Snow White Sorrow (The Grimm Diaries)

by Cameron Jace

  Another girl bumped into Loki, spilling her drink on him, too. She wore pink bunny ears and had a moustache drawn on her face. Loki closed his eyes and pursed his lips, swallowing his anger like a bitter pill, wondering why these Minikins couldn’t just leave him alone.

  “I’m so sorry,” the girl said, poking her head out from under her boyfriend’s armpit. “I hope I didn’t ruin the party for you.”

  Loki opened his eyes and lowered his head, then gazed at her with a fake smile on his face. He wanted to show her how irritated he was, but Charmwill Glimmer, his guardian, had told him he wasn’t allowed to express his anger toward the Minikins while he was in the Ordinary World. Loki had to pretend he liked them while in fact everything about Minikins seemed shallow and stupid.

  “I couldn’t be happier,” Loki said; the smile still stamped on his face. In his mind, he imagined slapping her with frog legs across her cheeks until all she could say was bbblllrrr—Loki hated frogs, so he couldn’t think of a better punishment.

  The girl with bunny ears checked out Loki from top to bottom. “Yummy,” she said, licking her strawberry-stained lips, unable to take her eyes off his outfit.

  While everyone else was disguised as vampires, werewolves and fractured fairy tale characters, Loki wore a Scottish kilt, which made him look out of place. He didn’t care. He liked the kilt, and thought its absurdity reflected the idiocy surrounding him. His costume attracted the girls who deliberately spilled their drinks on him in order to start a conversation. Still, Loki never got the message. In this world, he was a stranger in a strange land.

  “Why the kilt?” the latest girl inquired, shooing her boyfriend away. Loki took a step back. He wasn’t fond of girls, especially curious ones; in his experience, they usually were demons in disguise. He was told he was banned from Heaven because he loved a demon girl, so was he always on high alert.

  “I am a vampire hunter,” Loki said, still plastering the fake smile on his lips.

  “What do you hunt?” she asked again, eager to make conversation.

  Loki couldn’t believe how dumb Minikins were. “Beetles,” Loki tilted his head, wondering why she didn’t laugh and leave him be. He’d been unshadowed for almost a year now, and if there was one thing he’d learned about Minikins it was that they hardly ever picked up on verbal signs. You talk politely to some, hinting that you want to be left alone, and they just never get it.

  “Ah, sorry, I drank too much tonight,” the girl dressed as a bunny said. “But you’re funny…and cute. I didn’t know vampire hunters wore kilts.”

  “I hide my stake underneath it. It’s my secret trick,” he winked at her.

  Now, please go.

  It was true. Loki had even told the bouncer at the door that he was hiding a stake underneath the kilt. The big man had laughed at what he thought was Loki’s sarcastic joke. It frustrated Loki when the Minikins didn’t take him seriously, even if it had helped him fool the bouncer and enter the party with his hidden stake.

  Loki wasn’t there to celebrate true love kisses or document the Minikins’ preposterous behaviors, lives, love, parties or otherwise. He had one thing on his mind; to stake the vampire he was hired to kill, grab some cash to pay for school, and get a bit closer to finishing off the ninety-nine vampires he had to kill before his sixteenth birthday. Today’s vampire was going to be number thirty-eight.

  “Stake? You got a stake under the kilt?” the girl’s eyes shone brighter, taking a step closer.

  “Hit the road, or I’ll rip your ears off,” another girl, wearing a latex outfit making her look like a devil, interrupted. She sneered at the girl with bunny ears and pushed her away. It was Lucy Rumpelstein, the girl who hired Loki to kill the vampire tonight. “He’s mine,” Lucy grinned, pursing her heart shaped lips. The bunny girl showed displeasure at the interruption, but walked away immediately.

  Somehow, Lucy had a messed up idea about fairy tales, which led to her wearing the devil costume. It was an expensive one, with horns and white fur with silver sequins around her neck. Loki thought she was as weird as the rest, but he didn’t mind when it meant an opportunity to kill another vampire.

  “You know it’s never a good idea to tell a girl that you have a stake under your kilt,” Lucy mocked Loki, handing him a drink. “Stake under the kilt? What were you thinking?” she rolled her eyes. “You sound like you’re from another planet,” Lucy laughed while Loki put the drink away.

