I walk toward the front of the house. Once outside, I pick up the pace to get home as quickly as possible. I don’t know how many more of these interactions I can stand before I implode... or break.
Exams are upon us as is Christmas. Morgan keeps asking me to stay with her and Max over the festive period. I don’t feel like being around people, and I’m not sure I can pretend it’s the most wonderful time of the year. I still haven’t explained to Caden about my run-in with Tarrant. Instead, I’ve taken a step back from the both of them over the last couple of weeks, and even Morgan has noticed my absence. I’ve been finding little notes from her as we’ve been passing each other like ships in the night.
I begged Mrs. Edwards to let me pick up some extra shifts at Andersons. I know she’ll give me Christmas off like she does every holiday, even though I won’t need it. While the chain stores all stay open longer, Andersons cuts its hours over holiday periods. That means they cut down on staff, too. My begging has paid off, though, and it’s meant that most of the time I’m busy. But only having a few days until break with no work and nothing to do, I’m scared that I’ll spend most of the holidays analyzing the Reigns brothers, or truthfully just the one. He invades my dreams, he invades my thoughts—he’s lodged himself inside me in a way that’s impossible to remove.
My phone alerts me to a text, and I pull my eyes away from the blank screen on my laptop. The screen has probably been blank for a good long while, but due to my excessive Tarrant dazes lately, I often zone out and miss the basic stuff. Sometimes I forget what day of the week it is. I’m seriously fucked.
I weigh up the pros and cons of opening the text, not knowing who it’s from but aware that the minute I see it—no matter who sent it—I’ll want to read it. It comes alive again, and I stand up from my desk chair sighing wistfully. My days used to be much easier, but I’m not sure if the extra complications have made everything more interesting or more stressful. I guess the jury’s still out pondering that verdict.
I grab my phone and am surprised to see the text is from Aaron. I haven’t spoken to him since Morgan told me Heidi isn’t pregnant.
Aaron: She’s not talking to me, Laura, I need a friend.
Aaron: Please?
I roll my eyes and walk back toward my desk but stop next to the window. Pulling the curtain back, I can see it’s cold outside, but there’s no rain or ice so I’d probably be good to go out. As I turn back to the room, I’m not sure that I want to leave my safe cocoon. Still, if Morgan comes back, and I’m offering a shoulder and advice to her ex, I might not be welcome in my own room for a while.
Me: Okay. I’m here if you need to talk. Come pick me up in twenty? I reply.
Aaron: See you then.
I look down at my black leggings and pull on my boots with the furry warm insides. Oddly for me, I have on a plain black tee today, but my ‘Sindy is Better’ hoodie is laying on my bed, I pull on the green, oversized top and thread my hair into a messy bun. I check around the room, mentally tallying up the items I need. Once I think I have everything, I scrawl a quick note to Morgan.
M,
Going to be out for a bit. Will catch you soon.
Love
L.
We never used to write notes. We never needed to because we always made time for each other, but Morgan is dating a new guy now, Simon. I don’t like him, and she doesn’t like that I don’t like him. I’m trying to be supportive, but he’s arrogant and not in a way where he owns his space without even trying like Tarrant does. Simon’s way is different. He tries to be arrogant, he wants people to think he’s Mr. Bigshot, and it doesn’t feel good. I totally believe that Morgan is doing the natural rebound thing, but she so vehemently believes otherwise that I can’t even mention that possibility anymore. Simon goes to another college and thankfully that means I don’t have to interact with him. We’re spending less time together which also means I don’t have my best friend to talk to. And I don’t have Caden because I’ve been avoiding him, but that’s not his fault.
While waiting for Aaron, I make a decision and pull my phone back out of my hoodie pocket.
Me: Caden, I miss you, but I also think we need to talk.
I bite my lip as I hit send, worrying that maybe I’ve left it too long. He might be slightly pissed at me by now. The phone startles me as it buzzes in my hand, and a happy giggle escapes my lips.
