She smiled, but it wasn’t even enough to bring that dimple out I loved seeing so much. One long look at her face and I knew something wasn’t right. I pulled the chair beside her out, and turned it so that, when I sat, I was facing her directly and my thighs were bracketing her legs. “Hey, you okay?”
I got the side of her face again when she looked away and lifted her coffee to her lips. “I’m fine,” she said quietly against the rim of her cup.
My stomach dropped, because she was anything but fine. When it came to women I’d learned early on, ‘fine’ never meant fine. “Lilly.”
She hummed, keeping her gaze diverted.
That sinking feeling grew more intense as I demanded, “Look at me.” I finally got her eyes, but what I saw in them didn’t do a damn thing to ease the knot in my gut. She looked skittish… almost scared.
“What’s going on? And don’t lie to me this time.”
She set the cup down, once again, but this time turned to give me her full attention. Her voice was low as she said, “I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
My brow furrowed in confusion. “Huh?”
“We had sex last night,” she added on a whisper.
“I know. I was there. Thank fucking God.”
It was her turn to look confused. “Y-you… you don’t regret it?”
That was when it hit me. And the feeling wasn’t a good one. Thanks to my shitty actions over the past several weeks, I’d trained Lilly to expect the absolute worst when it came to me. I couldn’t fault her for being leery. I’d basically taught her to expect the worst. And just knowing that cut so deep I wasn’t sure the wound would ever heal right.
“No,” I stated firmly before growling, “Fuck no. I don’t regret it.”
Her eyes started to shine as they darted down to my hands, more specifically, to the finger my wedding ring rested on. Shit, I’d made such a mess of everything. “How can you say that?” Her voice grew thick as she continued. “How can you even expect me to believe it? Every time we get close, you shove me away. Well, last night was the closest two people could get, wasn’t it?”
I leaned forward and cupped her cheeks in my hands. To my relief, she nuzzled into my hold instead of pulling away. “I’m so goddamned sorry for everything I’ve put you through. I’m a mess, Lil. My head’s all twisted up, and I can’t promise I won’t fuck up again, but I swear, I don’t regret last night.”
“Maybe not now—”
“Not ever,” I interrupted. “I know I’ve given you no reason to believe me, but I’m telling the truth.”
She studied my expression, searching for anything that would prove my words were less than genuine. Again, I couldn’t blame her, but fuck me, did that ever sting. “What are we doing here, Quinn?”
It was a question I dreaded, mainly because I didn’t have an answer. I wasn’t lying when I said I had no regrets about what happened last night, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t confused as hell about where it was leading. “I don’t know,” I answered as honestly as possible. And from the way her face dropped and her expression became guarded, I knew it wasn’t a good one.
I tightened my hold on her and scrambled to give her an explanation that wouldn’t have her running in the other direction. “Look, I don’t have all the answers you’re looking for, but I want to try this. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, and trying to keep my distance is only making us both miserable. Can we just… can we take this one day at a time?”
It wasn’t a very reasonable request on my part, but it was the best I could do. I knew I wanted her, but the guilt at the thought of betraying my wife hadn’t lessened. I felt like I was being ripped in half, pulled in two different directions, and neither of them felt totally right. I didn’t know what else to do.
“One day at a time,” she repeated softly.
“Yeah.”
“Like… dating?”
The idea of labeling what we were doing was uncomfortable, but at least dating was a label I could live with. Anything more concrete would have sent me over the edge, and I couldn’t stand the idea of hurting her again. Dating was the best I could do. At least for now. I just prayed to God she could accept that.
“Yeah, I guess you could call it that.” I ran the pad of my thumb along her cheekbone. “I know I’ve given you no reason to trust me, and I have no idea what tomorrow is going to bring, but I want to try this… with you.”
“One day at a time.”
“Yes,” I said softly, my eyes pleading with her. “It’s all I’ve got right now, Lilly. Please, tell me you understand.”
“I do,” she whispered on a nod. “I understand that this has to be hard for you.”
