The Language of Spells

by Painter, Sarah

  ‘It’s really none of my business,’ Lily interrupted.

  ‘I just wanted a fresh start. I know it sounds stupid. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.’

  ‘You didn’t,’ Lily said tightly. ‘What’s in the bag?’

  Before Gwen could explain that she hadn’t found Iris’s recipe book yet, but that she’d made Lily a cake, a man wearing a towel and nothing else appeared in the doorway. He was blond and good-looking in a calculated kind of way. ‘Oh,’ he said, ‘I didn’t know we had company.’

  Gwen realised that she’d stood up. ‘Sorry. I didn’t … I was just going.’

  ‘Don’t leave on my account.’ The man lounged against the doorway and took a long, lazy look up and down Gwen’s figure, as if she were the half-naked one.

  ‘This is Ryan. He’s a journalist, so watch anything you say,’ Lily said.

  ‘Hey,’ Ryan said, mock-offended. ‘You think I’ve got a Dictaphone hidden under here?’ He gestured to his towel, grinning.

  ‘Right. Well—’

  ‘So, are you Lily’s latest acolyte?’

  ‘What?’ Gwen wanted to leave. Lily was radiating hostility and Ryan was radiating pheromones. His pecs kept twitching as if he were unconsciously flexing them as he spoke to her.

  ‘You’ve got the right look. Wild-haired. Nervous.’ Ryan held up his hands as if he were a photographer framing a picture.

  ‘This is Gwen Harper,’ Lily said. ‘She just moved into End House. Although she’s not new to the town. Not that she wants anybody to know.’

  Ryan dropped his hands. ‘Oh.’

  ‘I’m really sorry,’ Gwen said again. She tried to look Lily in the eyes to convey her sincerity, but Lily stared resolutely past her shoulder.

  ‘Perhaps she has a dark secret,’ Lily said to Ryan, as if Gwen were not there. ‘Perhaps you ought to investigate her. Get a scoop for the local rag.’

  Ryan puffed up his chest. ‘It’s just a stepping stone, you know.’

  ‘I’ll let you get on,’ Gwen said. She made to pass Ryan, but he didn’t step back and she was forced to squeeze past him. Up close, he was older than he first appeared; his eyes were bloodshot and there was something unpleasant lurking inside them. Something mean-spirited.

  Lily didn’t get up or say goodbye. The last image Gwen had in her mind was of Lily staring viciously at Ryan and him grinning back at her with a determined lack of concern.

  Gwen moved the oil heater downstairs and had it running on the highest setting. It was still freezing, though, and she wasn’t in the best mood even before Ruby arrived.

  ‘Yes?’ Gwen opened the front door and pointedly didn’t step back to let Ruby inside.

  ‘Can we talk?’ Ruby looked as immaculate and in control as she always did. It was irritating.

  ‘Are you sure that’s wise?’ Gwen said. She felt sick with the anger and guilt Ruby inspired, but she didn’t have the energy to deal with it. Not on top of everything else.

  ‘Please. Katie wants to see you.’

  Her niece’s name did it. Like a magic word, Gwen felt her anger drain away. She turned on her heel and marched into the house. ‘Shut the door behind you.’ Well, most of it.

  Ruby stopped in the hall, looking awkward. She made no move to remove her coat, which was probably for the best. Gwen was surprised their breath wasn’t fogging in the frigid air.

  ‘So?’ Gwen said.

  Ruby swallowed. ‘Katie has been asking about you. She doesn’t understand why you haven’t been round to visit.’

  ‘I hope you’ve explained,’ Gwen said.

  Ruby folded her arms. ‘Not exactly. I just said we’d had a bit of a fight.’

  ‘Eighteen months, Ruby. Not a “bit of” anything.’

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ Ruby said. ‘I didn’t come here to argue with you. I just wanted to see if you’d let Katie visit. Today, actually.’

  ‘With you?’ Gwen thought for a moment that her niece might be sat out in Ruby’s car, waiting for the two responsible adults in the scenario to stop bickering.

  ‘No.’ Ruby’s voice dripped sarcasm. ‘She’s fourteen. She has to do everything herself. She’d get the number nineteen bus.’

  ‘Okay,’ Gwen said. ‘She’s very welcome.’

  ‘Fine. If she isn’t with you by eleven, call me.’

  Ruby made to leave and Gwen was suddenly seized with uncertainty. It had been a while. ‘Um. What am I supposed to do with her?’