Caden: I agree. For the record I’ve missed you too. Can we meet up tonight?
I curl the corner of my lip in a small smile.
Me: Tonight might not be too good, I’m a little busy. Tomorrow?
I watch the text as those three little dots tells me he’s typing a reply.
Caden: Yeah that works. I can’t stay out long. My last exam B4 Xmas break is Monday. I need to study. I can pick you up at 12 for lunch?
Me: Works for me, see you tomorrow.
I stand staring at the phone when a new message pops up.
Aaron: Outside.
One problem at a time, I think as I leave.
“So you did, or you didn’t go all the way with Heidi?” I ask Aaron completely confused. By the look on his face, he’s as confused as I am.
He shrugs and looks at his uneaten burger.
“I’ve never pretended to be experienced, Aaron, but surely you know if you’ve stuck your dick in someone?” I ask crudely.
Aaron rubs his hand down his face and heaves a breath out. “I was totally out of it, okay? I thought Morgan had moved on from me, and I did what seemed like the best thing at the time and got completely shitfaced,” he groans as his eyes meet mine. “Yeah, okay, I admit, not one of my best moves, but it is the truth. I don’t remember it. I’m not sure we actually even slept together.”
“I thought the two of you were dating?” I reply rubbing at the back of my neck, which is starting to ache.
“Where would you get that idea?” he asks, his eyes narrow, and he sits up a little straighter. I can see the attraction to Aaron, he’s never been short of girls throwing themselves at him, but it’s always been about Morgan, even when they weren’t together.
“Morgan and I went out with Caden,” I explain, and his eyes narrow further. “He took us to a pool hall, and there were some guys on the team. Morgan overheard them talking about you dating Heidi,” I explain wincing at his horrified expression.
“Fuck me!” He pulls at the ends of his hair. “All this shit was because she overheard some guys talking smack?” he replies.
“I don’t know exactly what’s happened, not the in’s and out’s. You need to talk to Morgan,” I say softly.
Aaron’s eyes close. He slams his fist down on the table and pulls himself up from his chair. I hear a few gasps, but it’s the thickness in the air that has me turning toward the other side of the diner. I lock onto a pair of bright green eyes which haunt my dreams—Tarrant. He’s half standing, ready to do God knows what. His hands are fisted against the top of his table as he leans forward watching the situation. I can’t help but move my gaze to stare at his tense muscled arms with the tattoos running down them. Then I realize he’s not alone—Selina sits with him. She waves her fingertips at me like the cat that got the cream. My eyes shoot back to Tarrant. He realizes I’ve spotted her and his eyes close for a microsecond when he opens them again the softness is gone, and he sits back down and ignores me.
“I’m sorry,” Aaron says quietly, pulling my attention back to him.
“It’s okay. Can we get out of here?” I ask, and he nods, throws some cash down, and we move through the other tables until we’re out of the diner and I can finally breathe again.
“I really am sorry for my outburst,” Aaron repeats when we get back into his car.
“I know,” I say and place my hand on his arm giving it a squeeze. “And for the record, I know how much you love Morgan. You have me on your side, Aaron. But I can only bat for you, it’s up to you to hit a home run yourself.” I shrug.
“Baseball, really Laura?” He ar
ches his eyebrow at me but grins.
I scrunch up my nose. “What can I say, I’m branching out?”
“Seems like you’re doing that in all walks of life lately,” he says softly, and I tense. “Don’t panic.” He chuckles. “It’s just you’ve been my friend for long enough that I worry about you. That’s all this is.”
“I worry about me, too,” I admit ruefully.
By the time Aaron drops me outside the dorm, it’s starting to get dark. I can see the light on, and that means Morgan is home. I smile and offer my goodbyes to a still-sorrowful Aaron. I really hope those two pull their shit together, but it has to come from them.
The minute I walk through the door, I know something isn’t right. Morgan is crying quietly in her bed.
