Hidden Under Her Heart

by Rachelle Ayala

  Maryanne: @TriKnight Isn’t that the most beautiful sunset you ever saw?

  Lucas: @Pumpkingal Not quite. There was one over the Pacific ocean that took my breath away.

  Maryanne: @TriKnight Where was that?

  Lucas: @Pumpkingal Pescadero.

  Maryanne: @TriKnight Must have been special.

  Maryanne’s stomach twisted in a knot. She ached to go back and do it all over again.

  Lucas: @Pumpkingal Yes, it was.

  Maryanne: @TriKnight Will you go and take a picture for me?

  Lucas: @Pumpkingal I won’t ever go back. I’m sure you’ll find pictures on the Internet.

  Great, she’d made him sad. Her baby wiggled and squirmed, and Maryanne shifted in the leather seat.

  Maryanne: @TriKnight Must be dark now, did you catch anything?

  Lucas: @Pumpkingal I lost my pole while I was taking the picture for you. Gotta go.

  Maryanne: @TriKnight Don’t let the bedbugs bite, or should I say tent bugs.

  Lucas: @Pumpkingal Actually I have a place to stay tonight. A fan is offering me a bed. She’ll call me when it’s ready.

  A band constricted Maryanne’s abdomen, tightening her womb. Lucas had a female fan who was offering her bed to him? She blinked back tears. Why should she be surprised? He was handsome, charming, and so sweet. Any woman within one hundred miles would be crazy not to grab him. Her baby froze. Had the contraction frightened her?

  Maryanne rubbed her abdomen and took a deep breath.

  “What’s wrong?” Jen glanced sideways.

  “I think I just had a contraction.”

  “It’s too early,” Vera said, leaning forward.

  “Jen, do you get them?” Maryanne asked.

  “No. What does it feel like?”

  “My uterus tightened like a band. It’s okay now.”

  “Shall we stop?” Jen flicked her signal to the right.

  “Do you have to use the restroom?” Maryanne prodded her baby, relieved when she gave her a firm kick. “At least the baby’s still alive.”

  “Maybe you’re hungry,” Jen said. “We still have three hours to go.”

  “Let’s keep going, unless you have to go to the bathroom.” Maryanne stared out the window at the darkening landscape. “I’ll take the back seat so you and Vera can talk.”

  “Okay, a quick pitstop.” Jen pulled to the right lane. “It’ll be good for you to rest.”