  ‘I have no idea. She’s a mystery to me these days.’ Ruby sounded properly upset and Gwen was surprised to find herself trying to reassure her. ‘Hey,’ she said, ‘I’m sure it’s not that bad.’

  Ruby gave a short laugh. ‘Have fun bonding and then tell me that.’

  ‘Right. And—’

  Ruby interrupted her, the words coming out in a rush. ‘Don’t talk about that stuff, okay?’

  ‘What stuff?’ Gwen said. ‘The birds and the bees?’

  ‘You know very well.’ Ruby rubbed her gloved hands together. ‘I don’t want her exposed to all that—’

  ‘I remember.’ Gwen felt like crying. Why did Ruby always have to treat her like she was a loaded gun?

  ‘Okay then. Thanks.’ Ruby practically ran out of the house and down the path.

  Gwen made herself a cup of tea to warm up and fed the cat. He stared at her with his strangely mismatched eyes. Gwen had a list of things to do that felt about a mile long. If she was going to live in this mausoleum of a house for six months, then she had a lot of cleaning to do. Not to mention sorting through Iris’s junk, mending the ceiling in the dining room, and working out how to cope with the reappearance of Cameron Laing in her life. The cat looked pointedly from Gwen’s face to the empty dish and back again. ‘Yes, yes,’ Gwen said. ‘I know. I need to do something about you, too. Get in line.’

  At ten to eleven, the doorbell rang. Gwen was dressed in cleaning clothes which weren’t, she had to admit, very different to her normal clothes. Old jeans and a well-washed V-neck jumper that used to be navy. If the expression on her niece’s face was anything to go by, she ought to add clothes shopping to her to-do list, too.

  ‘Hello, Katie. Long time, no see.’

  Katie slouched in, avoiding eye contact and glaring at the floor as if it had personally offended her.

  ‘Do you want something to drink? I’ve got orange or apple juice.’

  ‘Coffee,’ Katie said.

  ‘Um. Are you allowed to drink coffee?’

  Katie shot her such a look of disgust. ‘I’m fourteen.’

  ‘No problem,’ Gwen said. ‘I’ll just call your mum to check.’

  ‘Oh for God’s sake,’ Katie said, tossing her hair over her shoulder in a practised move. ‘I don’t want anything anyway.’

  Well, that was a good start, Gwen congratulated herself as Katie stood hunched in her green parka and showed no signs of taking it off or coming any further into the house.

  ‘I was going to clear the dining room today. It’s a junk room at the moment. Loads of boxes and stuff.’

  No response.

  ‘Do you want to give me a hand?’

  A tiny shrug.

  ‘I’ve acquired a cat, too. Do you want to meet him?’

  Katie looked up for the first time. ‘Yes, please.’

  ‘Through here.’ Gwen led the way into the kitchen, praying that the cat was still there.

  ‘He’s gorgeous,’ Katie said, despite all evidence to the contrary. She dropped to the floor in front of him and held out her hand. To Gwen’s surprise, the cat padded straight over and sniffed Katie, then began rubbing his head on her arm, begging to be stroked.

  Katie looked back over her shoulder. ‘What’s his name? Do you have any cat treats? They love the ones with catnip.’

  ‘I’m not naming him. I’ll never get rid of him if I name him.’

  Katie gave her an odd look. She turned back to the cat. ‘Hello, Cat,’ she said lovingly.

  Gwen skirted past t
he happy couple and pulled a pair of rubber gloves and a roll of bin bags from under the sink.

  ‘I’m going to get started.’

  Katie rubbed the cat under the chin and didn’t reply.

  Gwen had re-stacked the boxes to allow for better access and was just opening the first one when Katie appeared in the doorway. She’d taken off her parka and looked about a third of the size without the bulky coat. She stood still and looked around. Then whistled. ‘Craptastic.’

  ‘Indeed.’ Gwen hadn’t fully appreciated the extent of the mess until she’d started lugging boxes. ‘I’m wondering whether to just lock the door. I mean,’ she looked around, ‘it’s not like I need a dining room.’

  Katie was squinting at the ceiling. ‘That’s a big crack.’

  ‘Your mum said it was going to fall down. Don’t tell her I let you in here, okay?’

  Katie smiled for the first time. ‘Okay.’

  ‘So, do you want to help me with this lot? I’ll pay you.’