  “Whatever this drink is, it tastes weird,” Loki said, “kinda salty.”

  “I’ve never tried it. The bartender said it’s called Baby Tears. It sounded cool so I thought I’d grab you one.”

  “Thanks for pretending to be my date.”

  “It’s unusual how a good looking guy like you isn’t much into girls,” Lucy said as she sipped strawberry juice from a straw. “Are you gay?”

  “No. I’m a half—angel—“Loki stopped, almost biting his tongue. He wasn’t supposed to tell anyone about his past, which ironically he couldn’t even remember. “I’m a vampire hunter,” Loki said a little louder, hoping she didn’t notice what he had just sad.

  “Does that mean there are no gay vampire hunters?” Lucy teased him.

  “Why are we having this conversation?”

  “Why does anyone have a conversation? We’re all talking monkeys in this world,” Lucy suggested. “It’s just that you look more like a…huntsman with this kilt than a vampire hunter.”

  “I love the huntsman,” Loki said casually, gazing at the dancing crowd. “In fact, he is the only fairy tale character I respect. He spared Snow White’s life when he could’ve just killed her.”

  “But he didn’t kiss her,” Lucy winked.

  “I don’t believe there’s a true love’s kiss.”

  “At least we agree on that part,” Lucy raised her glass.

  A guy disguised as Robin Hood approached Lucy, probably wanting to ask her to dance. Before he opened his mouth, she held her finger, with manicured fake fingernails, up to his nose, still sipping her drink. “Hit the road, loser,” she waved him away like an annoying mosquito.

  “So,” Loki said, pointing at a different boy in the middle of the dance floor. “Is that the boy—I mean the vampire we’re here to kill?”

  The boy he pointed at was short, wearing a Count Dracula cloak and plastic fangs. He was looking for a partner to dance with, but girls ignored him repeatedly. A girl dressed like the Wicked Witch of the West made fun of his thick glasses and sprayed silly string on them.

  “Yes, that’s him,” Lucy said, showing Loki a photo of the boy. She claimed the boy’s parents had given it to her and asked her to hire a vampire hunter to kill him for a hefty price, so she hired Loki to split it. It didn’t sound like a plausible story to Loki, but he didn’t care as long as he had a chance to kill another vampire.

  Loki took the picture and read the scribbled lines on the back:

  Please get rid of my son, ASAP. He is terrorizing the family. I’ll pay you when you finish the job.

  P.S. Kill him, but be gentle.

  “I still don’t understand how this dork is a vampire,” Lucy wondered. “He looks like a total loser. You see the way he’s spinning around like a doll on a stick? I thought vampires were tall, dark, and handsome.”

  “He is not a dork,” Loki explained. “He is trying to fool us so we don’t stake him. This party is infested with vampires. They come here to feed every week. What better place than this where you can’t make out real from fake blood? Unfortunately, there are many other vampire hunters in the house as well.”

  “I thought you were the only vampire hunter here.”

  “There are three others,” Loki said. “It’s a game we all play every weekend. If I was the only one, I’d have killed my ninety-nine already.”

  “Ninety-nine?”

  “Don’t bother,” Loki waved his hand. “Look!” he pointed at three big boys wearing huge mice outfits, dark glasses, and holding long canes. They were disguised as
the Three Blind Mice, and they were spilling drinks on a helpless girl dressed like a cat, and teasing her relentlessly. “The canes in their hands are actually stakes. They are rival vampire hunters who always try to kill the same vampires I am after so they can take the money. They’re called Beetlebuster, Cricketkiller, and Beebully. Donnie Cricketkiller is their leader.”

  “Horrible names,” Lucy frowned.

  “Here’s what we’re going to do,” Loki said. “If I approach Dork Dracula, they’ll know I’m chasing him and beat me to him. That’s why I need you to help me tempt Dork Dracula out of this party so I can kill him outside.”

  “What?” Lucy almost spilled her drink. “You want me, Lucette Rumpelstein, to seduce that nerd? He wouldn’t even dream of talking to me.”

