by Joya Ryan
It had to be.
Natalie took a deep breath, got out of her car, and ran her hands over her pink dress. It was the fluffy one she’d worn when she’d danced with East. Was it only last week? It felt like a lifetime ago. She walked into the rehearsal hall feeling confident and ready to tackle the man and the situation that had been driving her crazy for the past couple of weeks.
She’d realized last night that it had been the good kind of crazy the whole time. The challenging kind.
Because East sees me.
She felt confident—for the first time in her life, honest-to-goodness confident. And tonight she was going to claim East as her date, and he was going to claim her back.
She didn’t need a job offer in Connecticut. She didn’t need to sell her recipes. She could stay and be happy with the man who made her happy. Anyone who didn’t like it, well, they could just shut their mouths. It wasn’t like they’d ever paid her any attention to begin with.
She walked into the historic hotel—a local monument and beautiful setting. Matt and Bridget had the whole thing rented out and everyone was congregating in the lobby.
She caught sight of East. He looked amazing in a button-up white shirt and dark jeans. He’d even shaved. He was laughing and talking with a small group of people, Matt and Bridget among them.
Deep breath…
She walked up with all the confidence she felt, and when East’s eyes hit hers, she smiled and—
He glanced away.
Fast.
Not like he wasn’t happy to see her. Like he had looked right through her.
She frowned but continued her trek, not stopping until she came to Matt’s side and faced East.
“Hey, sis.” Matt hugged her. She gave him a half smile.
“Thank you so much, again, for filling in last-minute as a bridesmaid,” Bridget said, and gave her a hug.
“Sure,” Natalie said. She felt dwarfed by the three other women she was standing with. Well, standing under. Bridget’s friends were apparently all amazons or supermodels or something.
“And what an adorable dress!” Bridget said. “This is the same one you wore to the party last week, right?”
That hurt. Adorable? Great. Tall, elegant Bridget thought she was twelve, just like everyone else in this damn town. Even her brother. And yes, it was the same dress. The one East had twirled her in. The one he’d taken off of her later that night at his home. Suddenly she felt silly. She hadn’t even started her grand “I’m a confident, grown-ass woman” speech and she was standing there in a repeat outfit feeling not so confident.
“Forgive my rudeness,” Bridget said, giggling. “These are the other bridesmaids, Suzanne and Abigail.” She waved her hand at the tall, thin, stupidly stunning women. “And this is my sister Kelly.”
Kelly was a tall, cool blonde who wore towering stilettos and a designer silver dress that probably cost as much as Natalie’s car. She reached out and shook Natalie’s hand, then swayed into East a little. It was then that Natalie saw East put his hand on the small of Kelly’s back.
“Did I miss something?” Natalie blurted out. She felt her cheeks flush with a sting of embarrassment. East was next to Kelly, looking like they were some kind of item, and…what the hell?
She’d thought they were going to be together. Her and East. Not Amazon Blonde and East. Sure, Natalie might be awkward, but she wasn’t blind or stupid. She’d seen the way East had looked at her last night. Heard the promise in his voice. The sincerity. He wanted her. Wanted to be with her. At least he had. But clearly something had changed in the past eighteen hours. An entire night had come and gone—she couldn’t bear the thought that East might have spent it with another woman.
But she wasn’t seeing much of an alternative. He still had his hand on the glamazon’s back. He looked directly at her, but there was a hollowness in those amazing eyes of his. Eyes that had once looked at her while he was inside of her. Eyes that had stayed on her when she walked into a room. Eyes that now seemed void of any emotion for her.
“You didn’t miss anything, darlin’. You’re right on time,” East said. He took a sip of his whiskey and turned his attention back to Kelly.
Matt nudged her in the ribs and distracted her from East’s cold nonchalance. “Hey, Mom just walked in. Where’s your date?” he asked.
Natalie looked at East. He just took another sip of his whiskey, not a single emotion on his face. Like he didn’t see her. Like she was back to being Natalie, Matt’s silly baby sister, and not Natalie, the woman she’d thought he really cared about.
“I don’t know where he is,” she said honestly. Her heart rose in her throat. The last sixty seconds had been pure confusion, but clarity was coming in with each breath she took. East didn’t want her. In fact, it looked like he wanted the woman he was with. He couldn’t keep his hands off her. She felt like a damn fool.
No…no this couldn’t be right. He couldn’t be doing this to her. He cared about her. Surely he did. She couldn’t have made all of it up.
“You all right?” Matt asked, not knowing he was witnessing her downfall. No, she wasn’t all right. She’d thought she and East had something special. But clearly she was just another woman he’d cycled through. It wasn’t like she could really compete with Miss Blonde Stick-figure on his arm. Still, she found the courage to lie to her brother yet again.
“I’m fine.”
She’d been duped, but it hadn’t even been East who’d done it. No, she’d fooled herself. Had East ever actually said they were more than sex? Even that hug at her parents’ house…it was probably just him taking care of little Natalie St. Clair, who was so fragile she couldn’t even stand up to her mom.
Her nose tickled, and a sting pricked behind her eyes. She felt stupid. And it was all on display for East.
