Hidden Under Her Heart

by Rachelle Ayala

  Melissa answered the intercom, and the gate opened slowly. Maryanne pulled the mini-SUV up the cobblestoned circular driveway. The mansion loomed grey and ornate behind a stand of weeping willows. Turrets sported wrought iron bars around the balconies, and jagged lines of ivy crawled with spidery legs up the foreboding slate walls. Red and yellow streamers shaped like fire hung around the alcove entrance, and a graveyard display lined the lawn near the front door. A tumble-down wooden house with fake blood splatters sat on the porch.

  Maryanne stepped out of the Honda and locked the door. At that moment, a rolling cloud lowered and lightning flashed. Large raindrops wet her nose. Crap, are we still in California? She ducked under the entrance foyer. A giant bat with a green face and bloody fangs shot at her. Maryanne startled and pounded on the stained glass door. It had a picture of a knight fighting a green dragon.

  Cackling laughter sounded from her right. A grave flipped open, and a wild-haired ghoul popped out. The figure held a bloody zombie baby. Her heart hyperactive, Maryanne ran around the hedge toward the back. Perhaps Melissa hadn’t heard her knocking.

  “Hello? Mrs. Bowers?” she called. “Anyone up there?”

  A set of black window shutters flapped on the third story. Was that a woman up there? Dressed in white? In a hoop skirt? Maryanne blinked, and the vision disappeared. Had she seen a ghost? She circled back toward her car to retrieve her cell phone.

  A shadow fluttered to her left. Maryanne yelped and jumped back.

  “Ha, ha! Gotcha!” Melissa pulled off her pointy witch’s hat. Her hair was streaked black and white, and she wore a glittery sequined gown with a slit up to her hip. Her lips were blood red, and her false eyelashes spiked like daggers. Black fishnet stockings and stilettos completed her outfit.

  Maryanne fanned her chest, her heartbeat fighting to escape. “You scared me.”

  “I did?” Melissa’s mouth rounded. “Just getting ready for Halloween. Come on in. I can’t wait for you to see the nursery.”

  “Oh, sure.”

  Melissa led her through the front door. A tiered chandelier hung above them, filled with crystals and flame-shaped light bulbs. The hallways were paneled with dark wood, and feathery spider web decorations hung from the ceiling.

  “Uhm…” Maryanne hesitated at the door to the nursery. “May I ask you why you want to adopt a baby?”

  Melissa’s blue eyes widened. “I’ve always loved babies, but unfortunately I had ovarian cancer when I was very young. Besides, it’ll be so much fun. I do hope you have a girl. I have so many costumes and outfits.”

  Well, sure, if the baby were a living doll. Maryanne pulled a notepad from her purse. “What kind of educational plans do you have for your son or daughter?”

  “Only the best. Private schools, a tutor, horseback riding and any sport the child has aptitude in. You needn’t worry.” Melissa patted Maryanne’s arm. “He or she will have the best childhood. I’ve already joined a network of adopting parents.”

  “Will you hire a nanny?”

  “Sure. Only the best for my little darling. But why don’t we talk about this over cookies? I have chocolate pecan chunk. I heard they were your favorite.” She opened the door to the nursery.

  A furry wolf child with red pinpointed eyes growled from a crib entwined with scarlet streamers. A strobe light flashed over the rattling white closet door exposing bloody handprints, and a sign lettered with jagged handwriting said Rosemary’s Baby.

  Maryanne gasped and her womb tightened. “Why are you doing this?”

  “Oh, silly, this isn’t the real nursery! It’s for the big party coming up. Of course you’re invited.” Melissa’s eyes glinted as she advanced toward Maryanne, her hands outstretched. Organ music vibrated through the walls, and the lights flickered down the paneled corridor.

  Maryanne screamed when something touched her shoulder from the back. She tore down the hallway and scrambled to the front door. Melissa chased her. “Wait, wait! Let me show you the real nursery. It has Winnie the Pooh decorations. I swear. Tigger and Piglet.”

  “I’m sorry,” Maryanne said. “I’m having contractions, and my doctor says I have to avoid stress.”

  She tore open the front door and ran out.

