Brothers In Law

by Henry Cecil

  There were other things, too, which Roger had yet to learn about Mr Grimes – that he was unmarried and lived near the Essex marshes with an old and feeble housekeeper who looked after him when he was not looking after her, that he kept bees, to which he was devoted, that his work, his bees, and his housekeeper appeared to be his only interests in life, that every morning he sat meekly in the driving-seat of a very fast car and drove it anything but meekly to the Temple, and that, on reaching the Temple, he jumped out as though his life depended on it and rushed to his chambers, with the result which Roger had just witnessed. His sight appeared to be extremely good, and it was said that the large horn-rimmed glasses which he wore in Court contained plain glass and were used by him simply because he found them useful for taking off when cross-examining a witness. Roger never discovered whether this rumour was based on fact or not, but he was quite satisfied that the story that Mr Grimes once appeared before the judge in chambers with each tuft of hair full of bees was entirely apocryphal.

  Roger was still wondering at what he had just heard from Alec and seen in Mr Grimes when Alec came out and conducted him into Mr Grimes’ room.

  ‘This is Mr Thursby, sir.’

  Mr Grimes held out his hand. ‘How are ye, my dear fellow?’ he said. ‘How are ye?’ He had a rather high-pitched sing-song way of speaking. ‘So ye’ve come to the Bar, have ye? That’s the way. Have a chair, my dear fellow. That’s right, that’s right.’

  ‘Mr Milroy said you might have a vacancy for a pupil,’ said Roger. ‘Do you think you might be able to take me?’

  ‘Do I think we might be able to take ye, my dear fellow? Well, my dear fellow, we might, you know, we might. Have ye been called?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Who proposed ye?’

  ‘Well, my mother knows Mr Milroy. He’s a Bencher of my Inn, and he introduced me to Mr Sanderson.’

  ‘When were ye called, my dear fellow?’

  ‘The day before yesterday, as a matter of fact.’

  ‘Just out of the egg, my dear fellow, just out of the egg. D’ye think ye’re going to like it?’

  ‘I’m sure I shall, but, of course, I don’t really know much about it yet. I suppose the more important question really is whether it will like me.’

  ‘Quite right, my dear fellow, quite right. Yes, I think we can take ye, I think we can take ye. When would ye like to start?’

  ‘Straight away, if I may.’

  ‘Of course ye may, my dear fellow, of course ye may. Take these papers and have a look at them. Alec will show ye where the pupils’ room is. Ye’ll find a couple of others there. They’ll tell ye how the wheels go round. Now, off ye go, my dear fellow. Ask me anything you want to. Goodbye, my dear fellow – goodbye, bye, bye.’ And Mr Grimes showed Roger to the door.

  ‘All right, sir?’ said Alec.

  ‘Mr Grimes said I could start at once,’ said Roger.

  ‘Very well, sir. That’s the pupils’ room over there. I’ll show you in. I hope you’ll be happy here, sir.’

  They started to go together towards the pupils’ room door when Alec stopped for a moment.

  ‘Oh, sir, would you make out two cheques, please. One for a hundred guineas for Mr Grimes and one for me for ten.’

  ‘Now?’

  ‘No – any time, sir, thank you.’

  At that moment, Alec was sent for hurriedly by Mr Grimes. ‘Would you mind showing yourself in, sir?’ said Alec to Roger. ‘I’m so sorry, sir,’ and Alec rushed away.

  Roger opened the door of the pupils’ room and walked in. ‘My name’s Thursby,’ he said. ‘I’m a new pupil.’

  ‘How are ye, my dear fellow, how are ye?’ said a man of about thirty-three, giving a very creditable imitation of Mr Grimes.

  Chapter Three

  First Day in Court

  There were two others in the room.

  ‘Let me introduce everyone,’ said the speaker in his normal voice. ‘I’m Henry Blagrove. I live here. Professionally, you know. Expect you saw my name on the door. Been there seven years. Tell you more about myself later. You’ll learn about me, if nothing else, while you’re here. This is Peter Hallfield. He’s been a pupil six whole months. A confident young man. Though, between you and me, I can’t think why. And this is Charles Hepplewhite. He’s just finishing. Another month, isn’t it?’

  ‘How d’you do?’ said Roger generally. ‘What do I do next, please?’

