A Small Indiscretion

by Denise Rudberg

  Isa looked troubled and twisted around a little. “That Find Your Newborn Self stuff was too much. They put us in diapers to get rid of our feelings of shame. They wanted to go through all of human development, from birth to the present.”

  Torsten made an unintentional smirking sound, and Isa jumped.

  “I’m sorry, diapers?”

  Isa threw up her hands. “The whole thing was disgusting. I’d call it fetishistic—not some form of self-development, as they put it.”

  “But Christopher thought it was good?”

  “I know he found that diaper thing off-putting, but as far as the courses themselves, he thought they helped him find out a great deal about himself. I grew tired of hearing about it, though. Every time he returned from Right Now, he had a new insight and understood everything so well.”

  “What about the children? How did they react to all of this?”

  “That was what was so wrong about the whole thing. He was always leaving home to spend more time ‘in the now,’ but he distanced himself more and more from his daughters. That was my main argument against it.”

  “So you’re saying he wasn’t present for his daughters.”

  Isa hesitated again. “Well, I hate to say it, but he wasn’t. Christopher’s own father had never been home, and Christopher was sent abroad to boarding school. I think he was incapable of getting close to anyone.”

  Augustin happened to put his coffee cup down hard, and it rattled.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “We have met Jonas Carlfors. He told us all about your relationship.”

  Isa was taken aback. She drank the last drops of coffee in her cup. Torsten was about to do the same, but then remembered just how bad it was.

  “Jonas and I have been close to each other all our lives. His sister is one of my best friends. We’ve helped each other quite a bit lately. His wife is extremely ill, and I had my own problems with Christopher. We found we had so much in common—especially when I began to suspect Christopher was also depressed. We spent lots of time together with the children, and we still do. We go to the country, make dinner, or go out fishing. Sometimes it feels awfully sad that we got close only after marrying other people. But you surely don’t suspect Jonas would have anything to do with Christopher’s death?”

  Torsten looked right in her eyes. “Do you think we should?”

  Isa Turin waved away the thought, then shook her head vigorously. “Absolutely not! Jonas would never do anything to hurt the children or me! Never!”

  “Perhaps not. But he did say that you all might feel better without Christopher in your lives.”

  Isa said, “No. He is much more intelligent than that. He’d never even consider taking those ridiculous courses in the archipelago. Christopher used to complain that Jonas only saw the surface of things, but in truth Jonas is a thousand times deeper and more philosophical than anyone else. He lives inside his emotions and doesn’t have to pretend. He can look me in the eyes and tell me how much he loves me. Christopher could never do that, even if he drank all night.”

  Torsten steadied his right hand on his leg, remembering yet again to steer clear of the coffee.

  “About alcohol. How much did Christopher drink?”

  “He drank socially. Less than average, actually. Once he started Right Now, he drank less and less. Instead, he drank various kinds of purifying teas. At Right Now, no alcohol is allowed. I suspect that many of their so-called leaders smoked—and I’m not talking cigarettes. But I think that was also part of their ridiculous theories.”

  The more Torsten heard about Right Now, the more he suspected that it was some sort of cult—and a silly one at that.

  “Is it true that Christopher was having his own affairs?”

  Isa took a deep breath and twisted her hands. “Yes, and definitely more than one. After Jonas and I started our relationship, I stopped caring. At Right Now, they often find so-called soul companions—twin souls, spiritual friends, or whatever you want to call it—and they have passionate sexual relationships. Then they go home and tell their partners that they’ve ‘found themselves.’”

  Tears started streaming down her cheeks, and soon her entire body shook with sobs. Finally, she said, “I don’t understand why anyone hasn’t investigated them as some kind of sex cult. No one ever talks about what really goes on there. Almost everyone who is drawn into it goes nuts and gets a divorce. They decide to overhaul their lives by starting yoga studios or organic gardens. And the founders just sit there, raking in the dough on these lost souls.”

  “What do you know about the founders?”