  “But you haven’t seen Eeyore yet!” Melissa called after her.

  ~~~

  Lucas clasped Maryanne’s hands across the table and touched the promise ring. “I can’t believe we’re finally together. Did you miss me?”

  She squeezed his hand and smiled, her brown eyes soft and dilated. “You know I did.”

  Somehow she didn’t sound natural. Her voice was too stiff. Lucas suppressed the nagging worry needling his heart. She hadn’t mentioned marrying him since the night in the tent. Maybe they’d both gotten carried away with the moment, and she blamed him for causing her contractions.

  The waitress greeted them. “Anything from the drink menu, sir?”

  “I’ll have water.” Lucas gestured at Maryanne.

  “Iced tea,” she replied. “I’m expecting.”

  “Oh!” The waitress clapped a hand to her mouth. “You look so tiny. How far along, if I may be so rude to ask?”

  “Almost twenty-three weeks. I’m due February 14th.”

  The waitress winked at Lucas. “A Valentine’s baby, how fortunate for you two.”

  Lucas forced a smile. “Yes, we are.”

  The waitress took their appetizer order and departed. Lucas rubbed Maryanne’s hand. “You’ve decided on the adoptive parents?”

  “Yes, I’ll be moving in with the Tanakas. They can’t pay for counseling, but they’ll cover all my living costs. I’m on forced leave of absence, you know.” She wouldn’t meet his eye, like she was embarrassed.

  “Yeah, it’s my fault exposing you to those reporters.” He stared at the whorls on the wooden table. “I wish things were different.”

  “In what way?” Maryanne accepted the iced tea and squeezed the lemon.

  “That things aren’t so awkward between us.” He touched her shoulder across the table, but she turned her attention to the menu.

  The waitress arrived with their appetizers. “Ready to order?”

  Maryanne ordered Mongolian beef and Lucas the jambalaya.

  “I still care a lot about you,” Maryanne said, spearing a piece of calamari.

  “What are your plans after the baby’s born?”

  “I don’t know.” Her lips pursed, and she took another sip of tea. “How about you?”

  “I was supposed to wait for you to give away the baby, and then I thought we’d have a relationship, but you seem to be pulling away.” He might as well let out his worries. She’d always been honest with him.

  She looked out the window and swept her hair back. “You don’t have to pretend. By then the baby will be safe with the Tanakas.”

  Lucas’ pulse lurched, and bile rose in his throat. He swallowed ice water. “What’s that supposed to mean? Are you trying to break it off with me?”

  She twirled a finger on the napkin and sighed. “We’re too different. You have your dreams, and I have mine. I can’t see either of us giving up on them.”

  “But you…” His voice cracked, and he coughed to gain control. “You promised. I thought when we made love, I thought you meant it.”

  “I did, but it was all a surprise. Vera and Jen set us up. It was wonderful.” Maryanne wiped her mouth with a napkin. “But this is reality. You’re religious, and I’m not.”

  Sounded like a damn cop out. He didn’t deserve to be strung along like this. His jaw tightened along with his fists, but she was much too fragile right now for him to drill. He wiped his palms on his thigh. “We can get past it, sweetheart.”

  “It’s not just that. Your family supports you, but they hate me.”

  “They don’t hate you.” A huge lump swelled in his throat. “What’s really going on?”

  Maryanne didn’t meet his gaze. “I could be a murderess in their eyes.”

  “Bu
t you’re not,” he said. “The important thing is you didn’t go through with it. You thought about it, but you didn’t do it. I killed a man. You didn’t kill anyone.”

  Her hand covered her abdomen, and she grimaced.

  “What’s wrong? Are you having a contraction?”

  Sweat beaded on Maryanne’s nose, and she put her head onto the table. Her shoulders shook. Lucas jumped around the booth and cradled her. “Let me take you to the hospital.”

  “No, I’m fine. Not a contraction.”

  “You sure?” He signaled the waitress and paid the tab. Maryanne wiped her eyes and sobbed.

  “I know you’re afraid to lose the baby.” He helped her up and wrapped his jacket around her shoulders. They walked toward his car.

  “It’s not the baby I’m afraid for.”

  “Then who?”

  She clutched his arm and leaned against his chest. “You. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  He kissed the tears off her cheek. “I’m strong, sweetheart. You won’t hurt me.”

  Inside his heart splintered and sank into his gut. What was bothering her? Something tore her up. She still loved him, or she wouldn’t have reacted so emotionally. You’re religious and I’m not.

  That’s it. He had strayed too far from God, and he had sinned when he took her to his tent.