  “You’re right, that’s why you have to talk to him. Tell him you want to walk out in the fresh air and then drag him to my Cadillac parked behind the bushes outside.”

  “Cadillac?”

  “It’s a red 1955 Coupe Deville. Her name is Carmen. You’ll take the boy to Carmen and sedate him.”

  “With what?”

  “Magic Dust,” Loki pulled her hand closer and poured a handful of golden sand into her open palm. “Throw some of it in his eyes; just make sure you don’t inhale it.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” Lucy said. “And I have a magic spindle that weaves beautiful prom dresses on its own.”

  “You’re such a Minikin,” Loki mumbled as he saw the girl dressed as the Wicked Witch of the West passing by. He puffed Magic Dust in her eyes from the palm of his hand without anyone noticing but Lucy. The girl stopped in her tracks, instantly falling asleep. Loki caught her before she made a huge thud on the floor. “See?” he grinned at Lucy. “Another drunk bites the dust!” Loki raised his voice against the loud music and pointed at the sedated girl. Her friends hurried toward him and pulled her back to what they called the ‘rescue room.’ To them, she was the ninth partyholic to pass out tonight—the other eight weren’t Loki’s fault.

  “We’ve just avenged Dorothy!” One of her friends, dressed as the Cowardly Lion, shouted with the Wicked Witch of the West piled onto his back.

  “Any more questions?” Loki said, with a hint of cockiness.

  “Who are you, Loki Blackstar?” Lucy’s eyes shined. She eyed him from top to bottom like the other girl. “I can’t believe I’m going to let this dork think I like him,” Lucy scowled then took a deep breath and strolled toward him.

  “There’s a first dork for everything,” Loki mumbled.

  Dork Dracula looked like he’d been struck by lightning when Lucy talked to him. In less than a minute, he was on his way out the door with Lucy. When he tried to touch her, she slapped him on the back of his hand like a naughty child.

  Before Loki could follow them outside, someone bumped into him with a drink again. It was Donnie Cricketkiller with his two vampire hunter friends, Beetlebuster and Beebully.

  “I brought you a drink,” Donnie smirked. He was almost twice as big as Loki.

  “I’m on a diet,” Loki said, knowing all Donnie wanted was to get his hands on his vampire, and bully him for fun on the side.

  “Take a day off,” Donnie sneered, squeezing Loki up against the wall.

  “My only day off is Easter, so we’re going to have to wait a while,” Loki showed him his academy-award-winning fake smile. “You can occupy yourself with coloring some eggs until then.”

  Donnie spilled his drink over Loki’s head. His friends laughed and a couple of girls who’d seemed interested in Loki, now walked away. Although Donnie was big, Loki was a tough hunter and had his own way to fight back. If only he was allowed to cause trouble in the Ordinary World. Charmwill had told him they wouldn’t permit him back in Heaven if he did, even if he killed the ninety-nine vampires.

  “We’re short on vampires for the night. So we thought we’d kill yours like we always do,” Donnie chuckled, tapping his fleshy hand on Loki’s cheek—they felt like frog legs.

  Loki made his hand into a fist, but avoided gritting his teeth. He was too proud to show his frustration to Donnie. There were times when Loki thought of staking Donnie like a vampire, and the hell with going back to Heaven. It took all of his willpower not to.

  Charmwill had also told Loki about the darkness he had inside him from his past life, and that it was why he wasn’t allowed to fight back against guys like Donnie Cricketkiller, or that darkness would re-surface. He was puzzled by the kind of darkness Charmwill was talking about, and how it played into his past life.

  “If you don’t cooperate, we’re not going to beat you up, but we’re going to beat your lovely Carmen,” Donnie said.

  Loki couldn’t let that happen. Carmen was his best and only friend.

  “Look, Donnie. The party is infested with vampires,” Loki choked. “Pick someone else.”

  “But I heard yours had a large price on his head,” Donnie said.

  This was what bothered Loki the most. Donnie and his friends were merely normal vampire hunters, doing it for the money. None of them were half-angels, and they didn’t need the job as much as he did. Loki had to get rid of them. He was already behind schedule for meeting up with Lucy. He didn’t have time to mess with these Minikins.

