Dazed (The Deliverance Series Book 1)

by Maria Macdonald

  “Well, I thought he was gay back at our old college.” He shrugs. “There were lots of signs, but I figured I needed to let him tell me when he was ready. Then, when we came here, and he said you were his girlfriend, it winded me.”

  “W-Winded you?” I’m barely able to verbalize the word.

  “Yeah. I saw you in the cafeteria on my first day. You were across the room, and I could barely pull my eyes from you. I remember Selina was talking shit in my ear, but I didn’t hear anything she said. It was like someone had punched me in the stomach. You have to understand I’d never had that reaction to anyone before, never felt like that. It fucked with me, and I needed to work out what was going on in my head.” He pulls my hair tie out of my hair and loosens the plait until it all hangs free, then he pushes his fingers onto my scalp and holds the side of my head. “By the time I’d worked out that I needed to explore things with you… you were Caden’s. It made me question everything, what I had felt between us that day in the cafeteria, whether my thoughts about Caden were right and worst of all, if Caden wasn’t gay, how I would cope if the two of you stuck together for the long haul.” He drops his head back and stares at the black sky. “Fuck!” he shouts.

  “Tarrant,” I whisper.

  He head snaps forward, and he stares intensely at me. “Say my name like that again.”

  “What?”

  “On a whisper, like you’re mine.”

  “Tarrant,” I say again, not because he asked me to, but because that’s all I can get out in response to his words.

  He rolls us both until I’m lying on the sandy grass, and then nudges one of my legs to the side before sliding his in between. His head falls forward until his lips hover above mine, and one hand travels up my side resting on my hip.

  “You never wanted my brother, did you?” he growls.

  “No,” I respond breathily.

  “You always wanted me.” It’s not a question.

  “Yeah,” the word tumbles from my lips.

  “You still do?” There’s a vulnerability in his tone, and I swallow the rising emotions.

  “Yes,” I hum.

  “You’re mine now,” he commands.

  “I am?” I ask.

  He runs his mouth against mine then nips at my top lip. “Those things I said about you really seeing me, I meant every fucking word. You’re in my veins, Lemon, and I like you there.”

  I gasp, and that’s when he plants his lips on mine and kisses me, hard and amazing. Nipping my lip again, I groan, and he surges forward with his tongue, winning my mouth. The hand at my hip pulls me closer until I’m almost grinding into him to get my fix. I’m desperate for him and his hungry kisses, and not for even a second am I embarrassed about it.

  He pulls back and stares at me, his eyes darken. “You’re so fucking warm, soft, and sexy. I knew you’d taste good, Lemon. I can’t wait to taste the rest of you.”

  I feel my cheeks heat, and I can’t stop the involuntary moan that escapes.

  Tarrant quirks his lips and bites his lower one. “As much as it kills me, I need to back off. You’re not a plaything to be toyed with, Lemon.” He brushes a strand of hair from my forehead then cups my cheek. “You’re the treasure that most of us search for our whole lives,” he whispers, and I feel the tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. “You’re the good to my bad, the water to my oil and as long as you let me in there…” he points to my heart, “… I promise to always treasure that gift and feel blessed.”

  “And what about all the other girls?” I ask stupidly. The minute the question leaves me, I close my eyes, beating myself up for being such a dick.

  “Hey,” he says then kisses my mouth again. Slowly I open my eyes and look straight into his. “I only see you.”

  Before I have a chance to say something else stupid, Tarrant kisses me again, and we spend a good long while making out.

  Suddenly, I’m startled as fireworks light up the sky above us.

  Tarrant pulls me up and settles me back in his lap, my back against his front as we sit and watch the streaming colors steak across the dark night sky. He pulls my hair away from my face and kisses my neck softly. “Happy New Year, baby,” he whispers in my ear.

  I let a happy tear fall, only the one, to celebrate where I am and send up silent thanks to Aiden.

  “Morning,” Tarrant whispers leaning over and kissing me softly.

  I rub my eyes and look at my gold dress laying over the back of the chair in his bedroom. “Morning,” I reply shyly with a small smile.

