She couldn’t speak. Couldn’t open her eyes. Could only nod.
“Being afraid makes us think and do all sorts of things, Lia. Your mind taught you to protect yourself when you were with Vance. It’s understandable that your mind held onto that protection.”
“I don’t want to look.”
“Trust me.”
She did. She trusted Jack.
Gulping in a deep breath, she opened her eyes and looked at her image—a scrawny, mousy, nervous, and flat-chested waif. But a flat-chested waif with nice hair, at least. The shakiness in her knees subsided.
“What do you see?” Jack asked.
Instead of answering, she asked a question of her own. “What do you see? What does a man see when he looks at me?”
Jack got off the bed to stand behind her. From over her shoulder, he swept his gaze over both their images in the mirror. He didn’t touch her, but instead moved his hands around her body, as if outlining her form. “I see a beautiful face, long hair the color of midnight, miles of silky skin covering strong muscles and finely formed bones.”
She heard her mind automatically reject his words, but the expression in his eyes seemed as if he believed what he was saying.
He moved his hands lower, nearly spanning her waist, but still keeping them a hairsbreadth away from touching her skin. “You have the cutest little innie belly button I’ve ever seen. Your hipbones jut out enough to tell me that you can stand to gain a few pounds but not so much that I think you’re unhealthy. And your legs—for someone so short, your legs seem a mile long.”
“I’m not short, I’m petite.”
“Hey, you just stuck up for your body. See, we’ve just started this lesson and you’re getting the hang of it already.”
The sight of his hands near her belly tipped her into quivering.
“God, you’re beautiful. And sexier than hell. Look at yourself,” he said.
She did. This time she saw herself through Jack’s eyes. This time, instead of seeing a mousy waif, she saw a woman with small, perfectly formed breasts, a tiny waist, and slim hips. Years of Vance hurling insults about her body couldn’t be erased in just those few moments, but somehow she did feel sexier, even pretty, now she had seen herself through Jack’s eyes.
“Do you see how a man could find you attractive now?”
He was waiting for her to respond, she realized. She nodded.
“That’s why I wanted you to look in the mirror. I want you to experience your sexiness the way…the way any man would.”
Not all men. Vance had hated her body and Gary thought she had no sex appeal. But Jack was as red-blooded as they came, all alpha male and desirable. Besides, Gary didn’t even know her, and Vance had been an abuser. Jack’s opinion she trusted, even if she couldn’t quite yet bring herself to fully believe she was sexy. At least she didn’t believe she was repulsive any longer.
“You helped me let that go, didn’t you,” she said softly, voicing a statement, not a question.
Jack was silent for a moment before he spoke. “You’re not afraid of your own body now. You’re on the right path. When we’re done with these lessons, you won’t have anything to worry about.”
“Nothing to worry about except for more sex lessons where we don’t actually have sex,” she said, adding a light laugh.
“We’ll get there, Lia. But we’re doing it my way. Trust me.”
“I do,” she whispered. “I do.” Tension fled her body and suddenly she was boneless. She did trust Jack. She trusted herself with him, too. It was as if something had shifted in their relationship, a door had opened.
No, she realized, it was more like part of a wall had come down. Sadie had encouraged her to break down the emotional wall she’d constructed to protect herself from men. The wall had served her well when she’d been living with Vance. But now? Now it wasn’t needed.
And now, Jack was breaking down that wall. And everything was different.
Lia breathed in deep, enjoying the scent of freshly baked apple pie that wafted through the air, surrounding her with its inviting warmth. The windows in Chessie’s farmhouse-style kitchen were coated in steam, an indication of how many hours Chessie had been baking. When Lia arrived a half hour earlier, the marble countertop was already covered with three different types of cookies, two apple pies, and a variety of homemade lavender soaps and bath salts.
She sighed. She’d come over to pick up the baked goods and soaps Chessie had offered to make for the families at Meadowview Sanctuary. Instead of handing Lia a cup of tea and inviting her to sit, Chessie had placed a basket of apples in her hands and ordered her to start peeling. Apparently, Chessie had been apple picking at her parents’ farm over the weekend and was having the time of her life baking pies.