“Morgan, what’s wrong?” I ask sitting next to her.
“Simon’s a bastard,” she tells me, her face stuffed in the pillow.
For a sinfully decadent moment, I want to say I told you so, but I refrain because I’m a good friend. Plus, I don’t want her to punch me in the face. No one likes an angry Morgan.
“What happened?” I decide to ask instead.
“I caught him with someone else.”
“Who?”
“I don’t know… does it matter?” she asks turning her red, puffy face toward me.
“I guess not,” I whisper, stroking the loose hair back. “Answer me something?”
She nods and snivels. “Are you really upset about Simon, or is this going back to Aaron?” I ask.
“I don’t want to talk about this,” she answers shoving her face back into the wet pillow.
I stroke the back of her head, letting my nails thread through her hair. “He still loves you,” I whisper, and she hiccups. “I saw him.” Morgan tenses, but doesn’t reply. “He doesn’t even remember what happened with Heidi. He’s not sure if it actually ever happened.”
Her face pops back up from the pillow. “I’m not ready to deal with it, to deal with him,” she breathes out, and there’s an ache in her voice which summons a feeling of sadness deep inside me.
“Shhh… it’s okay, baby girl.” I rock her back and forth. “You wanna eat ice cream and watch Ryan Reynolds’ movies tomorrow night?” I ask with a smile.
She smiles back and wipes her face. “No. My exams are done.” She bites her lip. “I hope you don’t mind, but I called Max and asked him to come pick me up tomorrow. He’ll be here first thing.”
I pull my lips in between my teeth and nod, then releasing them, I smile at her. “Why would I mind, honey? You’ve offered for me to come.”
“I know,” she replies. “But there are two more days of school. I know you were expecting me to go on Wednesday or maybe even later,” she explains.
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll have the place to myself. You know that means PJ time, right?” I wink.
Morgan doesn’t look convinced and neither am I, but she needs to get away and I can’t face going with her, not this year.
“Come on, let’s get Ryan Reynolds on tonight. I could do with some of his hot humor.”
“I’ll get the chocolate ice cream,” Morgan says pushing herself up and wiping her face, and just like that, I know Simon will be a distant memory like he was always supposed to be.
“You okay?” They’re the first words I’ve heard from Caden in nearly ten days. It’s a sweet sound, like coming home. I’ve missed it. I’ve missed him.
I pull on my seatbelt and wait to hear the click before I angle myself toward him. I wasn’t going to say anything until later but the time has come, and I need to stop hiding from everyone, namely myself.
“I’m in love with him,” I admit.
Caden closes his eyes as if in pain. When he opens them again, there’s sadness. He brings his hand up and cups my face. “I love you, Button.” For once, I know he’s not pissing around. The name has kind of grown on both of us and become a delicate, loving title rather than a ridiculous one. These boys and their nicknames.
“I love you, too,” I reply and smile.
“I know.” Caden lets go of my face and lays back against his headrest. “You’re like the little sister I always wanted.” He looks back at me smirking, and although it’s teasing, it’s also genuine. “I don’t want you to get hurt,” he tells me, and I watch as his jaw ticks. “I want to believe that Tarrant will find someone to love forever, but I’m not sure he’s built like that.”
I suck in my breath. I’m not sure why his words hurt. I mean, yes, I have admitted my feelings for Tarrant, but that doesn’t change who he is, and I know who he is… I think. There’s a stupid part of me—it’s small—but it’s also very real and forever hopeful. That stupid part cannot help but wonder if Tarrant is everything he shows, and that same stupid part believes he isn’t. I feel like there’s so much more going on in his head, and he has such little self-belief. I want to be the person to change that. Fucking ridiculous, I know, but there you are… the heart wants what the heart wants, as the saying goes. All my heart wants is for Tarrant to see his worth, not to be my forever. I can’t let my heart go there.
Not ever.