  Katie’s smile widened into a proper grin. She looked like the cheery twelve-year-old Gwen remembered.

  Gwen plugged in her iPod dock and hit shuffle. As luck would have it, Katie’s favourite Aretha Franklin song rang out. She looked sideways at the girl as she ripped open a cardboard box with more enthusiasm than precision. ‘You used to dance to this song when you were little.’

  Katie didn’t react.

  Okay.

  Katie pulled out a handful of brown curtain material, then let it fall back in a heap. ‘Do you have a system?’

  ‘Um. Not really.’

  ‘Well, we need one. Like on Life Laundry.’

  ‘If you say so.’

  Katie tipped the box she was holding upside down and shook it. Righting it, she said, ‘I need a marker pen.’

  ‘There’s a pack in the kitchen,’ Gwen said faintly.

  Two hours later, they had several boxes marked up in block letters: charity, loft and house, and three black bags for the tip. There was also a plastic crate filled with old notebooks, scraps of paper with Iris’s handwriting, and shop receipts with items highlighted with little stars.

  ‘You should at least throw out the receipts. That’s just rubbish.’

  ‘I can’t. Iris kept them and, until I know why, I can’t throw them out.’ Gwen didn’t want to admit that she couldn’t let go of anything that Iris had written on. It would make her sound unhinged.

  ‘Maybe it was for her tax return. Dad keeps all of his.’

  ‘Good thought.’ Gwen frowned unintentionally at the dreaded words. She decided to focus on the day’s achievements, gazing at the neatly labelled boxes with satisfaction. She found her purse and extracted a five-pound note.

  Katie looked at the floor. ‘You don’t have to pay me. I enjoyed it.’

  Gwen handed her the note. ‘Just for that, I’ll give you a lift home.’

  Katie’s face fell.

  ‘Or into town,’ Gwen continued smoothly. ‘We could go for hot chocolate.’

  Katie brightened. ‘Can I come again another day? To see the cat.’

  ‘Of course.’ Gwen smiled at the whip-fast emotions of a teenager. She remembered what that had been like. Exhausting.

  Katie bounced into the hallway and began dragging on her coat. ‘I’ll bring him treats.’

  She kept up a stream of chatter all the way into Bath. Gwen tried to relax and enjoy her niece’s company, but she felt a nagging guilt. Marilyn Dixon’s tight features kept popping into her mind. It was annoying.

  ‘What do you think?’

  Gwen glanced at Katie, who was wearing an unnervingly intense expression.

  ‘Um …’

  ‘I know. You think I should stand up for myself more. That’s what Mum says.’

  ‘I—’

  ‘But Imogen is so, like, intense, you know?’ She scowled into her lap and Gwen stamped down on the sudden urge to laugh.

  ‘She’s cool, too. Much cooler than me. She’s had a boyfriend since she was nine.’

  ‘Well, that’s—’

  ‘And she always looks good. She’s got the best hair.’

  ‘Hair’s good,’ Gwen managed.

  ‘I’m just not sure about the party.’ Katie paused for breath. ‘I might wait and see.’

  Gwen parked the car and turned to Katie. She prepared to ask who the hell Imogen was and what they had been talking about, when Katie suddenly treated her to a big smile. ‘Thanks so much, Auntie Gwen. You are so great to talk to.’

  ‘You’re entirely welcome,’ Gwen said, sticking to safe ground.

  Katie paused, quiet for the first time in the last half an hour. ‘I want to ask you something.’

  ‘Shoot.’ Gwen felt uneasy.

  ‘Mum said you used to help the police sometimes.’

  ‘Did she?’

  Katie looked disappointed. ‘It isn’t true?’

  ‘It’s kind of true. I helped out just the once. I’m just not supposed to talk about it.’

  Katie’s face lit up. ‘Are you a spook?’

  Gwen laughed. ‘No. Nothing as cool as that.’

  ‘What did you do?’

  ‘Katie,’ Gwen said as gently as she could. ‘Your mum—’

  ‘Oh, I know.’ Katie waved a hand. ‘She’s all freaked out.’

  Great. Gwen tried not to feel hurt.

  ‘So is that what you’ve been doing? Is that why you went away?’

  ‘It’s complicated.’

  Katie wasn’t giving up. ‘How?’

  Gwen paused. She tried to think of a nice way of putting it. ‘Finding isn’t all that specific.’

  ‘It doesn’t always work?’ Katie fiddled with the fringing on her scarf.