“So, Jack’s going to build me a storage shed,” Chessie said.
Lia’s heart did a weird fluttery thing at the mention of Chessie’s brother. Since the night when Jack had made her look at herself, they’d been on another date. He’d taken her for a hike at the river, intent on showing her the site where a pair of bald eagles lived. They’d found the eagles and had watched for a good half hour as the regal pair soared over the water and the large granite boulders that stuck out of the riverbed. Finally, the birds had headed upstream and disappeared around a corner, out of sight.
Jack had kissed her then, a strong kiss, full of heat and teeth and tongue and she’d about melted with the intensity. He’d pulled away and had stared at her face and stroked her hair away from her forehead, She’d waited, barely breathing, hoping he’d come in for another kiss, only his radio had gone off—a grass fire in the south county had been reported, and he was on duty. After hiking back out of the river canyon, he’d dropped her off in front of her loft and promised to text her in a few days.
So far, she hadn’t heard from him. Funny, how she practically itched each time her phone tweeted to let her know she had a text.
Lia realized Chessie was staring at her. Had she been so lost in thought she’d drifted off completely? What had Chessie been talking about? Oh, yes, a storage shed. “Uh…why do you need a storage shed?”
Apparently satisfied Lia was involved in the conversation, Chessie went back to her task, which at the moment was rolling out pie dough. The rolling pin made soft clacking noises as she drew it across the flattened mound. “I need the space to expand.”
“Another business venture?”
Chessie shrugged. “Gotta put that business major to use in some way. Sweet Meadows is doing great, but I’m getting tired of making all the bath and body stuff in my own kitchen. There’s not enough room for all my supplies.”
“That’s nice your brother can help.” Jack would be busy soon, helping Chessie with her storage shed. Too busy to help Lia with her plan? An odd twinge hit her belly.
“Heard you were over at his place the other day.”
Startled, Lia pulled back, her shoulders going tight. “How did you know? Did he tell you?” That would be odd—she would have thought Jack wouldn’t have mentioned her visit to his sister.
“This is Meadowview. My mom saw your car on Jack’s road, headed in the direction of his house, and my dad saw it exiting his driveway. They both mentioned those facts to one of the checkers at the Dillard’s Grocery. Who of course told me.”
Mystery solved. Meadowview’s gossip circle. The tension eased from her body.
Chessie turned over the widening circle of dough, spreading more flour across the surface before placing it shiny side down. “Why were you at Jack’s, anyway?”
“I…um…” Lia hesitated, groping for an answer. She couldn’t tell Chessie the real reason she’d gone over to Jack’s house—to sleep with her friend’s brother.
The memory of Jack’s mouth on hers brought a shiver that ran through her, excitement laced with arousal. Although she and Jack hadn’t actually gone to bed yet, the erotic sensations he dragged out of her every time he touched her awakened every repressed desire her body an
d mind had held onto over the years. Her body’s reaction to his touch told her she was on the right track.
“Lia?” Chessie had stopped rolling out the dough and was staring at her quizzically. “Something going on?” she asked.
“No,” Lia was quick to reply. Too quick, maybe. Chessie still stared at her. “I went to Jack’s to talk about work on the Sanctuary.”
“I thought his construction work was complete.” Chessie pulled a ceramic pie plate toward her, worked the crust carefully over the rolling pin, then centered it in the pie dish.
“It was. He’s done, well—” She stopped, thought quickly, but started again, figuring what she was about to say wasn’t quite a lie. “I want him to build some shelves in the laundry room, that’s all.”
Chessie raised her eyebrows as she shoved a measuring cup full of sugar, a bowl of sliced apples, and cinnamon across the counter to her. “Make yourself useful.”
Lia had just blown out a silent breath of relief that Chessie had quit quizzing her when the doorbell rang, followed by a cheery voice calling, “I’m here!”
“Sadie’s here?” Lia swung around on the kitchen stool. “I didn’t know she was coming.”
The front door slammed, followed by the clicking of heels down the hall.