  Maryanne swiped a hand over her eyes quickly. Her heart splintered all over again. All along she’d hoped Lucas would wait for her, wait for the baby to go to her new home, and give her another chance. She couldn’t blame him. He offered her a promise, and she had refused. The gnawing ache clenched her abdomen again. She wanted the best for him, and he had moved on.

  ~~~

  After a quick stop, they continued east on the highway. Maryanne cried silently in the back while Jen and Vera chattered and sang to the radio. She didn’t dare wake up her tablet and check Lucas’ blog in case he had uploaded pictures of his new girlfriend. She slipped her hand into her purse and pulled out the fuzzy ring box. She should have given it back to him, but she didn’t have his forwarding address. His sister had taken over the lease and said Lucas didn’t want her to contact him.

  She opened the box and placed the ring on her finger. She’d never worn it before, but now, this would be the only thing she’d have of him. After she cleared his name, he’d go on and become successful, live a happy life, achieve his dreams and marry someone else.

  The miles rolled by and the Mercedes exited the highway onto a winding road. The rocking and swaying calmed her, and she dreamed about Lucas. But when she woke, heartache pervaded her thoughts. It had only been ten weeks. Had it all been a lie? Perhaps he’d found another pregnant woman to compensate for his loss.

  Jen pulled onto a gravel driveway and cut the engine. Other than the headlights of the car, it was pitch black. Tall trees rose like columns, and the aroma of mountain pine permeated the air.

  “Where are we?” Maryanne asked. “This doesn’t look like a spa.”

  “Hey, it’s the best I could do on a nurse’s salary.” Vera shrugged apologetically. “But isn’t it cute?”

  “I can’t really see.” Maryanne climbed out of the car. Crickets chirped and an owl hooted in the background. “A cabin?”

  “Yes, and we’re going to have the best time. Wait until you see what’s inside.” Jen unlatched the garage door and hefted it up. She handed Vera a key. “Why don’t you two go inside and turn on the lights?”

  Maryanne took her overnighter out of the trunk and rolled it behind her. The cabin was like a blast from the past—totally retro. The sofas sported psychedelic tie-dyed slipcovers and were covered with garishly colored ripple afghans. A giant bearskin rug lay in front of the hearth, and tin signs, dolls and knickknacks were scattered on the surfaces of the wall and table tops.

  “Do we have cell service here?” Maryanne was alarmed. “What if I have an emergency?”

  “You won’t be calling anyone, trust me.” Vera wiggled her eyebrows and grinned. “Look, there’s an old fashioned rotary.”

  Maryanne yawned. “Well, I’m tired. Where are we sleeping?”

  “You can put your stuff in the bedroom.” Vera gestured down a short hallway as Jen stepped in from the garage. “We have to get some supplies.”

  Maryanne plopped on a four poster antique bed and stifled another yawn. “Sure you don’t want me to come with you?”

  Vera patted her shoulder, her brow knit with concern. “You’ve had a long day. Put your feet up. We’ll be right back.”

  “Bathroom’s over there.” Jen pointed to a door in the corner of the room. “If you want hot water, there’s an electric water heater.”

  “Okay, thanks.” Maryanne grabbed her toiletry kit and stepped into the bathroom.

  Chapter 24

  A nice hot bath was just the ticket. Maryanne stepped out of the clawfoot tub and wrapped herself in a terrycloth robe. Her heart heavy, she climbed into the soft bed and refused to imagine where Lucas could be, or whose arms he was in. She sniffled into the lavender scented pillow. Jen and Vera had probably returned and were in their rooms. Too tired to venture out, Maryanne tucked herself in. The seven tiny diamonds glinted under the lamplight as she turned off the switch. Her baby wiggled and settled into her favorite position, stretching contently.

  Pine branches rustled in the light breeze and night bugs competed with each other. A toad harped persistently near her window. Maryanne wet the pillow with tears. Lucas, if you’re out there, don’t forget me. She drifted off to Nat King Cole’s deep voice serenading her. Lucas looking into her eyes with love, unforgettable love. She was no longer pregnant. She was light and free. She took his hand and scampered through the forest.

  They hiked to the edge of a rushing waterfall.

  “Bet you’re too scared to jump.” Lucas prodded her.

  “I’ll jump if you jump.” Maryanne elbowed his ribs.

  The waterfall rushed over them, and she sank. Bubbles covered her face. She swallowed water. Seaweed tangled around her fingers and hands. She spun, caught in a whirlpool, a weight dragging her under.

  “Lucas!” She jerked awake. Sweat dampened her nightgown.

  “Who’s there?” A man’s voice came from the bathroom.

  Maryanne clutched the covers and hid, her heart jackhammering. Where the heck was she? Oh, right, the spa weekend getaway, Vera-style.

  The light flashed on, and footsteps advanced toward the bed. “Is there some kind of mix-up? I heard you call my name.”

  His voice was deep honey. Lucas.

  Maryanne’s throat wobbled, and she was afraid to look. Was she dreaming?

  “Okay, I’ll back out of here and call Mrs. Jewell. Sorry to disturb you.”

  She couldn’t help peeking. Lucas was pulling on his pants. He tucked his boxers into the legs, and their eyes met.

  “Oh crap!” Lucas covered his groin with his b
ig hands. “What are you doing here?”

  Shooting pain stabbed Maryanne. He was expecting another woman. She was the last person he wanted to see. Words escaped her. She pulled the covers over her head and huddled in a fetal position. Her baby kicked, clearly annoyed at being awakened. Maryanne rubbed her abdomen, but adrenaline poured into her bloodstream, and the baby prodded harder.