“I know you’re only looking out for me, but I can’t help how I feel. It hurts seeing him with different women all the time and this cold, hard façade that he’s pushing on me now. The softness he was showing me has all disappeared. I’m stuck in this painful place… and honestly, Caden, I don’t know what’s the best thing to do,” I lay it out sadly. My heart sinks as I recite the words that have been flowing through my head for days—somehow they’ve become real, and now I know I really am a hopeless case. I fucking hate myself for that.
“Listen, I’m taking you out today. I want to talk, and I think we both need to get away from here.”
I nod in response.
“Morgan went home already?” he asks.
“Yeah, this morning.”
He rubs his chin. “Okay, you have a free day, right?”
I frown slightly. “Yeah, but you don’t… remember your exam tomorrow?”
He grins. “Don’t worry about me. I’m as clued up as I think I’m going to get. We both need some time, let’s take it together… yeah?”
“Yeah. Okay, that sounds good.” I feel a little lighter as Caden pulls away from my dorm.
“Listen to some music and chill,” he tells me.
The next moment Sia with Big Girls Don’t Cry surrounds me. I close my eyes and listen to the words, determined that I won’t let a single tear fall.
I stretch my arms out and hit something hard. Blinking, I look up and then turn to the side. I’m in Caden’s car.
“Shit! I must have fallen asleep. Sorry,” I whisper still sleepy.
Caden chuckles. “Don’t apologize, you obviously needed it.”
“Hmmm,” I mutter noncommittally. “Where are we going?” I ask.
“Here,” he says and pulls into a carpark. There are mountains and woodlands surrounding us. I have no idea where we are or how long we’ve traveled, but as Caden is the only person in my life who would miss me right now, there’s nowhere I’d rather be than with him.
“So, where is here?” I ask easing myself out of the car.
“This is a mountain range near my old home, near my dad’s house.” He looks up to the striking mountains, but I’m not sure he’s really taking in the view. “I used to come here with him sometimes. Actually, we all did.” He shrugs. “Times change, I guess.”
I feel sadness overcome me. I never had that with my parents, there’s nothing to miss, but that doesn’t mean I can’t see and almost feel the pain within Caden.
“Maybe they’ll sort out their shit?” I return.
Caden looks down to me. “No. Even if Mom and Dad get back together and even if I ignored his comment about gay people, it will never be the same. He’s shown his true colors with my mother. I could never push him back onto that pedestal I used to keep him on.”
He slings his arm around me. “Come on, Button,” he says pulling
my head into his shoulder, and we start moving forward.
“I’m not sure where you’re taking me, Caden, but hopefully it doesn’t end in one of our deaths,” I say pursing my lips and looking up at him, trying to keep a serious face. He glances down and starts laughing.
“We’re going there,” he informs, pointing up at the mountain.
I stop, and Caden is yanked back, almost colliding with me. “If you think I am walking up that beast, you are very, very, mistaken, Jock,” I tell him, now serious.
Caden laughs again, then squeezes me into him so I can hardly breathe before pulling back. I frown, but it doesn’t stop him laughing. “Okay, okay,” he says calming down. “There is a mountain lift. You don’t have to walk up there,” he explains, and I feel my shoulders drop.
“Damn. Girls are so fragile,” he mocks still holding onto a grin. “And people will wonder why I’m gay.”
I pull away from him and land a punch to his upper arm. “Fuck you! I’m not delicate, just lazy,” I retort, but he laughs again.
Asshole.
“Shit,” he says and jogs the few feet back to his car, pops the trunk and pulls out a backpack. “Nearly forgot this,” he tells me as he jogs back again.
“What have you got in there?” I question looking around him at the bag which seems heavy.
“Standard stuff. You know, some lunch, water, first aid kit—”
“First aid?” I say, screeching slightly and widening my eyes.
“Don’t worry, Button,” he teases and pulls me back under his arm. “That’s just precautionary.”
Dazed (The Deliverance Series Book 1) Page 16