I couldn’t keep the hopefulness in my voice in check as I asked, “So you’ll try?”
And when she gave me another nod, I breathed a sigh of relief as the knot in my stomach unfurled. “Thank you,” I breathed, leaning in to close the distance between us and repeated, “Thank you,” against her lips.
She pulled back just enough to draw my attention to her eyes. “Just… promise you won’t hurt me again, okay?”
I didn’t answer. Instead, I devoured her lips — tasting, licking, and nipping until her entire body went pliant and fell against me, her question long forgotten. I couldn’t promise her that, because somewhere deep inside I knew that promise would be the hardest one to keep.
Lilly
“ALL RIGHT, GUYS. You did great today! I’ll see you next week.”
Choruses of “Bye, Ms. Lilly” rang out around the room as the little girls scattered to their parents. I lifted my gaze just as Quinn pushed through the studio room door.
My heartbeat kicked up several notches at the sight of him. He stood at least a head taller than the rest of the parents in the room, so I didn’t miss the tiny smirk that played on his lips as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the wall like he didn’t have a care in the world. God, he was fine.
I felt like a teenage girl with a silly crush. My stomach swooped and my skin got tingly as I diverted my attention, staring at anything and everything except him. I could feel the heat in my cheeks as I passed out hugs and good byes to my students.
I finally started in his direction, working to push my nerves back, telling myself I was being ridiculous. But everything about our relationship had changed. Two nights ago I’d seen him naked, felt him move inside me. I had intimate knowledge of his body, and just thinking about it made me want to blush and giggle. We hadn’t really had a chance to see each other since he stayed the night at my apartment, but he’d called and texted several times, and each time my phone lit up with his name I got all giddy.
“Hi.” Damn it. My voice came out a lot breathier and low than I’d intended.
That smirk of his grew, coming dangerously close to his eyes. “Hi back.”
“Daddy!” Sophia came rushing over. “Look what I learned today!” She went down in plié just like I’d taught them before doing a pretty damn good pirouette.
“That’s amazing, Angel. You’re doing so good.”
Sophia’s entire face brightened at her father’s praise, causing my heart to jump. Quinn was attractive all on his own, but watching him interact with his daughter only made him that much hotter. And judging by the looks on some of the other moms’ faces, I wasn’t the only one who thought so.
“Go get your stuff, baby girl. I’m going to have a word with Ms. Lilly then we’ll go home and I’ll get dinner started.”
She rushed off to go grab her backpack and Quinn turned back to me, whispering, “How are you?”
My face got hot all over again, and I knew he saw it because his green eyes began to shoot sparks. “Why do I suddenly feel like a fourteen-year-old with a crush when you’re around?” It was meant to be a rhetorical question, but that didn’t stop him from answering… and making my face flush even worse.
His voice dropped so low only I could hear it as he said, “Maybe because
I’ve been up close and personal with every inch of your body and now know exactly what you look like when you come. Or maybe it’s because you know I plan on seeing that look on your face again… very soon.”
Sophia came running back just as my mouth dropped open and my eyes bugged out. “Daddy! Can we have tacos for dinner? Pleeeease?”
I was still stunned speechless, a tremor building between my thighs from Quinn’s statement as he turned to look at his daughter.
“Yes, we can have tacos.”
“Yes!” She pumped her little fist then asked, “Oh! Can Ms. Lilly come?” She gave me her attention and stated enthusiastically, “Daddy’s like the best cook ever. His tacos are awesome!”
“Oh, I—uh… I don’t think—”
“Great idea,” Quinn interrupted, stunning me for the second time in as many minutes. “You should definitely come. We eat around seven. That work for you?”
“Um…” I wasn’t quite sure how to react. I knew he said he wanted to try… whatever that entailed, but I couldn’t help but compare dating Quinn with trying to successfully navigate a minefield. I never knew when I’d take one wrong step. And even though it had only been two days, I still felt that everything could turn on a dime, that I was just waiting for something to happen to make him push me away again. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised he was so cool with the idea of a cozy dinner at his house with his daughter. I was sure that would cross one of the million invisible lines he had laid out between us. So knowing he not only liked the idea, but insisted upon it, made that floaty feeling in my belly that much stronger. “Sure. Seven works great.”