  “Maryanne?” Lucas’ weight lowered one side of the bed. “Do you want me to leave?”

  “N-no.” Her voice betrayed her. “I’ll leave.”

  The weight shifted on the bed. “You stay here. I’ll sleep in my car.”

  “The bed is yours. I’ll be out of your way.” Maryanne stepped out of the bed and kept her face averted. She had to look like a whale in his eyes. She held a pillow in front of her abdomen and brushed past him to the door.

  He touched her arm. “You’re not even going to say ‘hi’ and ‘bye’, ask me how I’m doing?”

  She bit her lower lip, praying the tears wouldn’t spill. “I’m happy for you and your accomplishments. Sorry to disappoint you, but it looks like you missed your female fan.”

  “Female fan?” He looked up at the ceiling fan. “I didn’t know they come with gender.”

  She pushed him. “Stop joking. You know what I meant.”

  “Come here, sweetheart.” He folded her into his arms and laughed. “They say pregnant women are ditzy, but you take the cake.”

  Maryanne squirmed, half-wanting to melt into his arms. “It’s not funny. None of this is funny. You had a date and I’ve ruined it.”

  His soft laughter vibrated through his chest. “Looks like we were set up. My fan gave me the keys and told me to make myself comfortable. By the way, how’d you know about her? You aren’t Pumpkingal by any chance, are you?”

  Well now, he had her exposed. Totally and completely. She trembled with warmth. Just being in his arms was heavenly. She couldn’t look him in the eye, so she buried her face into his chest.

  He removed the pillow from her hands. “You’re wearing my ring.”

  She twisted the ring off her finger. “I meant to give it back to you. It’s so pretty I couldn’t help trying it on.”

  “If you like it, I want you to have it.”

  Tears overflowed her eyelids. “I don’t want it if it doesn’t mean anything.”

  “You still mean everything to me. You want me to get on my knees?” He moved her to the bed and knelt, hugging her around her waist. “I know I should be dressed in a tux, with a rose in my mouth, dancing with you in the moonlight instead of trapping you in a cabin out in the middle of nowhere. But…”

  Maryanne touched his wiry, short cropped hair. His lashes were lowered, and when he raised his eyes, her breath caught in her throat. Love radiated from his darkened green eyes. The ring hovered between them on the tip of her finger.

  “Help me out.” He kissed her wrist and brushed her palm with his upper lip and nose. “Are you happy to see me, or still in shock?”

  The giggles attacked. Her belly jiggled and she clapped her hand over her mouth. “Oh, gawd! Vera punk’d me. No wonder she was acting all weird. How’d they fool you?”

  One side of his cheek dimpled, and his grin spread wider. “The CEO of Shopahol, Dave Jewell, called me and offered to endorse me. He read on Twitter that I was staying in a tent getting bitten by bugs. He said his wife, Jen, would be at Tahoe for the weekend. She called about a hour ago from the North Shore Resort and handed me the key and directions to her cabin. Told me I could have it for the weekend to relax before the race. If I place in the top three, they’ll sponsor me.”

  “Wow, that’s great!” Maryanne hugged him. “You better get some rest then.”

  “So…” His eyes took on the droopy puppy look. “I don’t think I can sleep until I know how you feel about me.”

  “Oh, Lucas.” Happiness bubbled over her, like overflowing soap suds. “I love you. You know that.”

  “Why did you break my heart? You sent me away.”

  “I did not. You walked off.”

  “You refused my ring.”

  “You didn’t give me time to explain, then you told your sister you didn’t want me ever contacting you again. Said you were over me like last year’s tax return.”

  His jaw dropped. “My sister loves to exaggerate. She asked what happened, and I told her I didn’t want to talk about it.”

  “It was for your own good.” Maryanne placed the ring on the bed and crossed her arms over her abdomen. “You were getting too attached to the baby.”

  He picked up the ring and shoved it in his pocket. “Guess you don’t want me around until after the baby’s born.”

  “It’s better for you. I don’t want you to get hurt.” Maryanne eyed the hand in his pocket. Would he give it back to her or had she just blown it again?

  He scowled and rubbed his beard shadow, then stood and faced the wall. “I’ve been a zombie these last ten weeks. Killing myself with exercise. When my body hurt, it made me believe the pain would mask the hurt in my heart. My times have improved and my strength has increased, my endurance fueled by anger. But don’t sit there and tell me what’s better for me.”

  This was going from bad to worse. Maryanne’s insides squeezed into her heart. She hugged him from behind. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.”

  His posture softened. He clasped her hands. “I did the same myself. Thinking I knew what was best for you.”

  His voice trembled with emotion. He still had feelings for her. She closed her eyes and rubbed her face on his muscular back. “I’m tired. Will you come to bed?”

  Slowly he turned her in his arms and placed her on the bed. “I’ll sleep on the couch. You know I won’t take advantage of you.”

  “Lucas? Shut up and kiss me.” She pulled his face toward hers and pursed her mouth over his.

  He responded tenderly, tasting fresh, minty, alluring. A moan escaped his throat, and she pressed him back onto the bed.

  “Are you sure?” He swallowed and moved his hand away from her. “Because I might not be able to stop.”

  “Then don’t.” She traced the outline around the bulge in his pants. The hunger inside of her growled like a caged tigress, and her hormones screamed with desperate need. “Neither of us will get any sleep if we don’t.”

  He breathed unevenly, as if fighting for control. “I don’t want you to be sorry in the morning.”

  “But I want to show you how much I love you.” She tugged at his jeans and reached for his groin.