“Guess I forgot to tell you,” Chessie said. “She asked me to hang on to you until she got here. She has some announcement to tell us. Knowing Sadie, it will be something to do with her hair or clothes.”
Tall, blonde Sadie swung the double-hinged doors open and entered the kitchen, then grabbed Chessie from behind and embraced her in a bear hug. “No fair. I haven’t been that shallow since before I married Ethan,” she protested, but the smile on her face showed she knew Chessie had been teasing. She let go of Chessie to embrace Lia.
“How is my brother?” Lia asked, her voice muffled, buried in Sadie’s wild mane of curls.
“He’s good,” her friend replied, swiping a cookie and downing it in one bite. Chessie noticed and gave her a poorly aimed smack, leaving a white flour handprint on the front of Sadie’s high-necked black knit sweater.
“Ethan’s great, actually,” Sadie mumbled around the cookie. “Being our local artistic director for Meadowview Community Players suits him much better than being a director in New York, and marriage suits him even more.”
“Don’t eat the cookies,” Chessie admonished. “This is all for the families at the Sanctuary and those hottie firemen down at the station. Those boys pulled an all-nighter and are in need of a little tender loving care.”
The fire station? Lia’s stomach clenched. Maybe Jack would be there. Immediately, she checked her thoughts. She really should be considering whether Peter Leary would be on duty. Should be thinking about whether her lessons with Jack have gotten her far enough to flirt a little.
“You got flour all over my cashmere sweater,” Sadie complained, dusting at the print but only succeeding in spreading the mark. “Damn, I’ve made it worse. Now it looks like a ghost tried to grab my boobs.”
“You could try to find something else to wear in my closet if you want to change,” Chessie offered.
“I’m deathly afraid of the time machine lurking in there, Chessie,” Sadie said. “I could step into that dark little room a sleek, sophisticated, modern woman and come out as a 1950s housewife, complete with a kerchief around my bouffant hair. Or a hippie from the era of Free Love.”
Lia tuned her friends out. The argument over clothes had been ongoing between the two since their teen years. She wouldn’t be missing anything. She let her mind drift to her Grand Plan. To Jack. She shook her head, trying to force the image of Jack’s muscled torso out of her mind and replace it with Peter’s leaner frame.
Without success.
Maybe she just wasn’t ready to see Peter yet—she’d felt fantastically sexy with Jack, but she wasn’t sure yet if her newfound sensuality would shine through the minute she saw another attractive man. She’d probably freeze, get tongue-tied, or act like a blithering idiot. Jack naturally made her feel confident. Comfortable. Sensual, even, but the idea of being with one of the hot firemen at the station… Maybe she should wait until she’d actually slept with Jack and had grown confident in her sensuality before seeing Peter again.
A picture of Jack’s face as he looked down at her after he’d kissed her flashed through her mind. His eyes had been soft, his gaze tender. At the memory, her fear immediately abated. Maybe she didn’t have to wait. Maybe Jack’s touch and “gentling” process was already working and she was ready to move on with her life.
But if that were the case, why was she unable to conjure Peter’s face in her mind?
Could be she simply needed to see him again. And taking the pies to the firehouse would give her a chance. She interrupted her friends’ squabble. “Do you want me to drop off the pies at the firehouse on my way over to the Sanctuary?”
“That’s okay, I can do it.” Chessie was quick to answer. “I need to see my brother anyway and bug him about building the storage shed.”
“Jack’s there?” So her earlier thought had been correct.
“Yep. He was on call last night. Still is at the station, cleaning gear. Along with Gary, Peter, and a few other newbies I haven’t met yet.”
“Why don’t I come along?” The second the words escaped her mouth she bit her lip. Had she sounded too eager?
Sadie glanced up at her, curiosity illustrated in her raised eyebrows. “Sounds like you’re a bit excited to see some firefighters. Working on breaking down that final wall of yours, the way we’d talked about at the Goldpan Pub?”
Oh, God, if Sadie only knew. Lia dropped her gaze to the floor, knowing she’d be blushing in two seconds if she didn’t watch out. “It’s slow going,” she said, hoping the cryptic statement would be enough to satisfy her friend.