“Yay!” Sophia screamed.
“Perfect.” He did that little wink thing that sent a quiver of pleasure through my core. “See you then.”
SOPHIA HADN’T BEEN lying. Quinn’s tacos were delicious. And the entire evening had been surprisingly comfortable, even with the potent sexual tension that filtered between the two of us.
“So, what did you think?” Quinn asked after I polished off the last of my fourth taco. If he hadn’t been sitting right in front of me, I might have gone so far as to lick my plate clean.
“So good,” I groaned through a full mouth, giving two thumbs up.
“Told ya!” Sophia giggled. “My daddy’s the best cook in the world. You should try his pancakes.”
“She’s exaggerating,” Quinn added. “Pancakes and tacos are about the extent of my culinary prowess.”
I swallowed and smiled brightly. “Then I guess we’re all lucky Sinful Sweets expanded, huh?”
He lifted his bottle of beer and tipped it in my direction. “I thank God every day.” Then he took a pull, and I was mesmerized by the way his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. Damn, even his throat was sexy.
“It’s almost bedtime, Angel,” he spoke, pulling me from my lusty haze. “Go brush your teeth, and I’ll pick a book to read to you.”
“Can Ms. Lilly read me a story tonight?”
I glanced sideways at Quinn. After his blowup the one and only time I babysat Sophia, I didn’t want to risk pushing my luck by overstepping my boundaries, so I said, “Why doesn’t your dad read you a story while I clean up.”
I stood and began gathering the dishes when I felt Quinn’s hand land softly on my forearm. “You don’t have to do that.”
That simple touch sent a spark of electricity through my bloodstream. “I don’t mind. Besides, you cooked, it’s only fair, right?”
His eyes held mine for several seconds, and I swear, I could feel something intense coming from the pale green depths, but before I could place it, he stood and broke the connection. “Okay.” He looked to his daughter and gently commanded, “Get a move on, sweetheart.”
Sophia pushed from her chair and came at me, wrapping her arms around my waist. “’Night, Ms. Lilly. I’m glad you had dinner with us.”
“Me too, honey.” I returned her hug as best as I could with my hands full of dirty plates.
She bolted from the room and Quinn started to follow, but stopped before passing me, leaning in close to whisper in my ear, “Don’t leave yet. I’ll be back in a few.”
Another tremor worked through my core. “Okay,” I whispered back.
He disappeared down the hall and I headed for the kitchen and dove into scrubbing dishes like my life depended on it in an effort to temper my raging hormones.
I was so busy scouring the skillet Quinn had used for chicken that I hadn’t heard him enter the kitchen. My body gave a startled jolt as he reached up and brushed my hair over one shoulder before placing his lips on the sensitive skin. This time I jolted for an entirely different reason.
“You scrub that any harder and you’re going to take the Teflon right off.”
I dropped the scrubber and moved the skillet under the water, giving it a good rinse. I’d just picked up a plate to wash when Quinn’s tongue darted out and ran along the cord in my neck. It felt so good, no… it felt amazing. I didn’t want him to stop, but in the back of my mind, I knew it probably wasn’t a good idea. “Should you be doing that right now with Sophia only a few rooms away?”
“She’s dead asleep. Won’t hear a thing.”
I cocked my head to the side to give him better access as my eyes fluttered closed. “Jeez. That was fast.”
He stood and placed his hands on my hips, spinning me around to face him. “Babe. I’ve been with her for twenty minutes.” My eyes got big, making Quinn smirk. “Just how long were you scrubbing at skillet?” he asked, humor laced through his words.
“Uh…”
He chuckled and bent close. “Fuck, you’re cute.”