  “You want some breakfast, baby?” he asks, and I get a whoosh through my tummy when he calls me baby. It screams intimacy, and I hope I always remember to cherish it.

  “Yeah,” I murmur.

  The side of his mouth tips up, and he kisses me once again before pushing up from the bed. When he does, I realize the top half of him is naked. I can’t tear my eyes away as my brain tries to choose between looking at his tattoos or looking at his abs—there’s a battle going on in my head, and I don’t care which side wins. I’m pretty sure I audibly sigh because I hear him chuckle as he turns, leans down and tags his tee from the floor. I get a clear view of his muscular back which is covered in as much ink as his front. Dominating the elaborate design of his body is a centerpiece of what looks like a man… or maybe it’s a monster? The creatures’ wings capture my attention as they run across his shoulders spread like it’s ready to fly away.

  When he leaves the room, I get up to use the bathroom. I came back with him last night, but nothing happened—he said we needed to get to know each other first. I have to admit that scarily I was slightly disappointed. Tarrant and I made out a whole lot, and we talked for hours. I explained more about Aiden, about my parents, and even about Devin. Tarrant told me that the feelings he has for me are all new to him, he’s never felt this way before, and he wants to build a relationship with me.

  I totally get what he means, the fact that he usually only hooks up with girls but offers them no more. I could see this was a breakthrough for him, and he was running with his gut. I was scared of my past hanging over my head, but I figured if he was trying something new, then I should too, I made myself be honest and open with him. I know that if I want a relationship with him—a real one—then it’s the only way I can start it—with no skeletons—no matter how scary it is. Relaying everything was surprisingly cathartic, telling someone openly gave me strength, not allowing the things that happened in my past dictate my future changed something in me, and this morning I feel stronger for it.

  I fell asleep somewhere around five am, I’m pretty sure I was mid-sentence too. I like how comfortable I am around him. I really like it.

  “Here, it’s only toast, but I figured we could shower then head out?” he questions taking a bite of toast then passing it to me. I frown for a second, but then I smile once again at the intimacy.

  Seemingly oblivious to my little moment, Tarrant continues talking. “Caden texted, he needs picking up from some house over near Redwood, and like fuck do I want to know any more than that,” he says squirming and rubbing the back of his neck.

  Apparently, that trait is something that the Reigns brothers share.

  “Okay,” I reply smiling. “Did you wear the beanie to bed?” I question looking up at the hat still on his head.

  “Yeah, it keeps the bandage secure,” he explains then takes a bite from the second slice of toast—this one has jelly on and then hands it to me. After the warm feeling has spread from my tummy and filtered into the rest of my body, I start about getting dressed. Tarrant finds a pair of his mom’s yoga pants, which freaks me out at first but then he says, “Lemon, would you rather go out in last night’s dress?”

  I snap my mouth shut and allow him to grab a pair of her flip flops too. He gives me his black Charger tee which I slip over my head, followed by the hoodie he put on me last night—he won’t be getting those back.

  “Hey, look at you doing the walk of shame,” I tease Caden as
he climbs in next to me. We’re in yet another one of Tarrant’s vehicles—this one is a truck similar to Caden’s but red.

  “Oh yeah? Look who’s talking,” he grins nodding toward Tarrant.

  “Yeah, but I didn’t get naked. Can you say the same?” I giggle.

  “Okay. Enough. My car, my rules and new rule, no more sex talk,” Tarrant grinds out.

  Caden and I look at each other and burst into laughter.

  “This shit does not bode well for me,” Tarrant mutters once our laughter subsides, but that comment only serves to makes us erupt again.

  It’s still January, and yet I’m already feeling hopeful. I started the New Year with Tarrant by my side, but we haven’t defined our relationship yet. I’m not panicking—really I’m not—it’s only been a little over a week and to be fair, I only saw him the first two days. Following that, he’s been back and forth from his dad’s house to his mom’s, and he’s had to go back to the police station to talk about his father before the trial.