  ‘Ye’ll soon learn, my dear fellow, ye’ll soon learn,’ said Henry. ‘It’s up to these chaps to say where you’re to sit. Nothing to do with me. I just come in here and waste your time when I’ve nothing to do of my own. Which, I may tell you in confidence, is pretty often.’

  ‘Would this do?’ said Charles, indicating part of a table in the middle of the room. ‘Here’s a chair.’

  ‘Thank you very much,’ said Roger. He sat down and put on the table the papers which Mr Grimes had given him. On the outside was written: ‘Pennythwaite v The Drum Bottling Co. (1948) Ltd. Instructions to Counsel to advise. 3 guas. Leatherhead, Frank and Compton, 4 Cockburn Buildings, EC4. Plaintiff’s Solicitors.’

  Henry looked over Roger’s shoulder at the brief.

  ‘Oh, that,’ he said. ‘You’ll have some fun with that when you can understand it. Which is more than the Court of Appeal could. It’s been twice to them and once to the House of Lords. All on a point of pleading. Now we’re back where we started. Fortunately the Plaintiff’s got legal aid and the Defendants are in liquidation. I don’t suppose you understand what I’m talking about.’

  ‘Quite frankly,’ said Roger, ‘since I arrived here I haven’t understood a thing.’

  ‘Then you’ve got a chance,’ said Henry. ‘It’s people like Peter here who come to grief because they don’t know a thing either but they think they do. I’ve done my best for him. Still do, as you can see, but it’s a losing battle.’

  ‘Henry,’ said Peter, ‘just because you’re the most hopeless failure at the Bar and ought to have left it years ago, there’s no need to be persistently offensive. He doesn’t mean it, by the way,’ he added to Roger. ‘He just says things because he likes the sound of them. Does the same in Court. It amuses the judges, but they usually decide against him.’

  ‘Too true,’ said Henry. ‘They ought to keep someone like me in every set of chambers as an awful warning.’

  ‘Of what?’ asked Roger.

  ‘Of the result of talking too much and working too little.’

  Roger soon learned all about Henry Blagrove, and one of the first things he found out was that Henry knew himself as well as any man can; that he knew, for example, that he could have succeeded at the Bar but probably never would. He was right in saying that he worked too little. He was incredibly lazy and, though sometimes he would do a great deal of work in one particular case, he would avoid hard work whenever possible. He loved the life and fortunately, or unfortunately, he had just enough work to enable him to stay at the Bar. He had a keen sense of humour and fun, he was highly intelligent, cheerful and generous, but he had no inclination for the sustained hard work which he knew was necessary to success. He had very keen perception and his judgment was excellent. He had very nearly a woman’s intuition and knew almost at once which way a judge’s mind was working – which occasionally was more than the judge did himself. He was indeed a tremendous asset to those of Mr Grimes’ pupils who were sensible enough to listen to him. He had learned very quickly the secrets of success at the Bar; he had learned the tricks of the trade; he knew the ethics; he was popular with his fellow barristers, he never broke the rules. And he was a first-class mimic, though from force of habit he was inclined to imitate Mr Grimes too often. Working so close to him he found it difficult not to do so, and was far too lazy to resist the temptation. Roger did not, of course, learn all Henry’s qualities at this first meeting, but one thing he found out very quickly. Henry loved to talk.

  ‘What would you like to know to begin with?’ he asked Roger, shortly aft
er their introduction.

  ‘There’s so much. I don’t know where to begin.’

  ‘It really is rather extraordinary,’ said Henry, ‘that here you are, a fully-fledged barrister, licensed to lose anyone’s case for him and you haven’t had an hour of practical experience. Now a medical student has to watch a lot of butchery before he qualifies to dig for his first appendix. Yet your kind old Uncle George could send you a brief tomorrow. By the way, have you an Uncle George?’

  ‘I’m afraid not. I don’t think I know any solicitors.’

  ‘Well, it doesn’t really matter, because the ones you know are seldom much use. Whenever you meet a solicitor and he learns you’re at the Bar, he’ll murmur something about all his work being conveyancing or litigation not much coming his way. Still, at your present stage it’s just as well. When you go into Court for the first time you’ll have a nice white wig and a little theoretical knowledge, but, for the rest, you’ll be supported by the love of your parents and the admiration of your girlfriends. Which last, no doubt, you will do a good deal to cultivate, telling them the most thrilling stories of what you said to the judge and the judge said to you. You don’t mind me lecturing like this, I suppose?’