  “This big boy here is a vampire hunter!” Loki shouted to the crowd, pointing at Donnie who instantly let go of him. If Loki wasn’t allowed to defend himself against Donnie, at least he could outsmart him. “A real vampire hunter!” Loki yelled, still pointing at Donnie.

  The music stopped abruptly, and every real vampire in the house turned their head with their real fangs out to face Donnie Cricketkiller, Beetlebuster, and Beebully. Girls started screaming as the vampires went rogue and began biting teens for real. Things got messy in a blink of an eye. Donnie and his friends ran away before they became victims to the bloodbath.

  “And the party went buh-bye,” Loki mumbled as a great idea struck him like a light bulb above his head: escaping.

  Usually, people would escape through the main doors, fire escapes, or the windows. Loki was fond of bathrooms, and he didn’t know why. In his Ordinary World hometown, Snoring, he’d always found refuge in the school’s bathroom. He thought it was one of the best places in the world. He hid there when he didn’t feel like mingling with other students, when he wanted to avoid girls who could turn out to be demons, when he wanted to avoid bullies he wasn’t allowed to retaliate against, and particularly when he was bored with classes. He ate in the bathroom, read comics, and tried to find the missing digits of God’s cell phone number, which was partially written on the wall.

  “Hey God, can you help me? I’m in the bathroom, hiding from the bullies you told me I should ignore. Any suggestions? Fast, please, because I’m out of time.”

  Locking the bathroom door behind him, a sudden storm lit up the night outside.

  “And it was a dark and stormy night in the toilet,” Loki mumbled, looking for a way out. He had thought that repeatedly talking to oneself wasn’t a good idea, but he had no one else to talk to—he liked it because when he asked himself a question, he rarely answered.

  As the bathroom’s door sprung open, Loki climbed out of the window, and faster than a Road Runner, he ran across the moonlit street toward the bushes. When he ran, his arms always took the lead, stretching out in front of him. Kids in school used to laugh at the way he ran.

  Finally, Loki spotted his Cadillac shining red in the dark. He dove into the driver’s seat through the window as if he were superman. Lucy was sitting in the passenger seat, listening to music on her phone, checking out her fingernails.

  Loki didn’t exactly land in the driver’s seat. He landed in Lucy's...well...never mind. Let's say his head landed in her— again—never mind.

  “Get off me!” Lucy shrieked.

  “I’m trying,” Loki said, unable to sit up straight. “They’re after me!”

  “They who?”

  Loki tilted his awkwardly-positioned head, amusing himself with Luc
y’s chin moving upside down. Her eyes were looking at an invisible something at her lower left, which Loki assumed was his upper left.

  “Do you mean those boys and girls I see in the mirror?” she laughed.

  Loki freaked out and adjusted himself in the driver’s seat. “What’s wrong with you?” he said to Lucy. The way she was adjusting her blouse would’ve led someone to believe they were making out ferociously in the car.

  “I hate girls,” Loki mumbled, taking his eyes off sexy Lucy. He started kicking Carmen with his foot. Keys weren’t Carmen’s thing. Although she was Loki’s best friend, and worst car, she needed a real kick-start to operate.

  Carmen’s engine picked up. It sounded like an angry zombie calling for brrr…brrrr…brrrrraiins. The radio sprung to life with the melody of one of her favorite songs called ‘Run for Your Life’ performed by a band called the Piedpipers—Loki had googled the band before but found out they didn’t exist. It was how Carmen played her music. She played, Loki listened, no questions asked.

  “Nice girl, Carmen. Yeeeha!” Loki spit out proudly as the Cadillac gunned through the muddy road ahead.

  In the rear-view mirror, he saw Donnie Cricketkiller talking friendly with the vampires who were watching him with angry red eyes and fangs. Donnie must have persuaded them that Loki was the real vampire hunter, and that he was out to kill one of them now. It was a relief that vampires didn’t fly. If they wanted to get him, they had to chase him in a car like everyone else.

  Loki suddenly remembered Dork Dracula whom he had gotten a glimpse of tied up on the roof of his Cadillac while jumping in.