  Gwen shook her head. ‘You always find something. It’s just not always what you thought you were looking for.’ Gwen’s left ear itched from the lie. There was no way she was telling her fresh-faced niece the truth, though. The one time she’d used the Finding to help the police, she’d ended up a suspect in a murder case. Only briefly, but that had been enough. She closed her eyes and tried not to see the boy’s white body, bloated with river water and trailing weeds.

  Katie opened her mouth, but Gwen held up a hand. ‘Please,’ she said. ‘Your mum is only just speaking to me again.’

  After two giant mugs of hot chocolate and Katie’s treatise regarding marshmallows: ‘they’re like, completely pointless until you melt them’, Gwen watched Katie get onto her bus home. Being near Bath had its perks, she thought, even if she had little idea what her niece was talking about for fifty per cent of the time.

  That evening, Gwen was contemplating the necrotic walls of the living room and wondering whether Iris would have some really bright paint somewhere amongst the junk when the phone rang and she dived to the hallway floor to retrieve it. She added ‘hall table’ and, a moment later, ‘cordless phone’ onto her list of things to buy. It was Ruby.

  ‘Thank you.’ Ruby’s voice was quiet. ‘For today, I mean.’

  Gwen straightened up in shock.

  ‘Katie is glowing,’ Ruby said. ‘I haven’t seen her this cheerful in weeks.’

  ‘I took her for hot chocolate,’ was all that popped into Gwen’s mouth.

  ‘Out? She was happy to be seen in public with you?’

  Gwen was just about to be offended when she processed the hurt in Ruby’s voice. ‘I’m sure that won’t last. I’m just a novelty.’

  ‘Well, anyway,’ Ruby said. ‘Thank you for having her.’

  ‘Any time,’ Gwen said.

  Ruby hesitated, then asked in a rush, ‘She’s already asking about visiting again.’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘After school one day?’

  ‘Sure.’ Gwen couldn’t stop herself adding, ‘If you don’t mind Katie spending time here?’

  Ruby’s voice was so quiet as to be almost non-existent. ‘I said I was sorry.’

  ‘You didn’t actually,’ Gwen said. And then I left and you didn’t even try to get in
touch.

  ‘So, you want to talk about this now?’

  Gwen was gripping the phone so tightly her fingers were hurting. She made herself relax them slightly. ‘Good a time as any.’

  ‘I didn’t mean to say that you were “bad”. It just popped out,’ Ruby said. ‘I was scared.’

  ‘I believe the word you used was “evil”.’ Gwen didn’t mean the words to come out so seriously, but the hurt bubbled up and soured her tone.

  ‘Look, I said I’m sorry, but I can’t help the way I feel,’ Ruby said righteously.

  ‘It was a card trick, Ruby. From a kids’ magic set.’

  ‘I know that. Now.’

  ‘I was wearing a felt top hat. Katie had just pulled Mr Bun Bun out of it.’

  There was a silence. Gwen gazed at the cracked paintwork of the hall and willed herself to go numb.

  ‘I thought it was a real rabbit,’ Ruby said finally. ‘Bun Bun is very fluffy. I couldn’t tell. I thought—’

  ‘You thought that I was … What? Conducting a ritual sacrifice with a live rabbit in front of your eleven-year-old daughter? You actually thought I would do that?’

  ‘Mum would.’

  Gwen gritted her teeth for a moment. Then she said, ‘I’m not Gloria.’

  ‘I know. I know I overreacted a little.’

  Gwen opened her mouth in shock.

  ‘I think I may have been repressing certain feelings. My yoga teacher says I’m very repressed.’

  Gwen closed her eyes. ‘What feelings?’

  ‘Like how Mum only cared about you and how she thought I was a waste of space.’

  ‘That’s not true.’ Gwen shook her head. ‘Mum was angry with me for not using my gift.’ She put air quotes around the word even though Ruby couldn’t see them.

  ‘At least you had one,’ Ruby said. ‘She used to look at me like I was adopted. Like she was wondering who I was and how come I’d wandered into her house.’

  Gwen remembered that look well. ‘She did that to everyone, don’t you remember?’

  Ruby sighed. Then she said, ‘Do you remember how she’d read someone’s cards and as soon as she’d finished, she’d show them the door. Even if they were crying or whatever.’

  ‘Oh God, yes. I’d forgotten about that. Do you remember Mr Barnes?’