  ‘I’m most grateful.’

  ‘I wish you’d shut up for a moment,’ said Charles. ‘I strongly suspect I’m going to be left in front of Nettlefold and I’ve hardly looked at the thing.’

  Before Roger could begin to understand the meaning of this remark, he heard similar noises to those which he had heard when Mr Grimes had entered chambers.

  ‘Heigh-ho,’ said Charles. ‘We’re off.’

  The next moment the door opened and Alec rushed in. Without a word he picked up the papers in front of Charles and rushed off again saying, as he went out: ‘Court six first and then the Official Referee.’

  ‘Come on,’ said Charles, ‘we’re in this procession. You’d better make up your mind from the beginning what position you’ll take up. Grimeyboy will run all the way with Alec trotting behind him. Peter, when he comes, usually goes a short head behind Alec. I walk. What’ll you do?’

  ‘Which would you advise?’ said Roger to Henry. But before he could answer, Mr Grimes rushed past – while talking they had gone into the clerk’s room – put a hand on Roger and said: ‘Come on, my dear fellow, come on. Now ye’ll see what it’s all about.’ And down the stairs he rushed, pursued by Alec and the pupils. On this occasion Roger felt he had better keep up with his master. He caught up with him just before he crossed the Strand.

  ‘Should I wear my robes, d’you think?’ he asked.

  ‘Oh – yes, my dear fellow. Always wear your robes. That’s the way to get known. Have ye got them with ye?’

  ‘I’ve left them in chambers, I’m afraid.’

  ‘Go back for them, my dear fellow. Ye’ve plenty of time,’ said Mr Grimes as he rushed across the Strand with Alec hard on his heels.

  Roger went hastily back to chambers to collect the bag containing his robes. It was a sack-like affair of royal blue cloth with his initials embroidered on it in white and it contained a wig in a box with ‘Roger Thursby Esq’ painted on the lid in gold letters, three pairs of white bands and a gown. When he had ordered them he had thought that he would prefer a red to a blue bag. The assistant had coughed deferentially.

  ‘I’m afraid that will come a little later, sir,’ he had said. ‘You start with a blue one.’

  ‘What are the red ones for?’

  ‘Well, sir, in a sort of way you get presented with a red bag, though it’ll cost you a guinea.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well, a leader, sir, a QC, will give you one for doing well in a case in which he leads you. Then you give his clerk a guinea. I’ve never been able to think why. He doesn’t pay for the bag. I hope you’ll get one all right, sir.’

  ‘Supposing I don’t?’

  The assistant had coughed. ‘Well, sir,’ he had said, ‘there are people who never get a red bag, but between you and me, sir, if you don’t get one in your first seven years, you won’t have made much headway.’

  Roger found his robes and hurried across to the robing room. Mr Grimes had already gone, but he found Henry there.

  ‘It’s easy to get lost,’ he said. ‘I thought I’d come and guide you. It’s a bit hectic this morning.’

  ‘That’s awfully kind of you,’ said Roger and robed himself as quickly as he could. ‘Have you any idea what I’m going to hear?’ he asked.

  ‘Well, I believe the thing before Nettlefold is a running down case and then there’s a building reference before the Official Referee. Normally you’ll at least be able to look at the briefs before you go into Court.’

  Henry led Roger to Queen’s Bench Court 6, where they were just in time to see the judge arrive. Then Henry returned to chambers.

  ‘Fisher against Mollet,’ called the associate, the bewigged official sitting below the judge, and Mr Grimes at once got up.

  ‘May it please your Ludship,’ he began. He was one of the few counsel who still used that pronunciation of Lordship. ‘I appear in this case for the plaintiff with my learned friend Mr Hepplewhite. My learned friend Mr Ferret appears for the defendant. Me Lud, this is a claim for damages for personal injuries.’

  ‘A running down case, is it, Mr Grimes?’ asked the judge.

  ‘Yes, me Lud, on the Watford by-pass. My client was driving very slowly along the main road when the defendant suddenly came out of a side turning with no warning at all and there was a collision.’