“So you have no date?” Matt asked quietly as their mother made their way over.
She looked at East one final time. “I guess not. Turns out he was an idiot.”
Or maybe I am.
But hadn’t he told her that only an idiot would turn her down?
Truth or not, it didn’t help the pressure pains in her lungs. Because she couldn’t breathe. It hurt too much. So she just stood there, letting the pain slice through her.
Matt let out a long breath as if disappointed. Natalie was on the brink of falling to pieces. The phantom knife stabbing through her chest intensified. She’d never felt anything so powerful, like her rib cage was compressing in on itself.
Keep it together…
It wasn’t working. She focused harder.
Keep. It. Together.
She inhaled hard, past the pain, past the implosion of her lungs and something very cold, very stale settled over her.
Numb.
It was the first time that she understood what that felt like. It was a welcome feeling. She stood there in her adorable re-worn dress, watching her mother and her judgment approaching, watching the man she’d fallen in love with touching another woman, and she thanked whatever God was out there for giving her the numbness to get her through that moment.
Until the numbness turned into a hollow, throbbing ache that ripped through her again. She didn’t know for certain, but she thought her heart had just crystalized and shattered into a thousand pieces.
She had to get out of there.
Natalie didn’t say a word, just placed a hand over her chest as if something was falling off of her and she was trying to hold it in place. She turned and walked out the way she’d come without saying a word.
East’s first instinct was to stop her, to go after her. But he couldn’t. He wasn’t the man she needed, and he’d fucked with her enough. But he knew he’d never get the look of pain on her face out of his mind for as long as he lived.
“Where is she going?” Lemon-Anne asked as she approached the group. Natalie had pointedly ignored her and continued toward the exit.
“She just needs some air,” Matt offered.
It w
as then that East stopped listening. He just watched a glimpse of floating pink dress disappear outside.
Kelly touched his arm, and East felt himself recoil. It wasn’t her fault. She was fine: tall, blonde, thin, nice enough. A few weeks ago East would have had no problem with her. Hell, he’d have probably gone after her and had a great night. But she wasn’t what he wanted now. He couldn’t stand the touch of her perfectly manicured nails on his skin. He didn’t want to look at her perfect cheekbones and her perfectly coiffed platinum hair. He wanted a brunette with a sassy smile and flour on her nose and the most incredible set of curves and the most incredible laugh he’d ever had the pleasure of knowing.
Instead, he watched Natalie walk away, and it killed him. But he had to let her. Because he had to protect her. Protect her from him.
Chapter Fifteen
East slammed the door of the mini fridge in his hotel room, broke open the tiny vodka, and downed it in record time, hoping it would ease the clutch of pain in his stomach.
It didn’t.
So he got another one. He was so close to the kind of drunk he needed to be to not feel this ache. Thank God the wedding was tomorrow.
But tonight had been awful. The rehearsal was tense but thankfully quick. Natalie had never looked at him again. He couldn’t blame her. He was pretty sure she wasn’t staying at the hotel. He’d seen her walk out a few times as if just to get away from him.
Again. Couldn’t blame her.
A knock came at his door, and East stomped to open it.
“What?” he asked before he saw who it was.
“What?” Michelle repeated his question. Her red hair was tied back, and she had a scowl on her face that could kill.
“Sorry,” East mumbled. “I wasn’t expecting company.”
“Well, I wasn’t expecting you to be as big of an asshole as you are, but looks like we’re both surprised.” She pushed past him but didn’t sit down, just continued to gear up for what was looking to be some kind of ass-chewing.
“Well, I’ve always been an asshole, darlin’, so if you’re particularly upset about something you’ll have to be more specific.”
East wouldn’t normally talk to a lady this way, but he was all kinds of drunk and angry and flat-out sad. A feeling he’d been trying to drown, thank you very much, until Michelle had rudely interrupted him.
“I’m talking about a particular woman you just hurt,” Michelle said. “What’s the matter with you? You’ve been in love for a long time now, and after finally seeing each other the past couple of weeks, tonight you treat her like nothing?”
East frowned. “Natalie told you?”
“No, I accidentally saw the two of you at her shop.”
“Which time?” East smiled but Michelle didn’t, and then he realized his jokes and nonchalance couldn’t help him this time. He was sunk. Hurting. Because he’d hurt the woman he…
Loved.
He loved Natalie. He did. Somewhere along the line she’d become the one person he wanted to spend his days and nights with more than anyone else.
“I’m not blind. But clearly you are,” Michelle said. “I’ve sat back and listened to my friend struggle over you. Watched her struggle to even talk about what she feels. For you. All while considering your feelings, keeping your secret. And I watched her confidence bloom. Then tonight you cut her down?” Michelle shook her head. “You should be ashamed.”
“I am!” he snapped.
“Good!” Michelle snapped back. “I know what it feels like to mess up. I also know what it feels like to not measure up in people’s eyes. So, lucky for you, I’m giving you a free piece of advice.”
“Hit me with it,” East said in exhaustion, because at this point, he was beyond depressed. He was over himself. Couldn’t even stand his refection in the mirror.