  ~~~

  The moving boxes were packed and labeled. Maryanne held the door while Lucas hefted the boxes to his car. He watched her warily, but had said nothing all the way home. She pressed her abdomen, and her baby responded. At least I gave you life. What would your sibling have been like? Would you have had a brother or a sister?

  Acid burned her heart. She reached for the Tums. Lucas would judge her as evil, not worth his attention. Should she tell him and get it over with? She was no better than Daria. He should know the truth, so he could forget about her. She steadied her breathing. Lucas walked up the stairs slowly and wiped his forehead.

  “Lucas, thank you.” She wouldn’t give him mixed signals. “You’ve been a good friend, more than I deserve.”

  His eyebrows lowered, and he brushed past her into the apartment. “I don’t want to be just a friend. And I’m tired of trying to figure you out. I can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s wrong.”

  She shut the door and faced him. Here goes. He’d be shocked at first, and then his face would harden with judgment. After that, he’d pronounce her a hellbound sinner and shake his finger at her. Then the door would slam, and she’d never see him again. Her gut wrenched, shooting pain from her chest to her fingertips.

  “Tell me what’s bothering you.” He drew her into his arms. “If you need more time, I’ll back off. You’re under so much pressure right now, trying to do the right thing for your baby.”

  “She’s not my baby. I have to start thinking of her as the Tanakas’ baby.”

  He tilted her chin up, but she shut her eyes. She couldn’t look into the face lined with concern, the eyes moist with love, and watch the transformation, the sharp intake of breath, the narrowed eyes, and the stony snarl capped by thunderous condemnation.

  “You’re afraid.” Lucas’ warm voice edged into her heart. “You want to do the right thing for the baby, and I admire that in you.”

  “I’m not as good as you think.” Her throat closed, and her vocal cords ached.

  “Shh…” He lightly touched her lips with his fingers. The scent of his cologne stirred the butterflies in her belly.

  She braced herself. “I’ve done bad things.”

  His breath puffed over her skin. “Are you feeling bad about sleeping with me? Breaking your vow?”

  Vow? How did he know? She opened her eyes. He coughed and evaded her gaze.

  “Who told you? Vera?” she demanded.

  “No, not Vera. I heard a rumor when I first came in for the allergy shots. I knew it was wrong to tempt you.”

  How could he think it was wrong to sleep with her? Unless… Maryanne pushed away from him. “Oh, I got it. Someone spilled the beans about Vera and me, and you went for what you thought was the weakest link.”

  “No, not at all.”

  “Then why the come on? The whole choking thing and all the flirting?”

  “I didn’t think you’d like me, and I had a bet with Zach.”

  “Of all the frickin’ excuses.” A red tide roared through her ears. She shoved him into the wall and ran into her empty bedroom.

  Lucas blocked the slamming door and grabbed her arms. “We really need to talk. I can’t keep on this emotional tightrope. Never knowing if you’re going to blow up or push me away.”

  Maryanne’s shoulders shook. She ground her teeth and knocked her head on his chest. “I thought you were nice, Lucas Knight. You better have a good explanation.”

  His hands feathered between her shoulder blades. “I saw you when I came in for the allergen test. You were so pretty, I couldn’t look away. The Indian nurse told me to leave you alone, that you’d just had your heart broken, and I’d better be a gentleman.”

  What business was it of Priya’s? Well, but Maryanne had only sogged up tissue after tissue when John dumped her. She couldn’t blame Priya for being protective.

  “But you tricked me into kissing you. That was awful.” She couldn’t help but lean into his chest and listen to his heartbeat.

  “I didn’t plan it, honest. When you said you weren’t giving me mouth-to-mouth, I just, well, I thought it’d be funny. I didn’t think you’d fall for it!”

  So, now it was her fault? She stomped her foot. “What does this have to do with Zach and the bet?”