I grinned widely, watching as his gaze trailed down my face to my mouth. “That dimple kills me,” he muttered, closing the rest of the distance and placing a kiss on my cheek, right where it depressed every time I smiled. I melted into his big, strong body as he moved from my dimple to my lips and began kissing me. It started soft and slow, feather-light pressure of his mouth against mine. Then his tongue ran along the seam of my lips. I opened for him and the tone of the kiss changed completely.
He kissed me so thoroughly, with such deliberateness, that I got completely lost in the feel of him. My hands snaked around his back and yanked up his sweater in order to get to the warm skin of his back. My nails dug in and I moaned into his mouth as pleasure coursed through me.
Something about that noise spurred him on. A deep, low growl worked its way up his chest and down my throat. His fingers on my hips clenched then moved. Before I could process what was about to happen, he grabbed my ass in both hands and hauled me up his body. My legs wrapped around his waist, locking at the ankles, and I twined my arms around his neck as he set me down on the counter beside the sink.
His cock was hard, the pressure of it pressing again me oh-so perfectly that another — more wanton — groan escaped. “Quinn,” I breathed as his head lowered and he kissed a scorching trail down my jaw and neck.
“Christ,” he grunted, pushing himself harder against me. “Want you so fucking bad.” Tiny bombs detonated between my thighs. I was so wet. So ready.
I’d just started contemplating ways to get us both naked and in his bed when a tiny voice called out, “Daddy? Can I have a glass of water?”
Everything stopped. The heat instantly disappeared like a tub full of ice water had just been dumped on us. “Shit,” he hissed, dropping his forehead to my shoulder. “Shit, shit, fucking shit.”
I gave his shoulders a little push and tried not to giggle at the murderous look on his face as he called out, “Yeah, Angel. Be right there.”
At that, I lost hold of my giggle. Quinn’s eyes lowered once more to my dimple and his eyes grew hooded. “I’m really sorry about that,” he said quietly.
I reached up and did what I’d been wanting to do since the first time he walked into my dance school, I ran my fingers through that mass of sandy blond hair, letting them trail down over the stubble on his square jaw. “Don’t be sorry. It
’s hot watching you be a good dad.”
One of his brows quirked up as he mumbled, “I’ll have to keep that in mind.”
“You do that,” I grinned, unlocking my ankles so he could step back and I could hop down. “I should probably go.”
“Yeah,” he nodded, then leaned in and gave me a soft kiss. “But we’re picking this up again as soon as possible.”
“Oh, I’m counting on that. Go get Little Miss her glass of water. I’ll talk to you later?”
“I’ll call you.” I stood on my tip-toes and landed one last kiss on his lush lips. Then I turned and headed for the door, smiling the whole way.
Sure, it had only been two days, but this whole dating thing was going pretty damn good so far.
Quinn
LILLY AND I had been seeing each other for close to a month. We kept it casual, no expectations; we just enjoyed spending time together. We didn’t flaunt the fact we were sleeping together in public. As far as our families, the townspeople, and my daughter were concerned, we were good friends.
It worked for us. Or at least that’s what I was constantly telling myself. Lilly hadn’t given me any reason to think she wasn’t happy with our arrangement, and I didn’t want to consider that she might want more.
I was giving her all I had, all that was left of me. I hoped it was enough.
It had to be.
For the first time in years, I woke up without the suffocating weight of knowing it was just another emotionless, bleak day where I simply walked through life instead of leaving it resting on my chest. I could breathe knowing what was waiting for me. I could smile and almost feel it to my soul. Almost.
So yeah, it had to be enough. Because with Lilly in my life now, I felt better. I was content; which was more than I could have hoped for. Happiness for a guy like me — a guy who was the blame for tearing his family apart — wasn’t in the cards. I could settle for contentment. That was the most I deserved, after all.
I should have known that something would dredge up from the dreary, bottomless pits of my despair to try and cast darkness on the goodness that was settling over me. But somehow, a month with that constant acute ache suddenly dulled, I’d let my guard down, so when the call came, I hadn’t been properly prepared. Stupidly, I’d let my guard down.
A Broken Soul (The Pembrooke Series Book 3) Page 14