“Fine, I will,” Michelle said. East didn’t see her hand fly across his face. But he felt her slap. “Stop moping. It’s not about being a better class or stock. It’s about being a better man. So get it together and start acting like the man Natalie believes in.”
As the warmth from her slap heated his cheek, East realized that Natalie did make him feel like a better man, and she was worth more than anything else. She challenged him, accepted who he was and all the difficulties that came with him. All his flaws. She was unsure and didn’t know how to handle most of what he’d thrown at her, and yet she’d held on with him. For him.
“She’d never come here and hit you upside the head and tell you how awful you are,” Michelle said. “She’s too busy trying to put the shreds of herself together. You know she’s talking about taking some job offer at a bakery in Connecticut? But I am happy to remind you, Easton Ambrose, what a jerk you are. You are lucky to have a woman like her willing to claim you.”
“I know,” he whispered. And he did. “That’s what I’m afraid of. I don’t want to mess up. I’m a fuck-up. I don’t know what I’m doing. I have no idea what she needs.”
Michelle’s eyes softened a touch. “She needs you,” she said, shrugging. “Pushing someone away because you’re afraid to love them and lose them is one of the stupidest things you can do. Trust me.”
And the truth in her eyes made East do just that.
“Not all of us get a second chance to make it right,” she finished.
And he believed her. Then her words from earlier set in. “Wait, you said she’s looking at Connecticut?”
Michelle nodded. “Yes. A big time caterer offered her a job, and to buy her recipes even.”
Natalie couldn’t leave. And East would be damn sure he didn’t drive her away.
“I see you have a lot to think about,” Michelle said. And with that, she looked over his face once more, seeming proud of the mark she’d left on his cheek, and turned to walk away.
East stood against the door, feeling like that one slap upside the head had just changed his whole damn future. He just hoped he could make a certain beautiful brunette forgive him.
Chapter Sixteen
Natalie was in her bridesmaid gown and arranging the final touches on the tower of cupcakes in the reception hall, which was the only place that seemed to be quiet at the hotel. Everyone else was rushing around getting into place for the wedding to start.
She’d sent a text to Leslie McMann and told her she’d love to chat about her offer after the wedding. It would pain Natalie to leave her town and her friends, but she needed distance from the shattered heart East had left her with.
“There you are!” her mother called as she walked through the room. “It’s time to line up.”
Natalie nodded and stepped back from the tower. It was perfect. But when she looked at the vanilla cupcakes, she thought of East. He might not have helped with this batch, but she saw him now not just everywhere, but in everything.
Her heart stung with sharp pain.
She’d spent most of the night crying to Michelle. At some point, her sweet friend had washed her face with a warm cloth, and Natalie had fallen asleep. When she’d woken up, Michelle was gone.
Not that she needed anyone to stay with her. Turned out, Michelle had known about her and East the whole time. And she’d been so supportive in letting her try to find her own strength. Which, despite everything, was something Natalie was going to do.
Her heart might be in pieces, but she refused to be invisible. At the very least she wouldn’t be invisible to herself.
“The cakes are lovely,” her mother said approvingly. “And I’m so glad you wore your contacts today. You look much better without those glasses.”
“Thank you, Mom,” Natalie said with a low sigh.
“Harrison is in the second row and waiting. Since you’re walking down the aisle, I told him to wait for you after the wedding for the reception. You can walk in and—”
“Stop,” Natalie said. She quit fidgeting with the cakes and faced her mother. Just the two of them in a silent hall was daunting, but Natalie had to take a stand. More than that, she had to f
ollow through. Her confidence might have been shattered, but she had to try to rebuild. Might as well start now.
“Mother, I’m not going to have Harrison as my date today or any other day.”
“Natalie, you need to—”
“Stop,” Natalie said again, and her mother’s eyes grew large with surprise. “I love you, Mom. I hope one day I’ll be enough for you as I am, on my own. But I’m done worrying about that. I’m not you. I’m not a Southern belle. And I’m okay with that.” At least, I’m trying to be. “So you have no say in my dating life, and while I appreciate your concern for me in many ways, this is not one of them. I’m an adult. I will see, or not see, whomever I chose.”
Her mother blinked several times and then ran her hand along the pearls on her neck. Her face looked a little flushed. “I—I’m sorry, dear. I love you, Natalie. I just want you to have everything.” She fidgeted with her pearls again. “I’ve always just wanted you to be happy.”
Her mother’s words were surprising, but Natalie actually believed her. “Then trust me to go after and get the things I want. You just have to have a little faith in me.”
Her mother nodded.
Natalie hugged her, and they both headed to the ceremony hall. For the first time ever, Natalie felt free. And when she caught sight of the men lined up in tuxes, and East’s perfect frame standing next to her brother, she also felt like she was marching toward her death.
Liberation had a price.
Easton Ambrose and her love for him was apparently hers. And it hurt like a bitch.
East was certain he was in hell. And hell was made of satin and roses and scented candles. He had to stand during the ceremony and face Natalie.
She was beautiful.
And she didn’t glance his way once.
The pricking pain in his gut intensified as the wedding turned into the reception and it became clear Natalie was taking extra effort to keep at least twenty feet between them at all times.