“It’s a cliché, but one brick at a time does make sense. Take it slow,” Sadie said.
“And whether you’re breaking down your emotional walls or not,” Chessie added, “I’d like the help getting these pies into the firehouse. So yeah, I hope you do come with me.” She used her hip to nudge Lia out of the way and then sprinkled a light dusting of flour over the sliced apples.
Sadie tried to sneak another cookie, but Chessie noticed and smacked her again. “Criminy. If we don’t get control of Miss Mouth here, we won’t have any goodies left for any of the more deserving people.”
While Lia tidied up and Sadie munched on a cookie, Chessie dished the apple mixture into the pie plate and carefully eased the top crust over the juicy apples. With expert hands, she trimmed and crimped the edges, cut a design in the top to vent for steam, then shoved it in the oven. A memory of her own mother baking a pie flashed over Lia. Just as suddenly, the memory was gone, leaving an empty space in her heart. How differently everything might have turned out in her life had her mother not committed suicide.
She shook off the regret. She was done living in the past.
“Another hour and this will be ready for delivery. Lia, you and I can drool over the firemen together.”
Lia laughed.
“Unless they’ve been called out for a fire. And Peter—” Chessie cut herself off when she noticed Sadie stuff another cookie in her mouth. “Good God, Sadie, that’s the fifth cookie you’ve stolen in just as many minutes. Are you on an all-cookie diet, or pregnant, or what?”
“Yes,” Sadie said around a mouthful of cookie.
Wait—what had Chessie been about to say? If Sadie hadn’t stolen that last cookie, Chessie would have finished her sentence about Peter. Now Lia had to wait until Sadie explained why she had stolen the cookies.
“An all-cookie diet is ridiculous,” Chessie said.
“And not all that healthy,” Lia added.
“You two are dingbats,” Sadie stated. “Here, I’ll show you.” She stuck an index finger in the soft mound of flour that had been left on the counter. With the flour, she drew two eyes and a smiley mouth on her cashmere sweate
r, right over her abdomen.
“Now you look like someone who had a ghost grabbed your boobs and drew a smiley face on your belly.” Chessie shook her head.
“Here, this should help get my point across.” This time when Sadie drew on her shirt, she formed a large heart outlining the smiley face.
“I still don’t get it,” Chessie said, turning back to the sink.
But Lia got it—she sucked in a breath. The room began to whirl around her, faded, and then slowly came back into view as warmth spread through her body. She worked her jaw, trying to speak. She finally forced the words out before the tightness in her neck constricted too tight for her to speak.
“It means I’m going to be an aunt.”
Chessie turned around. “What?”
“Sadie’s pregnant.”
For a moment, the kitchen sat in silence, then suddenly Chessie was jumping up and down and Sadie was laughing and crying at the same time, repeating the words, “I’m pregnant” over and over again.
Lia wanted to smile, to congratulate her friend, and to join in the excitement. But the unbearable weight crushed her chest, like granite boulders stacked one on top of the other. “You’ll never have a baby, Lia. I won’t let you. I made you an appointment to get your fucking tubes tied.”
Vance hadn’t wanted to share her. Even with a baby.
“Lia, isn’t this great news?”
She could barely make out Chessie’s words over the roaring sound of blackness. Breathe. Remember to breathe. She had to climb her way out of this, pull herself back to Chessie’s kitchen. Breathe, just breathe. Think of Jack.
She forced a smile. Good, her lips were responding. She opened her arms to Sadie for an embrace. Her arms shook and felt like melted butter, but worked well enough to pull her sister-in-law in and squeeze.
“I’m happier than you’ll ever know,” she said. And it was true. Ever since Sadie and Ethan had found love together, Lia had been praying for a niece or nephew. Her brother had done a wonderful job helping to raise her after their mother died, and she knew he’d be a great father. Her own pain began to ebb, replaced by the warm glow of love and hope. Her lips no longer trembled at the corners from her forcing them upward. Now her smile was genuine.
Trusting The One (Meadowview Heat 2; The Meadowview Series 2) Page 10