  “Not much. I believe the man was in advertising, and I have no idea what the woman did before.”

  “Do they live on their island year round?”

  “I don’t know, but they’re always there for all the courses. What they do the rest of the time is anybody’s guess. They say they both have families, and I know the woman has a son. I’ve seen him.”

  “You believe Right Now changed Christopher in a negative way?”

  Isa Turin nodded emphatically as she blew her nose.

  “Absolutely. I’m not saying our marriage would have been great, but he was more communicative at first.”

  “When was the last time he went to Right Now?”

  “I have no idea. Probably about a month or so ago. We stopped talking about it.”

  “It sounds to me as if the two of you were just coexisting. Why didn’t you go ahead and get divorced?”

  Isa blew her nose a second time, stuffing the tissue under one of her legs. “Logistics. We hadn’t yet talked to the children, and we wanted to do it together. I’ll never tell them about it now. It’s bad enough they’ve lost their father so tragically.”

  Torsten agreed that she had made a wise decision. “Is there anyone you think might want to hurt Christopher? A married man jealous about an affair Christopher was having in Right Now? Or an undocumented worker? Some kind of renovation gone awry? Or a conflict with someone at work? Anything at all you can think of?”

  Isa shook her head. “I’ve gone over and over it in my mind, but I just can’t think of anyone who would want to hurt him. People liked him in spite of his faults. He was easygoing. He wasn’t the kind who easily made enemies. His problem was trying to please everyone too much.”

  “No strange phone calls or letters?”

  Isa shook her head. “None. Of course, we weren’t checking each other’s phones—that was one of our silent agreements. On the other hand, I do know one of our daughters got some strange text messages for a while. It seemed like someone thought her phone number belonged to a different girl. That girl’s old boyfriend must have been trying to terrorize her.”

  “Thank you for all your time. We’ll be back again if we have any more questions. Please call us if you think of anything else.”

  “I promise. But don’t suspect Jonas in this. I know it’s not him.”

  Torsten patted Isa’s arm. “We’ll clear it all up so nobody has to live under a cloud of suspicion. And thanks so much for the coffee.”

  Isa Turin followed them to the door. She smiled weakly at Augustin. “I’ll give Nilla your regards.”

  Augustin bowed slightly. “Please do. She is a fine woman.”

  Torsten and Augustin took the stairs down, silently walking through the long entry hall and out the door. Once they reached Narvavägen, they both took deep breaths. Torsten shook his head.

  “I can’t believe the things people do. Diapers? Jesus.”

  Augustin agreed. “I think we should go check out this Right Now place. What do you think?”

  Torsten replied, “Let’s do a web search on it back at the station. Then we’ll take a ride out to the island early tomorrow morning. Tell me—what’s your impression of this recent widow?”

  Augustin shook his head. “Honestly,
I don’t know. But I think she knows more than she is saying.”

  Torsten agreed. “She’s holding something back, subconsciously or not. But I have to tell you, I didn’t think she was all that good-looking. Much too thin for my taste.”

  “I know. I remember her with a bit more weight.”

  “That woman…Nilla…she mentioned.”

  Augustin raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”

  “Will that relationship affect this investigation?”

  Augustin smiled weakly, shaking his head. “No, no, don’t worry. I lived next door to her apartment for a while, and she often invited me out to events as a cover.”

  “A what?”

  “Yes, well, she was recently divorced and was tired of people feeling sorry for her. Her husband had left her for a younger woman.”

  Torsten laughed. “So she invited you along to play the boy toy? What a woman!”

  Augustin smiled. “Yes, she has a great sense of humor.”

  “Well, I have trouble believing you were just her cover.”

  “That’s all I’m going to say, Torsten. We don’t get together anymore these days. I’m telling you, our investigation won’t be affected in the least.”

  “Was she part of Right Now?”

  “I have no idea,” Augustin replied, “but I’d find that hard to believe. She wasn’t the type.”