  He did get a new phone, but the only reason I know that is because he came to my dorm unannounced one day. When I opened the door, he strode in, pushed me against the wall and kissed me like a starved man. He pulled back, looked into my eyes searching for something, then he whispered, “God, I’ve missed you.” It had only been four days at that point, but still, I wasn’t complaining. He let me go and grabbed my cell, proceeded to put his new number into my phone and call his so he could store my number too. “I have to go back to Dad’s house. Mom still needs my help but when this shit is done I’m all yours, baby, he was still whispering his words, but those last three burrowed into me, and I welcomed them soaking into my skin.

  He left after that.

  Caden was missing a fair bit too, but they both kept me updated with texts. Caden’s were funny or gossipy. He texted me at one point to say that some girl had tried to sidle up to Tarrant when the two of them we’re out at a party in their old hometown. Caden had found it particularly interesting when Tarrant had told her that he had a girlfriend. The knowledge that Tarrant had said that about me—I was hoping I wasn’t too presumptuous—made me a little warm and fuzzy inside.

  Tarrant’s texts were slightly more panty-dropping. One of the first ones he sent said, “I can’t wait to get my mouth back on you, Lemon. I want this shit with my parents to be done so we can explore each other.” It had made me groan out loud, which caused Morgan to raise an eyebrow at me from her bed. She then held her hands up and said, “I don’t want to know about your sex talk.” I laughed and, of course, then we shared our sex talk, or on my part, my lack of sex with Tarrant talk.

  Another piece of good news was that Selina moved out. I have no idea if she’s still at college, and I don’t care. Feeling safe where I live is more important and now I can rest easier.

  Tomorrow is school, so Tarrant came home today. His mom has finally moved in permanently. He texted earlier and said he was coming to pick me up at seven, dress up. That’s all he said, and since then the anticipation has nearly eaten me up.

  I glance down at my dress—it’s an off-the-shoulder red body-con pencil dress. There’s no room for anything and I can hardly breathe, but I look sexy even if I’m the only one finally thinking it. Although I’m hoping that Tarrant thinks so too. I have no idea where we’re going, but I hope I’m not completely overdressed. I hear the roar of his car pull up outside, but I’m too nervous to move and I have no idea why. I can feel the palpitations drumming against my ribcage, and I close my eyes, scared my dress might rip if I breathe too heavy. The tap at the door comes quicker than I expect, and I glance one last time at myself—my hair shines in the light as the soft curls hang down my back and over my bare shoulders. I take a deep breath in through my nose and purse my lips to exhale slowly then walk to the door.

  When I open the door, my body freezes, and I stop breathing.

  “Lemon, I’ve come to take you on our first official date,” Tarrant says his eyes caressing every inch of my body as a fire lights in them.

  My breath catches in my throat but doesn’t make it any further as my heart beats harder than it ever has, and I still can’t move. Tarrant is standing in front of me in dark gray trousers and a navy shirt. His sleeves are folded up to his elbow showing off his tattooed arms, and the top button of his shirt is undone showcasing his beautiful, thick tattooed throat. I haven’t seen him without a beanie on since his head injury, but tonight there’s no beanie—tonight he has his dark almost black hair cut short to his head. Fuck me.

  He smiles and it’s pure lust, want, need, that fuels the fire in his eyes. “Breathe, Lemon,” he murmurs and steps toward me. He reaches up and tucks my hair behind my ear then he leans forward. “Now we can really begin,” he says biting my earlobe. I moan loudly, and he rubs my other ear with his thumb. “You’re mine. I know I’ve said it before, but you do understand that, right?”

  “Uh-huh,” I exhale.

  “Good, because you, in that dress… baby, I’m not gonna lie, I want to claim you right now.”

  I close my eyes and whimper.

  “But we’ve got reservations at Lament. So I’m gonna have to beat back my instinct to take you right here, right now,” he says kissing down my neck. “And enjoy dinner before dessert,” he finishes then lands his hot mouth on mine. By the time he pulls away, I’m almost bummed that we’re going to the most exclusive restaurant in the county.

  “It’s amazing,” I state as the waitress walks away with our drink order, looking back over her shoulder once to grin at Tarrant.

  “What is?” he asks seemingly unaware of the attention, although something tells me that with Tarrant, it’s unlikely anything slips by him.

