are feeling
Trying to make life perfect for others so they’ll be happy
Being a “fixer” and annoying people who don’t want or need help
Falling into depression
Having suicidal thoughts or attempting suicide
Self-medicating
Trying to improve in the area one felt was lacking (paying more attention, being more obedient, etc.)
Practicing sharing one’s feelings freely, and encouraging others to do the same
Seeking therapy or joining a survivor’s group
Joining the effort to raise awareness about suicide
Becoming more tuned in to the moods and emotions of others
Mentoring those who are more susceptible to suicide (the elderly, addicts, etc.)
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Affectionate, appreciative, nurturing, observant, pensive, private, proactive, responsible, sentimental, supportive
Flaws: Addictive, apathetic, callous, compulsive, confrontational, cynical, fussy, hostile, humorless, inhibited, insecure, irrational, martyr, morbid, needy, obsessive, rebellious, reckless, resentful, self-destructive, uncooperative, volatile, withdrawn
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Important milestones (the deceased’s birthday, a wedding anniversary, the day they would have graduated from college, etc.)
Not hearing from someone when one should have
Commercials and ads for suicide prevention
Witnessing a march for suicide awareness
Attending a family reunion or annual event that the loved one always attended
Encountering the kind of tool or item that was used in the suicide (pills, rope, etc.)
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Seeing depression or suicidal signs in another loved one
Falling into depression and knowing one must seek help
Walking a close friend through the aftermath of a loved one’s unexpected suicide
Seeing signs of self-mutilation with a loved one
Losing one’s sense of self through trying so hard to be what others need
A friend or family member falling into the same dangerous habits one failed to see with the victim (developing an eating disorder, abusing drugs, etc.)
A child rebelling due to one’s clingy attentiveness and smothering tendencies
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
A MISCARRIAGE OR STILLBIRTH
NOTES: The impact of this wound will have many factors, such as if this is the character’s first loss, at what point in the pregnancy it happened, the spiritual beliefs of the parents, the level of support around them, and the circumstances (if any) that led to losing the baby. It should also be noted that this can become a wounding event for both parents, not only the mother.
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Safety and security, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
This is my punishment for a past transgression (or a known weakness, etc.).
It’s my fault; I did something wrong during my pregnancy that killed my child.
There must be a reason I’m not supposed to have kids.
Subconsciously, I caused this by regretting the pregnancy (or wishing the baby away, etc.).
When something good comes along, it will just be taken away from me.
It’s better to be childless than to risk this kind of pain again.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
That it will happen again
Losing their other children through an accident, illness, or negligence
That they will make a bad parent
That there’s something intrinsically wrong with her body
Conceiving again
That they will never have a child
Hospitals or things associated with them
That their marriage won’t survive
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Mentally tracking the “would be” milestones (the one-month mark, the first birthday, when the child would have started kindergarten, etc.)
Possessive behaviors toward one’s living children
Blaming oneself or one’s partner
Obsessively searching for a reason why it happened
Mixed feelings about sex
Hypochondriac tendencies
Withdrawing from others
Avoiding baby things (the nursery, gifts, baby showers, etc.)
Refusing to redecorate the nursery, even after the decision not to try again has been made
Being drawn to the nursery and the baby’s things (rocking a stuffed animal, touching the clothes, etc.)
Pulling away from other couples with babies
Resenting the successful pregnancies of others, then feeling guilty about one’s feelings
Becoming depressed
Developing a panic disorder
Becoming more health-conscious, believing this will increase one’s chances of future success
Turning one’s back on one’s faith
Becoming unhealthily obsessed with other peoples’ babies
Doubting one’s ability to parent
Developing negative thought patterns
Refusing to try to conceive again
Dreading one’s birthdays; seeing them as milestones marking another year without a child
Turning to God or faith
Empathizing with and reaching out to others who have suffered the same pain
Looking into adoption
Accepting that fulfillment can be found in other areas beyond parenthood
Filling one’s time with meaningful activities
Joining a support group or online chat room for parents who have suffered the same loss
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Appreciative, disciplined, empathetic, industrious, inspirational, nurturing, pensive, persistent, private, protective, sensible, spiritual
Flaws: Addictive, controlling, cynical, defensive, humorless, inhibited, irrational, irresponsible, jealous, martyr, morbid, needy, nervous, obsessive, oversensitive, perfectionist, pessimistic, possessive, resentful, scatterbrained, self-indulgent, stubborn, superstitious, temperamental, ungrateful, volatile, withdrawn, worrywart
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
The anniversary of the miscarriage or stillbirth
Seeing a friend’s child achieve important milestones at the same time one’s child would have done so
Being invited to a baby shower or child’s birthday party
Friends being unable to meet for lunch because it conflicts with a playgroup meeting
Stores that cater to babies and pregnant mothers
Catching sight of a woman breastfeeding her child in a mall or restaurant
Thoughtless words by a well-meaning friend: At least you have other children, or You can always try again.
Seeing the decorated nursery that was awaiting one’s child
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Becoming pregnant again
Having another miscarriage
Succeeding in becoming pregnant again but discovering that the unborn child has a condition or defect
Having a close friend who is going through the adoption process, and wondering if one should give up trying to birth a child and go that route
Seeing one’s surviving child playing alone, making one question the decision to not try again
Relationship issues with one’s partner due to each person processing the trauma differently
; A family member or good friend dealing with an unwanted pregnancy and needing one’s support
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
A NATURAL OR MAN-MADE DISASTER
EXAMPLES
Extreme weather, such as an earthquake, hurricane or tropical storm, severe electrical storm, tornado, flood, tsunami, avalanche, heat wave, or ice storm
A volcanic eruption
The meltdown of a nuclear power plant
A chemical attack or accidental gas leak
A viral outbreak
A meteor strike
A rock or mudslide caused by deforestation
Forest fires or other fires started by man
An oil spill or explosion at a well site
A dam breaking
Industrial waste leaks creating widespread contamination
Devastating droughts and famines
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Physiological needs, safety and security, love and belonging
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
God is punishing me (or humanity, my community, etc.).
Control is only an illusion.
We can never be truly safe.
I am justified to do whatever I must to stay safe.
Those in power must be brought down before they get us all killed.
The only one who can protect my family is me.
The only way to stay safe is to be prepared for anything and everything.
When you need them most, people let you down.
Nature is dangerous and should be avoided.
Question everything. Trust no one.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Certain places associated with the disaster (snowy mountains, storm shelters, etc.)
Seasons or weather phenomena (temperature, precipitation, etc.) tied to the event
Populated areas and large groups of people
Natural areas
Getting sick or being injured (and therefore being helpless)
Running out of food, water, or medicine
Not having access to weapons to protect their family
The government or people in power
The Emotional Wound Thesaurus: A Writer's Guide to Psychological Trauma Page 38