  “Maybe you can call her and ask a few questions?”

  Augustin looked doubtful. Finally, he said, “I guess so, why not. But I’ll tell her that I’m part of the investigative team. I don’t want to be duplicitous.”

  “Sure. And perhaps she has inside information about the Turins.”

  They got into their respective cars. Torsten drove up Narvavägen and decided to swing by Karla Frukt again as long as he was in the neighborhood. Perhaps that cheerful blonde with the bangs would be working today. He liked chatting with her. He also craved one of those licorice pipes. Maybe he’d buy two—one for Marianne Jidhoff. He hoped he wasn’t being too pushy. But she seemed like the kind of person who both appreciated gestures like that and liked licorice.

  CHAPTER 41

  In the end, Torsten decided not to go back to the office. He called Marianne to give her a short update; then he headed off to the airport. He tried to remember which terminal Noah was arriving at, and he finally found a one-hour parking spot. Reaching the terminal, he saw Noah coming out the electric doors, dragging his suitcase. His head was drooping, as if he hadn’t slept in a while. Noah’s eyes always turned red when he’d had too little sleep.

  Torsten hurried over, grabbed his suitcase, and gave his son a hug. Just a month or two ago, Noah had grown taller than his father.

  “Hello, my boy, how are you doing?”

  “Not so good. I think I’m coming down with something.”

  Noah coughed, and Torsten realized his son was avoiding eye contact. Torsten put an arm around Noah’s shoulders as they walked to the car. He heaved the suitcase into the trunk.

  “You mind if I change the channel?” Noah asked as they started for home. “I don’t get how you can listen to radio with ads.”

  “Well, the ads are nerve-racking.”

  They sat silently, and Torsten kept glancing worriedly at his son. Noah kept his eyes focused straight ahead.

  “How’s your mother?”

  “Fine.”

  “Her guy, Peo? How’s he?”

  “Fine.”

  “Were his children there, too?”

  “No.”

  Torsten drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and said, “I bought some groceries, but maybe you want to eat out tonight?”

  “On a Monday?”

  “Why not? Celebrate that you’re home and all.”

  “No, thanks. I just want a sandwich. I’m not that hungry.”

  “That’s fine. That’ll work.”

  They were quiet for some time and Torsten wondered what to say. Finally, he spoke up. “I’ve been handed a new case.”

  “What about the old one?”

  “I’m still on that one, too, but I think it’s going to be shelved if I don’t find out more. This new case is a murder in Östermalm. It’s complicated, because the Stockholm police should have jurisdiction, but Olle wanted us to handle it.”

  “Cool.”

  “And I have a new colleague.”

  “Working with you?”

  “That’s the idea. He’s a young guy, pretty much right out of the Academy. Olle says he’s one of a kind, but I’m going to wait and see.”

  “Sounds familiar. What else can you do?”

  Torsten laughed as Noah broke into a smile. Ever since Noah had decided to live with him, Torsten liked to keep his son up-to-date on his work. Torsten thought if he was open about his job and responsibilities, his son would be open in return. At least, that’s what he’d hoped.

  “You’re right about that,” Torsten said. “Are you sure you’re not hungry? We could go to Ho’s for some Chinese food.”

  Noah stopped smiling. He shrugged. “Sure, but I’m really tired.”

  “We’ll just eat something quick, then we’ll go home and relax. Do you need to prepare for class tomorrow?”

  “No.”

  Torsten parked close to their apartment, and they walked down the long street to one of Stockholm’s most popular Chinese restaurants. They ordered two hot dishes with glasses of milk and ate in silence. Torsten kept biting his tongue. He wanted to ask Noah what the hell was wrong with him but knew that was the wrong tack, so he concentrated on eating his rice with chopsticks, an extremely difficult task. Noah had told him before that eating Asian food with a fork and knife was in bad taste—he’d demanded Torsten learn to eat with chopsticks. Torsten found it almost impossible in the beginning, but he finally got the hang of it. Still, rice was difficult to pick up, especially when it was covered in any kind of sauce.