  ‘Why was your client going at such a slow speed? It is unusual on that road, to say the least of it.’

  ‘Oh, me Lud, he was in no particular hurry and, if I may say so, driving most carefully.’

  ‘So you say, Mr Grimes. But if he was going so slowly, one wonders why he couldn’t stop before the collision. But I suppose we’d better wait until it comes out in the evidence. Is the special damage agreed?’

  ‘Yes, me Lud, except for one item.’

  ‘What is the agreed amount?’

  ‘One hundred and twenty-five pounds, me Lud. That is for repairs to the car and loss of wages.’

  ‘What is the item not agreed?’

  ‘A pair of trousers, me Lud. I can’t think why my learned friend won’t admit it.’

  ‘Let me see,’ said the judge. ‘You’re claiming £7 10s. They were new, I suppose?’

  ‘Oh, yes, me Lud.’

  ‘You want to fight the pair of trousers, do you, Mr Ferret?’ asked the judge.

  ‘Well, my Lord, no bill has been produced nor have the trousers.’

  ‘Well, I hope we’re not going to spend too much time on them,’ said the judge. ‘If we do, one side or the other would be able to buy a whole suit with the amount expended in costs.’

  ‘Oh, me Lud, I shall be very short about them. But if my learned friend wants me to prove the trousers, I’ll have to prove them. I don’t see why my client should make him a present of them.’

  ‘I gather they wouldn’t be much use now, Mr Grimes. Now, don’t let’s waste any more time. Is there a plan?’

  ‘Yes, me Lud.’

  ‘Thank you. Is there an agreed medical report?’

  ‘Yes, me Lud.’

  ‘Thank you. Very well – perhaps you’ll call your first witness. I’ll read the report in due course.’

  So began the first accident case which Roger had ever seen tried. After the second witness had been called, Roger noticed Alec hovering close to the row in which Mr Grimes and he were sitting. Suddenly, Mr Grimes whispered to him.

  ‘Come and sit this side of me, my dear fellow.’

  Roger did as he was told. This brought Mr Grimes nearer to the end of the row. A moment later he had exchanged seats with Charles who now sat next to Roger. A moment later Mr Grimes was gone. There was a slight sound from the breeze caused by his gown as he rushed away through the door of the Court, followed by Alec.

  ‘Ought I to follow him?’ whispered
Roger to Charles.

  ‘Do what you something well like, my dear chap,’ said Charles with unexpected asperity. ‘I’m left with this ruddy thing and I haven’t read half of it.’

  ‘Yes, Mr, Mr – er, Hepplewhite,’ said the judge, ‘do you wish to re-examine?’

  Charles got to his feet and cleared his throat – a sure sign in an advocate of nervousness, varying from the slight to the verge-of-tears variety. In Charles’ case it was between the two. He no longer wanted to cry, only to run away. It is indeed somewhat of an ordeal for a young man in his first year at the Bar to be left with a case in the High Court. The fact that he has only looked at the brief and does not know it thoroughly does not make very much difference to the way he conducts it, but it certainly does not increase his self-confidence.

  ‘If you please, my Lord.’ He cleared his throat again and began: ‘My learned friend has asked you whether you hooted. Are you quite sure that you did?’

  Mr Ferret immediately got up, looked sorrowfully at Charles, said to the judge: ‘Really, my Lord!’ and sat down.

  Roger, who had a vivid imagination, wondered what on earth he himself would do. Obviously the judge and Mr Ferret knew what was happening though the glances they exchanged conveyed nothing to Roger. He felt very sorry for Charles and hoped that he’d never find himself in the same position. The judge looked in a kindly manner at the white wig of Charles and said: ‘Mr Ferret thinks that was rather a leading question, Mr Hepplewhite. I’m afraid I’m inclined to agree.’

  A leading question, of course, thought Roger. But what on earth does one ask instead? Would ‘Did you hoot?’ be a leading question. Perhaps it would be better to say, ‘Did you or did you not hoot?’ A moment later Roger experienced a thrill of pleasure.

  ‘Did you or did you not hoot?’ asked Charles.

  ‘He has already said that he’s not really sure,’ said the judge. ‘Can you carry it much further than that?’