  ~~~

  Goosebumps sprinkled Lucas’ shoulders and upper arms. Sweat beaded on his forehead, and his pulse zoomed behind his ears. The last week of tapering down his workouts left him with a surplus of energy. But this was wrong, not the way he envisioned.

  Gently, he cupped her hand and removed it, his body crying and aching for contact.

  “What’s wrong?” Her mouth furrowed into a tiny pout. “Doesn’t it feel good?”

  “It’s too good. I can’t. Not now.” His voice was jagged, barely articulate. “Love you, but not yet.”

  She tugged her robe over her shoulders and crossed her arms. “I knew it. You can’t stand the sight of me with the baby.”

  “Oh, sweetheart.” He reached for her, but she scooted to the other side of the bed.

  She pushed aside the blanket and crawled under it. “I’m so embarrassed.”

  Lucas hugged her form. “You don’t know how hard it is to resist you.”

  “Do you think I’m a slut?” Her voice snuffled into the pillow.

  Lucas rubbed her back. “If I thought of you like that, would I give you a promise ring? Or did you think I was a slut, sleeping with any woman who’d offer me a bed? Is that how the other men were? Is that how they hurt you? Sleep with you and with everyone else?”

  Her shoulders shuddered with a sob. “I give too much and they still dump me. Would anyone really want me if I had nothing to give?”

  “I’m different,
Maryanne,” he spoke softly in her ear, “because I love you the way you are, not for what you can offer me.”

  “But why would you love me if I have nothing for you?”

  He kissed the back of her neck and massaged her shoulders. “That’s for you to figure out. When you do, we’ll both be ready to go further.”

  ~~~

  Sunlight streamed through the gauzy curtains, and the spicy fragrance of pine and fir trees freshened the air. Lucas carefully removed his hand from Maryanne’s abdomen. He’d put a blanket divider down the center of the bed, but somehow during the night, she’d snuggled up against him.

  He sniffed the lavender scent of her hair and kissed the back of her neck lightly. If she let him back into her life, he’d never bother her about the baby. She was right. The baby was her responsibility. If it were his, he’d love them both. He’d take his daughter biking, teach her how to fly a kite, and play in the sand with her. Of if he had a son, he’d wrestle with him, take him rock climbing and camping in the desert.

  He needed a cold shower. Maryanne’s breathing was steady and deep. He hadn’t taken advantage of her, and eventually they’d both fallen asleep on their own side of the bed. His hand crept to her abdomen again. Just one more kick.

  Lucas smiled as his heart grew warm. The little one tapped on his hand, saying ‘hello.’ There, it did a somersault. Showing off, aren’t you? A probing foot poked him again. Oh, you want to fight? Lucas chuckled and pushed back. The foot stretched and withdrew as a wave undulated one side of her womb.

  Maryanne jerked awake. “What are you doing?”

  “Sorry, I was playing with the baby.”

  She clasped his hand, fingers intertwined. “It’s okay. She has her favorite positions and gets cranky if I change. Watch this.”

  She turned from her right side to her left and placed Lucas’ hand over her womb. Sure enough the baby wiggled and tumbled and squirmed before settling down.

  “I can annoy her endlessly.” Maryanne smiled. “I bet she’ll pay me back later. Not let me sleep a wink.”

  “Y-you’re k-keeping her? Did you find out she’s a girl?”