  Noah ate his food but wanted no dessert. He usually loved Ho’s fried banana with vanilla ice cream. Torsten wondered if he should order the fried banana for himself but realized that Noah really wanted to get home. He asked for the check, and they walked home to Folkskolegatan. Torsten got the suitcase from the trunk while Noah headed up to the apartment.

  Torsten spent a few moments collecting the trash that had accumulated in his car, and when he got into the apartment, he heard sounds from the bathroom.

  “What’s wrong, son?”

  “I’m feeling really bad!”

  Noah bent over the toilet bowl and vomited with such force that his body shook with violent spasms.

  Torsten handed him some toilet paper to wipe his mouth, and flushed the toilet for him. “Come, let’s get you to bed,” he said.

  He led Noah to his room. He had already put clean sheets on the bed, and Noah lay down, exhausted. Torsten hurriedly opened the French doors to the balcony for some fresh air. Then he pulled the curtains. The sun had set and the glare from the streetlights came in at an unfortunate angle, right onto Noah’s bed. Torsten sat down and put his palm on his son’s forehead.

  “Should I get you any medicine?”

  Noah shook his head. “No, thanks. I just want to rest. I’m so tired.”

  “Do you think it was the food?”

  Noah shook his head weakly.

  “Tell me if you need anything. I’ll be sitting up.”

  “OK.”

  Noah closed his eyes, and Torsten got up. He hoped his expression didn’t show how worried he was. Noah was rarely sick. He hadn’t been this ill since having the chicken pox at age ten. Nowadays, with swine flu and God knows what else, Torsten knew that a person could very quickly become seriously ill. He’d see how Noah felt during the night. He hadn’t detected a fever, but he planned to call the doctor if Noah wasn’t feeling better in the morning.

  CHAPTER 42 />
  Paula heard the girls giggling, so she stuck her head into the room she’d let them both sleep in. “Hey, girls, don’t keep talking too long. Otherwise, you’ll have to go back and sleep in your own bedrooms. After that long weekend, you need your sleep. I’ll bet you were up late every single night.”

  “But, Mamma, please? Can’t we just talk a little bit more?”

  Paula smiled and shook her head. “Not tonight, sorry. Sleep tight, now. I’ll pack a special snack in your lunches for tomorrow.”

  The girls were taking a field trip—outdoors in the woods—and they liked the change of routine from the usual school lunch. Paula remembered it well from her own childhood. She would make them pancakes and give them thermoses with hot chocolate. She hesitated at the door, but then decided to go in and give each girl a kiss and pat on the forehead. She inhaled their scent, so happy to have them home again. It made the disruptions of these past few days easier to handle.

  Passi had left the house twenty minutes before she picked up the girls from gymnastics. She’d vacuumed and scrubbed all the places they’d been during those hours after lunch. Her vagina was raw, and she wondered if people could tell what she’d been up to just by looking at her. She thought there might be too much happiness in her eyes, so she did her best to look more neutral.

  Jens called from London to wish the girls a good night. When Paula took the receiver to say hello, she thought she heard a woman in the background trying to keep from coughing. After they hung up, she considered calling back to ask him directly what was going on, but she decided she really didn’t want to know, not yet.

  She started down the stairs, stopping halfway to listen if the girls had quieted down. When she reached the bottom, she heard the rain lashing against the patio doors. It made her want to yell to the world that she was no longer afraid. She had someone on her side who had listened to her fear.

  Passi had asked to come over tonight once the girls were asleep, especially if she was afraid during the night. She had looked at him tenderly and thanked him. She said she’d set the house alarm to loud before going to bed in case anyone tried to open a door or window or moved around on the ground floor. She could set it from her bedroom. Passi had hugged and rocked her, saying that no woman should be so frightened, especially in her own home. They’d slept for a while, dozing in each other’s arms until Paula woke with a jerk, assured once again that his arms were still around her.