  “Since you walked in here, you’ve had all eyes on you, especially the women,” I try to say without exhibiting the internal jealousy that makes me want to go at them like a crazy person. I smile to myself knowing that since I first met Tarrant, I have felt jealousy like I’ve never experienced, but now… now I’m actually allowed to feel the emotion, and something in that realization soothes me. Plus, I have no doubt it’s something I’ll have to get used to if I’m to be with Tarrant. I sigh but continue to smile. I’ll deal with anything that’s thrown at me. I know I will.

  “It’s the tattoos. They drive women crazy,” he tells me from behind the menu.

  I snort. I was thinking about how he makes me crazy… maybe it is the tats. I allow my eyes to stare at his fingers and hands running a path up his arms. I bite my lip.

  “Yeah, the tattoos are hot,” I murmur, then my eyes widen when I realize I said the words out loud.

  Tarrant smirks at me. “I like watching you eye fuck me, Lemon.”

  The breath whooshes out of me, and I quickly look around the room to see if anyone else has noticed how loud my heart is beating now, seeing as it’s pounding in my ears.

  “Total honesty right?” he suddenly asks placing the menu down. My eyes glide back to him, and I nod. “I think I started getting them as a shield, like a barrier or protection, but I’m not sure what from.”

  I slide my hand across the table and he meets me halfway. I watch his eyes as he gazes at our hands, then Tarrant threads our fingers together.

  “I’ve told you about my boxing and about my dad cheating on and then eventually hitting my mom.” His eyes meet mine again and I nod in response. “There isn’t much more to tell you. Mom comes from round here. She moved away when she married my dad. We used to come back and visit my grandparents, but they died about five years ago.” I squeeze his hand, and he replies in kind. “The garage I got from my grandpa. We used to fix cars together down there. It hadn’t been a working garage for many years, but we had fun. I loved him.” He shrugs. “Caden always had the love of my dad’s parents, I guess they preferred him. We saw them all the time, and I think Gramps used to try and make that up to me when I visited by overcompensating. I suppose looking back two wrongs don’t make a right and giving more love and attention to one brother
over the other isn’t cool, no matter what. Saying that, Caden never seemed to be affected, and all I knew was that I loved cars just like Gramps did.”

  “You can’t feel bad about the actions of adults when you were a child,” I whisper.

  “I know, baby, but it took me a while to realize that. Anyway, I got the garage, and the last couple of years I started rebuilding cars to sell. Eventually, I’d like to make it into a business. My dad didn’t like that, and we haven’t seen eye to eye for years and now, I want nothing to do with him. Shit! My family is fucked.” He sighs with a shake of his head.

  “All families are fucked,” I tell him.

  Once we’ve finished our meal and I’ve declined a desert, we stare at each other unreservedly as we await the bill.

  “Were your parents always dicks?” he asks, surprising me.

  “Yeah. They never really wanted me. I remember my mom breaking one of my toys because I had interrupted a film she was watching. I don’t know what I asked, but she wasn’t happy with me making her pause the film, so she ripped the dolly out of my hands and pulled it’s legs off, then it’s arms, and finally the head before depositing it in the bin. I was four.”

  Tarrant’s eyes flash with anger, and I get it, I do. It’s a story that would enrage anyone, and that’s just one tale of many, but I feel nothing as I recall it because I only feel numb when it comes to my parents these days. For me, they don’t exist anymore, and I’ve made my peace with that. There will never be any going back.

  “You want to get out of here?” Tarrant asks, reaching out for me to take his hand. It’s obvious he’s worried about me now.

  “Yeah,” I whisper, and he guides me from the chair and through the restaurant not letting go of my hand once.

  Without a word spoken, we get into his car, and he drives us through the night, his right hand almost always on my knee giving me comfort.

  “We’re at your garage?” I state confused.

  “Yeah,” he says as we wait for the automatic door to open. He pulls into the garage and parks, then angling out the car, he stalks around the front. Before I realize what’s going on, my door is open, and he offers me his hand. I look between his outstretched fingers and his eyes.