  Lucas tipped her face to look at him. A grin floated over his lips. “He said I couldn’t get you to kiss me the first time I met you. He was watching when we came out of the clinic.”

  “That was it?” Maryanne kept her eyelids from fluttering. “Who told you about the vow?”

  “Carmen from Bariatrics. Remember she was holding onto all the flowers?” He weaved his fingers into her hair. “Why didn’t you take them home?”

  “I thought you were some freaky stalker. Why do you like me? I wasn’t nice to you.”

  He hummed under his breath, but his eyes sparkled. “I saw a wounded spirit and I wanted to make it better. You were acting tough, but inside, I could tell you were hurting.”

  Maryanne swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. “But doesn’t that make me pathetic?”

  “N-no, not to me, not when you come in such a pretty package, freckles and all. Did I ever tell you how cute they are?” He tightened his hold and backed her against the wall.

  His sweetness was killing her. Maryanne exhaled and snuggled into his shoulder. The alluring scent of his cologne and male heat washed the edge of doubt from her heart. Maybe he wouldn’t judge her. He’d understand how young she was when it happened.

  Lucas kissed her behind the ear, his hot breath stirring delicious sensations from her chest down to the junction of her thighs. Her fingers trailed up the sides of his waist and under his shirt. She rubbed her face on his, scratching it with his five o’clock shadow. How she loved the sting of a man’s kiss, rough and dangerous. His lips enclosed hers, soft and wet.

  Abruptly he stopped kissing her. His eyes scanned her face, and his teeth pinched his lips. “Maryanne, what is it about me that you like?”

  “Everything.” A torrential upwelling of emotions stirred inside her chest. He was caring and sensitive, loving and sexy. Losing him would be worse than losing her own soul. Tears wet her eyes, and she blinked them back. “I’d die if you ever turned against me.”

  He stroked the line from her temple to her jaw. “That would never happen.”

  Chapter 30

  Maryanne waited outside the elementary school. Orange and black streamers decorated the windows covered with children’s paintings of pumpkins, ghosts and witches. The bell rang and classroom doors swung open in unison.

  The quiet schoolyard was transformed by the chattering of children and the rolling s
ounds of their wheeled backpacks. Debby and her friends streamed out of the special education class.

  “Mrs. Murphy.” Debby tapped her teacher. “Come see my new sister.”

  A middle-aged woman with warm brown hair and smile crinkles around her eyes walked over. “You must be Maryanne. Debby talks about you all the time.”

  Maryanne held out her hand. “Nice to meet you. Yes, I’m here to walk Debby home from school.”

  Debby bounced on her heels and gestured excitedly. “My new sister is growing inside of her.”

  “Might be a brother,” Maryanne reminded her.

  Mrs. Murphy smiled and patted Debby’s shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful big sister. You have a safe Halloween.”

  “I sure am!” Debby beamed. “We’re going to make pumpkin cookies. Mom says no witches or ghosts because we’re Christians.”

  Mrs. Murphy waved goodbye, and Maryanne took Debby’s backpack. “Come on, squirt. Let’s see how many faces we can draw on those pumpkins.”

  Red, yellow and golden leaves blew from a pile on the Tanakas’ lawn. A bale of hay and a scarecrow graced the porch along with gourds, cornhusk dolls, a rake, and three pumpkins. The scent of hot apple cider greeted them at the door.

  Maryanne took off her shoes and put on her slippers. The country décor contrasted with the Japanese lanterns and koi pond inside the front entrance. Mr. Tanaka’s grandparents had been interned during World War II in Idaho. After the war, they stayed there and eventually bought a potato farm.

  Sarah took the bookbag from Maryanne. “She shouldn’t have let you carry it. You have to be careful for the baby.”

  “I’m fine, really.” She entered the kitchen, surprised to see the table occupied by a man in a suit, a woman and a little girl.

  “Maryanne,” Sarah said. “This is Pastor and Mrs. Ortega and their daughter, Joy. They came to help with the cookies.”

  Pastor Ortega shook Maryanne’s hand. “I’m so happy to meet you. You’re such a blessing to Tim, Sarah and Debby. We’re hoping you’ll come to church with them.”